Meh, this is a slightly mediocre chapter compared to the last chapter, but
is still fairly good. It's really setting up the next two chapters, anyway.
So, let's get on with the show . . .
The G-Pub Chapter 7: Terminator 3: Gundam Day
President of Funimation: You fools! I've had enough of this!
Liquid Char: Yeah, me too. So far BUTCHHOUND only has 4 members left.
President: I tire of YOU I mean.
Liquid: Oh. Well, that's different then.
President: Do not fail me . . . not while we have a chance to gain the upper hand . . .
Zero: Upper hand? Since when were we doing well in the first place?
Gerbil: Well, we were doing kind of good around the end of Chapter 5 . . .
President: SILENCE! Take care of this mess . . . immediately!
The President vanishes.
Gerbil: Hey, I've got a new plan . . .
Liquid: What is it now?
Gerbil: You'll see. Where's Neo Chyna?
Zero: Chyna? As in, the former wrestler Chyna?
Gerbil: You got it . . .
At the G-Pub . . .
Kou Uraki, Anavel Gato, and Zechs Marquise sit around a table getting liquored up.
Kou: Hey Gato, haven't you ever considered getting a hair cut, I mean the mullet died out in the sixties.
Zechs: Yeah, you look like an eighty year old Joe Dirt.
Kou: (Laughing) Zechs just called you old!
Zechs: Well, with all that white hair he looks like a geezer.
Gato: My hair is fine you idiots, besides chicks dig the ponytail.
Zechs and Kou laugh their respective asses off.
Gato: What the hell is so funny?
Kou: You couldn't score if you tried, OLD MAN!
Zechs: Well Kou, didn't Nina go back to him at the end of yall's show?
Kou: NO, NO, NO! It only looked like she did, besides I kicked the old man's butt anyway.
Gato: Like hell you did, sometimes I wonder why I spared a punk kid like you.
Kou: You just called me a kid, that's like admitting your old!
Gato: I'm not old!
Kou: Yes you are! you have white hair.
Gato: Zechs has white hair!
Zechs: No, I'm a platinum blonde, I swear.
Kou: HA HA, you're both old fogies!
Gato: Fine, even though the ladies like the look of an older more experienced man such as myself, to end your childish prattling I will get it dyed.
Zechs: Now that's being a good sport.
Gato: Shut up, Zechs. If I have to do this, you're getting a dye job too!
The next night Zechs and Gato meet up with Kou at the bar, Zechs now sporting long brown hair, and Gato with his now black locks trimmed to above the ears.
Gato: I came early I was supposed to meet Nina for a date.
Kou: Why you low down dirty . . .
Zechs: You got a date too! It must be the hair! I'm supposed to meet Lucrezia Noin here in a half hour.
Zechs and Gato: HIGH FIVE!
Time passes and the guys dates haven't shown, the start to worry and Kou is still crying about losing Nina. An hour later the door opens and Master Asia steps in with Noin on one arm and Nina on the other.
Zechs: What the hell, I've been dumped for a man who could be her grandpa!
Gato: Nina, why?
Nina: Oh well it's your new hair.
Gato: What!?
Noin: That's right, we like the look of an older more experienced man.
As Gato and Zechs sob, the girls and Undefeated of the East walk to the bar, after taking a few steps Asia turns around.
Master Asia: You know it's not just the graying hair.
Gato: Than what is it?
Master Asia: Simple fool, chicks dig the ponytail.
Master Asia and the girls begin to drink heavily. Soon, Noin and Nina end up going down on each other. But, it seems some strangers stop by in town . . .
Goku: Hiiiiiiii, we were just stopping by on our way through, where's the bathroom?
Asia: That way . . .
Tao: Yes, were on our way to . . . HEY, your Tohou Fuhai, the Undefeated of the East! I've always wanted to meet you!
Asia: What of it?
Tao: Well I've always wanted to test your legendary fighting ability. Master Asia I beseech you, please fight me!
Asia: I am incredibly drunk right now . . .
Tao: Oh I see . . .
Asia: This is my student Domon Kasshu, he could easily whip your sorry bum with his eyebrow.
Tao: You must have trained him well.
Asia: Yeah, but he still can't hold his liquor well. Could you please see if he is still breathing?
