Out There
Bren Eldrid Bera -- who knows nothing about Gavin's home life, so most of the following is based on assumptions and educated guesses!
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The rain had stopped and the sun was shinning. I didn't care. My entire body hurt as if I had fallen off a cliff. I didn't care. The flies were already buzzing around my body, looking for places to lay their maggots. I didn't care.
I just didn't care.
Andrew was Gavin. Gavin was Andrew. Without Andrew there was no Gavin. I was everything but dead. The only thing they kept me alive was the memories.
The memories of the pain, the suffering, and Gavin. The memories of the love, the happiness, and Andrew. I could see Andrew. He was waiting for me. Waiting for my life to pass so I could join him. I wanted to join him. I just couldn't.
Something was holding me back. Was it the hate I felt for Wesley and everyone at school? Was it the love of my family, no matter how much they despised me? I didn't know. It was just... something.
All I knew is that Gavin was dead. Gavin had died along with Andrew. I was... something else. I was the thing that had taken over Gavin's body during the time of great suffering. Not Gavin.
But I wasn't Tiffany either. Tiffany is what I had been after Gavin. Tiffany was an illusion created by Gavin. The illusion of comfort, strength, and stability. The kind of life Gavin had wanted with Andrew. But Tiffany couldn't be real, because Gavin wasn't real anymore. Reality had been beaten out of me. ~ Why bother without Andrew? ~
I, not Gavin, opened my eyes. I, not Gavin, struggled to get up. I, not Gavin, reopened the half-healed cuts to bleed once more. It was I, not Gavin, who would face the challenges ahead. But if I wasn't Gavin, why did I still suffer from the memories? The memories of Andrew, our times together, and his death. If I wasn't Gavin, who was I?
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(Flashback three years ago -Again! That night...)
Gavin Mason was going to get some action. By the end of tonight, he would be able to say he had made out with Lacey, he just knew it. Gavin kept telling himself that as he looked himself over in the mirror of the bathroom he shared with his sister Kendra.
He picked up a comb and ran it through his brown hair. During the middle of last year he had found inspiration to dye it blonde, but that had just looked horrible. Now it was back to its original murky color, only longer. He was trying to grow it out like the guy in the band The Vines.
~ Tonight will be great, I just know it! ~ His first real party in high school. The stuff last year didn't count. They had been baby parties. ~ I can't believe I thought cheese-wiz was fun to eat! God I was so immature then! ~ Gavin finished with his hair and stepped back to admire himself.
He was wearing a black T-shirt with white writing that said, 'If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough' and black jeans. Gavin couldn't decide whether to wear his earring or not. He eventually resolved to keep it in. ~ Why not? It seems like everyone has a piercing ~
"Gavin!" Kendra yelled, pounding on the door. "Are you done yet? I have to go!"
He yelled back, "Almost!"
He heard Kendra get disgusted outside the door. "Argh! Sometimes he acts like a girl he is always in the bathroom for so long!"
Gavin, aware of his little sister's needs, quickly brushed his teeth. He opened the door just as Kendra was about to have another fit. "There, I'm done!" He stepped around her, lightly pushed her in, and started to walk away. She slammed the door behind him.
"What are you kids doing?" his mother called, concerned over the state of her home.
"Nothing!" they both yelled, Kendra from the bathroom, Gavin from the hall.
His stomach rumbling, he went to the kitchen to get something to eat. He found his mom looking over some office work. She muttered, "Damn insurance".
"Hey mom," Gavin said, briefly bringing his mother's attention away from the records.
"Hmm" she said, not really listening.
Gavin cleared his throughout. This would be tough, getting his mother to agree to let him go to the party. She was always being protective over him and had been a nervous wreck when he went to Chicago over the summer for soccer camp. "Can I go to a party? It is at Lacey's house. I told you about her, you met her a couple of times. I will be sure to be home at a 'decent hour' too. And if I see any... bad things, I will be sure to leave."
"Sure" she said, still shuffling through the papers.
"Sure? That's it?" Gavin was stunned. His mother had never willingly consented to something like this before. "I mean, I want to go but, sure...?"
His mother looked up from her work and said, "I don't see why not. You have always acted responsible before, you haven't gotten into trouble that much lately. What you just said showed me you are very responsible to think about such things. I really don't see why you couldn't."
