Disclaimer:... You know how this goes...
Hey Y'all! How's it been going? Sorry it's been so long since I've last updated, but I've been busy with a number of other projects, as well as school, work, and... Other stuff. So sorry for the wait and here I bring you the next installment of Interview with the Devils!
Hyper Guyver: Hey Y'all! Hyper Guyver here to bring you yet another compelling interview with the cast members of Diablo II! Here with us today is the enigmatic mystic of the Elements, The Sorceress!
(Crowd cheers)
...
...
Hyper Guyver:... (ahem) I said, and here we have THE SORCERESS!
...
... (cricket chirp)
Hyper Guyver: Uh... Could y'all give me a moment... Thanks.
(Hyper Guyver pulls out a cell phone and dials a number)
Hyper Guyver:... Hey! I thought you said you'd get me the Sorceress for my show today!... Wha'd ya mean she couldn't make it?!... HAIR APPOINTMENT?! THAT STUPID STUCK UP BIT-... What? Well, then who can you get me?... (sigh) I guess it's better than nothing...
(Hyper Guyver Hangs ups phone)
Hyper Guyver: (sigh) Well, it looks like we won't be having the Sorceress for today's show as planned (Mumbles "bitch")... So instead we'll be having the... Barbarian... (Sigh) This is going to go oh, so horribly wrong...
(Ten Minutes Later)...
Hyper Guyver: Er, Hi Barbarian! I've uh, heard a lot about you...
Barbarian: (In a Russian Accent) All very good I hope.
Hyper Guyver: (blink, blink) Uh, right... No offense, but they said you were a bit... Uh, slow.
Barbarian: (still with Russain Accent) (smirking) Good then! All apart of my clever ruse!
Hyper Guyver: Er, "clever ruse?"
Barbarain: Yes! By portraying myself as a slow-witted buffoon, I tricked my fellow warriors into a false sense of security! Giving ample opportunity to take advantage of the situation if need be! AHAHAHAHA!!!!
Hyper Guyver: So... The whole Dumb barbarian thing was just a trick to have a trump card against your fellow warriors during your fight with Diablo?
Barbarian: Yes! All of it in the name of glorious Mother Russia!
Hyper Guyver: Uh, Barbarian?
Barbarian: Yes?
Hyper Guyver: Uh, there is no Russia in Sanctuary... Just the Barbarian Highlands.
Barbarian: (blink, blink) Oh, um, yes... Er, all in the name of the glorious Mother Barbarian Highlands!
Hyper Guyver: And did you ever use that advantage?
Barbarian: Er, no...
Hyper Guyver: So you just left them thinking you're a moron?
Barbarian: Um, I guess...
Hyper Guyver: (sweat drop) Are you sure it was ALL faking?
Barbarian: (narrowing eyes) And what do you mean to imply by that? (Reaches for Axe)
Hyper Guyver: O_O (GULP) Uh, NOTHING! Nothing at all! It just... Er, amazes me, that you could have... uh, so... so... so much skill as an actor! Yeah! That's it!
Barbarian: (Stops reaching for Axe) Oh! Yes, I have always been quite proud of my acting skills. Why, I'd made such a performance that I even made that buffoon of Paladin look good! MWAHAHA!!!
Hyper Guyver: (still sweating) [Must... Change... SUBJECT!] So... Uh, Barbarian. I heard the Assassin has a thing for you... Uh, what you'd you think about that?
Barbarian: Hmmm... Yes, she would be good to fill a few long hours during the night... Yes...
Hyper Guyver: Uh, what about love? Feeling? Emotion? You know, the sort of thing that actually goes into a relationship?
Barbarian: Relationship? Who said anything about a relationship?
Hyper Guyver: So you just want her around to screw when you get bored?
Barbarian: That about sums it up.
Hyper Guyver: (sigh) I was really hoping to go one episode without some kind of crude sex joke...
Barbarian: Well that idea pretty much hit the fan didn't it?
Hyper Guyver: (glares at barbarian)
Barbarian: Don't even think about glaring at me.
Hyper Guyver: (gulp) Sorry sir... (sigh) the only I can think of that can make this any worse was if...
Ding Dong...
Hyper Guyver: Considering the way this series has been going, I think it's pretty obvious who's at the door... Say... Barbarian... Up for killing someone?
Barbarian: Yes.
