Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't even own my cats,
they own me!
Notes: I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed, it really helps to motivate me to write more! Keep 'em coming! ^__^ Btw: this fic is also in no way Gryffindor (which includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville) bashing. I have nothing but love for them all. I merely torture them for the story and humor. Beware of wand-stealing cats.
If Cats Could Talk
-Well, let's look on the bright side,- the Slytherin Animagus mused to herself. -I'm a malicious little Slytherin in the Gryffindor dormitories and no one knows it. Maybe if I can wreak enough havoc Snape won't expel me for being an illegal Animagus. Plus I could use the stress relief. Okay, now for a likely target...- She perused the common room for a victim, several students still coming in from their last class of the day.
-Bingo. One hapless Gryffindor fifth year in my sights and closing...-
*
"I haven't seen Crookshanks all day," Hermione said as she collapsed into an overstuffed armchair across from Ron. Harry sat on a plush red and gold rug in front of Hermione's chair and studied the chessboard before him. Harry and Ron had been playing for half an hour now and they had moved about four pieces. Both were intent on besting the other if it took all night. Hermione didn't know what had prompted this testosterone fest but she ignored it.
"Probably off plotting the destruction of the human race," Ron murmured.
"That's not funny!"
"I'm not joking," Ron replied, his face perfectly serious. Hermione sighed and leaned back, fervently hoping Ron wasn't right. She loved her cat, but he WAS a cat, after all.
On the subject of cats, where was the strange black cat they had found earlier?
"MOOOWW!" With a howling shriek said black cat hurtled down from above (Hermione wasn't sure where from) and landed on the chessboard. She grabbed Harry's king and ran off across the room, the little chess piece screaming in terror.
"Hey! My king!" Harry cried, and took off, Ron a step behind.
"Must all cats be pure evil?!" Ron exclaimed as he dove for the cat. She twisted away at the last second and he landed on the stone floor hard. The common room erupted into laughter as the trio made a mad scramble for the renegade cat. The cat jumped onto a windowsill with the window opened. She peered down at the ground far below and looked back at the humans chasing her.
"No!" Ron whispered. "No, no, no. This is a new chess set! I paid a lot for it, you blasted cat!" The cat grinned and looked back down out the window.
Then she dropped the little chess king. The ceramic figurine screamed all the way down and stopped with a tiny shattering sound. Ron ran to the window and looked down at a very irate Professor McGonagall, looking up to see who had tried to kill her by chess piece.
"Ronald Weasley!" she cried up at him. "Detention with me tomorrow!"
"But-!" However, McGonagall was gone. Ron glared daggers at the cat, who calmly licked at an errant patch of fur on her shoulder. She stood and flicked her tail in Ron's face and hopped off the sill. "I'm beginning to think all cats are out to get me!"
*
-That was fun! Who knew chess pieces could scream like that? Ee heeheeheehee!- she mentally cackled. -Who else can I torment?-
*
"Oh no! Trevor!" Neville cried. The black cat had turned her mischievous attentions on the Longbottom with one clear thought: Easy prey. The cat jumped onto his shoulder and hissed at the toad, who perched on Neville's leg while the boy did his Herbology homework. The frightened amphibian hopped to the floor and took off, the cat on his heels.
"That's going too far!" Ron declared, and scooped up the cat while Trevor took refuge under a wardrobe. Neville dropped to his knees and tried to coax the toad out.
The feline twisted in Ron's grasp and lunged at his chest. Ron shouted and tripped, falling on his bum. The cat leapt lightly away, Ron's wand on her mouth. "That cat stole my wand!" The cat bounded to the top of the same wardrobe Trevor hid under while the Gryffindors tried to get her down.
The cat flicked her head and sparks shot out of the end of the wand, stinging Harry's hand. He fell back, shaking his wounded appendage as the cat got a wicked gleam in her eyes. He had a very bad feeling about this.
*
Professor Minerva McGonagall swept into the Gryffindor dormitory like a storm cloud. "Ron Weasley, I demand to know... What in the world is going on here?"
-Wuh-oh! Busted!- The Slytherin student dropped the wand and darted out of the dormitory between McGonagall's feet, mentally giggling the entire way. The Transfiguration teacher put her hands on her hips and glared at the exhausted students and trashed common room.
"What in Merlin's name is going on in here? First Mr. Weasely almost drops a chess piece on me and now the dormitory is destroyed!"
"It wasn't me!" Ron wailed. "It was that blasted cat!"
***
Dumbledore knocked on Snape's office doors and waited for a moment. "Severus?" he called, but no answer was forthcoming. He frowned and knocked again. "Severus, are you in there?" When silence still reigned, he waved a hand at the door and it swung open. The room was empty, and the spilled red ink had been cleaned by the house elves.
"Where could Severus be? He's had plenty of time to ask around about the Animagus. Why are all of my staff disappearing?"
Dumbledore turned and ambled back through the dark and dingy dungeons as he mused over this conundrum. He almost stepped on the little white cat before he saw it. "I apologize feline friend," he said with a kind smile. "I wasn't watching where I was walking."
The cat looked up and flicked an ear at him. "Whatever."
"What is that you have there?" The cat turned to block his view of the parcel with her body.
"Nothing. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason... Frankie, isn't it?" The cat fidgeted, bright blue eyes darting from side to side. Dumbledore continued to look down at the cat, a kind expression on his face. The cat finally turned, grabbed her item and dashed off.
"Must go! Laters old human!"
Dumbledore chuckled to himself. "My, my. Such nervousness." He strolled off down the hallway and back out of the dungeons, a smile upon his face. If someone were to see him they would say he knew a secret that no one else did.
