Chapter 2: Camelot, A Message From Wade, and Really Bad French Accents
The Real Ron Stoppable: You may have the rights to any other Monty Python/KP crossover, mostly because I don't know those movies well enough to do one. I happen to think that this is pure genius too. Thank you.
Scene 4 ***All of the Knights and Ladies of the Medieval Club are "riding" around, with their assistants doing the coconut thing.
[clop clop clop]
Sir Blaine: So, what exactly will we be doing in this club, my lady?
Kim: I'm not sure, exactly. I just thought it would be fun to have a Medieval Club. Let's just ride for now, and I'm sure we'll come up with something.
Blaine: Oh, certainly, Madam.
Ron: Look, KP!
[trumpets]
Kim: Let's call it Camelot!
Monique: Camelot!
Blaine: Camelot!
Herbert: It's only a classroom.
Kim: Shh! Knights and Ladies, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride... to... Camelot!
[in medieval hall]
Middleton High Choir: [singing]
We're Knights of the Round Table.
We dance whene'er we're able.
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot.
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.
We're Knights of the Round Table.
Our shows are formidable,
But many times we're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable.
We're opera mad in Camelot.
We sing from the diaphragm a lot.
In war we're tough and able,
Quite indefatigable.
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable.
It's a busy life in Camelot.
Bass voice: I have to push the pram a lot.
[outdoors]
Kim: Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It seems the choir is in there, and they are entirely too silly.
Knights: Right. Right.
***As they ride off
Blaine: What was that?
Kailee: I'm not sure I wanna know.
****************************
Scene 5 ***Kim and Co. are "riding" away, when Kim's Kimmunicator goes off.
[clop clop clop]
[beep-beep-be-beep]
Kim: What's the sitch, Wade?
Wade: Kim, got a mission for you.
Kim: Great!
Wade: 'Course it's great! Look! [angels sing] Kim, this is the Edi Lorka. {AN: The Edi Lorka is an amulet.} Look carefully, Kim, for you have to find it. For some odd reason, it is hidden here in Middleton around the school. It has the powers to stop any villain you come across. That's what you gotta do, Kim: the search for the Edi Lorka. [singing stops]
Kim: Hey, Wade, I'm gonna recruit the new Knights and Ladies of the Medieval Club to come along. I bet Ron and I could use the extra help.
Ron: Booya!
Monique: Too cool!
****************************
Scene 6 ***Medieval Club arrives at the cafeteria.
[Kim music]
[clop clop clop]
Kim: Halt! [horn] Hey there! [pause] Hello!
Shego: [appears on roof in disguise and sporting a bad French accent] 'Allo! Who is eet?
Kim: I am Queen Kim Possible, and these are my Knights of the Middleton High Medieval Club. Whose hangout is this?
Shego: This is the hangout of my leader, Jason St. John. We are the exchange students.
Kim: Go and tell your leader that we have been sent on a mission. If he will give us food, he can join us in our quest for the Edi Lorka.
Shego: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very interested. Uh, he's already got one, you see.
Kim: What?
Monique: She says they've already got one!
Kim: Are you sure he's got one?
Shego: Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (to Drakken, who's hiding) I told 'em we already got one.
[Drakken chuckles]
Kim: Well, u-- um, can we have a look?
Shego: Of course not! You're hero-types-a!
Kim: Well, what are you, then?
Shego: [removes disguise] I'm a villain! Why do think I have this outrageous green skin, you silly girl-a?!
Ron: What are you doing at the cafeteria?
Kim: And what's with the French accent?
Shego: Mind your own business!
Kim: If you will not show us the Lorka, we shall take you by force!
Shego: You don't frighten us, hero-pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, children of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, Kim Possible, you and all your silly little k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!
Monique: She's got problems.
Kim: Tell me about it. Ever since I started this club, everyone's gone weird. (to Shego) Now see here--
Shego I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed hero-person! I blow raspberries in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your Father smelt of elderberries! {AN: I love that line – I even told an ancient Roman centurion that once – long, involved story!}
Monique: Is there someone else in there we could talk to?
Shego: No, now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a! [sniff]
Kim: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.
Drakken: [whispers] Fetchez la weapon de secret. {AN: I apologize for my French - I studied German, not French!}
Shego: What?
Drakken: Get the secret weapon!
Kim: If you do not agree and let us in, then I guess I'll have to-- [twong] [mooooooo] Aaaack!
Knights: Aaaaaah! [thud-the cow lands on one of the Knight's assistants] Ah! Ohh!
Kim: Charge!
Knights: Charge!
[mayhem and livestock as Kim and Co. try to climb the building]
Shego: Hey, this one is for your mother! There you go.
[more mayhem and more livestock – why mess with a good scene?]
Drakken: And this one's for your dad!
Kim: Run away!
Knights: Run away!
Shego: Thppppt!
[Drakken and Shego taunt]
Ron: I'll tear them apart!
Kim: No, no. No, no.
Blaine: Madam! I have a plan.
[later]
[wind] [saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw] [clunk] [bang] [rewr! – apparently there is a cat involved in this little scheme] [squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak] [rrrr rrrr rrrr] [drilllll] [sawwwww] [clunk] [crash] [clang] [squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...] [creak]
Drakken: [whispering]C'est un lapin, lapin de bois.
Shego: [whispering] Quoi?
Drakken: Un cadeau.
Shego: What?
Drakken: A present.
Shego: Oh, un cadeau. Oui, oui.
Drakken: Hurry.
Shego: What?
Drakken: Let's go.
Shego: Oh.
Drakken: On y va. Bon magne. Over here.
Shego: Remind me why we're speaking French?
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...] [clllank]
Kim: What happens now?
Blaine: Well, now, uh, Ron, Monique, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the Rabbit, taking Drakken and Shego, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
Kim: Who leaps out?
Blaine: U-- u-- uh, Ron, Monique, and I, uh, leap out of the Rabbit, uh, and uh...
Kim: Ohh.
Blaine: Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden partridge--[Kim smacks Blaine upside the head]
[clank] [twong]
Kim: Run away!
Knights: Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away!
[CRASH]
Drakken and Shego: Oh, haw haw haw haw! Haw! Haw haw heh...