Not that Fast, but Kinda Pissed Off
Fade in
FF music. Wheels Turning. Title.
Van moving slowly. Three tricycles pull up to van. One opens side door and hops in.
Nate is riding his trike. Spins out.
Nate: Darn!!
Nate pulls up to Ferreto's.
Nate: How's the tuna here?
Melissa: We don't serve tuna. We only serve the freshest Alaskan salmon. It's flown in daily by a private jet pilot. But the altitude never goes above 10,000 feet. It ruins the flavor.
Nate: I'll have the tuna.
Melissa: We Don't Have tuna!!!
Nate: Fine. I'll have that other thing. White bread. No crust. On one piece. I want crust on the other. And I want it cut into triangles. Four.
Melissa: yes your Highness
Three tricycles pull up.
Joe: It's not working.
Bobby: Look. The steamer is too short.
Both examine the streamers.
Jill: Look. He's back.
Joe: He's sandwich crazy.
Bobby: He's not here for the sandwiches. He's here for the fries. (Ackward silence, everyone looks at Bobby)
Joe walks up to Nate.
Joe: Why do you come here?
Nate: I like the tuna.
Melissa: We don't have Tuna!!
Nate and Joe: Shut up!!!!
Joe: Get out of here.
Nate: Fine. I'll be back tomorrow for more tun..er..Salmon.
Joe pushes Nate
Joe: Go get a cheeseburger, stupid!
Nate and Joe poke each other for a while.
Melissa: I'll go get Don. Don they're fighting. Well, actually they're just poking each other. But that's not the point.
Don: Fine. I'll break it up. (Walks outside) Hey, break it up.
Instantly they stop fighting and shake hands.
Don: Don't come back here Nate!
Nate: O.K. Fine.
Nate is in the garage.
Nate: Ron, I need A.I.R.
Ron: No Nate. I've seen the way you pedal. It's ugly.
Nate: Give me two. The big ones.
Ron: Fine.
Lots of trikes lined up.
Nate pulls in and steps off his trike.
Bobby: Holy Cow!
Nate: What?
Bobby: What kind of streamers do you have?
Nate: Fisher-Price
Bobby: Mind if I look under the tire?
Nate: Actually, I do.
Don: So you are going to make it hard on us? A real racer shows off his trike.
Nate steps aside.
Bobby: Lets see. A double pedal system. Direct Wheel Drive.
Don: And a Direct Wheel Drive.
Bobby: That's what I just said! Jeez! He has enough A.I.R. in here to blow a leaf off a tree!
Don: Can this bozo beat me?
Bobby: The trike could, but I don't know about his driving!
Crowd: OOOOOOH!!!
Nate: My Driving is fine too!
Don: Then let's race for slips!
Nate: Fine. I'm in.
Riders line up. Homecheeze, Steve, Don, Nate. Nate overshoots line. Racers shake heads.
Don blasts music.
Close up of Homecheeze. Someone walks up to his trike.
Someone: Whether you win or lose, this isn't yours. (Holds up apple) But if you win, this isn't yours either. (Holds up another apple)
Homecheeze: That was weird.
Close up of Steve. Clip of Steve playing video games.
Go to Nate. He unscrews the A.I.R. caps. Makes Shhhh sound.
Radio: Burglary on East Side, 55610 110th St.
Joe: Yo, we're all clear.
Don: Let's get it on.
Someone signals to start race.
Close up of Don. Clip of blood pumping. Pedaling. Trikes take off. Nate and Don pull ahead. Nate reaches back and pulls on Dust Off trigger. (Uses A.I.R.) Pulls ahead. Goes to Use #2 but sees sticky note on handle Bars
"Danger to Manifold"
Nate rips it off.
Nate: Shut up!!!
He uses it and is in First. Don uses air and wins.
Nate: (Breathing Hard)
Group of people around Don and Nate. Nate is smiling.
Don: Why are you smiling?
Nate: Dude, I almost had you!
Don: You never had me. You never had your tricycle.
Crowd: Oooooooooo!!
Joe: We got Cops!
Crowd breaks up and runs for trikes. Don starts running.
Everyone is gone.
Joe: Just Kidding! Guys? Guys?
Nate pulls up beside Don.
Nate: Get on.
Don: Where? There's no room.
Nate: Uhh, Just walk while I ride.
They go down to Chinatown. (Danny's)
Ping Pong shows up.
PP: I hate you!!! Rice!!
Ping shoots up trike with Nerf gun.
Don: A.I.R.!!!
They jump out of the way.
Nate: Does A.I.R. explode?
Don: Uhh, Nope. Let's start walking.
Nate: Why don't we ride the trike?
Don: Walking is faster.
Nate: So what was that about?
Don: Oh. That. Just a business deal gone bad. Plus I made the Mistake of eating his rice. Long story.
Nate: So tell me.
At Don's house
Don: (finishing his story) And That's what happened.
Nate: Well, we're here. See ya.
Don: Hey, man. Want a drink??
