The G-Pub
Chapter 2: And the Shamelessness Continues
Girl (to Amuro): You're kinda' cute, what's your name?
Amuro: I'm Amuro Ray, but I should warn you that I have Captain Kirk's Syndrome.
Girl: What's that?
A random object flies by and kills the girl.
Camille: Too bad, she was cute.
Amuro: (Sighs) They always are . . .
As Amuro gulps down an entire bottle of vodka, Char steps into the bar with his new date.
Char: Bartender, a round for me and my lady friend.
Bartender: You nuts, buddy! I can't serve her she's just a little kid.
Char: I think she is quite a woman.
Bartender: What the hell? Are you some kind of pedophile?
Char: No . . . (Sweating nervously) . . . I umm . . . just have a thing for young girls.
Amuro: (Plastered as hell) Yeah, lemme' tell you how many times I've seen this . . . umm . . . one . . . three . . . seven.
Gyunei: Yeah, this is like the fifty-somethingth time he's done this. He's a pervert!
The melodic chanting of the word pervert begins to echo across the bar as dozens more of the wasted cartoon barflies join in.
Char: SHUT UP! It isn't like I do anything with them.
Gyunei: Of course not, they always die before you can get to second base. Poor Quess . . .
Gyunei bursts into tears and orders several more beers.
Amuro: I'll second that, Gyunei old chap. I miss you Lalah!
Char: Be quiet, it's not like it happens all the time!
Another random object falls from the sky and kills Char's new girl.
Char: Damn, it happened again! WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN!
Amuro: Looks like you have a case of Captain Kirk Syndrome yourself.
Char: Shut up you Feddie scum! Hey, is that Puru I see walking through the door . . . wait no, oh my God twins!"
Char immediately runs over to hit on Puru and Puru Two.
Rain Mikimura: He never learns.
Rain joins Relena Peacecraft and Four Murasame, who are talking while listening to the G-Boys from Gundam W.
The Wing cast is sitting at a booth getting nice and sauced. Wufei seems quite put off.
Heero: (Looking at Wufei) Don't say it . . .
Wufei: . . .
Heero: Don't say it . . .
Wufei: I HAVE TO! SHE'S AN ANNOYING, WHINY, BRATTY...
Suddenly Relena leaps across the table and grabs Wufei by the head.
Relena: Oh yeah? Heat End!
BOOM! The rest of the cast, except for Heero, looks at her in shock
Relena: (Plays with her hair innocently, with a King of Hearts-type emblem visible on her hand) Umm . . . you saw nothing . . .
Heero: I warned him . . .
Allenby: Relena has a King of Hearts emblem?
Four: Must be foreshadowing.
Amuro: Uh . . . huh . . . uh . . .huh . . . (Throws up)
Camille: Sweet Jesus, I've got to take you home.
Four: Camille, be home before 10, we're gonna' see the sequel to last nights' two hour movie.
Camille: Sequel to what movie?
Four: You know, on our Sony camera?
Camille: Oh, THAT, movie. Right . . .
Allenby: He lasts two whole hours?
Four: Uber-Newtypes are oh-so uber-sensitive . . .
Allenby: Looks like you two have a great relationship . . .
Four: Of course. Sex is such a great power between us. I threatened not to give him any unless he went to counseling to get off that stuff Kira was selling.
Camille drags Amuro out the door. While on the outside, we see a burly man in a MaHa jacket pushing a Mr. Peanut-suited Hathaway out the door.
Bouncer: Nice try, kid.
Hathaway: Man, I'll never get to meet a kino bunny!
Meanwhile . . .
President of Funimation: How are we doing?
Mad Dog: I am Mad Dog of Unit BUTCHHOUND, sir!
President: No shit. Now, what have you done?
Mad Dog: I've created an inside player by taking the arm of a man named "Liquid Weasel", and attached it the hand of Loran Cehack. We'll take Gundam from the inside!
President: Excellent. When does the plan go into effect?
