Disclaimer: *mutters something like 'see chapter one' and several
explicatives*
Notes: I am a huge cat fan. This fic is in no way cat-bashing. If cats want to take over the world, I'm right behind them! *One of her nine cats comes up.* "Good! You can start by FEEDING ME!" *sighs* Yes, master.
If Cats Could Talk
"Headmaster, we have a problem," Severus Snape declared as he walked into Dumbledore's office. The elderly wizard looked up from where he was looking over some document on his desk, looking quite unconcerned.
"Hello, Severus. How nice of you to drop by," he said with a twinkle in his eyes. "Have a seat. Would you like some tea? Or lemon drops?"
Snape sat, but refused the refreshments with a wave of his hand. "There's a student on the loose in the school."
"Well, I imagine there are probably quite a few. Unfortunately, the student traps will be in next week," he said with a grin. "Quite pesky, those students. Almost as bad as mice."
"This is no time for jokes, Albus. This student is an Animagus, and she could be anywhere by now," Snape sighed. "I thought she was just a regular cat who wouldn't talk to me, but when I returned to my office where I left her, I found a note." Severus reached into his robes and took out the messy parchment that was covered in red ink and paw prints. Dumbledore took the paper and examined it closely.
"Remarkable."
"I'm sorry, sir?"
"The student is quite gifted to write even as well as she did while in cat form. Quite a feat. And to think that she even managed to become an Animagus so young. Extraordinary! Do you know who it is?"
Snape scowled. "You're missing the point sir. If she is an Animagus, first of all, she is unregistered. I asked McGonagall if there had been any recent additions to the register and she assures me that there were none. A deed worthy of expulsion in itself. And there are many dangers in Hogwarts that could threaten the life of an animal as small as a cat. She must be found and immediately. Given the current 'situation' with the natural felines of the school, it shouldn't be hard to locate her, if they would cooperate. However, on my way here I inquired about a strange black cat, and he refused to answer me."
"Relax, Severus," Dumbledore said soothingly. "I do not think any harm will come to her, for while there are many things that would harm a cat, there are many who would help as well. Besides, we must take this a step at a time, beginning with finding out who this mysterious Animagus is." He set the note on his desk and steepled his fingers together in thought. "That she deliberately came to your office first leads me to believe that she is a Slytherin, for any other would most likely avoid you, is this not so?"
Snape nodded ascent. Most students would turn to Fang, Hagrid's pathetic dog before they would turn to him for help. Not that he minded.
"Have you noticed any of your students missing?"
The potions master thought hard about this. He ran through a list of names and faces in his mind and tried to remember who he'd seen that day and who he hadn't. But after a few minutes he was forced to give up. He hadn't the slightest idea who it could be.
"Well," said Dumbledore, reading his expression, "no matter. We will start asking the students. At least you know it is a she."
"Yes." Well, he was fairly certain. But he wasn't exactly an expert on cat anatomy.
"It's a start. Go back to your house and ask if any of them know anything. I'll have the other head of houses ask their students for any information. The chances of getting the cat's help are slim to none," the headmaster of Hogwarts instructed.
"Right away."
"One moment, Severus..."
"Yes, Headmaster?"
"Have you seen Argus? I'm afraid I've been having a bit of trouble locating him."
"I'm sorry, Headmaster, but I haven't seen him."
"Hm. Very well, good luck with your search." Severus left.
***
Severus swept through the dark school corridors like a bat from hell. His black robes billowed about his lithe frame, giving an impression of a demon. His ferocious scowl frightened a Ravenclaw prefect back down the hallway he had come from. It made him feel slightly better. The world could be coming to an end, but he could always scare the bloody wits out of children. He turned a corner and paused.
-What is that odd sound?- he wondered, straining his ears for the muffled noise that had brought him to a halt.
Something white and gray came from an abandoned classroom and looked up at him. He recognized Lupin's annoying little one-eyed furball. The calico kitten grinned at him, impossible cuteness positively glowing around it.
"Hello, monkey," she chirped. "You're looking particularly ugly today. Nice tan! See the sun much?" Snape frowned.
"What do you want you little fleabag?"
"Fleabag?" she assumed a hurt look. "I'll have you know that my ape casts a de-flea charm on me regularly." She perked up. "I can ask if he'll perform it on you!"
"No thanks," he muttered.
"What, you like your fleas?"
"I do NOT have fleas, you annoying little carrier of future violin strings!"
"Ooo, I SO scared," she said with a roll of her eyes. "What are you gonna do? Rub your greasy head on me?" With a growl Snape swept forward, and the fluffy kitten bounded away into the room she came from with a giddy laugh. Snape ducked in after, ready to wring the laughter right out of Lupin's cat.
"...Argus?" he wondered, baffled. The caretaker squirmed against his bonds, Mrs. Norris on his lap, and the one-eyed kitten on his head.
Behind him, the door slammed shut.
Snape whirled around, hand reaching for his wand. All of sudden, the room was filled with cats on every available surface. A couple glared down at him from the unlit chandelier.
