Chapter 9
"What?" Rinoa asked in disbelief.
"I said it was for you alright?" he replied, coldly. "Look, stay here for a while, okay? I need to do something." He stormed out of the room, not even waiting for a reply.
"Did I hear that right?" she thought to herself. "Did he buy that for me?"
She once again held the nightdress up before her, admiring just how perfect it really was.
"But, why? Is this because of last night?
She sighed. "I guess he really didn't like what he saw." She folded the garment neatly, and placed it under her pillow.
"Wait. Why should I care about that? she thought, reprimanding herself. "It seems I'm getting married whether I like it or not, so I'd better get used to it."
"A whole life with Seifer," she muttered under her breath. "That's all I've got to look forward to." It took all of her resolve to stop the tears from falling.
Moving over to the window, she took a deep breath and looked out. She didn't know how long she stood there, just watching the world go bye, but she became aware of the wave of bitterness that was washing over her. "Look at you all," she mumbled. "Going about your daily lives, completely unaware of the pain and suffering of others. Look at you," she screamed. "You've all got your hopes and your dreams, and what have I got? What have I got?" Her voice rose to a crescendo until the panes of glass in the window were rattling dangerously. She thought it a miracle that Seifer didn't hear her in the next room, but, truthfully, she was way beyond caring.
"Nothing," she whispered. "That's what I've got, nothing."
"No life to speak of, no love, no friends. There isn't even anybody I can talk to," she thought, despairingly. "When will all this end?"
At that moment she caught sight of a lone figure stubbing out a cigarette before crossing the road and heading for the nearest bar.
"Well, maybe there's one person who can understand me."
"Same again?" the barmaid asked, looking at the newly emptied glass, whose contents had been downed in one. The man gently fingered the glass before nodding, and lighting up a cigarette. "Can I ask you something?" she enquired as she poured him the drink. She received only silence as a reply, and took it as an invitation to ask away. "What woman's so foolish that she thinks it alright to drive a handsome man like you to drink at two in the afternoon?" she asked, obviously flirting with him.
"It's none of your business," he replied, downing his second drink. She took the hint, and went to serve another customer.
"Damn it, Squall, make up your mind," he cursed. He'd never felt this way before. This sense of…confusion…was alien to him, and he had no clue of how to deal with it. The question of whether or not he should tell Rinoa about what was to happen tonight, had been plaguing him ever since he had found out about it. His common sense was telling him to keep quiet about it, so as not to make her panic. That could interfere with his mission and make her more of a liability. The last thing he wanted was to have to deal with a hysterical woman. That was something which he wasn't trained to deal with. To him, this reasoning made perfect sense, and so he couldn't understand why he was still unsure of which course of action to take.
"It's because you're weak," the niggling little voice in the back of his mind kept telling him. This was the same voice that was telling him to confess all he knew to Rinoa. This was the part of his mind that continuously taunted him about his inability to express his feelings, the part of his mind that loathed what he had become since the death of his sister. He despised this side of himself. This was the little voice that told him it would be better to reveal the danger to Rinoa, that she wouldn't panic or become hysterical.
"Well, she has come through a great deal," he reasoned. "Maybe I did underestimate her, but what good can possibly come of me telling her that her life is in danger tonight. She'll want to know why, she'll want to know about all Seifer's debts, his shady past, the fact that he might be a murderer. And more than that, she'll want to know where I got all of this information from. I can't admit to her that sometimes I need help. I like leaving people ignorant of that fact."
"Another," he demanded, leading the barmaid's gaze towards the empty glass. She obliged and left him to his thoughts once more.
There was still one thought in his mind that he could not shake off.
"She deserves to know."
"Drinking on the job are we, Leonhart?" a female voice taunted him.
"I thought I told you to stay at the hotel," he gruffly replied.
"And I thought I was supposed to stay by your side?"
"Touché."
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I saw you out of my window, and well…I just wanted to talk." She was hesitating whilst speaking, obviously she was nervous.
"What am I now, a babysitter and a counsellor?" came the sarcastic reply.
She sighed. "I thought maybe you would be able to understand. I guess I was wrong." Disappointed, she made to leave.
"Wait, Rinoa. I'm…sorry." She looked back at him, not quite sure whether or not he was being serious. The concerned look on his face made up her mind. This was a man with a lot on his plate. "I've just got a lot on my mind at the moment," he confessed. This admission shocked Rinoa.
"Usually, he's so proud," she thought. "But now, sitting here with his drink in his hand and that worried frown, he looks almost…like a lost little boy or something. Maybe this is his human side."