Mad Dog: I'm not sure. It could sometime during the end of this Chapter, or the next, or the one after, or whenever.
President: WHAT?! I need immediate results!
Mad Dog: I am sorry, sir. Please, give me a chance to infiltrate the bar and get things done.
President: You better . . . for your sake. (Uses Newtype powers to do the famous Darth Vader choke on Mad Dog)
Mad Dog: Ack . . . gah . . .please . . . let . . . beh . . .me . . ugh . . . go . . .
The next day, at the bar . . .
Char walks in with his new woman.
Char: (Whispering) Psst, hey guys, check out my new squeeze . . .
Domon: Wow! She's over the age of 14!
The random object flies out of nowhere and kills her.
Char: All right, damnit, that's it, we need to find out what the hell that thing is.
Amuro: Yeah man, how many times does that happen to us?
Char: It seems every time I get a girlfriend something comes out of nowhere . . .
Amuro: . . . and does them in.
Char: Well it's usually you.
Amuro: What's that supposed to mean?!
Char: Oh nothing. But, we have to figure out what the heck that thing is or I'm never gonna' get any anytime soon.
Amuro: Me either.
Char: Hmm . . . Cima . . . come here.
Cima Garahau: What is it?
Char: Cima, I love you.
The object flies by and kills Cima.
Amuro: There it goes!
Char: Which way damn it!
Amuro: Over there, it went under the table!
Walks over to the accused table and looks under it.
Char: Well it isn't here now. For such a 'powerful' Newtype you sure can't see worth shit.
Amuro: It has to be here somewhere. Let's try it again!
Amuro walks over to Haman Kahn.
Amuro: I really don't like you anyway . . . so . . .
Haman: NO, PLEASE DONT!
Amuro: I love you!
The object flies out and kills Haman.
Char: Holy shit, that was close!
Amuro: Hmmm, this is getting fun! Hey Gato, come here!
Char: I knew you were!
Amuro: No I just want to kill Gato, I swear!
Char: (Sarcastically) Suuuuure.
Amuro: I swear!
Char: Leave your fantasies for later. Let's find out what keeps killing everybody!
Amuro: Hey Rain!
Rain: Ahhhhh! Domon help!
Domon: Don't say it! I love you Rain!
The object flies out and Domon pushes Rain out of the way just in the nick of time.
Amuro: You too!
Domon: Yes . . . I mean no . . . I would never say that to anyone else Rain!
Rain throws Domon across the bar into a table.
Rain: I knew it! Who is it Domon! Is it that scuzzy Kycilia Zabi!?
Domon: No I swear! It's nobody!
Rain: Sure . . . hey Domon . . . guess what! I . . .
Domon: No don't say it!
Rain: . . . love . . .
Domon: Oh shit!
Rain: . . . you!
The object flies out and nearly hits Domon who is lucky enough to roll out the way
Rain: I'm leaving!
Rain storms out.
Char: This is taking to long! I want some booty!
Amuro: I still think I should try it on Gato.
Char: SHUT UP! Geez, no means no!
Amuro: So then who should we try it on next?
Char: How the hell am I supposed to know, you think killing people is easy?
Amuro: You make it seem that way.
Char: (Smiling) I do don't I. So where is an army of Puru clones when I really need one?
Amuro: Good idea, I'll go find Judua he knows.
Char: And I'll just sit here and drink . . . hurry the hell up!
Five minutes later, Amuro comes back with Camille, Judua, and five Puru clones.
Char: About time!
Amuro: Yeah, it took a little while.
Char: Lets get this party started!" (Looks as two of the clones) I love you both!
The object flies out and kills the two clones of Char's affection.
Char: SWEET! Double-whammy!
Amuro: Your sick!
Char: Come on! We can always make more.
Judua: What the hell was that thing?!
Char: A pain in my ass . . .
Camille: That's the thing you need my help to stop?
Amuro: Yep.
Camille: Okay, here's the plan, one of us proposes to a clone and the rest of us use our Newtype powers to stop whatever the hell it is.
