Disclaimer: See chapter one. *sulks*
Notes: Cats are not nice people. Great pets. A little sarcastic, though.
If Cats Could Talk
"C-Crookshanks?" Ron stammered. The cat flicked an ear at him first, then fixed a disdainful golden gaze on him. "Hermione, what did you do?"
"I-I tried to cast a Beast Speech spell on him. I think it worked..." she replied. Maybe she had gotten lucky and that keening was supposed to happen. Maybe the damaged diagram on the table-
"Hey monkey," a cat that belonged to one of the second year boys snapped, clawing his leg. "Feed me!"
"L-Leo?" the boy wondered. "Ow!" He rubbed his bleeding leg.
-Maybe not. Hermione sighed and put her face in her hands, shaking her head slowly from side to side. "What have I done?" she moaned.
"Oh relax, she-ape," Crookshanks sighed. "I messed up the spell." He rolled his eyes. "Humans. Always overreact to EVERYTHING." He leapt off the table lightly and stalked off. Across the room, Leo scratched the second year again.
"I distinctly remember telling you to feed me!" he demanded.
"O-Okay! Calm down..." the boy got up and left the room.
"Gotta teach them young, you know, or they'll never learn," Leo said to Crookshanks matter-of-factly.
"So true," the ginger cat replied, taking a place on the mantle over the fire.
***
The Slytherin student/cat sat in the common room of her house and sulked. This was not a good thing. Snape almost never entered the dormitories. And she couldn't get out with Malfoy and his two goons hovering around. -Who knew Malfoy was a cat fancier?- she wondered to herself. -I guess not everyone can be ALL bad.-
She heaved a great sigh and lay down on the chair she occupied and stretched out, taking up more space per inch than was logically possible. -Might as well relax and try to sleep. I'll slip out at night.-
She had just closed her eyes when a terrible sound assaulted her delicate ears. She was on her paws in a flash and arched her back hissing. She hadn't a clue what kind of magic it was, but it was giving her one hell of a headache. The very air around vibrated her whiskers and her fur stood out on end. The other occupants of the room were glancing around in confusion, but they're hearing wasn't quite as acute as her own, so they were only annoyed.
When the commotion died down she looked around for some difference, but everything seemed normal.
Trying to soothe out her fur, she lay back down on the chair and closed her eyes, mentally daring anyone to try another stunt like that. She'd show them just what a big injury a cat can cause when sufficiently angered.
***
"I'm in SO much trouble!" Hermione wailed. Harry patted her back as comfortingly as he could, but she just seemed to sob even louder.
Crookshanks crouched a short ways away, looking irritated.
"I have a question..." Ron said, looking at Crookshanks.
"Goodie for you," the cat replied.
Ron chose to ignore the remark and continued. "Earlier with my quill and the essay. That was a malicious act, wasn't it?"
Crookshanks looked into Ron's eyes and sneered. "Well, it's good to see that you're not as dumb as I thought, monkey." Ron seemed taken aback. Crookshanks turned to Hermione and flicked his bushy tail. "Look she-ape," he addressed the distraught girl, "you need to just calm down. What's the worst that can happen? You get detention for making cats talk? You did this school a big favor, if you ask me." He gave his shoulder fur a lick. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll go clear things with Dumbledore."
"Huh? What? No, Crookshanks!" Hermione reached for Crookshanks, but he had already dove through the portrait hole and was gone.
"This is bad," Harry admitted.
"What's wrong with you boy?! I clearly said tuna! This is pork! Tuna. Pork. No similarities!! Are you as stupid as you are hairless?!" Leo reprimanded his boy. The poor kid looked to be about in tears. "Now go back and get it RIGHT this time!!"
***
-When is someone going to notice that I'm not around? I mean, I know I don't have that many friends, but geeze...- she sulked. -Ne? Oh hey! Malfoy's leaving! I'm freeeee!- She jumped from the chair with great enthusiasm and darted out of the common room right behind him and turned down the opposite way. -Thank goodness for afternoon classes.-
She rounded the corner to Snape's classroom and came face to face with a tabby female cat with lantern-like eyes.