~*~*~*~
Notes: I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed, it really helps to motivate me to write more! Keep 'em coming! ^__^ Btw: this fic is also in no way Gryffindor (which includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville) bashing. I have nothing but love for them all. I merely torture them for the story and humor. Beware of wand-stealing cats.
If Cats Could Talk
-Well, let's look on the bright side,- the Slytherin Animagus mused to herself. -I'm a malicious little Slytherin in the Gryffindor dormitories and no one knows it. Maybe if I can wreak enough havoc Snape won't expel me for being an illegal Animagus. Plus I could use the stress relief. Okay, now for a likely target...- She perused the common room for a victim, several students still coming in from their last class of the day.
-Bingo. One hapless Gryffindor fifth year in my sights and closing...-
*
"I haven't seen Crookshanks all day," Hermione said as she collapsed into an overstuffed armchair across from Ron. Harry sat on a plush red and gold rug in front of Hermione's chair and studied the chessboard before him. Harry and Ron had been playing for half an hour now and they had moved about four pieces. Both were intent on besting the other if it took all night. Hermione didn't know what had prompted this testosterone fest but she ignored it.
"Probably off plotting the destruction of the human race," Ron murmured.
"That's not funny!"
"I'm not joking," Ron replied, his face perfectly serious. Hermione sighed and leaned back, fervently hoping Ron wasn't right. She loved her cat, but he WAS a cat, after all.
On the subject of cats, where was the strange black cat they had found earlier?
"MOOOWW!" With a howling shriek said black cat hurtled down from above (Hermione wasn't sure where from) and landed on the chessboard. She grabbed Harry's king and ran off across the room, the little chess piece screaming in terror.
"Hey! My king!" Harry cried, and took off, Ron a step behind.
"Must all cats be pure evil?!" Ron exclaimed as he dove for the cat. She twisted away at the last second and he landed on the stone floor hard. The common room erupted into laughter as the trio made a mad scramble for the renegade cat. The cat jumped onto a windowsill with the window opened. She peered down at the ground far below and looked back at the humans chasing her.
"No!" Ron whispered. "No, no, no. This is a new chess set! I paid a lot for it, you blasted cat!" The cat grinned and looked back down out the window.
Then she dropped the little chess king. The ceramic figurine screamed all the way down and stopped with a tiny shattering sound. Ron ran to the window and looked down at a very irate Professor McGonagall, looking up to see who had tried to kill her by chess piece.
"Ronald Weasley!" she cried up at him. "Detention with me tomorrow!"
"But-!" However, McGonagall was gone. Ron glared daggers at the cat, who calmly licked at an errant patch of fur on her shoulder. She stood and flicked her tail in Ron's face and hopped off the sill. "I'm beginning to think all cats are out to get me!"
*
-That was fun! Who knew chess pieces could scream like that? Ee heeheeheehee!- she mentally cackled. -Who else can I torment?-
*
"Oh no! Trevor!" Neville cried. The black cat had turned her mischievous attentions on the Longbottom with one clear thought: Easy prey. The cat jumped onto his shoulder and hissed at the toad, who perched on Neville's leg while the boy did his Herbology homework. The frightened amphibian hopped to the floor and took off, the cat on his heels.
"That's going too far!" Ron declared, and scooped up the cat while Trevor took refuge under a wardrobe. Neville dropped to his knees and tried to coax the toad out.
The feline twisted in Ron's grasp and lunged at his chest. Ron shouted and tripped, falling on his bum. The cat leapt lightly away, Ron's wand on her mouth. "That cat stole my wand!" The cat bounded to the top of the same wardrobe Trevor hid under while the Gryffindors tried to get her down.
The cat flicked her head and sparks shot out of the end of the wand, stinging Harry's hand. He fell back, shaking his wounded appendage as the cat got a wicked gleam in her eyes. He had a very bad feeling about this.
*
Professor Minerva McGonagall swept into the Gryffindor dormitory like a storm cloud. "Ron Weasley, I demand to know... What in the world is going on here?"
-Wuh-oh! Busted!- The Slytherin student dropped the wand and darted out of the dormitory between McGonagall's feet, mentally giggling the entire way. The Transfiguration teacher put her hands on her hips and glared at the exhausted students and trashed common room.
"What in Merlin's name is going on in here? First Mr. Weasely almost drops a chess piece on me and now the dormitory is destroyed!"
"It wasn't me!" Ron wailed. "It was that blasted cat!"
***
Dumbledore knocked on Snape's office doors and waited for a moment. "Severus?" he called, but no answer was forthcoming. He frowned and knocked again. "Severus, are you in there?" When silence still reigned, he waved a hand at the door and it swung open. The room was empty, and the spilled red ink had been cleaned by the house elves.
"Where could Severus be? He's had plenty of time to ask around about the Animagus. Why are all of my staff disappearing?"
Dumbledore turned and ambled back through the dark and dingy dungeons as he mused over this conundrum. He almost stepped on the little white cat before he saw it. "I apologize feline friend," he said with a kind smile. "I wasn't watching where I was walking."
The cat looked up and flicked an ear at him. "Whatever."
"What is that you have there?" The cat turned to block his view of the parcel with her body.
"Nothing. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason... Frankie, isn't it?" The cat fidgeted, bright blue eyes darting from side to side. Dumbledore continued to look down at the cat, a kind expression on his face. The cat finally turned, grabbed her item and dashed off.
"Must go! Laters old human!"
Dumbledore chuckled to himself. "My, my. Such nervousness." He strolled off down the hallway and back out of the dungeons, a smile upon his face. If someone were to see him they would say he knew a secret that no one else did.
~*~*~*~