Tao: Yeah, he is, but he is out like a light. He must be smashed. What were you drinking?
Asia: This damn drink a friend showed him one night . . .
Tao: I see . . . so when will you be sober enough for our match.
Asia: Oh mid-June would be nice, but why are you so eager to fight me?
Tao: Well you see these fanboys are dead-set that my imaginary worlds characters could beat your imaginary worlds characters, and I just want to settle this.
Asia: Ah I see.
Tao: I'm glad you understand.
Asia: No I don't.
Tao: WHAT!?
Asia: I don't understand.
Tao: Understand what?
Asia: How much of a loser these people must be to actually argue about something as stupid and irrelevant as what fictitious character would win in a fight. Don't they have anything better to do with their time? Like drink.
Tao: I see. You are correct Undefeated. I was a fool to challenge you, forgive me.
Asia: Whatever . . .
Tao: Can I...have a seat?
Asia: Sure . . . BARTENDER ANOTHER ROUND!
Tao: So who do you think would win in a fight between you and me?
Asia: It's hard to say, since my show actually has a plot and isn't lame, plus I can't destroy planets out of whim and fancy, since you know my show is actually realistic.
Tao: True dat.
Asia: I mean why do people actually think that is cool. I mean how many times has Earth's moon been destroyed in Dragon Ball. Three I think. Where do all these moons come from? We still have our original moon, because we are realistic and not dumb enough to blow it up.
Tao: Good point. But what about your Sekiha Tenkyoken. Is it really more powerful than the Kamehameha?
Asia: Does it matter? Geez, your almost as bad as the fanboys posting all that lame stuff.
Tao: Oh, sorry.
Asia: You know what I want to know. Whether we can take these lame fanboys who write this garbage.
Tao: Hmm . . . its a toss up. We could considering they are all pasty otaku's with little to no lives, who's only aerobic exercise all week is strumming away on a keyboard and occasional bouts against friends in Pokemon Stadium.
Asia: So you think we could . . . sweet . . . I'll go get me mallet.
Tao: Well here's the part you won't like. we aren't real so we can't.
Asia: DARN!
Tao: And that's what these little dweeb kids must learn. It isn't real therefore it doesn't matter.
Asia: That's right! Who cares lets all get smashed!
The conversation is interrupted by the sound of the door opening.
Sailor Saturn: Hey can anybody tell me how to get out of this city . . . wait aren't you Tohou Fuhai!?
Tao: Great here we go again.
Asia: Heh, heh, heh. I'd really like to Tao her Pie Pie!
On the other side of the bar, our younger members seem to be having a good time . . .
Four: Damn, here we go again!
Sayla: What happened?
Four: This story is getting out of hand again. I mean, the last three chapters were pretty good. They were all straight-forward with a great plot. But now, we're all over the place again! First we're in the base of Unit BUTCHHOUND, then something with Master Asia, and now with us! What's with this writer?
Allenby: Who knows. It's just another loser sitting down at his computer with nothing better to do.
Four: True, but somebody's got to smack some sense into him . . .
Suddenly, the wall of the G-Pub caves in, and there she appeared . . .
Neo Chyna: I am Chyna! Brace yourselves, boys!
Amuro: Wow, so this is what happened to you after you quit wrestling . . .
Camille: Unit BUTCHHOUND doesn't know when to stop . . .
Neo Chyna: Prepare to be terminated.
Jamil: Jesus, it's the friggin' T-20,000 . . .
Camille: What a dumb pun for the Terminator Gundam parody the author's planning . . .
Char: Say what?
Camille: Nevermind.
Gato: She's like Mora Boscht . . .
Corin Nander: . . . except with bigger "assets" if you know what I mean.
Bright: Looks like she can take all of us down at the same time, chaps.
Char: I wonder if she has a younger sister.
Chyna leaps in, and picks up Char by the neck.
Chyna: Gah . . . ack . . . ack . . . ah . . . damn- . . . -it . . .
Chyna then tosses Char above her head, holds him up, military presses him, and tosses him behind the bar.
Chyna: Gundam will be ours.
Master Asia leaps in front of everyone.
Master Asia: Do not fear! The master is here!
Domon: Master!
Master Asia: Let's go, Domon!
Domon: School of Touhou Fuhai!
Master Asia: The winds of the king!
