K: I'm not quite sure where this came from. Mostly I wrote this because
I've been feeling done in the dumps lately. I suppose, if you wanted to you
could read deeper into this and see how I've been feeling. I'm not going to
tell you whose point of view it is supposed to be. I'll let you decide. I'm
sorry if there are any errors.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh.
I Have Nothing Left To Give
They tell me I'm fine, not to worry. They say I'm doing well and they are proud of me. I see the condemnation in their face, the lines of disappointment marring their faces and I grieve. I grieve because I'm not good enough for them, I grieve because no matter how hard I try, not matter how much I give, it just isn't enough. Everything I give is taken, never returned, always more. More. More. I have no more to give. Can't they see that? I get looks and groans of frustration, nagging, why won't they see? I can't give anymore, I've given all I can. All I have left is my soul.
I feel as though I'm on an icy slope, slipping and sliding, while other people are walking easily up the slope, I am constantly falling backwards. They give me reassurance. "You're doing fine, keep it up." What do they know? Everything comes easy to them. Me? Me I have to struggle just to maintain my ground, never mind making any progression.
I cry deep wracking sobs with the intention of purging myself, making it easier for me. Instead the more I cry the more pain I feel. They tell me to stop, not to cry, but how can I not when it's my every fiber that is crying out? And so I close myself off, not letting anyone know how I feel. My smiles are empty and far and few between. No one notices.
No one notices, no one has noticed. They all claim they care, everyone, all of them. As if. it was hopeless to think they did.
"Are you alright? I love you so very, very much."
If you love me so very, very much then why is it that all you do is push me harder. I've been pushed as far as I can. I'm teetering on the edge of a cliff. I cannot be pushed anymore.
I can feel it.curling inside me, the depression, the utter disgust I feel for none other than myself. I try to banish it too the recesses of my mind, forget about it, but one can only forget what they truly want to. Perhaps I don't want to forget? I don't want to forget this feeling that sends me reeling, makes even the simplest tasks difficult?
There are times they urge me to try harder.
"Can't you do any better? C'mon I know you can."
The truth is I can't. I'm not smart enough, not good enough, not anything enough to do what the others do. Why do I try? Why do I struggle? Why do I cry myself to sleep knowing that no matter what happens I'll never be good enough? I have nothing left to give. I've given it all away.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh.
I Have Nothing Left To Give
They tell me I'm fine, not to worry. They say I'm doing well and they are proud of me. I see the condemnation in their face, the lines of disappointment marring their faces and I grieve. I grieve because I'm not good enough for them, I grieve because no matter how hard I try, not matter how much I give, it just isn't enough. Everything I give is taken, never returned, always more. More. More. I have no more to give. Can't they see that? I get looks and groans of frustration, nagging, why won't they see? I can't give anymore, I've given all I can. All I have left is my soul.
I feel as though I'm on an icy slope, slipping and sliding, while other people are walking easily up the slope, I am constantly falling backwards. They give me reassurance. "You're doing fine, keep it up." What do they know? Everything comes easy to them. Me? Me I have to struggle just to maintain my ground, never mind making any progression.
I cry deep wracking sobs with the intention of purging myself, making it easier for me. Instead the more I cry the more pain I feel. They tell me to stop, not to cry, but how can I not when it's my every fiber that is crying out? And so I close myself off, not letting anyone know how I feel. My smiles are empty and far and few between. No one notices.
No one notices, no one has noticed. They all claim they care, everyone, all of them. As if. it was hopeless to think they did.
"Are you alright? I love you so very, very much."
If you love me so very, very much then why is it that all you do is push me harder. I've been pushed as far as I can. I'm teetering on the edge of a cliff. I cannot be pushed anymore.
I can feel it.curling inside me, the depression, the utter disgust I feel for none other than myself. I try to banish it too the recesses of my mind, forget about it, but one can only forget what they truly want to. Perhaps I don't want to forget? I don't want to forget this feeling that sends me reeling, makes even the simplest tasks difficult?
There are times they urge me to try harder.
"Can't you do any better? C'mon I know you can."
The truth is I can't. I'm not smart enough, not good enough, not anything enough to do what the others do. Why do I try? Why do I struggle? Why do I cry myself to sleep knowing that no matter what happens I'll never be good enough? I have nothing left to give. I've given it all away.