Disclaimer: MINE! ALL MINE! -not. I do own Sugar and Kat, tho. Or maybe
Sugar owns me... *Looks at her one-eyed kitten.* o.O; Want to see a drawing
of Sugar (sort of)? Go here.
Notes: Tryin' to finish it up, but I'll be damned if stories don't get a life of their own and do what they want. Sorry it's taken so long to update, but I've been really busy between work and school. But I got Order of the Phoenix today so I should be getting new inspiration!
If Cats Could Talk
"While you're in here trying to kill me, the other cats are out there taking over the world," Sugar said from the chandelier. Snape glared up at her, idly tossing a crystal globe up and catching it again with one hand.
"So?"
"They're using YOUR wand!" she pointed out.
"Not my problem."
"What will it take to get you to leave me alone?"
"You. Dead. Stuffed. As a paperweight on my bed."
"But I like living!"
"Should have thought about that before you joined forces with the feline goon squad."
"Yeah, well, I changed in the end, didn't I? Besides, if Crookshanks takes over the school, you'll be out of a job! Wanna go back to Voldemort?"
"How do you know about that?!"
Sugar yawned. "I'm a cat." As if that explained it all. Maybe it did. Snape sighed. He had learned a lot about cats these past few days and he decided to just drop it. He considered losing his job here at Hogwarts.
"Fine. You bought yourself some time, cyclops," he snarled.
"Oh, like I haven't heard THAT one before." Sugar jumped down from the chandelier and onto Snape's shoulder. "Okay, let's go."
"Who said you're coming? And on me?!"
"Well, you can't go to fight a horde of world-conquering cats alone and unarmed, can you, ape-man? And you walk too fast for my little furry legs, so there."
"I WILL exact my revenge on you."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever, let's go." Snape shook his head and took off. "The fact that you're wearing black and I have white fur is an added bonus," she said with a grin.
***
The cats perched proudly on their hard-won places at the head table. Crookshanks sat where Dumbledore would. The staff sat amongst the students, watching as the cats assumed their mantles as the rulers of the school. With them sat a very confused Kat, taken at face value as an unusually quiet cat who owned Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. None of the cats seemed to mind that they had never seen her before.
"Attention apes!" Crookshanks called. "This is our list of demands. They will be met or you will be severely punished by your new masters."
Ron leaned over and whispered to Harry. "And to think, we were afraid that You-Know-Who was going to take over the world. Crookshanks has him beat in sheer effectiveness and evil intentions."
"SILENCE MONKEYS!" Crookshanks roared. Ron snapped to attention. Kat glared over at Crookshanks.
"Item one, we require tuna at every meal in good amounts." Instantly plates of steaming tuna appeared before each feline conqueror. Many licked their lips, but Crookshanks merely nodded as though it was his due. "Item two, the myth that we are owned by you apes is hereby dispelled forever. Item three is-what's that?"
All heads turned to see the large double doors of the Great Hall slam open and something not unlike a big black bat strode in.
"Professor Snape?" Harry wondered aloud. "And isn't that Professor Lupin's cat?"
It was so. Professor Snape was there, the school's renowned mischief-maker and one-eyed calico on his shoulder. Crookshanks stood angrily, paws resting easily by the Potions Professor's wand. "What is the meaning of this, Sugar?!"
"It's called a coup de grace (AN: In case someone doesn't know, it's a French term for a finishing stroke.). We're not gonna let you take over!" she called back.
"Just give it up, cat. We have you beaten," Snape said calmly.
"Oh? Because it seems that you are quite helpless, as we have all the wands, including yours. You make one move I don't like and we'll hex you a hundred ways from Sunday," the ginger cat snickered. The other cats had moved closer to their chosen wands, many belonging to their human servants.
"Hm, I don't think so." Snape turned his head to glance at the open door. "Fang! Come!"
Obediently, Hagrid's large boarhound bounded into the room, drool flying as he wagged his tail at all the little furry things on the table to chase. The cat army screamed as one and scattered, except for Crookshanks and Kat, who wasn't really a cat. Fang happily bounced after the little toys brought here for his amusement.
Snape smirked at Crookshanks. "Now what, Mr. Kitty? Your army is gone."
"Maybe, but I still have your wand!" Crookshanks hissed. "Your lousy mutt doesn't scare me! I know what a coward it is!"