In Don's house
Two guys are dancing in background to "The Barney Song"
Don: Where were you guys?
Joe: Man, there were mass cops everywhere!
Bobby: There weren't any cops in the first place!!
Don and Joe: Shut up! It's dramatic effect!
Don: I hate this tune! (Walks up to 2 guys dancing) Change it to "Yankee Doodle" Oh, Nate. I'm going to let you keep what's left of your trike, but you owe me a 10-minute trike.
Jill: Let's go give me a massage.ß(Im gonna change this)
Don: But look at all our guests.
Two guys Leave
Guys: See ya. Bye. Catch ya on the flip side.
Don: Ok fine. Nate, you can help yourself to an apple juice.
Nate: Where are they?
Don: Ask my sister.
Nate turns around and sees Melissa.
Nate: Uhh, so Where are they?
Melissa: In here. Come on.
Next Day, Nate is in Shop Trike Riding down road. A trike with an orange vest on it pulls him over.
Safety Patrol: Get off the trike. (Nate does) Good now walk to the back of the trike and put your hand behind your back. (Nate does and SP officer cuffs him.
They pull up to cop's place. They walk him inside.
Tony (Drooling, Spitting): Agent Wanahakaloogi. We need you to find out who is terrorizing kids on day care vans!
Nate: I need more time.
Tony: Man! You're an undercover Crossing Guard. You have the best training ever.
Nate: I know! I'll find out.
Tony: I think that Don's cool Trike is clouding your vision.
Nate: No It's not! If you want I'll ask him.
Tony (Continues Drooling): No don't. He'll suspect something that brunt.
Nate: I'll keep my head up.
Don's Garage. Nate pulls up with a purple fairy bike, junky.
Don: What's this?
Nate: This is your trike.
Don: Wow. I asked for a 10-minute trike not a 10-hour trike.
Nate: No faith? Pop the tire.
Bobby: Let's see, on the streamers it's got a metallic 2-color mix and custom glue. It's got super polyester high performance pedals and, Wow, two playville fun rubbers!
Don: Whoa!!
Everyone: oooooh, aaaah
Bobby: This thing will decimate all if we put about $1.50 into it, and if we have to overnight parts whom Toys R' Us.
Don: We'll that setles it. You're in. When you're not working at Ron's you'll be working here. And if your cant find the right tool in here Mr. Arizona, then you don't belong anywhere near a garage.
Clips of guys working on trike. Painting, Wheels that stuff.
Don walks Nate out to the garage. Shows him the black Big Wheel.
Don: My Dad made this. 900 mouse power. The first time he rode it he twisted the entire handlebar. I'm still scared to ride it.
Don closes he garage door and they walk away
Flash to finished trike and Race Wars
Bobby: (to PP) Let's race for slips.
PP: Then I shall beat you. Rice!!!
Bobby: In your dreams!
PP: Yes, actually it is. Rice!!!!
Don: Bobby, what are you doing?!?!?!
Bobby: I can beat him!
Don: No you can't! He could run the whole course on A.I.R.!
Bobby: But he can't drive worth crud.
Don: He was the 2000 Accuracy Driving Champ!!
Bobby: Well it's too late now.
Bobby loses race, Drives off.
Don: Where's Bobby Goin'?
Jill: I don't know.
Dom drives off with buddies to get van. Nate follows.
Group pulls up to slow moving van. Joe opens door. Foot gets stuck in seat belt. Nate comes and pulls him off.
Nate
calls 911.
Nate: This is Crossing Guard
Wanahakaloogi. We've got an injured man here. I need an ambulance.
Don looks over at Nate, angry.
Nate Pulls up to Don's. Don has a double barreled wrapping paper tube. Nate pulls out his cap gun.
Nate: Put it down!
Don just gets angrier.
Bobby pulls up with trike.
Bobby: Dude I was so scared. I'm sorry I drove away.
PP and his gang drive up and "shoot" Bobby with cap guns.
Don: Bobby!!
Bobby: That didn't hurt, but since this is a movie, Uhh.
Bobby slumps over and dies.
Nate Hops on his trike and chases Ping Pong around neighborhood. Potatoes Rain from sky. Nate throws one at PP. PP dies. Don shows up. Nate pulls up next to him.
Don: This is exactly a quarter of a quarter of a quarter mile. I used to Drag here back in kindergarten. (sigh) On Green I'm going for it.
He Looks at Nate. Nate looks at him, then down the road. Clip of green light. Don and Nate peel out.They race down hill. They see playground ball. It goes right after them. Don looks at Nate and nods. Nate nods Back then sees Garbage can. Don looks at Nate confused then sees can. Crashes into it. Slo mo.
He's all right. Police sirens in Background.
Don: That's not what I had in mind.
Nate hands Don What was once the purple fairy trike.
Don: You know what you're doing?
Nate: I owe you a 10-minute trike.
Dom rides away from cops. Slow FF music plays as Nate walks away. Ja Rule Plays "It's Our World"
The End