The Fellowship of Quinn.
Part II:
Four bottles of Olive Oil.
EXT. THE LAWNDALE MALL - DAY
The Lawndale mall is a hip place where all the hip Fashion Clubbers
hang around.
A car pulls up and the great Wizard De Martino gets out and stumbles
over Quinn.
QUINN:
Mr. DeMartino! What news of the outside world? Tell me everything.
DE MARTINO:
EVERYTHING? You are far too eager and CURIOUS for a Fashion Clubber.
Most unnatural.
QUINN:
Well, the cable company found out my uncle Jake was cheating them and
took away our television set. And somehow I must keep in touch with the
worldwide fashion trends.
DE MARTINO: (sights, as they walk on, side by side)
Well, what can I tell you? LIFE in the wide world goes on much as it
has these past ages, full of its own COMINGS and goings, scarcely aware
of the EXISTENCE of Fashion Clubbers...
(De Martino sees how a bunch of Fashion Clubbers storm a boutique
wit has 20% discount.)
For which I am *VERY* thankful.
QUINN:
Yes, Mr. De Martino. But are flares really again "in".
DE MARTINO:
Quinn, Fashion Clubbers really are AMAZING creatures. You can teach
all there is to know about the world in a HUNDRED years and yet after 5
minutes they can still SURPRISE you by forgetting everything again.
QUINN: (annoyed)
Sure whatever. Excuse me. I am off to buy with the Fashion Club some
olive oil.
Both have walked up to Jake's House.
EXT. JAKE'S HOUSE - DAY
Quinn leaves DeMartino, while he walks to the door and knocks it.
JAKE VOICE OVER:
Go away!
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like
less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
No I mean:
I know a quarter of you double so well as I would like but only three-quarters
a quarter as well you deserved.
No I mean:
I know four times of you a third as well like one fifth six times of
you as well…
Dammit! Just forget it.
DE MARTINO:
JAKE! It's ME!
The door opens. Jake welcomes DeMartino.
JAKE:
Mr. DeMartino, my old friend. Want a little nip, to warm you up?
DE MARTINO:
Jake, I am a TEACHER of the Secret History, WIELDER of the Flame in
AOL.
Do you THINK I need a little nip?
JAKE:
I just thought...
DE MARTINO:
Of course I DO! Let me IN!
AFTER SOME HOURS
INT. JAKE'S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Jake and DeMartino sit at a table. They had a couple of nips.
JAKE:
I'm old, DeMartino.
DE MARTINO:
YOU haven't changed a bit.
JAKE:
Gah Dammit! No I mean I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel
thin... sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.
DEMARTINO: (looks around)
Do you have ANY sandwiches? I am feeling a bit peckish.
JAKE:
I need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return.
In fact I mean not. Before I go, I think I should show you this, my friend.
Jake pull out a ring, the One Ring.
DEMARTINO: (astonished)
A magical LIFE prolonging ring!
JAKE: (manic)
Yes, and it's mine... my own... my precious...
DE MARTINO:
PRECIOUS??? It's been called that BEFORE, but not by you.
JAKE: (manic)
Yes, and it's mine... my own... my precious...
DE MARTINO:
There are not many magic rings in THIS world, and NONE of them should
be used likely.
JAKE: (manic)
Yes, and it's mine... my own... my precious...
DE MARTINO:
I think you HAVE had that ring quite LONG enough.
JAKE: (angry)
You just want it for yourself!
DE MARTINO: (he uses EVIL speaking)
JAKE! Do not take me for some CONJUROR of cheap tricks!
Jake hides under the table.
JAKE: (afraid)
Mommy!
DE MARTINO: (trustworthy)
I am not trying to rob you; I'm trying to help you!
JAKE: (intimidated)
Okay, sorry.
DE MARTINO: (calm)
Now give it to me.
JAKE:
No, ... it's mine... my own... my precious...
DE MARTINO:
I don't believe THIS. How can you be SO stubborn? It is for your own
GOOD. Now give it to me.
JAKE:
No.
Both struggle with each other.
DE MARTINO:
Give IT to me!
JAKE:
It's mine.
DE MARTINO:
GIVE IT!
JAKE:
My precious.
Jake falls on his stomach and lies flat on the table while DeMartino grips his arms bending over him, trying to take his ring of.
DE MARTINO:
GIVE IT TO ME ! GIVE IT TO ME ! GIVE IT TO ME !
JAKE:
My precious! My precious! My precious!
The door opens and Quinn, carrying a bottle of olive oil enters and catches them both at that rather compromising scene.
QUINN: (disgusted)
EWWWWWWW.
Stacy, also carrying a bottle of olive oil, comes in and sees them.
STACY: (disgusted)
EWWWWWWW.
Tiffany, with a bottle of olive oil, gets in and notices them.
TIFFANY:
Uh, interesting… I mean EWWWWW.
Sandi, with olive oil, enters and comments.
SANDI: (disgusted)
EWWWWWWW. Quinn, that is so *typical* for your family.
Both Jake and DeMartino are embarrassed and let go off each other. By doing so, the ring slips off Jake's hand and rolls into an open fire, revealing the hidden inscriptions in an old language.
INSCRIPTIONS:
One Ring To Find Them,
One Ring To Bring Them All,
And In The Darkness Bind Them.
(Made in Taiwan.)
DE MARTINO:
This is the ONE Ring! THE RING OF DARK PRINCIPAL LI.
JAKE:
No, ... it's mi…
DE MARTINO:
Shut up!
Her power is growing stronger. Her fortress is rebuild. Her army has
*multiplied*.
She has crossed bomb-sniffing dogs with substitute teachers.
THE FASHION CLUB AND JAKE:
EwwWWW.
DE MARTINO:
Yes. Eww. And don't ask me ANY details…
JAKE:
But how do you know that all?
DE MARTINO:
If you PAID a minimum of attention DURING your daily TV-consummation,
you would notice the 24-hour coverage of this crisis on CNN!
JAKE:
But the cable company cut us off.
DE MARTINO: (rolls his eyes)
Well, I must see the HEAD of my order:
Mr. O'Neill the Wise and Powerful, which is meant SARCASTIC of course.
Quinn! You will take the One Ring and meet me at Mom's Dinner in Alternapalooza.
Keep it secret. Keep it safe.
Jake! You will come with me. I know some very EFFECTIVE Ring-withdrawal-treatments
for you.
JAKE:
But it's mine, my own, my prec...
DE MARTINO: (evil laughing)
Ha, ha, ha, ha, hah! He, he, he, he, heh!
DeMartino drags Jake out of the house. The Fashion Club remains inside.
QUINN:
Well, I am off to Alternapalooza.
STACY:
I am coming with you.
TIFFANY:
Me toooooo.
SANDI:
Dearest friends, I don't want to *concern* you. But didn't you hear
about the One Ring, Dark Principle Li and the End of the World stuff.
STACY:
Eep!
QUINN:
But *Sandi* on the way to Alternapalooza, we can drop by the mall there.
And it is not just a mall, it is a super mall! The Mall of the Millennium.
TIFFANY: (smiles)
We can shoooooop there forever!