"Hello, ape," Crookshanks purred.
***
Notes: I am a huge cat fan. This fic is in no way cat-bashing. If cats want to take over the world, I'm right behind them! *One of her nine cats comes up.* "Good! You can start by FEEDING ME!" *sighs* Yes, master.
If Cats Could Talk
"Headmaster, we have a problem," Severus Snape declared as he walked into Dumbledore's office. The elderly wizard looked up from where he was looking over some document on his desk, looking quite unconcerned.
"Hello, Severus. How nice of you to drop by," he said with a twinkle in his eyes. "Have a seat. Would you like some tea? Or lemon drops?"
Snape sat, but refused the refreshments with a wave of his hand. "There's a student on the loose in the school."
"Well, I imagine there are probably quite a few. Unfortunately, the student traps will be in next week," he said with a grin. "Quite pesky, those students. Almost as bad as mice."
"This is no time for jokes, Albus. This student is an Animagus, and she could be anywhere by now," Snape sighed. "I thought she was just a regular cat who wouldn't talk to me, but when I returned to my office where I left her, I found a note." Severus reached into his robes and took out the messy parchment that was covered in red ink and paw prints. Dumbledore took the paper and examined it closely.
"Remarkable."
"I'm sorry, sir?"
"The student is quite gifted to write even as well as she did while in cat form. Quite a feat. And to think that she even managed to become an Animagus so young. Extraordinary! Do you know who it is?"
Snape scowled. "You're missing the point sir. If she is an Animagus, first of all, she is unregistered. I asked McGonagall if there had been any recent additions to the register and she assures me that there were none. A deed worthy of expulsion in itself. And there are many dangers in Hogwarts that could threaten the life of an animal as small as a cat. She must be found and immediately. Given the current 'situation' with the natural felines of the school, it shouldn't be hard to locate her, if they would cooperate. However, on my way here I inquired about a strange black cat, and he refused to answer me."
"Relax, Severus," Dumbledore said soothingly. "I do not think any harm will come to her, for while there are many things that would harm a cat, there are many who would help as well. Besides, we must take this a step at a time, beginning with finding out who this mysterious Animagus is." He set the note on his desk and steepled his fingers together in thought. "That she deliberately came to your office first leads me to believe that she is a Slytherin, for any other would most likely avoid you, is this not so?"
Snape nodded ascent. Most students would turn to Fang, Hagrid's pathetic dog before they would turn to him for help. Not that he minded.
"Have you noticed any of your students missing?"
The potions master thought hard about this. He ran through a list of names and faces in his mind and tried to remember who he'd seen that day and who he hadn't. But after a few minutes he was forced to give up. He hadn't the slightest idea who it could be.
"Well," said Dumbledore, reading his expression, "no matter. We will start asking the students. At least you know it is a she."
"Yes." Well, he was fairly certain. But he wasn't exactly an expert on cat anatomy.
"It's a start. Go back to your house and ask if any of them know anything. I'll have the other head of houses ask their students for any information. The chances of getting the cat's help are slim to none," the headmaster of Hogwarts instructed.
"Right away."
"One moment, Severus..."
"Yes, Headmaster?"
"Have you seen Argus? I'm afraid I've been having a bit of trouble locating him."
"I'm sorry, Headmaster, but I haven't seen him."
"Hm. Very well, good luck with your search." Severus left.
***
Severus swept through the dark school corridors like a bat from hell. His black robes billowed about his lithe frame, giving an impression of a demon. His ferocious scowl frightened a Ravenclaw prefect back down the hallway he had come from. It made him feel slightly better. The world could be coming to an end, but he could always scare the bloody wits out of children. He turned a corner and paused.
-What is that odd sound?- he wondered, straining his ears for the muffled noise that had brought him to a halt.
Something white and gray came from an abandoned classroom and looked up at him. He recognized Lupin's annoying little one-eyed furball. The calico kitten grinned at him, impossible cuteness positively glowing around it.
"Hello, monkey," she chirped. "You're looking particularly ugly today. Nice tan! See the sun much?" Snape frowned.
"What do you want you little fleabag?"
"Fleabag?" she assumed a hurt look. "I'll have you know that my ape casts a de-flea charm on me regularly." She perked up. "I can ask if he'll perform it on you!"
"No thanks," he muttered.
"What, you like your fleas?"
"I do NOT have fleas, you annoying little carrier of future violin strings!"
"Ooo, I SO scared," she said with a roll of her eyes. "What are you gonna do? Rub your greasy head on me?" With a growl Snape swept forward, and the fluffy kitten bounded away into the room she came from with a giddy laugh. Snape ducked in after, ready to wring the laughter right out of Lupin's cat.
"...Argus?" he wondered, baffled. The caretaker squirmed against his bonds, Mrs. Norris on his lap, and the one-eyed kitten on his head.
Behind him, the door slammed shut.
Snape whirled around, hand reaching for his wand. All of sudden, the room was filled with cats on every available surface. A couple glared down at him from the unlit chandelier.
"Hello, ape," Crookshanks purred.
***