Domon: Zenshin!
Master Asia: Keiretsu!
Domon: Tenpakyouran!
Domon and Master: Look! The east is burning red!
Domon and Master Asia: Sekiha Twin Twin Tenkyoken!
The beam flies from their hands and collides against Chyna. It has no effect.
Domon: Uh oh . . .
Chyna grabs both Domon and Master Asia by the neck, chokes them, lifts them into the air and choke slams them.
Master Asia: Ugh . . .
Domon: Damn . . .
Allenby flips forward in front of everyone.
Allenby: Let me take care of this!
Allenby does a combo of attacks against Chyna. He hardly fazes her.
Chyna: Pathetic . . .
Allenby: Umm . . .
Allenby grabs a beer bottle and breaks it. He stabs Chyna. She bleeds, but is hardly hurt.
Allenby: Damn, you really are the T-20,000!
Chyna grabs Allenby and tosses her across the room.
Chyna: Terminate . . . terminate . . . terminate . . .
Char gets up and walks over to Chyna.
Char: That's it! I've had enough of being thrown around in this story! Let's go!
Chyna swiftly kneels down, takes her hand, and smashes Char's gentiles.
Char: Oww . . . (Falls over and holds his crotch)
Chyna: Anybody else?
Voice: Me!
Chyna: Identify yourself.
Relena: I am Relena Peacecraft! And right about now, I'm going to pacifistically kick your ass!
Heero: That's an oxymoron . . .
Relena: Who really cares?
Chyna: You will be terminated . . .
Relena: Look! The South is burning red!
The crest of the King of Hears appears on Relena's and Sayla's hands.
Relena: This hand of mine is burning red . . .
Chyna: . . . ?
Relena: It tells me to KICK YOUR ASS . . .
Chyna: Terminate!
Relena: Bakentesu G-Girl Finger combined with . . . Sekiha Enkouhajyouken!
The attack crashes against Chyna and slams her into the wall.
Relena: And now . . . BITCH-SLAP END!
Relena executes the attack, and Chyna explodes. Relena strikes a Power Ranger-esque pose afterwards.
Later that day . . .
Relena and the other girls from different Gundam universes sit together over cups coffee instead of the usual drinks spread around the pub.
Char: So beautiful . . .
Camille: I know. Isn't it great when a character from one universe comes to such a great agreement with a character from another?
Char: No, I meant Chyna. (Cries) I wish she had a younger sister . . .
Amuro: Anyway, I've stored the Hi-Nu Gundam under the derelict junkyard next door, just in case Unit BUTCHHOUND decides to pay us another visit . . .
Meanwhile . . .
Gerbil: Umm . . . guys, what are you doing?
Zero and Liquid Char: YOU'RE going in next.
Gerbil: W-What? Why me?
Liquid: Well, I'm the squad leader, Zero's my second, and that leaves you as the remaining soldier.
Gerbil: Not fair! Not fair!
Liquid: Shut up!
The President of Funimation appears. He fires a lightning bolt at Gerbil and kills him.
Liquid: Oh damn, he just killed Chronicle Asher!
Zero: I wonder if this would count as canon material . . .
President: Silence! I've had enough! This is your one and only chance to redeem yourselves . . .
Zero: But you said that last time, and the time before that, and the time before that time . . .
President: SILENCE!
Zero: My bad.
President: SHUT UP!
Zero: Okay.
President: DON'T SPEAK!
Zero: I'm sorry.
President: Argh . . . this is the last chance for you two. It's either you win, or your both holding the short end of the stick. Got it?
Liquid: Yeah, but, if we're holding the short end of the stick, what end is that? How can you tell if you're holding something that's vertical and/or horizontal that's strai-
President: SILENCE!
To Be Continued . . .
Well, that's the end of this chapter! Prepare for the next chapter: The G- Pub: Chapter 8 - The End of Unit Butchound - Blurb 1.
And soon . . . prepare for an even bigger catastrophe, as I'm in the middle of completing a hit that fans of Chrono Trigger and Gundam will enjoy . . . The G-Pub Presents: Gundam Trigger! Starring: Amuro Ray as Crono, Sayla Mass as Marle Guardia, Fraw Bo as Lucca, Haro as Robo, Camille Bidan as Frog, Mora Boscht as Ayla, and Paptimus Scirroco as Magus! Prepare for the void . . .
