Chapter 6: The Tale of Lady Monique
Once again, thank you to my two loyal reviewers...::shoots The Look at non-reviewing readers:: I'm glad that at least you two love it. On with the story!
Scene 12
Madelynne: The Tale of Lady Monique
Senor Senior, Sr: One day, son, all this will be yours!
Senor Senior, Jr: What, the curtains?
Senor Senior, Sr: No. Not the curtains. The whole world! This'll be your kingdom, Jr.
Senor Senior Jr: But Mother--
Senor Senior, Sr: Father, son. Father.
Senor Senior Jr: B-- b-- but Father, I don't want any of that. I'd rather--
Senor Senior, Sr: Rather what?!
Senor Senior Jr: I'd rather... [music] ...just... dance!
Senor Senior, Sr: Stop that! Stop that! You're not going into a dance number while I'm here. Now listen, Jr. In twenty minutes, you're getting married to a girl whose Father owns the biggest area of open land in the world.
Senor Senior Jr: B-- but I don't want land.
Senor Senior, Sr: Listen, Jr. We live on a bloody island, with the exception of this house in Middleton. We need all the land we can get.
Senor Senior Jr: But-- but I don't like her.
Senor Senior, Sr: Don't like her?! What's wrong with her?! She's beautiful. She's rich. She's got huge... areas of land.
Senor Senior Jr: I know, but I want the-- the girl that I marry to have... [music] ...a certain... special... something!
Senor Senior, Sr: Cut that out! Cut that out! Look, you're marrying Karen, so you'd better get used to the idea! [smack] Guards! Make sure my son doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.
Guard #1: Not to leave the room even if you come and get him. {AN: Why mess with another good scene?}
Guard #2: Hic!
Senor Senior, Sr: No, no. Until I come and get him.
Guard #1: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.
Senor Senior, Sr: No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard #1: And you'll come and get him.
Guard #2: Hic!
Senor Senior, Sr: Right.
Guard #1: We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the room.
Senor Senior, Sr: No, no. Leaving the room.
Guard #1: Leaving the room. Yes. [sniff]
Senor Senior, Sr: All right?
Guard #1: Right.
Guard #2: Hic!
Senor Senior, Sr: Right.
Guard #1: Oh, if-- if-- if, uhh-- if-- if-- w-- ehh-- i-- if-- if we--
Senor Senior, Sr: Yes? What is it?
Guard #1: Oh, i-- if-- i-- oh--
Senor Senior, Sr: Look, it's quite simple.
Guard #1: Uh...
Senor Senior, Sr: You just stay here and make sure he doesn't leave the room. All right?
Guard #2: Hic!
Senor Senior, Sr: Right.
Guard #1: Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he leave the room with us?
Senor Senior, Sr: N-- no no. No. You just keep him in here and make sure he--
Guard #1: Oh, yes. We'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave and we were with him--
Senor Senior, Sr: No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here--
Guard #1: Until you or anyone else--
Senor Senior, Sr: No, not anyone else. Just me.
Guard #1: Just you.
Guard #2: Hic!
Senor Senior, Sr: Get back.
Guard #1: Get back.
Senor Senior, Sr: All right?
Guard #1: Right. We'll stay here until you get back.
Guard #2: Hic!
Senor Senior, Sr: And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard #1: What?
Senor Senior, Sr: Make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard #1: Your son?
Senor Senior, Sr: Yes. Make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard #1: Oh, yes, of course.
Guard #2: Hic!
Guard #1: Ah. I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed kinda crazy me havin' to guard him when he's a Guard.
Senor Senior, Sr: Is that clear?
Guard #2: Hic!
Guard #1: Oh, quite clear. No problems.
Senor Senior, Sr: Right. Where are you going?
Guard #1: We're coming with you.
Senor Senior, Sr: No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard #1: Oh, I see. Right.
Senor Senior Jr: But Father!
Senor Senior, Sr: Hush, you! And get that suit on! [music] And no dancing!
Guard #2: Hic!
Senor Senior, Sr: Oh, go and get a glass of water.
[clank] [scribble scribble scribble fold fold] [twong] ***Senor Senior Jr grabs a piece of paper, scribbles on it, ties it to an arrow, and shoots the arrow out his window.