Amuro: Okay, but will it work?
Camille: Well, we have three . . .
Char: I love you....
*SLICE!*
Char: (Laughing) That's so cool to watch!
Camille: . . . make that two chances to see if it works. So we don't have any room for mistake.
Amuro: Judua, since your the weakest Newtype, you talk to the clones and the rest of us will stop that thing. Okay . . . on the count of three.
A/C/J/C: One . . .
A/C/J/C: Two . . .
A/C/J/C: Thr . . .
Char: I LOVE YOU!
*SMASH!*
Char: (Laughs, and then pauses to breath) That is so awesome!
Amuro: Damn it Char, we weren't ready!
Judua: I was supposed to do that!
Char: Sorry, it's just that she was a girl . . . and she was young . . . I couldn't help myself.
Camille: Let's try this again.
Amuro: This is our last clone, let's make it count.
A/C/J/C: One . . .
A/C/J/C: Two . . .
A/C/J/C: Three!
Judua: I love you!
The object flies out only to hit a wall of sheer Newtype energy, it hits the ground.
Char: All right! Now, what the hell is it!?
Amuro: I don't know. (Snickers) I've never seen anything like it.
Seabook Arno, wasted at a table nearby peers over.
Seabook: Its a Bug, they're from my movie, Gundam F91, that's why you don't know what it is.
Char: Look at this, theres an antenna on the top of it.
Amuro: Somebody here has a remote control for this thing!?
Char: It would seem so, but who . . .
They are distracted by the sound of the door opening, they peer over only to see a man in a blue life jacket trying to flee the scene.
Char: Hey where do you think you are going buddy?
Domon: Get over here!
Domon tackles the figure while Char and Amuro run over to assist.
Char: Turn him over let's see who it is!
C/D/A: Oh my God turn it back over! Turn it back over!
Mad Dog: Well, it's just beautiful little me!
Char: Who are you?
Mad Dog: I'll never talk!
Amuro: We'll kill you!
Mad Dog: I don't care!
Char: We'll torture you!
Mad Dog: So do it, then!
Judau: (Smiles) We'll cut you're "sausage" off.
Mad Dog: No! Nothing but that!
Amuro: (Has an evil smile): Take his pants off, boys.
Mad Dog: Okay, I'll talk! I'm Mad Dog from Special Dub-Butcher Task Force BUTCHHOUND!
Amuro: Wait, you mean the group infamous for attacking innocent anime and turning them into horrible dubs formed by 4Kids and hired by groups like Nelvana and Funimation? God, the victims . . . Yu-Gi-Oh! . . . Cardcaptor Sakura . . . they're almost as bad as that doujin where me and Char -
Char: I told you never to bring that up again.
Amuro: Anyway, if this is the case, go away, then. We don't care who you are and if it was you. Just don't do it again!
Domon: Well I sure do, not only did you almost kill Rain, but now she knows . . . I mean thinks I'm cheating on her! This heart of mine is aching with a burning . . . ache . . . ah, screw my catch phrase I'm gonna' kick your ass!
Char: Yeah, me too!
Amuro: Ditto!
They all proceed to pummel Mad Dog and then hang him upside down from a telephone pole outside.
Char: So why did you do it you ugly freak?
Mad Dog: It's my job. A long time ago . . . they kicked me off Love Hina just because the girls couldn't understand my beauty. Ever since then, all I've cared about was butchering as much anime as I can . . .
Amuro: But you're ugly as sin!
Quinze: No, I am so pretty . . . I could sing.
Domon: THAT'S IT KILL HIM NOW! QUICK!
Amuro fidgets with the control device for the Bug they found on Mad Dog.
Char: All because you were jealous. Buh bye
The now un-random object kills Mad Dog.
Amuro: Well I'm glad that's over.
Domon: Yeah, for you guys, but Rain is gonna' kill me when I get home.
Char: Umm, yeah how unfortunate for you . . . hey where's that last Puru clone?