"So, would you care to share?" she asked, more in hope than any deluded belief that he was about to pour his heart out to her.
"Not really," came the reply that she had expected.
"Thought as much." Both could sense that the conversation was becoming increasingly awkward, each of them feeling like they had something to say, but at the crucial moment, the words just wouldn't come.
"Drink?" Squall asked, in an attempt to break the ice.
"You really think that's the answer?" she replied.
"I'll take that as a no then."
"Drowning your sorrows isn't going to help," she pointed out.
"How would you know?"
"Been there, done that. I know it solves nothing." She looked directly at him. "Seriously, talking will help."
"She deserves to know." He kept hearing that one little phrase running through his head, becoming louder and louder, until it was so unbearable he just wanted to scream.
"Rinoa, you're in danger," he finally admitted. He wasn't sure whether it was the right thing to do, but he had sure as hell made his mind up, and that was the main thing. To his utter amazement she just laughed.
"And that's supposed to be news to me? Come on, why would you have been hired to protect me if I wasn't in danger. I doubt SeeD would have been hired if my life wasn't in danger. I hear you guys are pretty expensive," she replied, almost matter-of-factly.
"They're coming for you tonight," he announced coolly, taking one last drag on his cigarette before putting it out.
"Ah, now that is news to me," she stated. Squall was a little surprised by her lack of reaction. He had been expecting screaming, tears, some mild hysteria at least, but no, nothing. She just continued to sit there, looking at the discarded cigarette with contempt. "You really should give up, you know?" This shocked him even more, it seemed as if she didn't care.
"Is that all you're going to say?" he asked in disbelief. "I tell you that people are coming to kill you tonight, and your reply is 'oh, I didn't know that' and 'you should quit smoking,' I mean are you crazy or something?"
"Squall, maybe you should give me a little more credit. I've had a long time to get used to the fact that my life is constantly in danger. It's kind of a relief to know that it could all end tonight. No more lying awake wondering what bullshit I'm going to have to put up with from Seifer tomorrow, no more dreading the start of a fresh day of complete misery. It'd be a release for me."
"You don't mean that."
"But I do. Squall, this isn't a life, this is just an existence. I'm controlled, manipulated and made to feel like I don't matter. I'm sick of it." She said this with such conviction in her eyes that even Squall was moved.
"Nobody should be robbed of their hope," he thought, sadly, and with all the compassion that he was capable of.
"Squall? You're not speaking," she pointed out.
"Rinoa, I was sent here to try and protect you. You don't really think I'm going to let you die do you?" he asked, taking a sip of his drink.
"Of course not, I mean, it's your job. You wouldn't get paid if anything happened to me."
"Rinoa," he shouted slamming his glass onto the bar. "Do you really believe that you're just another fucking paycheck to me? Is that it? You think I'm a fucking monster don't you?"
"I didn't mean it like that," she whispered, not daring to look him in the eye.
"No? Well what the hell did you mean then?"
"Just that, your job is what you live for, isn't it? You wouldn't want to jeopardise that, right?" This seemed to calm him down a little.
"Wrong. I don't live for my job."
"Then what do you live for?" she asked, looking up from the ground, and meeting with his distant gaze.
"I live for the hope that I still have." These heartfelt words stunned Rinoa.
"You're still hoping to find her?"
He nodded. "Everybody needs their hope."
"Hmph. It seems that mine abandoned me long ago," she lamented.
"No, hope never abandons someone. They abandon their hope, and that hope that easily be found again, if you're willing to look."
"Squall?" Rinoa just couldn't comprehend the fact that those profound words had come from Squall's mouth. It was so unlike him to say anything inspirational, at least in her experience.
"That was the last thing Ellone told me before she left for Deling." Rinoa could see the pain and the anger in his eyes when he thought of his sister, and it chilled her to the bone.
"I hope she was right," Rinoa replied.
"She was. Look," he said, clearly wanting to steer the subject away from his missing sister, "I want you to go somewhere safe whilst I stay at the hotel. I need information from the assassins. I'll pick you up when it's safe, and then…well… there's somewhere I want to take you."
"Where?" she asked, intrigued by his unusual behaviour.
"I'm not telling you."
"You mean it's a surprise?"
"Something like that," he replied.
"Just one thing. I haven't got anywhere to go, and besides, I don't want to run away."
"I'm supposed to be protecting you."
"And I'd feel safer with you than anywhere else," she answered truthfully. "Are we agreed?"
"Fine."
A/N I finally updated! See, miracles can happen. Seriously though, sorry about the wait, I've had lots of work to do. Thanks to all those who've reviewed, I love you guys.