Chapter Fifteen: Speak
~~
BJ lay in the bed in the corner of Post-Op, just staring at the ceiling above him. His eyes barely shifted, and nothing else moved spare his chest rising and falling as he breathed. Occasionally his eyelids would close and he would fall asleep, but even during slumber he never so much as flinched. He was hooked up to a drip, so that the nutrients he needed could enter his system, and although he had physically objected at first, he did not have the strength to do anything more about it. Hawkeye watched from the desk, and the urge to go up to him and shake him by the shoulders was huge, but he knew that all he could do was sit and wait.
BJ had been like this for the best part of a day now, ever since he had arrived from his adventure at the Front. Those in the camp had been given strict orders not to disturb him, and although they wondered why he was in this state, they assumed that he had seen something horrific at the Front, and they courteously abided by the rule. Sidney had been telephoned, and was due to arrive that evening, but Hawkeye could not wait. He had to talk to BJ.
He casually walked over to the bed and sat on the chair beside it. For a few silent moments he twiddled his thumbs, thinking about what to say to BJ. "This shouldn't have happened," he murmured, thinking that this would be as good a place as any to start. "I don't know why you didn't tell anyone. You can tell me anything, you should know that by now, hell you've told me everything else, I don't see why you didn't tell me this."
He was beginning to rant now, so he took a deep breath and slowed down. "Actually, I don't know why I didn't notice earlier, I guess it makes me a bad friend or something, me not seeing it all before. I saw it, I just didn't see it, for you see what I mean," Hawkeye said, finding that as he spoke his feelings, they became more entangled. "I just didn't realise what you were doing to yourself, not turning up for your meals like that. What were you thinking?"
He stopped himself; as he did not want to get angry with BJ, although he felt he would start to go stark raving mad if his friend did not say something soon. He had seen the same thing with the boy that had come in on Halloween, who had gone away and come back to find his buddies killed in a foxhole. He said, "I'll be back in a minute," and returned a few moments later with a tray of something he had found in the kitchen from Igor; some lunch that had been saved after he and Tom had gone out to get BJ that same day. "Here, I got you something," he said, shoving the tray of slightly cold food in front of his friend's face.
BJ turned away and mumbled, "No, I don't want it."
This was the reaction that Hawkeye had got from that same boy, but he knew that the boy had valid reason for this, and although he knew that BJ was going through pain as well, he decided to use a guilt trip to get something out of him. "You remember that kid I told you about, the guy who wouldn't eat because his guys got shot in a foxhole during lunchtime? He had a real reason for this, and what the Hell are you doing it for, just because your wife found herself in the arms of some other guy for the night?" Hawkeye hated saying that, and wished he hadn't have done, but the words just flowed out and there was nothing he could do to stop them as he continued, "you always go and overreact when it comes to your wife, and this time is just no exception."
BJ sat through the verbal beating sitting stock still, but Hawkeye could tell that it was affecting him because he was blinking faster than before. Finally, BJ said, "Look, I didn't blurt it out to the camp, and moan and groan about it constantly, I didn't say anything to anyone and I suffered alone, since I was once told that my brand of suffering or whatever isn't better than anyone else's, so I thought I'd go it alone. I did that, and still I haven't done the right thing."
Hawkeye gulped at the outburst, and thought to himself that on the plus side he had managed to get BJ to speak. "Beej, you gotta eat something," he urged him, finally feeling like he would be able to have a conversation with BJ rather than his own monologue.
"Why?"
"Why? Because you'll die otherwise," Hawkeye said in a whisper, not wanting even himself to hear this. "Peg doesn't want you to die, and Erin doesn't want to live her life without a Daddy. No one in this camp wants you to die, Margaret wants you to pull some more practical jokes on her, Charles wants to talk down to you some more, Klinger wants to put through some more calls to Mill Valley for you, Colonel Potter wants you to keep the mood light during more OR sessions, and I want my best friend back," he finished with so much honesty in his voice.
BJ looked away, hiding the tears that stung his eyes. He was saved by Colonel Potter walking through Post-Op and spotting Hawkeye at his bedside. "Pier-ce," Colonel Potter said in a singsong voice, his finger beckoning Hawkeye to where he stood at the door of the ward.
Colonel Potter waited until Hawkeye was into Klinger's empty office, and for the door to shut before he started the reprimanding. "Pierce, I thought we had a deal, we let Sidney do the talking, because he is the professional, and you have a tendency to go the wrong way about these things despite your best intentions."
"But Colonel, I got him to talk, I got him to say something," Hawkeye said, insisting that he had been in the right to do what he had done.
"And what sort of tone did he use, what mood was he in?" Colonel Potter asked him. "Did he sound like he was back to his normal, chirpy self?"
"No, but..."
"Did he sound like any of the following: angry, listless, upset, or all of the above?"