"Cool...?" Gavin said, unsure how to respond to such a change in his mother. He brightened up "I'll go tell Dad!"
As Gavin left the kitchen, his mother smiled, glad that her son was finally starting to grow up.
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"Absolutely not!" his father said with the same kind of determination Gavin had heard his mother use countless times before.
"Daadd..." Gavin whined. "All the other guys are going and Mom said yes!" His father looked shocked for a moment then yelled, "Grace, could you come in here?" His mother entered the room, puzzled look upon her face. "What?"
Seething, his father nearly shouted, "Your son wants to go to one of the Maverick parties. You know what happens! Drugs, sex, beer...!" His mother didn't seem phased by this though. She remained calm and composed. "If Gavin wants to go, I do not see why he can not. He has acted nothing but in the most responsible way for the past few months." His father was grinding his teeth. ~ He's really pissed! ~
"Can I talk to you in the other room, dear?" He pronounced each word slowly but sharply and had really loaded the sarcasm in on the last word. His parents left and Gavin was left alone in the living room. He heard them go up to their bedroom and close the door.
"Hey." Gavin spun around and found Kendra behind him. She had been attracted to the situation by the yelling and was intrigued to find out what was wrong. "What's the matter, why can't you go?"
Gavin rolled his eyes. "Dad won't let me go to some party just because it is at the Maverick's."
Kendra raised her eyebrows. "I've heard of those. They say at school that it gets really... dirty. All the cool people go. Who would invite you?" Gavin punched her in the arm. "Owe!" she said and punched him back. "I bet I know why you want to go!"
Gavin sobered up. "Why?"
Kendra smirked. "Two words. Lacey Maverick!"
"Shut up you little turd!" Gavin said and started to tickle her. This caused Kendra giggle. They fell onto couch laughing and tickling one another. They heard the door open to their parent's bedroom. They became quite. Kendra got up off the couch and left the living room while Gavin remained on the couch.
Gavin found his mother entering the living room. ~ Ok, this will determine the rest of my high school popularity. If I don't go, Lacey won't ask me again and... Well I don't want to think about that. ~
His mother spoke. "After much... discussion. Your father and I decided you could go to the party."
"Yes!" Gavin said, leaping off the couch. "Thank you so much-"
His mother interrupted his celebration. "-On one condition. If you see anything... bad, you must not do it. That means no drinking, no sex, no whatever. Do you understand?"
Gavin nodded. "I understand." Then, whispering, "You really whipped him didn't you?"
His mother smiled and pantomimed cracking a whip. She left the living room and allowed Gavin to celebrate further. ~ My first high school party! Yes! I gotta call the guys! ~ Gavin grabbed the phone and dialed the first number that came into his head. ~ Jimmy ~
Jimmy picked up the phone on the third ring. "Hey, it's Jimmy."
"It's Gavin. Are you going to Lacey's party?" he asked.
"Nah, parents won't let me go. It is my Grandpa's birthday. He is like turning ninety or something so I have to go."
"That sucks!" Gavin exclaimed at the indignity.
"Yeah, later I have to go." Jimmy said and hung up.
Gavin clutched the phone for a moment and wondered who to call next. But he didn't have to call, as the phone rang in his hands.
"Hello?"
"Hey... Ah.., Gavin. It's Craig. I wanted to know if you were going to Lacey's tonight."
"Yeah! But I need a ride man!"
"No problem, Joey can pick you up. We were already going to pick up Marco! How about at seven thirty?" Craig said with much enthusiasm. (You know how his voice gets!)
Gavin checked his watch. It was six thirty now. "Sure! Great! Bye!" And then he hung up. He had an hour to kill. Might as well spend it... experimenting. He was a fourteen-year-old boy who was rather interested in such things. What else was he supposed to do?
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THE FOLLOWING IN NO WAY RELATES TO ANY PART OF THE STORY I JUST WROTE IT BECAUSE I AM FEELING really DEPRESSED RIGHT NOW. IF SUCH THINGS OFFEND YOU I WOULD SUGGEST YOU DO NOT READ THIS. THAT WOULD BE THE MOST OBVIOUS THING TO DO. SO READ ON! (IF YOU DARE...)