To Be Continued . . .
Girl (to Amuro): You're kinda' cute, what's your name?
Amuro: I'm Amuro Ray, but I should warn you that I have Captain Kirk's Syndrome.
Girl: What's that?
A random object flies by and kills the girl.
Camille: Too bad, she was cute.
Amuro: (Sighs) They always are . . .
As Amuro gulps down an entire bottle of vodka, Char steps into the bar with his new date.
Char: Bartender, a round for me and my lady friend.
Bartender: You nuts, buddy! I can't serve her she's just a little kid.
Char: I think she is quite a woman.
Bartender: What the hell? Are you some kind of pedophile?
Char: No . . . (Sweating nervously) . . . I umm . . . just have a thing for young girls.
Amuro: (Plastered as hell) Yeah, lemme' tell you how many times I've seen this . . . umm . . . one . . . three . . . seven.
Gyunei: Yeah, this is like the fifty-somethingth time he's done this. He's a pervert!
The melodic chanting of the word pervert begins to echo across the bar as dozens more of the wasted cartoon barflies join in.
Char: SHUT UP! It isn't like I do anything with them.
Gyunei: Of course not, they always die before you can get to second base. Poor Quess . . .
Gyunei bursts into tears and orders several more beers.
Amuro: I'll second that, Gyunei old chap. I miss you Lalah!
Char: Be quiet, it's not like it happens all the time!
Another random object falls from the sky and kills Char's new girl.
Char: Damn, it happened again! WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN!
Amuro: Looks like you have a case of Captain Kirk Syndrome yourself.
Char: Shut up you Feddie scum! Hey, is that Puru I see walking through the door . . . wait no, oh my God twins!"
Char immediately runs over to hit on Puru and Puru Two.
Rain Mikimura: He never learns.
Rain joins Relena Peacecraft and Four Murasame, who are talking while listening to the G-Boys from Gundam W.
The Wing cast is sitting at a booth getting nice and sauced. Wufei seems quite put off.
Heero: (Looking at Wufei) Don't say it . . .
Wufei: . . .
Heero: Don't say it . . .
Wufei: I HAVE TO! SHE'S AN ANNOYING, WHINY, BRATTY...
Suddenly Relena leaps across the table and grabs Wufei by the head.
Relena: Oh yeah? Heat End!
BOOM! The rest of the cast, except for Heero, looks at her in shock
Relena: (Plays with her hair innocently, with a King of Hearts-type emblem visible on her hand) Umm . . . you saw nothing . . .
Heero: I warned him . . .
Allenby: Relena has a King of Hearts emblem?
Four: Must be foreshadowing.
Amuro: Uh . . . huh . . . uh . . .huh . . . (Throws up)
Camille: Sweet Jesus, I've got to take you home.
Four: Camille, be home before 10, we're gonna' see the sequel to last nights' two hour movie.
Camille: Sequel to what movie?
Four: You know, on our Sony camera?
Camille: Oh, THAT, movie. Right . . .
Allenby: He lasts two whole hours?
Four: Uber-Newtypes are oh-so uber-sensitive . . .
Allenby: Looks like you two have a great relationship . . .
Four: Of course. Sex is such a great power between us. I threatened not to give him any unless he went to counseling to get off that stuff Kira was selling.
Camille drags Amuro out the door. While on the outside, we see a burly man in a MaHa jacket pushing a Mr. Peanut-suited Hathaway out the door.
Bouncer: Nice try, kid.
Hathaway: Man, I'll never get to meet a kino bunny!
Meanwhile . . .
President of Funimation: How are we doing?
Mad Dog: I am Mad Dog of Unit BUTCHHOUND, sir!
President: No shit. Now, what have you done?
Mad Dog: I've created an inside player by taking the arm of a man named "Liquid Weasel", and attached it the hand of Loran Cehack. We'll take Gundam from the inside!
President: Excellent. When does the plan go into effect?