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Scene 13 ***Monique and her assistant Boeing are "riding" through a forest.
Monique: Well taken, Boeing!
Boeing: Thank you, Madam! Most kind.
Monique: And again! Over we go! Good. Steady! And now, the big one! Uuh! Come on, Boeing!
[thwonk] ***An arrow hits Boeing in the chest.
Boeing: [falling to ground] Message for you, Madam. [fwump]
Monique: Boeing! Boeing! Speak to me! [reads note attached to arrow] 'To whoever finds this note: I have been imprisoned by my Father, who wishes me to marry against my will. Please, please, please come and rescue me. I am in the Tall Tower of the Mansion behind Middleton High.' At last! A call! A cry of distress! This could be the sign that leads us to the Edi Lorka! Boeing, you've been such a great friend, I won't let you have died for nothing!
Boeing: Uh, I'm-- I'm not quite dead, Madam.
Monique: Well, you shall not have been fatally hurt for nothing!
Boeing: I-- I-- I think I c-- I could pull through, Madam.
Monique: Oh, I see.
Boeing: Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you, Madam--
Monique: No, no, sweet Boeing! Stay here! I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own particular... [sigh]
Boeing: Style, Madam?
Monique: Style!
Boeing: No, I feel fine, actually, Madam.
Monique: Farewell, sweet Boeing!
Boeing: I'll, um-- I'll just stay here, then. Shall I, Madam? Um, yeah.
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Scene 14
[inside castle]
Karen and Girls: [giggle giggle giggle]
[outside castle]
Guest: 'Morning!
Sentry #1: 'Morning.
Sentry #2: [Sees Monique running toward the castle like a maniac] Oooh.
Sentry #1: [ptoo]
Monique: [arrives at castle and starts beating up on everyone] Ha ha! Hiyya!
Sentry #2: Hey!
Monique: [more beating up] Hiyya!, Ha!, etc.
Karen and Girls: [giggle giggle giggle]
Monique: [more . . . you know] Ha ha! Huy!
Guests: Uuh! Aaah!
Monique: [more beating up . . . um, yeah] Ha ha! And take this! Aah! Hiyah! Aah! Aaah! Hyy! Hya! Hiyya! Ha!... [reaches Senor Senior Jr's room]
Guard #1: Now, you're not allowed to enter the room—[gets knocked down] aaugh!
Monique: [inside Senor Senior Jr's room]O cute one, Behold your humble servant, Lady Monique of Camelot. I have come to take y-- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Senor Senior Jr: You got my note!
Monique: Uh, well, I-- I got a-- a note.
Senor Senior Jr: You've come to rescue me!
Monique: Uh, well, no. You see, I hadn't--
Senor Senior Jr: I knew someone would. I knew that somewhere out there... [music]
Monique: Well, I--
Senor Senior Jr: [beginning to dance]...there must be... someone...
Senor Senior, Sr: Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it! Who are you?
Senor Senior Jr: I'm your son!
Senor Senior, Sr: No, not you.
Monique: Uh, I am Lady Monique, Sir.
Senor Senior Jr: He's come to rescue me, Father.
Monique: Well, let's not jump to conclusions.
Senor Senior, Sr: Did you knock all those Guards unconscious?
Monique: Uh... Oh, yes. Sorry.
Senor Senior, Sr: They cost $500 each!
Monique: Well, I'm awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything.
Senor Senior Jr: Don't be afraid of him, Lady Monique. I've got a rope all ready.
Senor Senior, Sr: You beat up eight wedding Guests in all!
Monique: Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought your son wasn't a villain.
Senor Senior, Sr: I can understand that.
Senor Senior Jr: [starts lowering his rope out his window] Hurry, Lady Monique! Hurry!
Senor Senior, Sr: Shut up! You only thumped the Bride's Father, that's all!
Monique: Well, I really didn't mean to...
Senor Senior, Sr: Didn't mean to?! You put your fist right to his head!
Monique: Oh, dear. Is he all right?
Senor Senior, Sr: You even kicked the bride in the chest! This is going to cost me a fortune!