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Gavin went up to his room and locked the door. If anyone -like his sister- found him... experimenting he would never hear the end of it. By the next day, the entire school would know and that would be pure hell. He had a reputation to uphold, you know?
He went to his chair at his desk and sat down. Gavin reached into a compartment of the desk and pulled out... the book. The book was very useful. It told him how to proceed. His father had given it to him on his twelfth birthday.
It was after his party, his father had taken him aside and tried to explain a few things. His father had said, "Son, I know you are not interested in such things yet, but when I was your age... I started to take a liking to these... experiments. I know one day you will too... don't deny it, it runs in the family. We always start experimenting at an early age. I remember your grandpappy saying he was only seven when he first started. So uhh... good luck?"
Gavin had nodded and smiled and when his father wasn't looking, he had shoved the book under his bed. But half a year ago, Gavin had found the book while he was cleaning his room. He found it... intriguing and vowed that night to try things. And he had. And Gavin had enjoyed it. Now whenever Gavin had free time he would go up to his room and experiment.
Gavin laid the book down on his desk. He flipped a few pages until he found something that interested him and that he could do with one person. Gavin had wanted to do these things with another person. He was always afraid that they would laugh at him when he told them about the experiments.
Gavin had almost had the nerve to ask Terri. She seemed like a nice, smart girl. But that night, she had acted strangely and Gavin didn't want to share anything with a freak that could ruin it. (A/N: Please forgive me goddess Terri! I worship you! Down with Paige!)
He looked over the things he would need to do it. Not bad. He had everything needed and it looked like it would be quick too.
One day a couple of weeks ago, he had snuck off into downtown Degrassi. He had found a store that sold... the kind of things he would need. He had bought them and hid them in his room in his desk. If anyone found the items, he would be so embarrassed! Gavin searched around in his desk for the proper... tools.
~ Let's see... What does it calls for? Ahh! Acetic acid, milk, my Bunsen Burner-if I want to heat it of course!- Muslin cloth and finally a little Sodium Tetraborate! That is Borax I believe... By the end of this experiment, I will have made glue from milk. Cool! This reminds me of the time I made ink from tea! Fun! ~
Gavin did the experiment just as the science book told him to. ~ Dad was right when he said this was fun! ~
Soon he had made a powder substance. If he added water, it would turn into a strong glue!
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Ok, by now you must have figured out that our little Gavin is quite the scientist!
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Gavin checked his watch. It was nearly seven thirty! Time to go to the party! ~ Shit, I have to clean up! ~ He put the white powder in a baggy which he then stuffed into his pocket. ~ I'll have to use it later! ~ The rest of his materials, he jammed into his desk drawer. Just as he was closing it, Kendra pounded on the door and yelled, "Gavin, you ride's here!"
Gavin checked himself in a mirror once more then ran out of his room. The car, just as Kendra had said, was outside waiting.
"Hey guys!" he said and hopped in the back.
"Hi Gavin!" Craig said, waving a little.
Gavin asked, "Ready to Party?"
"Yeah!" Marco yelled.
And they were off.
[Exuent]
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Ok, that was extremely gay. (No pun intended --the story) The entire chappy. I hated it. I think I was listening to the wrong music! (White Stripes-their shit depresses me!) I am just so sad right now... no one seems to review anymore! I worked hard on the third chapter of Unwanted and I got one review for it! Sorry if I am being obnoxious, begging for reviews, but still!
DeftonesX: What? Jimmy likes Ashley?!?! I thought he liked PAIGE!!! AHHH! Fake Alexandra Cabot: Yeah, I made them OOC. How could they be in character and do that! LOL! And I read your lizze story, it RULES! Kandiangel: Please don't hurt the monkeys on behalf of this story, especially as how it seems to be going downhill. Knightlife: Get a life, but we have already discussed this. No need bringing up bad memories! LoserLedger: you rock and so does your story! Twincest! El Sabio: *beams* that is the third time someone has called me a pervert today!
Updates: Later. School is starting again. But I promise you, the next chappy will be TONS better! I hate this one, and am determined to do better next time! NOW GO READ UNWANTED AND REVIEW!