Mad Dog: I'm not sure. It could sometime during the end of this Chapter, or the next, or the one after, or whenever.
President: WHAT?! I need immediate results!
Mad Dog: I am sorry, sir. Please, give me a chance to infiltrate the bar and get things done.
President: You better . . . for your sake. (Uses Newtype powers to do the famous Darth Vader choke on Mad Dog)
Mad Dog: Ack . . . gah . . .please . . . let . . . beh . . .me . . ugh . . . go . . .
The next day, at the bar . . .
Char walks in with his new woman.
Char: (Whispering) Psst, hey guys, check out my new squeeze . . .
Domon: Wow! She's over the age of 14!
The random object flies out of nowhere and kills her.
Char: All right, damnit, that's it, we need to find out what the hell that thing is.
Amuro: Yeah man, how many times does that happen to us?
Char: It seems every time I get a girlfriend something comes out of nowhere . . .
Amuro: . . . and does them in.
Char: Well it's usually you.
Amuro: What's that supposed to mean?!
Char: Oh nothing. But, we have to figure out what the heck that thing is or I'm never gonna' get any anytime soon.
Amuro: Me either.
Char: Hmm . . . Cima . . . come here.
Cima Garahau: What is it?
Char: Cima, I love you.
The object flies by and kills Cima.
Amuro: There it goes!
Char: Which way damn it!
Amuro: Over there, it went under the table!
Walks over to the accused table and looks under it.
Char: Well it isn't here now. For such a 'powerful' Newtype you sure can't see worth shit.
Amuro: It has to be here somewhere. Let's try it again!
Amuro walks over to Haman Kahn.
Amuro: I really don't like you anyway . . . so . . .
Haman: NO, PLEASE DONT!
Amuro: I love you!
The object flies out and kills Haman.
Char: Holy shit, that was close!
Amuro: Hmmm, this is getting fun! Hey Gato, come here!
Char: I knew you were!
Amuro: No I just want to kill Gato, I swear!
Char: (Sarcastically) Suuuuure.
Amuro: I swear!
Char: Leave your fantasies for later. Let's find out what keeps killing everybody!
Amuro: Hey Rain!
Rain: Ahhhhh! Domon help!
Domon: Don't say it! I love you Rain!
The object flies out and Domon pushes Rain out of the way just in the nick of time.
Amuro: You too!
Domon: Yes . . . I mean no . . . I would never say that to anyone else Rain!
Rain throws Domon across the bar into a table.
Rain: I knew it! Who is it Domon! Is it that scuzzy Kycilia Zabi!?
Domon: No I swear! It's nobody!
Rain: Sure . . . hey Domon . . . guess what! I . . .
Domon: No don't say it!
Rain: . . . love . . .
Domon: Oh shit!
Rain: . . . you!
The object flies out and nearly hits Domon who is lucky enough to roll out the way
Rain: I'm leaving!
Rain storms out.
Char: This is taking to long! I want some booty!
Amuro: I still think I should try it on Gato.
Char: SHUT UP! Geez, no means no!
Amuro: So then who should we try it on next?
Char: How the hell am I supposed to know, you think killing people is easy?
Amuro: You make it seem that way.
Char: (Smiling) I do don't I. So where is an army of Puru clones when I really need one?
Amuro: Good idea, I'll go find Judua he knows.
Char: And I'll just sit here and drink . . . hurry the hell up!
Five minutes later, Amuro comes back with Camille, Judua, and five Puru clones.
Char: About time!
Amuro: Yeah, it took a little while.
Char: Lets get this party started!" (Looks as two of the clones) I love you both!
The object flies out and kills the two clones of Char's affection.
Char: SWEET! Double-whammy!
Amuro: Your sick!
Char: Come on! We can always make more.
Judua: What the hell was that thing?!
Char: A pain in my ass . . .
Camille: That's the thing you need my help to stop?
Amuro: Yep.
Camille: Okay, here's the plan, one of us proposes to a clone and the rest of us use our Newtype powers to stop whatever the hell it is.
