Woah, I nearly forgot to put the AN n this time! Like anybody actually reads these…so what! They're fun! ^_^ Sorry this took so long. End of the school year. Busy. Yeaaaah…not to mention Heather never bugged me to write it cause she was too busy bugging me to beta read for her, so it never really got written except in sudden bursts every weekish.

Disclaimer: I resolve to be more creative with these. Okay! So…  GIMMIE A I! (I!) GIMMIE A D! (D!) GIMMIE A O! (O!) GIMMIE A…DAMN I HAVE NO PATIENCE TO SPELL OUT "I DON'T OWN INU YASHA"! (DAMN I HAVE NO PATIENCE TO SPELL OUT "I DON'T OWN INU YAHSA"!)

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I was trying not to kill him.

The Stupid Monk, that is. Hey, don't blame me! I'm a cat, if he gets himself turned into a damn bird, then of course hunting instinct is going to tell me to rip his head off and give the rest to Mistress! What? Surprised that I curse? Of course I CENSORED curse! Did you really think I'd let a CENSORED dog beat me at anything? Especially a CENSORED half-breed! GOOD CENSORED LORD! I HAVE MY CENSORED KITTY PRIDE, YOU KNOW?! I'M BADASS AND CENSORED PROUD!

…Excuse us a moment, I believe we have company.

        Somewhere in the real world, a studio door slams open on two cat-eared creatures sitting at a desk. One has 'muse' floating in bubbly red letters above her head and the other has 'thief, gangster, and annoyance' in green. They quickly fade once the muse realizes the point has gotten through. A somewhat terrifying witch- er, high school girl- stomps over to the desk where Chibi Neko Kaylana and Rogue Neko Kaylana sitAN: see my profile if you can't figure out which is which. She picks up the desk and brings it down on the head of the unfortunate Rogue Neko Kaylana.

"I AM NOT BOOSTING THE RATING JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE HELPING!" she shrieks at the swirly-eyed troublemaker.

"Unh…" replies the thief. Kaylana calmly puts down the desk, picks the notebook off the floor, and bows to Chibi Neko Kaylana.

"Continue," she says pleasantly.

So. Anyways.

I'm a cat, if he gets himself turned into a damn bird, then of course hunting instinct is going to tell me to rip his head off and give the rest to Mistress! It didn't much help that the Cute Kit was too busy sucking on a bunch of candy to play with me. So here I am, staring at this oversized bird, who's starting to look a little uncomfortable.

"Hello," he said, eyes darting from side to side.

"Meow," replied I, vaguely wondering if the skin would be too leathery to tear off the head.

"Um…hello," the Stupid Monk repeated, earning him his name. Oh, it's just the way he's turning his head to look for an escape route, the skin is twisting, twisting…No! No, stop!

"Wmphgarble!" the Cute Kit cried through the sweets as I sprung at his neck. He pulled my tail. That hurts you know. Well no you don't, because you're just a human. So I shrieked and hissed. Mistress looked up.

"What's going on?" she asked, glaring at the Cute Kit.

"I think she tried to kill…" he trailed off as I pleasantly wiggled out of his grasp and settled onto the Stupid Monk's shoulders, purring pointedly. My urge to kill him under control, the rest of the night passed fairly uneventfully. Until the mouse, that is.

          I could hear it, right outside the door. It kept scratching and scratching and it wouldn't leave me alone. I hunched by the shoji screen, listening carefully. It was right there, but I couldn't get at it, and that bothered me. I went over and prodded at the Stupid Monk in hopes that he could open the door. He muttered something in his sleep. I leapt onto his chest and licked his face.

"Mew!" Wake up, you idiot! Honestly, I can't believe Mistress actually loves such a stupid creature.

"G'way," yawned the stupid monk. I accidentally licked his tongue. Eww! Penguin spit!

"Ye-oow!" I persisted, digging in my claws.

"Yeow!" He yelped, imitating me. He sat up,sending me tumbling. Well, my urge to kill him just doubled, but at least he's awake. "Oh…Kirara? What do you want?"

I stopped and listened for a moment. Nope; the mouse was definitely gone. I growled in irritation and prowled off to sleep by Mistress. I guess he couldn't have opened the door anyways, fins aren't too good for grasping.

"Mewr," I grumbled. Stupid monk.

"Stupid cat," he mumbled, going back to sleep.

          The next morning was, regrettably, interesting. I woke up a little before dawn, and my mouth was drier than wilted catnip. So I approached the door.It was still closed, much to my dismay. Now maybe you couldn't tell it, what with you being a human and all, but I am not a morning kitty. Thus, this shoji was getting a cat door. Now.

          I rammed my head through the screen and stepped daintily through, seeking some source of water. For reasons that I don't know or really care, there was a pail in the corner. I bent over it eagerly. Funny…there was a bird's reflection. I turned around. Maybe the Stupid Monk was behind me. Nope, no Stupid Monk. I shrugged and looked again. Bird. No me. Really weird. Oh well. I moved, and the bird moved with me. Realization set in and I made a terrible mistake.

I screamed.

          This set off a particularly problematic chain of events. First, everybody woke up. The Stupid Monk and the Dog sprung into defensive stances, and Mistress was looking for me. Then the inn lady flung the door open.

"What was that!?" she demanded.

The ditzy miko's eyes darted around, and apparently fell on me.

"My penguin," she explained, "It practices primal scream therapy."

The next part has good news and bad news. The good news is that the inn lady didn't have time to disbelieve the ridiculous story. Now before I move on to the bad news, let me back up a little bit.