Hyper Guyver: Great! Go kill the guy at the door!
Barbarian: (gets a gleeful look in his eye) YES!!! (Heads off to the front door)
Seconds later...
Barbarian: DIE!!!
?????: AAIIIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!!
Hyper Guyver: "AAIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!!" ?? Hm, that's odd... Usually the Paladin makes more of an "AAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!" kind of sound when he dies...
Barbarian: (Walks back into the room carrying a pizza) Mmmmh, Pepperoni...
Hyper Guyver: (blink, blink) Um, where'd that pizza come from?
Barbarain: The guy I killed.
Hyper Guyver: The Paladin was carrying a pizza?
Barbarain: Paladin? There was no Paladin... Just a guy with a pizza and a Dominos T-shirt.
Hyper Guyver: (Gulp) Uh oh...
Barbarian: Say, your neighbors were making a lot of commotion outside after I killed that guy... I think I'll be on my way now.
Hyper Guyver: What?! You're just going to leave me here with a dead body on my porch?!
Barbarian: Hasn't the Paladin laid dead on your porch on several separate occasions?
Hyper Guyver: Well yeah, but nobody gives a shit about him. You just killed someone of actual importance!
Barbarian: A pizza boy?
Hyper Guyver: YES OF COURSE A PIZZA BOY! Those guys are the backbone of this nation! If it weren't for them, we wouldn't have such quality programming like "Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place," "Teenage mutant Ninja Turtles" our relations with Italy would be in the dumps, and soccer parties would have to got to places like Subway for their victory lunch!
Barbarian: Wow... I never thought of it like that...
Hyper Guyver: That's right! If it weren't for Pizza boys, thousands of teenagers would starve! Kid's birthday parties would have meals of actual nutritional value, and we would be utterly deprived of a food good enough to put pepperoni on! (Turns to face camera) So next time your get a pizza delivered, make sure to leave a little extra something, something for your pizza boys! Because... Without them, what would this nation be reduced to?
Barbarian: (sniff) That was beautiful.
Hyper Guyver: (Takes a bow) Thank you.
ATTENTION: This ad was sponsored by the National Society for Preservation of Pizza Boys. Hundreds of Pizza boys a year quite their jobs because of lack of respect and care. So please... Next time you see your local pizza boy... Give him a hug, and show him just how much you care.
Hyper Guyver: I'm so glad I discovered the wonderful world of commercial advertising. (Puts a huge wad of cash in his wallet). So, Barbarian, where'd we leave off with our interview?
...
...
Hyper Guyver: Uh, barbarian?
(Sees flashing police lights outside)
Hyper Guyver: Hm, that can't be good... (Sees a note on his table and reads it)
(hem)
-Dear Hyper Guyver,
It appears that we will have to cut our interview short due to police intervention. I hope that we may continue this discussion at a later time.
-Sincerely
The Barbarian.
P.S. HAIL MOTHER BARBARIAN HIGHLANDS!!
Hyper Guyver: Well, I guess that's the end of this interview. Huh, I'm kind of surprised the Paladin didn't make an appearance... Oh shit! I just jinxed it!
Paladin: Hi!
Hyper Guyver: Shit...
(Police step through the door)
Police officer: Excuse me young man. Can you tell me who did such a horrible act to this poor defenseless pizza boy?
Hyper Guyver: (blink, blink)... Uh... (Light Bulb) ^_^ Why yes I can officer! IT WAS HIM! (Points to Paladin) THE GUY WITH THE SWORD!
Paladin: Wha?
Police Officer: (tackles Paladin) You are under arrest you sick bastard! For the murder of a poor defenseless Pizza boy! That poor pizza boy... (Glares) I hope they throw the book at you, you son of Bitch!
Paladin: Eep! (Gets dragged off)
Hyper Guyver: Wow... This ended better than most of my other interviews... (Looks at the front porch) Hey! They didn't even take the Pizza boy's body with them! What the hell am I supposed to do with this thing?!
Hyper Guyver: (Sigh) Well, I guess I'll have to clean up this mess. Well, thanks for tuning in for another episode of Interviews with the Devils, stay tuned next time, when I interview the... (sigh) I guess I can't put this off forever... Stay tuned next time, when I interview... the Paladin...
Hyper Guyver: Well, good day, and good night!...