*
-Oh, for crying out...-
Kat trotted to Crookshanks' side and hissed. She smacked him with one paw and nipped the wand right out from under him while he lay stunned at her attack. She went to her head of house and returned the wand. -I swear. Never send a man to do a girl's work.-
~*~*~*~
Notes: Tryin' to finish it up, but I'll be damned if stories don't get a life of their own and do what they want. Sorry it's taken so long to update, but I've been really busy between work and school. But I got Order of the Phoenix today so I should be getting new inspiration!
If Cats Could Talk
"While you're in here trying to kill me, the other cats are out there taking over the world," Sugar said from the chandelier. Snape glared up at her, idly tossing a crystal globe up and catching it again with one hand.
"So?"
"They're using YOUR wand!" she pointed out.
"Not my problem."
"What will it take to get you to leave me alone?"
"You. Dead. Stuffed. As a paperweight on my bed."
"But I like living!"
"Should have thought about that before you joined forces with the feline goon squad."
"Yeah, well, I changed in the end, didn't I? Besides, if Crookshanks takes over the school, you'll be out of a job! Wanna go back to Voldemort?"
"How do you know about that?!"
Sugar yawned. "I'm a cat." As if that explained it all. Maybe it did. Snape sighed. He had learned a lot about cats these past few days and he decided to just drop it. He considered losing his job here at Hogwarts.
"Fine. You bought yourself some time, cyclops," he snarled.
"Oh, like I haven't heard THAT one before." Sugar jumped down from the chandelier and onto Snape's shoulder. "Okay, let's go."
"Who said you're coming? And on me?!"
"Well, you can't go to fight a horde of world-conquering cats alone and unarmed, can you, ape-man? And you walk too fast for my little furry legs, so there."
"I WILL exact my revenge on you."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever, let's go." Snape shook his head and took off. "The fact that you're wearing black and I have white fur is an added bonus," she said with a grin.
***
The cats perched proudly on their hard-won places at the head table. Crookshanks sat where Dumbledore would. The staff sat amongst the students, watching as the cats assumed their mantles as the rulers of the school. With them sat a very confused Kat, taken at face value as an unusually quiet cat who owned Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. None of the cats seemed to mind that they had never seen her before.
"Attention apes!" Crookshanks called. "This is our list of demands. They will be met or you will be severely punished by your new masters."
Ron leaned over and whispered to Harry. "And to think, we were afraid that You-Know-Who was going to take over the world. Crookshanks has him beat in sheer effectiveness and evil intentions."
"SILENCE MONKEYS!" Crookshanks roared. Ron snapped to attention. Kat glared over at Crookshanks.
"Item one, we require tuna at every meal in good amounts." Instantly plates of steaming tuna appeared before each feline conqueror. Many licked their lips, but Crookshanks merely nodded as though it was his due. "Item two, the myth that we are owned by you apes is hereby dispelled forever. Item three is-what's that?"
All heads turned to see the large double doors of the Great Hall slam open and something not unlike a big black bat strode in.
"Professor Snape?" Harry wondered aloud. "And isn't that Professor Lupin's cat?"
It was so. Professor Snape was there, the school's renowned mischief-maker and one-eyed calico on his shoulder. Crookshanks stood angrily, paws resting easily by the Potions Professor's wand. "What is the meaning of this, Sugar?!"
"It's called a coup de grace (AN: In case someone doesn't know, it's a French term for a finishing stroke.). We're not gonna let you take over!" she called back.
"Just give it up, cat. We have you beaten," Snape said calmly.
"Oh? Because it seems that you are quite helpless, as we have all the wands, including yours. You make one move I don't like and we'll hex you a hundred ways from Sunday," the ginger cat snickered. The other cats had moved closer to their chosen wands, many belonging to their human servants.
"Hm, I don't think so." Snape turned his head to glance at the open door. "Fang! Come!"
Obediently, Hagrid's large boarhound bounded into the room, drool flying as he wagged his tail at all the little furry things on the table to chase. The cat army screamed as one and scattered, except for Crookshanks and Kat, who wasn't really a cat. Fang happily bounced after the little toys brought here for his amusement.
Snape smirked at Crookshanks. "Now what, Mr. Kitty? Your army is gone."
"Maybe, but I still have your wand!" Crookshanks hissed. "Your lousy mutt doesn't scare me! I know what a coward it is!"
*
-Oh, for crying out...-
Kat trotted to Crookshanks' side and hissed. She smacked him with one paw and nipped the wand right out from under him while he lay stunned at her attack. She went to her head of house and returned the wand. -I swear. Never send a man to do a girl's work.-
~*~*~*~