-Mrs. Norris!- She looked up and saw Argus Filch leering down at her.
"What have we here, my sweet?" he drawled pleasantly. "A student's pet loose in the dungeons? We can't have that, now can we?" Mrs. Norris looked up Filch.
"You know, I always hated you calling me these little pet names," she said. Filch stared down at her, stunned. The student stared as well. Was that was that magic had been? Someone made all the cats talk? Mrs. Norris looked back down at her and winked. "Go on, I'll handle this." The girl nodded dumbly and continued down the hallway, leaving caretaker and cat to their own devices.
"Mrs. Norris?"
"What is it moron?"
"M-Mrs. Norris?"
"Yes, that's my name."
***
Albus Dumbledore was very startled to suddenly find a large ginger cat sitting on his desk, obstructing all efforts to work. He slowly looked up until he met the cat's yellow gaze. "Excuse me, but I'm quite busy..."
"So I see," the cat replied. Dumbledore calmly observed the cat, fingers steepled together before him.
"Interesting. I thought I heard a botched Beast Speech spell earlier. I did one once in my youth as well. The people in the village had to endure a week of their horses telling them exactly what they thought of their masters," chuckled the headmaster. "Now who is your human? Hermione Granger, if I'm not mistaken."
Crookshanks nodded. "That's her. Not bad for a she-ape. She's very afraid that she'll get in trouble for this little mishap."
The elderly wizard nodded. "And you're here on her behalf."
"Exactly."
"Well, as much confusion as this is going to cause for the next week or so, I see no reason for her to get into trouble. However, I must ask you to tell her not to attempt this again." The cat nodded. "Well, was there anything else?"
"Nope. Laters old man," the cat said and walked off, tail held high. Dumbledore watched him go and shook his head. Cats had no respect for anyone other than other cats. It had been that way for centuries, so why change now? Chuckling to himself, Dumbledore set back to work. This was going to be an interesting week, as many of the students had cats at the school.
~*~*~*~
Notes: Cats are not nice people. Great pets. A little sarcastic, though.
If Cats Could Talk
"C-Crookshanks?" Ron stammered. The cat flicked an ear at him first, then fixed a disdainful golden gaze on him. "Hermione, what did you do?"
"I-I tried to cast a Beast Speech spell on him. I think it worked..." she replied. Maybe she had gotten lucky and that keening was supposed to happen. Maybe the damaged diagram on the table-
"Hey monkey," a cat that belonged to one of the second year boys snapped, clawing his leg. "Feed me!"
"L-Leo?" the boy wondered. "Ow!" He rubbed his bleeding leg.
-Maybe not. Hermione sighed and put her face in her hands, shaking her head slowly from side to side. "What have I done?" she moaned.
"Oh relax, she-ape," Crookshanks sighed. "I messed up the spell." He rolled his eyes. "Humans. Always overreact to EVERYTHING." He leapt off the table lightly and stalked off. Across the room, Leo scratched the second year again.
"I distinctly remember telling you to feed me!" he demanded.
"O-Okay! Calm down..." the boy got up and left the room.
"Gotta teach them young, you know, or they'll never learn," Leo said to Crookshanks matter-of-factly.
"So true," the ginger cat replied, taking a place on the mantle over the fire.
***
The Slytherin student/cat sat in the common room of her house and sulked. This was not a good thing. Snape almost never entered the dormitories. And she couldn't get out with Malfoy and his two goons hovering around. -Who knew Malfoy was a cat fancier?- she wondered to herself. -I guess not everyone can be ALL bad.-
She heaved a great sigh and lay down on the chair she occupied and stretched out, taking up more space per inch than was logically possible. -Might as well relax and try to sleep. I'll slip out at night.-
She had just closed her eyes when a terrible sound assaulted her delicate ears. She was on her paws in a flash and arched her back hissing. She hadn't a clue what kind of magic it was, but it was giving her one hell of a headache. The very air around vibrated her whiskers and her fur stood out on end. The other occupants of the room were glancing around in confusion, but they're hearing wasn't quite as acute as her own, so they were only annoyed.