...Now where did I put that damn mop...
Hey Y'all! How's it been going? Sorry it's been so long since I've last updated, but I've been busy with a number of other projects, as well as school, work, and... Other stuff. So sorry for the wait and here I bring you the next installment of Interview with the Devils!
Hyper Guyver: Hey Y'all! Hyper Guyver here to bring you yet another compelling interview with the cast members of Diablo II! Here with us today is the enigmatic mystic of the Elements, The Sorceress!
(Crowd cheers)
...
...
Hyper Guyver:... (ahem) I said, and here we have THE SORCERESS!
...
... (cricket chirp)
Hyper Guyver: Uh... Could y'all give me a moment... Thanks.
(Hyper Guyver pulls out a cell phone and dials a number)
Hyper Guyver:... Hey! I thought you said you'd get me the Sorceress for my show today!... Wha'd ya mean she couldn't make it?!... HAIR APPOINTMENT?! THAT STUPID STUCK UP BIT-... What? Well, then who can you get me?... (sigh) I guess it's better than nothing...
(Hyper Guyver Hangs ups phone)
Hyper Guyver: (sigh) Well, it looks like we won't be having the Sorceress for today's show as planned (Mumbles "bitch")... So instead we'll be having the... Barbarian... (Sigh) This is going to go oh, so horribly wrong...
(Ten Minutes Later)...
Hyper Guyver: Er, Hi Barbarian! I've uh, heard a lot about you...
Barbarian: (In a Russian Accent) All very good I hope.
Hyper Guyver: (blink, blink) Uh, right... No offense, but they said you were a bit... Uh, slow.
Barbarian: (still with Russain Accent) (smirking) Good then! All apart of my clever ruse!
Hyper Guyver: Er, "clever ruse?"
Barbarain: Yes! By portraying myself as a slow-witted buffoon, I tricked my fellow warriors into a false sense of security! Giving ample opportunity to take advantage of the situation if need be! AHAHAHAHA!!!!
Hyper Guyver: So... The whole Dumb barbarian thing was just a trick to have a trump card against your fellow warriors during your fight with Diablo?
Barbarian: Yes! All of it in the name of glorious Mother Russia!
Hyper Guyver: Uh, Barbarian?
Barbarian: Yes?
Hyper Guyver: Uh, there is no Russia in Sanctuary... Just the Barbarian Highlands.
Barbarian: (blink, blink) Oh, um, yes... Er, all in the name of the glorious Mother Barbarian Highlands!
Hyper Guyver: And did you ever use that advantage?
Barbarian: Er, no...
Hyper Guyver: So you just left them thinking you're a moron?
Barbarian: Um, I guess...
Hyper Guyver: (sweat drop) Are you sure it was ALL faking?
Barbarian: (narrowing eyes) And what do you mean to imply by that? (Reaches for Axe)
Hyper Guyver: O_O (GULP) Uh, NOTHING! Nothing at all! It just... Er, amazes me, that you could have... uh, so... so... so much skill as an actor! Yeah! That's it!
Barbarian: (Stops reaching for Axe) Oh! Yes, I have always been quite proud of my acting skills. Why, I'd made such a performance that I even made that buffoon of Paladin look good! MWAHAHA!!!
Hyper Guyver: (still sweating) [Must... Change... SUBJECT!] So... Uh, Barbarian. I heard the Assassin has a thing for you... Uh, what you'd you think about that?
Barbarian: Hmmm... Yes, she would be good to fill a few long hours during the night... Yes...
Hyper Guyver: Uh, what about love? Feeling? Emotion? You know, the sort of thing that actually goes into a relationship?
Barbarian: Relationship? Who said anything about a relationship?
Hyper Guyver: So you just want her around to screw when you get bored?
Barbarian: That about sums it up.
Hyper Guyver: (sigh) I was really hoping to go one episode without some kind of crude sex joke...
Barbarian: Well that idea pretty much hit the fan didn't it?
Hyper Guyver: (glares at barbarian)
Barbarian: Don't even think about glaring at me.
Hyper Guyver: (gulp) Sorry sir... (sigh) the only I can think of that can make this any worse was if...
Ding Dong...
Hyper Guyver: Considering the way this series has been going, I think it's pretty obvious who's at the door... Say... Barbarian... Up for killing someone?
Barbarian: Yes.