The G-Pub Chapter 7: Terminator 3: Gundam Day
President of Funimation: You fools! I've had enough of this!
Liquid Char: Yeah, me too. So far BUTCHHOUND only has 4 members left.
President: I tire of YOU I mean.
Liquid: Oh. Well, that's different then.
President: Do not fail me . . . not while we have a chance to gain the upper hand . . .
Zero: Upper hand? Since when were we doing well in the first place?
Gerbil: Well, we were doing kind of good around the end of Chapter 5 . . .
President: SILENCE! Take care of this mess . . . immediately!
The President vanishes.
Gerbil: Hey, I've got a new plan . . .
Liquid: What is it now?
Gerbil: You'll see. Where's Neo Chyna?
Zero: Chyna? As in, the former wrestler Chyna?
Gerbil: You got it . . .
At the G-Pub . . .
Kou Uraki, Anavel Gato, and Zechs Marquise sit around a table getting liquored up.
Kou: Hey Gato, haven't you ever considered getting a hair cut, I mean the mullet died out in the sixties.
Zechs: Yeah, you look like an eighty year old Joe Dirt.
Kou: (Laughing) Zechs just called you old!
Zechs: Well, with all that white hair he looks like a geezer.
Gato: My hair is fine you idiots, besides chicks dig the ponytail.
Zechs and Kou laugh their respective asses off.
Gato: What the hell is so funny?
Kou: You couldn't score if you tried, OLD MAN!
Zechs: Well Kou, didn't Nina go back to him at the end of yall's show?
Kou: NO, NO, NO! It only looked like she did, besides I kicked the old man's butt anyway.
Gato: Like hell you did, sometimes I wonder why I spared a punk kid like you.
Kou: You just called me a kid, that's like admitting your old!
Gato: I'm not old!
Kou: Yes you are! you have white hair.
Gato: Zechs has white hair!
Zechs: No, I'm a platinum blonde, I swear.
Kou: HA HA, you're both old fogies!
Gato: Fine, even though the ladies like the look of an older more experienced man such as myself, to end your childish prattling I will get it dyed.
Zechs: Now that's being a good sport.
Gato: Shut up, Zechs. If I have to do this, you're getting a dye job too!
The next night Zechs and Gato meet up with Kou at the bar, Zechs now sporting long brown hair, and Gato with his now black locks trimmed to above the ears.
Gato: I came early I was supposed to meet Nina for a date.
Kou: Why you low down dirty . . .
Zechs: You got a date too! It must be the hair! I'm supposed to meet Lucrezia Noin here in a half hour.
Zechs and Gato: HIGH FIVE!
Time passes and the guys dates haven't shown, the start to worry and Kou is still crying about losing Nina. An hour later the door opens and Master Asia steps in with Noin on one arm and Nina on the other.
Zechs: What the hell, I've been dumped for a man who could be her grandpa!
Gato: Nina, why?
Nina: Oh well it's your new hair.
Gato: What!?
Noin: That's right, we like the look of an older more experienced man.
As Gato and Zechs sob, the girls and Undefeated of the East walk to the bar, after taking a few steps Asia turns around.
Master Asia: You know it's not just the graying hair.
Gato: Than what is it?
Master Asia: Simple fool, chicks dig the ponytail.
Master Asia and the girls begin to drink heavily. Soon, Noin and Nina end up going down on each other. But, it seems some strangers stop by in town . . .
Goku: Hiiiiiiii, we were just stopping by on our way through, where's the bathroom?
Asia: That way . . .
Tao: Yes, were on our way to . . . HEY, your Tohou Fuhai, the Undefeated of the East! I've always wanted to meet you!
Asia: What of it?
Tao: Well I've always wanted to test your legendary fighting ability. Master Asia I beseech you, please fight me!
Asia: I am incredibly drunk right now . . .
Tao: Oh I see . . .
Asia: This is my student Domon Kasshu, he could easily whip your sorry bum with his eyebrow.
Tao: You must have trained him well.
Asia: Yeah, but he still can't hold his liquor well. Could you please see if he is still breathing?
Tao: Yeah, he is, but he is out like a light. He must be smashed. What were you drinking?