Amuro: Okay, but will it work?
Camille: Well, we have three . . .
Char: I love you....
*SLICE!*
Char: (Laughing) That's so cool to watch!
Camille: . . . make that two chances to see if it works. So we don't have any room for mistake.
Amuro: Judua, since your the weakest Newtype, you talk to the clones and the rest of us will stop that thing. Okay . . . on the count of three.
A/C/J/C: One . . .
A/C/J/C: Two . . .
A/C/J/C: Thr . . .
Char: I LOVE YOU!
*SMASH!*
Char: (Laughs, and then pauses to breath) That is so awesome!
Amuro: Damn it Char, we weren't ready!
Judua: I was supposed to do that!
Char: Sorry, it's just that she was a girl . . . and she was young . . . I couldn't help myself.
Camille: Let's try this again.
Amuro: This is our last clone, let's make it count.
A/C/J/C: One . . .
A/C/J/C: Two . . .
A/C/J/C: Three!
Judua: I love you!
The object flies out only to hit a wall of sheer Newtype energy, it hits the ground.
Char: All right! Now, what the hell is it!?
Amuro: I don't know. (Snickers) I've never seen anything like it.
Seabook Arno, wasted at a table nearby peers over.
Seabook: Its a Bug, they're from my movie, Gundam F91, that's why you don't know what it is.
Char: Look at this, theres an antenna on the top of it.
Amuro: Somebody here has a remote control for this thing!?
Char: It would seem so, but who . . .
They are distracted by the sound of the door opening, they peer over only to see a man in a blue life jacket trying to flee the scene.
Char: Hey where do you think you are going buddy?
Domon: Get over here!
Domon tackles the figure while Char and Amuro run over to assist.
Char: Turn him over let's see who it is!
C/D/A: Oh my God turn it back over! Turn it back over!
Mad Dog: Well, it's just beautiful little me!
Char: Who are you?
Mad Dog: I'll never talk!
Amuro: We'll kill you!
Mad Dog: I don't care!
Char: We'll torture you!
Mad Dog: So do it, then!
Judau: (Smiles) We'll cut you're "sausage" off.
Mad Dog: No! Nothing but that!
Amuro: (Has an evil smile): Take his pants off, boys.
Mad Dog: Okay, I'll talk! I'm Mad Dog from Special Dub-Butcher Task Force BUTCHHOUND!
Amuro: Wait, you mean the group infamous for attacking innocent anime and turning them into horrible dubs formed by 4Kids and hired by groups like Nelvana and Funimation? God, the victims . . . Yu-Gi-Oh! . . . Cardcaptor Sakura . . . they're almost as bad as that doujin where me and Char -
Char: I told you never to bring that up again.
Amuro: Anyway, if this is the case, go away, then. We don't care who you are and if it was you. Just don't do it again!
Domon: Well I sure do, not only did you almost kill Rain, but now she knows . . . I mean thinks I'm cheating on her! This heart of mine is aching with a burning . . . ache . . . ah, screw my catch phrase I'm gonna' kick your ass!
Char: Yeah, me too!
Amuro: Ditto!
They all proceed to pummel Mad Dog and then hang him upside down from a telephone pole outside.
Char: So why did you do it you ugly freak?
Mad Dog: It's my job. A long time ago . . . they kicked me off Love Hina just because the girls couldn't understand my beauty. Ever since then, all I've cared about was butchering as much anime as I can . . .
Amuro: But you're ugly as sin!
Quinze: No, I am so pretty . . . I could sing.
Domon: THAT'S IT KILL HIM NOW! QUICK!
Amuro fidgets with the control device for the Bug they found on Mad Dog.
Char: All because you were jealous. Buh bye
The now un-random object kills Mad Dog.
Amuro: Well I'm glad that's over.
Domon: Yeah, for you guys, but Rain is gonna' kill me when I get home.
Char: Umm, yeah how unfortunate for you . . . hey where's that last Puru clone?
To Be Continued . . .