Hyper Guyver: Great! Go kill the guy at the door!
Barbarian: (gets a gleeful look in his eye) YES!!! (Heads off to the front door)
Seconds later...
Barbarian: DIE!!!
?????: AAIIIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!!
Hyper Guyver: "AAIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!!" ?? Hm, that's odd... Usually the Paladin makes more of an "AAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!" kind of sound when he dies...
Barbarian: (Walks back into the room carrying a pizza) Mmmmh, Pepperoni...
Hyper Guyver: (blink, blink) Um, where'd that pizza come from?
Barbarain: The guy I killed.
Hyper Guyver: The Paladin was carrying a pizza?
Barbarain: Paladin? There was no Paladin... Just a guy with a pizza and a Dominos T-shirt.
Hyper Guyver: (Gulp) Uh oh...
Barbarian: Say, your neighbors were making a lot of commotion outside after I killed that guy... I think I'll be on my way now.
Hyper Guyver: What?! You're just going to leave me here with a dead body on my porch?!
Barbarian: Hasn't the Paladin laid dead on your porch on several separate occasions?
Hyper Guyver: Well yeah, but nobody gives a shit about him. You just killed someone of actual importance!
Barbarian: A pizza boy?
Hyper Guyver: YES OF COURSE A PIZZA BOY! Those guys are the backbone of this nation! If it weren't for them, we wouldn't have such quality programming like "Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place," "Teenage mutant Ninja Turtles" our relations with Italy would be in the dumps, and soccer parties would have to got to places like Subway for their victory lunch!
Barbarian: Wow... I never thought of it like that...
Hyper Guyver: That's right! If it weren't for Pizza boys, thousands of teenagers would starve! Kid's birthday parties would have meals of actual nutritional value, and we would be utterly deprived of a food good enough to put pepperoni on! (Turns to face camera) So next time your get a pizza delivered, make sure to leave a little extra something, something for your pizza boys! Because... Without them, what would this nation be reduced to?
Barbarian: (sniff) That was beautiful.
Hyper Guyver: (Takes a bow) Thank you.
ATTENTION: This ad was sponsored by the National Society for Preservation of Pizza Boys. Hundreds of Pizza boys a year quite their jobs because of lack of respect and care. So please... Next time you see your local pizza boy... Give him a hug, and show him just how much you care.
Hyper Guyver: I'm so glad I discovered the wonderful world of commercial advertising. (Puts a huge wad of cash in his wallet). So, Barbarian, where'd we leave off with our interview?
...
...
Hyper Guyver: Uh, barbarian?
(Sees flashing police lights outside)
Hyper Guyver: Hm, that can't be good... (Sees a note on his table and reads it)
(hem)
-Dear Hyper Guyver,
It appears that we will have to cut our interview short due to police intervention. I hope that we may continue this discussion at a later time.
-Sincerely
The Barbarian.
P.S. HAIL MOTHER BARBARIAN HIGHLANDS!!
Hyper Guyver: Well, I guess that's the end of this interview. Huh, I'm kind of surprised the Paladin didn't make an appearance... Oh shit! I just jinxed it!
Paladin: Hi!
Hyper Guyver: Shit...
(Police step through the door)
Police officer: Excuse me young man. Can you tell me who did such a horrible act to this poor defenseless pizza boy?
Hyper Guyver: (blink, blink)... Uh... (Light Bulb) ^_^ Why yes I can officer! IT WAS HIM! (Points to Paladin) THE GUY WITH THE SWORD!
Paladin: Wha?
Police Officer: (tackles Paladin) You are under arrest you sick bastard! For the murder of a poor defenseless Pizza boy! That poor pizza boy... (Glares) I hope they throw the book at you, you son of Bitch!
Paladin: Eep! (Gets dragged off)
Hyper Guyver: Wow... This ended better than most of my other interviews... (Looks at the front porch) Hey! They didn't even take the Pizza boy's body with them! What the hell am I supposed to do with this thing?!
Hyper Guyver: (Sigh) Well, I guess I'll have to clean up this mess. Well, thanks for tuning in for another episode of Interviews with the Devils, stay tuned next time, when I interview the... (sigh) I guess I can't put this off forever... Stay tuned next time, when I interview... the Paladin...
Hyper Guyver: Well, good day, and good night!...
...Now where did I put that damn mop...