When the commotion died down she looked around for some difference, but everything seemed normal.
Trying to soothe out her fur, she lay back down on the chair and closed her eyes, mentally daring anyone to try another stunt like that. She'd show them just what a big injury a cat can cause when sufficiently angered.
***
"I'm in SO much trouble!" Hermione wailed. Harry patted her back as comfortingly as he could, but she just seemed to sob even louder.
Crookshanks crouched a short ways away, looking irritated.
"I have a question..." Ron said, looking at Crookshanks.
"Goodie for you," the cat replied.
Ron chose to ignore the remark and continued. "Earlier with my quill and the essay. That was a malicious act, wasn't it?"
Crookshanks looked into Ron's eyes and sneered. "Well, it's good to see that you're not as dumb as I thought, monkey." Ron seemed taken aback. Crookshanks turned to Hermione and flicked his bushy tail. "Look she-ape," he addressed the distraught girl, "you need to just calm down. What's the worst that can happen? You get detention for making cats talk? You did this school a big favor, if you ask me." He gave his shoulder fur a lick. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll go clear things with Dumbledore."
"Huh? What? No, Crookshanks!" Hermione reached for Crookshanks, but he had already dove through the portrait hole and was gone.
"This is bad," Harry admitted.
"What's wrong with you boy?! I clearly said tuna! This is pork! Tuna. Pork. No similarities!! Are you as stupid as you are hairless?!" Leo reprimanded his boy. The poor kid looked to be about in tears. "Now go back and get it RIGHT this time!!"
***
-When is someone going to notice that I'm not around? I mean, I know I don't have that many friends, but geeze...- she sulked. -Ne? Oh hey! Malfoy's leaving! I'm freeeee!- She jumped from the chair with great enthusiasm and darted out of the common room right behind him and turned down the opposite way. -Thank goodness for afternoon classes.-
She rounded the corner to Snape's classroom and came face to face with a tabby female cat with lantern-like eyes.
-Mrs. Norris!- She looked up and saw Argus Filch leering down at her.
"What have we here, my sweet?" he drawled pleasantly. "A student's pet loose in the dungeons? We can't have that, now can we?" Mrs. Norris looked up Filch.
"You know, I always hated you calling me these little pet names," she said. Filch stared down at her, stunned. The student stared as well. Was that was that magic had been? Someone made all the cats talk? Mrs. Norris looked back down at her and winked. "Go on, I'll handle this." The girl nodded dumbly and continued down the hallway, leaving caretaker and cat to their own devices.
"Mrs. Norris?"
"What is it moron?"
"M-Mrs. Norris?"
"Yes, that's my name."
***
Albus Dumbledore was very startled to suddenly find a large ginger cat sitting on his desk, obstructing all efforts to work. He slowly looked up until he met the cat's yellow gaze. "Excuse me, but I'm quite busy..."
"So I see," the cat replied. Dumbledore calmly observed the cat, fingers steepled together before him.
"Interesting. I thought I heard a botched Beast Speech spell earlier. I did one once in my youth as well. The people in the village had to endure a week of their horses telling them exactly what they thought of their masters," chuckled the headmaster. "Now who is your human? Hermione Granger, if I'm not mistaken."
Crookshanks nodded. "That's her. Not bad for a she-ape. She's very afraid that she'll get in trouble for this little mishap."
The elderly wizard nodded. "And you're here on her behalf."
"Exactly."
"Well, as much confusion as this is going to cause for the next week or so, I see no reason for her to get into trouble. However, I must ask you to tell her not to attempt this again." The cat nodded. "Well, was there anything else?"
"Nope. Laters old man," the cat said and walked off, tail held high. Dumbledore watched him go and shook his head. Cats had no respect for anyone other than other cats. It had been that way for centuries, so why change now? Chuckling to himself, Dumbledore set back to work. This was going to be an interesting week, as many of the students had cats at the school.
~*~*~*~