Hawkeye was about to answer, when he stopped and realise that Colonel Potter was talking some sense, in that BJ did not sound healed by any means, he really did sound upset and listless, and given more provoking on Hawkeye's part he probably would have turned angry. Instead, Hawkeye asked, "When does Sidney arrive?"
"Within the hour," Colonel Potter said, before softened slightly and saying, "Look, son, I know you're worried for him, we all are, but you just have to leave well alone and let Sidney do what he was trained to do. Now, how would you feel BJ had some shrapnel in the belly, and Sidney insisted that he would be able to remove it? What would you say to that?"
"I'd tell him that I was the surgeon, and that I was trained to be a surgeon, and I'd tell him to let me do my job," Hawkeye said, now seeing Colonel Potter's point. "I'm sorry, Colonel."
"No damage done, hopefully," he said, glancing through the window at where BJ lay in the bed, his gaze having returned to the ceiling. A moment later, they heard a jeep pull up outside, and they went to see who it was.
They walked outside into the cool, dusky evening to see Sidney Freedman getting out the jeep and trying to adjust his back after what was evidently a long and uncomfortable ride. He turned around and saw Hawkeye and Colonel Potter walking up to him, and so waved and called, "Now I know why I went into psychiatry, couches are more comfortable than these so-called jeep seats."
"Glad you could make it, Sidney," Colonel Potter said, shaking the doctor's hand as Klinger appeared from the Mess Tent to get his bags.
"Happy to help," Sidney replied, walking with Hawkeye and Colonel Potter towards the CO's office. "I haven't been up your way in a while, and I only wish I came up here to lose some money in a poker game."
"Amen to that," Colonel Potter said quietly.
"When do you think you could start talking to him?" Hawkeye asked, wanting to see BJ back to his normal self as soon as possible.
"Do you think its too late tonight, Colonel?" Sidney asked, ready to start whenever, but also looking to the CO of the camp to see what the protocol for the situation might be.
"If you move him into the VIP tent, you can talk to him all night, if you want to," Colonel Potter said, trying to work out the best plan of action. "Sidney, do you mind staying in the Swamp?"
"Not at all, after riding in that jeep I could sleep on anything," Sidney said, his back still feeling the ride.
"All right, I'll tell you what, I'll have Hunnicutt moved into the VIP tent whilst Sidney recovers from the journey, and then he can start talking to him, how does that sound?" Colonel Potter said, deciding that some kind of order needed to be taken.
"It sounds like a plan."
~~~~
~~
BJ lay in the bed in the corner of Post-Op, just staring at the ceiling above him. His eyes barely shifted, and nothing else moved spare his chest rising and falling as he breathed. Occasionally his eyelids would close and he would fall asleep, but even during slumber he never so much as flinched. He was hooked up to a drip, so that the nutrients he needed could enter his system, and although he had physically objected at first, he did not have the strength to do anything more about it. Hawkeye watched from the desk, and the urge to go up to him and shake him by the shoulders was huge, but he knew that all he could do was sit and wait.
BJ had been like this for the best part of a day now, ever since he had arrived from his adventure at the Front. Those in the camp had been given strict orders not to disturb him, and although they wondered why he was in this state, they assumed that he had seen something horrific at the Front, and they courteously abided by the rule. Sidney had been telephoned, and was due to arrive that evening, but Hawkeye could not wait. He had to talk to BJ.
He casually walked over to the bed and sat on the chair beside it. For a few silent moments he twiddled his thumbs, thinking about what to say to BJ. "This shouldn't have happened," he murmured, thinking that this would be as good a place as any to start. "I don't know why you didn't tell anyone. You can tell me anything, you should know that by now, hell you've told me everything else, I don't see why you didn't tell me this."
He was beginning to rant now, so he took a deep breath and slowed down. "Actually, I don't know why I didn't notice earlier, I guess it makes me a bad friend or something, me not seeing it all before. I saw it, I just didn't see it, for you see what I mean," Hawkeye said, finding that as he spoke his feelings, they became more entangled. "I just didn't realise what you were doing to yourself, not turning up for your meals like that. What were you thinking?"
He stopped himself; as he did not want to get angry with BJ, although he felt he would start to go stark raving mad if his friend did not say something soon. He had seen the same thing with the boy that had come in on Halloween, who had gone away and come back to find his buddies killed in a foxhole. He said, "I'll be back in a minute," and returned a few moments later with a tray of something he had found in the kitchen from Igor; some lunch that had been saved after he and Tom had gone out to get BJ that same day. "Here, I got you something," he said, shoving the tray of slightly cold food in front of his friend's face.
BJ turned away and mumbled, "No, I don't want it."