Asia: This damn drink a friend showed him one night . . .
Tao: I see . . . so when will you be sober enough for our match.
Asia: Oh mid-June would be nice, but why are you so eager to fight me?
Tao: Well you see these fanboys are dead-set that my imaginary worlds characters could beat your imaginary worlds characters, and I just want to settle this.
Asia: Ah I see.
Tao: I'm glad you understand.
Asia: No I don't.
Tao: WHAT!?
Asia: I don't understand.
Tao: Understand what?
Asia: How much of a loser these people must be to actually argue about something as stupid and irrelevant as what fictitious character would win in a fight. Don't they have anything better to do with their time? Like drink.
Tao: I see. You are correct Undefeated. I was a fool to challenge you, forgive me.
Asia: Whatever . . .
Tao: Can I...have a seat?
Asia: Sure . . . BARTENDER ANOTHER ROUND!
Tao: So who do you think would win in a fight between you and me?
Asia: It's hard to say, since my show actually has a plot and isn't lame, plus I can't destroy planets out of whim and fancy, since you know my show is actually realistic.
Tao: True dat.
Asia: I mean why do people actually think that is cool. I mean how many times has Earth's moon been destroyed in Dragon Ball. Three I think. Where do all these moons come from? We still have our original moon, because we are realistic and not dumb enough to blow it up.
Tao: Good point. But what about your Sekiha Tenkyoken. Is it really more powerful than the Kamehameha?
Asia: Does it matter? Geez, your almost as bad as the fanboys posting all that lame stuff.
Tao: Oh, sorry.
Asia: You know what I want to know. Whether we can take these lame fanboys who write this garbage.
Tao: Hmm . . . its a toss up. We could considering they are all pasty otaku's with little to no lives, who's only aerobic exercise all week is strumming away on a keyboard and occasional bouts against friends in Pokemon Stadium.
Asia: So you think we could . . . sweet . . . I'll go get me mallet.
Tao: Well here's the part you won't like. we aren't real so we can't.
Asia: DARN!
Tao: And that's what these little dweeb kids must learn. It isn't real therefore it doesn't matter.
Asia: That's right! Who cares lets all get smashed!
The conversation is interrupted by the sound of the door opening.
Sailor Saturn: Hey can anybody tell me how to get out of this city . . . wait aren't you Tohou Fuhai!?
Tao: Great here we go again.
Asia: Heh, heh, heh. I'd really like to Tao her Pie Pie!
On the other side of the bar, our younger members seem to be having a good time . . .
Four: Damn, here we go again!
Sayla: What happened?
Four: This story is getting out of hand again. I mean, the last three chapters were pretty good. They were all straight-forward with a great plot. But now, we're all over the place again! First we're in the base of Unit BUTCHHOUND, then something with Master Asia, and now with us! What's with this writer?
Allenby: Who knows. It's just another loser sitting down at his computer with nothing better to do.
Four: True, but somebody's got to smack some sense into him . . .
Suddenly, the wall of the G-Pub caves in, and there she appeared . . .
Neo Chyna: I am Chyna! Brace yourselves, boys!
Amuro: Wow, so this is what happened to you after you quit wrestling . . .
Camille: Unit BUTCHHOUND doesn't know when to stop . . .
Neo Chyna: Prepare to be terminated.
Jamil: Jesus, it's the friggin' T-20,000 . . .
Camille: What a dumb pun for the Terminator Gundam parody the author's planning . . .
Char: Say what?
Camille: Nevermind.
Gato: She's like Mora Boscht . . .
Corin Nander: . . . except with bigger "assets" if you know what I mean.
Bright: Looks like she can take all of us down at the same time, chaps.
Char: I wonder if she has a younger sister.
Chyna leaps in, and picks up Char by the neck.
Chyna: Gah . . . ack . . . ack . . . ah . . . damn- . . . -it . . .
Chyna then tosses Char above her head, holds him up, military presses him, and tosses him behind the bar.
Chyna: Gundam will be ours.
Master Asia leaps in front of everyone.
Master Asia: Do not fear! The master is here!
Domon: Master!
Master Asia: Let's go, Domon!
Domon: School of Touhou Fuhai!
Master Asia: The winds of the king!
Domon: Zenshin!
Master Asia: Keiretsu!