Monique: Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding south from Camelot, when I got this note, you see--
Senor Senior, Sr: Camelot? Are you from, uh, Camelot?
Senor Senior Jr: [hanging out window] Hurry, Lady Monique!
Monique: Uh, I am a Lady of Queen Kim's Medieval Club, Sir.
Senor Senior, Sr: Very nice classroom, Camelot. Uh, very good computer equipment.
Monique: Yeah, I guess so.
Senor Senior Jr: Hurry! I'm ready!
Senor Senior, Sr: Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink?
Monique: Well, that-- that's, uh, awfully nice of you,...
Senor Senior Jr: I'm ready!
Monique: ...um, I mean to be so understanding. [thonk] Um,... [woosh]
Senor Senior Jr: Oooh!
Monique: ...I'm afraid when I'm in this style, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away.
Senor Senior, Sr:: Oh, don't worry about that.
Senor Senior Jr: Oooh! [splat] ***Senor Senior Jr has fallen out of his window.
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Scene 15
Guests: [crying]
Senor Senior, Sr: Well, this is the main hall. We're going to have all this knocked through and made into one big, uh, living room.
Guest: There he is!
Senor Senior, Sr: Oh, crap.
Monique: [starts beating on guests again] Ha ha ha! Hey! Ha ha!
Senor Senior, Sr: Hold it! Stop it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Please!
Monique: Sorry. Sorry. You see what I mean? I just get carried away. I am so sorry. Sorry! Sorry, everyone.
Guest #1: She's beat up the best Man!
Guests: [yelling]
Senor Senior, Sr: Hold it! Hold it! Please! Hold it! This is Lady Monique from the Classroom of Camelot, a very brave and influential Lady--a friend of Kim Possible, and my special guest here today.
Monique: Hello.
Guest: She hurt my auntie!
Guests: [yelling]
Senor Senior, Sr: Please! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who hurt who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Senor Senior Jr, has just fallen to his death.
Guests: Oh! Oh, no!
Senor Senior, Sr: But I don't want to think I've not lost a son, so much as... gained a daughter! [clap clap clap] For, since the tragic wounding of her Father--
Guest #2: He's not quite hurt!
Senor Senior, Sr: Since the near hurtful wounding of her Father--
Guest #2: He's getting better!
Senor Senior, Sr: [motioning for one of his guards to kill the Bride's father] For, since her own Father, who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him.
Bride's Father: Uugh!
Guest #2: Oh, he's died!
Senor Senior, Sr: And I want his only daughter to look upon me as her Old dad, in a very real and legally binding sense. [clap clap clap] And I feel sure that the merger-- er, the union between Karen and the brave, but dangerous, Lady Monique of Camelot--
Monique: Excuse you? I'm not that kind of girl.
Guest #2: Look!
Guests: Oooh! The dead guy!
Boeing: He's not quite dead.
Senor Senior Jr: No, I feel much better.
Senor Senior, Sr: You fell out of the Tall Tower, you creep!
Senor Senior Jr: No, I was saved at the last minute.
Senor Senior, Sr: How?!
Senor Senior Jr: Well, I'll tell you.
[music as Senor Senior Jr starts to dance]
Senor Senior, Sr: Not like that! Not like that! No! Stop it!
Guests: [singing and dancing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell!...
Senor Senior, Sr: Shut uuup!
Guests: [singing] He's going to tell!...
Senor Senior, Sr: Shut up!
Guests: [singing] He's going to tell!...
Senor Senior, Sr: Shut up!
Guests: [singing] He's going to tell!...
Senor Senior, Sr: Not like that!
Guests: [singing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell!...
Boeing: Quickly, Madam!
Guests: [singing] He's going to tell!...
Boeing: Come this way!
Guests: [singing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell!...
Monique: No! It's not right for my style!
Guests: [singing] He's going to tell about his great escape...
Monique: I must escape more... [sigh]
Guests: [singing] Oh, he fell a long, long way,...
Boeing: Stylishly, Sir?
Monique: Stylishly!
Guests: [singing] But he's here with us today...
Monique: Heee! Hoa! [crash] Hoo!
Guests: [singing] What a wonderful escape!
Monique: Excuse me. Could, uh-- could I get a little help, please?