          While this was going on, the Stupid Monk was realizing that he was no longer a penguin, and as naked as a furless rat. Mistress had noticed this too, and was frozen in a way that made me question which one was really the pervert. Here comes the bad news.

"Why," the inn lady said in a deadly calm, "is there a naked man in here who wasn't here last night?"

Mistress and the Stupid Monk turned a shade of red previously reserved for tomatoes.

"Um," the Ditzy Miko said matter-of-factly. She had apparently run out of explanations.

"Chill," said the Dog. He threw a blanket at the Stupid Monk. "No one wants to see that." He gratefully wrapped the blanket around his waist.

"I entirely agree!" Mistress shrieked, slamming him over the head with Hiraikotsu. Well, it was probably meant to be over the head. Unfortunatley for him, she flung it in her rage, and caught him in the chest instead. He sprawled backwards, buried under Hiraikotsu. It was still trying to spin, so it twisted the blanket off and proceeded to hit his jaw. Mistress went tomato again and turned away. "Get that back on!" she ordered.

"I don't think he can hear you," the Ditzy Miko noted. From the way his eyes had rolled back in his head, it was the first intelligent thing she'd said that morning. The dog cleared his throat and turned to the inn lady.

"This idiot got a spell put on him," he explained, pulling the blanket back to a decent position. "He turns into a cat every other night, and forgot to keep a blanket over him last night. Right, Miroku?"

"Unh," he moaned.

"I see," the inn lady said slowly. I couldn't believe it! The Dog actually had in intelligent way to get us out of this! "Well get dressed and get out," the inn lady snapped. She left, and I took it as my usual cue to turn big so that they could ride.

Now if anything in the universe were sane or sensible, I wouldn't have been able to.

It isn't.

I might've gotten away with being a big kitty in a little room, but unfortunately, penguins are considerably taller than kitties. Thus, the roof…well…you get the picture.

          In the chaos of the next 30 seconds, the Stupid Monk found his clothes, the inn lady assaulted Mistress, I tried to step on the inn lady, the Ditzy Miko had a muffin for breakfast, I stepped on the Dog on accident, and the Cute Kit somehow managed to perch on my head. In the 30 seconds after that, we ran. Hard. Oh yeah, and I discovered that I can still fly.

Need inventory?

A gigantic penguin waddling on bursts of flame about three meters above the ground, a miniature fox clinging to a fin for dear life, an underdressed foreign girl stuffing her face with equally foreign food, a dog limping pitifully along, and a supposed houshi trying to keep his you-know-what covered while fleeing from a girl who looks like an oversized deadly tomato with a boomerang, and will continue to look so until he gets his you-know-what under clothes, which won't happen until she stops being quite so deadly and settles for tomato instead.

If there's a record for the longest sentence ever spoken by a cat, I think I just broke it.

          "Whatever else you remember about all this," the Cute Kit said, contentedly counting how many licks it took to get to the center of the Ditzy Miko's last tootsie roll pop, "I want you to remember that the inn was not my idea. I didn't like it at all."

"Only because it involved giving away your candy," I reminded him.

"You're missing the point," he whined. "38…39…40…"

"It's 62," Mistress' voice said, returning from her bath. She sat down by the fire and I settled into her lap. I'll tell you, she has got the most comfortable lap of any human I have ever seen. Only because the Dog's Brother is a youkai.

Don't ask.

"You're going to spoil it for me!" wailed the Cute Kit.  Mistress shrugged.

"It feels very strange to have a penguin sitting in my lap," she noted.

"Mew," I retorted. You try being the penguin. Oh wait, she already had. Never mind.

"What really puzzles me is how this curse is passing," she sighed.

"Who knows, as long as you don't get it," the Cute Kit said, shrugging.

"Easy for you to say, because you never had it," Mistress replied, resting her chin on my head.

"E-ow!" I complained. I could really do without the whole sharo chin thing. I made a show of leaping off her lap and stalking away.

          I stalked right on down to the water, where the Ditzy Miko was still finishing up her bath. I sat at the edge and listened to her sing because she had a pretty voice, even though what she sang made no real sense. I mean, here's what I overheard…

"Hey diddle, diddle
The cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed
To see such a sight
And the dish ran away with the spoon."

I mean, I suppose it might contain the answers to the deep mystery of life or something…This Diddle person, for example. Perhaps Diddle is a metaphorical God, and he infused the Cow, his loyal believer, with the power to jump over the moon. The cat and the fiddle(whatever a fiddle might be) symbolizes the priest, who carries the faith to others….

…Or maybe it's just a load of nonsense crap. I mean, what the hell is a spoon? And dogs can't laugh, not unless they're dog YOUKAI, which is another matter entirely. As for the cow jumping over the moon, I've never seen a cow jump 3 centimeters off the ground, much less over the moon. Besides, from what the Ditzy Miko says, it'd suffocate if it went up in space in the first place. Why would it WANT to jump the moon anyways? And don't even get me STARTED on the dish and spoon. Nonetheless, it was a soothing break from all the chaos.

Until I bothered to look at my reflection. It feels REALLY weird to want to hunt yourself. So, break was over, and I prowled stormily back up to the fire. If I'm lucky, the curse will pass on tomorrow. If not…well, at least chocolate isn't poisonous to penguins.

I think.

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*wipes sweat off forehead* I'm sorry this is so late, guys =(….I had trouble writing Kirara's POV for one thing. For another school was ending, which means finals….yeah. Ick. Well next one should be up sooner! Even SOONER sooner if you review….hinthint…^_^

~Kaylana

"Yarr! I'm a pirate!"