Domon: Tenpakyouran!
Domon and Master: Look! The east is burning red!
Domon and Master Asia: Sekiha Twin Twin Tenkyoken!
The beam flies from their hands and collides against Chyna. It has no effect.
Domon: Uh oh . . .
Chyna grabs both Domon and Master Asia by the neck, chokes them, lifts them into the air and choke slams them.
Master Asia: Ugh . . .
Domon: Damn . . .
Allenby flips forward in front of everyone.
Allenby: Let me take care of this!
Allenby does a combo of attacks against Chyna. He hardly fazes her.
Chyna: Pathetic . . .
Allenby: Umm . . .
Allenby grabs a beer bottle and breaks it. He stabs Chyna. She bleeds, but is hardly hurt.
Allenby: Damn, you really are the T-20,000!
Chyna grabs Allenby and tosses her across the room.
Chyna: Terminate . . . terminate . . . terminate . . .
Char gets up and walks over to Chyna.
Char: That's it! I've had enough of being thrown around in this story! Let's go!
Chyna swiftly kneels down, takes her hand, and smashes Char's gentiles.
Char: Oww . . . (Falls over and holds his crotch)
Chyna: Anybody else?
Voice: Me!
Chyna: Identify yourself.
Relena: I am Relena Peacecraft! And right about now, I'm going to pacifistically kick your ass!
Heero: That's an oxymoron . . .
Relena: Who really cares?
Chyna: You will be terminated . . .
Relena: Look! The South is burning red!
The crest of the King of Hears appears on Relena's and Sayla's hands.
Relena: This hand of mine is burning red . . .
Chyna: . . . ?
Relena: It tells me to KICK YOUR ASS . . .
Chyna: Terminate!
Relena: Bakentesu G-Girl Finger combined with . . . Sekiha Enkouhajyouken!
The attack crashes against Chyna and slams her into the wall.
Relena: And now . . . BITCH-SLAP END!
Relena executes the attack, and Chyna explodes. Relena strikes a Power Ranger-esque pose afterwards.
Later that day . . .
Relena and the other girls from different Gundam universes sit together over cups coffee instead of the usual drinks spread around the pub.
Char: So beautiful . . .
Camille: I know. Isn't it great when a character from one universe comes to such a great agreement with a character from another?
Char: No, I meant Chyna. (Cries) I wish she had a younger sister . . .
Amuro: Anyway, I've stored the Hi-Nu Gundam under the derelict junkyard next door, just in case Unit BUTCHHOUND decides to pay us another visit . . .
Meanwhile . . .
Gerbil: Umm . . . guys, what are you doing?
Zero and Liquid Char: YOU'RE going in next.
Gerbil: W-What? Why me?
Liquid: Well, I'm the squad leader, Zero's my second, and that leaves you as the remaining soldier.
Gerbil: Not fair! Not fair!
Liquid: Shut up!
The President of Funimation appears. He fires a lightning bolt at Gerbil and kills him.
Liquid: Oh damn, he just killed Chronicle Asher!
Zero: I wonder if this would count as canon material . . .
President: Silence! I've had enough! This is your one and only chance to redeem yourselves . . .
Zero: But you said that last time, and the time before that, and the time before that time . . .
President: SILENCE!
Zero: My bad.
President: SHUT UP!
Zero: Okay.
President: DON'T SPEAK!
Zero: I'm sorry.
President: Argh . . . this is the last chance for you two. It's either you win, or your both holding the short end of the stick. Got it?
Liquid: Yeah, but, if we're holding the short end of the stick, what end is that? How can you tell if you're holding something that's vertical and/or horizontal that's strai-
President: SILENCE!
To Be Continued . . .
Well, that's the end of this chapter! Prepare for the next chapter: The G- Pub: Chapter 8 - The End of Unit Butchound - Blurb 1.
And soon . . . prepare for an even bigger catastrophe, as I'm in the middle of completing a hit that fans of Chrono Trigger and Gundam will enjoy . . . The G-Pub Presents: Gundam Trigger! Starring: Amuro Ray as Crono, Sayla Mass as Marle Guardia, Fraw Bo as Lucca, Haro as Robo, Camille Bidan as Frog, Mora Boscht as Ayla, and Paptimus Scirroco as Magus! Prepare for the void . . .