This was the reaction that Hawkeye had got from that same boy, but he knew that the boy had valid reason for this, and although he knew that BJ was going through pain as well, he decided to use a guilt trip to get something out of him. "You remember that kid I told you about, the guy who wouldn't eat because his guys got shot in a foxhole during lunchtime? He had a real reason for this, and what the Hell are you doing it for, just because your wife found herself in the arms of some other guy for the night?" Hawkeye hated saying that, and wished he hadn't have done, but the words just flowed out and there was nothing he could do to stop them as he continued, "you always go and overreact when it comes to your wife, and this time is just no exception."
BJ sat through the verbal beating sitting stock still, but Hawkeye could tell that it was affecting him because he was blinking faster than before. Finally, BJ said, "Look, I didn't blurt it out to the camp, and moan and groan about it constantly, I didn't say anything to anyone and I suffered alone, since I was once told that my brand of suffering or whatever isn't better than anyone else's, so I thought I'd go it alone. I did that, and still I haven't done the right thing."
Hawkeye gulped at the outburst, and thought to himself that on the plus side he had managed to get BJ to speak. "Beej, you gotta eat something," he urged him, finally feeling like he would be able to have a conversation with BJ rather than his own monologue.
"Why?"
"Why? Because you'll die otherwise," Hawkeye said in a whisper, not wanting even himself to hear this. "Peg doesn't want you to die, and Erin doesn't want to live her life without a Daddy. No one in this camp wants you to die, Margaret wants you to pull some more practical jokes on her, Charles wants to talk down to you some more, Klinger wants to put through some more calls to Mill Valley for you, Colonel Potter wants you to keep the mood light during more OR sessions, and I want my best friend back," he finished with so much honesty in his voice.
BJ looked away, hiding the tears that stung his eyes. He was saved by Colonel Potter walking through Post-Op and spotting Hawkeye at his bedside. "Pier-ce," Colonel Potter said in a singsong voice, his finger beckoning Hawkeye to where he stood at the door of the ward.
Colonel Potter waited until Hawkeye was into Klinger's empty office, and for the door to shut before he started the reprimanding. "Pierce, I thought we had a deal, we let Sidney do the talking, because he is the professional, and you have a tendency to go the wrong way about these things despite your best intentions."
"But Colonel, I got him to talk, I got him to say something," Hawkeye said, insisting that he had been in the right to do what he had done.
"And what sort of tone did he use, what mood was he in?" Colonel Potter asked him. "Did he sound like he was back to his normal, chirpy self?"
"No, but..."
"Did he sound like any of the following: angry, listless, upset, or all of the above?"
Hawkeye was about to answer, when he stopped and realise that Colonel Potter was talking some sense, in that BJ did not sound healed by any means, he really did sound upset and listless, and given more provoking on Hawkeye's part he probably would have turned angry. Instead, Hawkeye asked, "When does Sidney arrive?"
"Within the hour," Colonel Potter said, before softened slightly and saying, "Look, son, I know you're worried for him, we all are, but you just have to leave well alone and let Sidney do what he was trained to do. Now, how would you feel BJ had some shrapnel in the belly, and Sidney insisted that he would be able to remove it? What would you say to that?"
"I'd tell him that I was the surgeon, and that I was trained to be a surgeon, and I'd tell him to let me do my job," Hawkeye said, now seeing Colonel Potter's point. "I'm sorry, Colonel."
"No damage done, hopefully," he said, glancing through the window at where BJ lay in the bed, his gaze having returned to the ceiling. A moment later, they heard a jeep pull up outside, and they went to see who it was.
They walked outside into the cool, dusky evening to see Sidney Freedman getting out the jeep and trying to adjust his back after what was evidently a long and uncomfortable ride. He turned around and saw Hawkeye and Colonel Potter walking up to him, and so waved and called, "Now I know why I went into psychiatry, couches are more comfortable than these so-called jeep seats."
"Glad you could make it, Sidney," Colonel Potter said, shaking the doctor's hand as Klinger appeared from the Mess Tent to get his bags.
"Happy to help," Sidney replied, walking with Hawkeye and Colonel Potter towards the CO's office. "I haven't been up your way in a while, and I only wish I came up here to lose some money in a poker game."
"Amen to that," Colonel Potter said quietly.
"When do you think you could start talking to him?" Hawkeye asked, wanting to see BJ back to his normal self as soon as possible.
"Do you think its too late tonight, Colonel?" Sidney asked, ready to start whenever, but also looking to the CO of the camp to see what the protocol for the situation might be.
"If you move him into the VIP tent, you can talk to him all night, if you want to," Colonel Potter said, trying to work out the best plan of action. "Sidney, do you mind staying in the Swamp?"
"Not at all, after riding in that jeep I could sleep on anything," Sidney said, his back still feeling the ride.
"All right, I'll tell you what, I'll have Hunnicutt moved into the VIP tent whilst Sidney recovers from the journey, and then he can start talking to him, how does that sound?" Colonel Potter said, deciding that some kind of order needed to be taken.
"It sounds like a plan."
~~~~