The Fellowship of Quinn.
Part III:
Return of the Highland Shadows.
EXT. MOM'S DINNER - ON THE WAY TO ALTERNAPALOOZA – EVENING
The Fashion club walks into the dinner, which is standing in the
middle of the desert.
INT. MOM'S DINNER – EVENING
The Fashion Club enters. A waitress approaches them.
SUE THE WAITRESS: (notice that they are Fashion Clubber and shouts
to the counter)
Four house salads! With oil and vinegar on the side!
STACY: (looks around and then gasps)
Stretch pants! Everywhere stretch pants! And I am wearing stretch pants!
Before Stacy starts to hyperventilated. Sandi gives her a slap in the face.
STACY: (normal voice)
Thank you. (but then she looks around again and gasps) Eww,
sandals! Everywhere sandals! And I am wearing sandals!
TIFFANY: (to Sandi)
Maaaaaay I?
SANDI: (kindly)
Be my guest Tiffany.
Just before Stacy can hyperventilate, Tiffany gives her a smack in the face.
STACY: (normal voice)
Thank you Tiffany.
QUINN:
It is now my turn?
STACY:
… Oh no, I am fine.
QUINN:
Just a little bit
STACY:
No, no. I am calm now.
QUINN: (wining)
That is not fair! You let Sandi and Tiffany help you. Why not *me*?
Is it that you like me the least?
STACY: (gasps)
Liking you the least….??? But, but, but.
Stacy starts to hyperventilate again and Quinn prepares to strike
her, but she accidentally tangles her finger in the One Ring, which she
wears as a necklace.
Abruptly Quinn vanishes.
Sandi, Tiffany and Stacy glance at the empty space where Quinn was
standing.
Quinn reappears.
QUINN:
Ewwwwww. Everything went blurry, and I could see everybody's undies.
STACY: (gasps)
Ewww, undies, everywhere undies. I…
Quinn smacks her in the face.
DARIA: (as cynical as possible from a dark corner of the dinner)
Great act, like the 4 Stooges meeting Houdini.
SANDY:
Quinn, doesn't she look exactly like your cousin?
QUINN:
Ehem no. What do you want, Dar… stranger?
DARIA:
A little more caution from you, that is no trinket you carry.
QUINN:
That is not a trinket that is a *ring*.
DARIA: (rolls her eyes)
Indeed! I can avoid being seen if I wish, but to disappear entirely,
that is a rare gift.
Daria notice that the Fashion Club are ignoring her by leaving her standing alone, while they take place at a restaurant table.
DARIA: (mutters)
A rare gift that was brought to me in huge quantities, when I was lying
in my cradle.
She walks up to Quinn and drags her into a corner. The remaining Fashion Club doesn't bother.
QUINN:
Hey!
DARIA:
I know what hunts you.
QUINN:
Yes, I know. I have to beat them off with a stick.
DARIA:
What the TV-Wraiths?
QUINN:
No, the boys.
DARIA:
NO, the TV-Wraiths, those phantoms who were following you on motorbikes.
QUINN: (annoyed)
Yes, the *boys*.
DARIA: (demanding)
NO! They are the *TV-Wraiths*!
(as telling a horror story)
There were once brains - which could become great kings of the
college.
But then Principle Li gave to them nine rings of power with ultimate
TV access.
Blinded by their laziness, they took them without question. One by
one they have fallen into darkness by watching cable television 24-hours
a day.
Now they are slaves to her will. They have mutated into TV-Wraiths
neither living nor dead.
At all times they feel the presence of the Ring, drawn to the power
of the One. They will never stop hunting you.
…
Are you frightened?
QUINN: (unimpressed)
No.
DARIA:
Not a little?
QUINN:
No
DARIA:
Spoilsport… (she thinks, and then adds)
They are part-time puppy-kickers too.
QUINN: (horrified)
What? Ewwwwwwwww!
DARIA: (smirks)
That's better.
EXT. ENGLISH-CLASS-TOWER - DAY
DeMartino the Grey walks to the English-Class-Tower to consult with
Mr. O'Neill the White, who is expecting him.
O'NIELL:
DeMartino the Grey!
DE MARTINO:
O'Neill the WHITE. I have found *THE* One Ring. We STILL have time.
Time enough to encounter the Dark Principle LI.
O'NIELL:
Ah yes, arrogant, proud, vain... thuggish. The Dark Principle Li is
all of these and worse. And yet, if we tilt our figurative head to the
side and squint just so, isn't she also just a little... cuddly?
DE MARTINO: (sceptical)
Cuddly?
O'NIELL:
I mean: What is it about tyrants that makes them so... I don't know,
charismatic?
DE MARTINO:
What do you want to SAY?
O'NIELL: (softly)
Against the power of Li, there is no victory.
We must join with her. We must join with Dark Principal Li.
It would be wise, "Anthony".
DE MARTINO:
Tell me, "Timothy". SINCE when has O'Neill the Reasonable abandoned
madness for wisdom?
O'NEILL:
Pardon me Anthony. You mean: O'Neill the Wise abandoned reason for
madness.
DE MARTINO:
I mean… YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
O'NEILL:
Perhaps I should ask if you might wish to be excused for a moment because
of the emotionally sensitive nature of this subject.
DE MARTINO: (laughing evil)
I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly, but you have elected
the way of pain!
DeMartino uses his magical rod and attacks O'Neill with a sorcery blast. But some how he miscalculated the shockwave, the blast misses O'Neill and DeMartino flies back against the wall, knocking him unconscious.
O'NEILL: (looking at the unconscious DeMartino)
Oh dear, Anthony.
That is right, you just have a bit of a lie down.
Yes, get your breath back…
(Mr. O'Neill looks at the floor and adds)
And your teeth.
EXT. THE RUINS OF A GREAT WATCHTOWER – NIGHT – FULL MOON
The Fashion Club is alone, they are camping.
It is a quiet night, but then noises of two motorcycles interrupt
the silence. The Fashion Club gasp, when they hear steps nearing them.
They see 2 repulsive figures, which look like the TV-Wraiths Daria has described.
Guess who:
BUTTHEAD:
Whoa...Beavis look, chicks.
BEAVIS:
Heh heh heh. Yeah! Chicks.
THE FASHIONCLUB: (terrified)
Eep!
BUTTHEAD:
Huh Huh. This is it, Beavis. We're finally gonna score!
BEAVIS:
Yeah! Heh heh heh! Now we are gonna get some!
THE FASHIONCLUB: (horrified)
EEP!
BUTTHEAD:
Hey! Let's show them our wiener.
BEAVIS:
Yeah, heh heh heh. It is sausage-time.
But before they can do any visual damage to the Fashion Club.
Daria swings into action, wielding her sword as she appears from
the darkness blocking the way between the defenceless girls and the two
bums from hell.
HEROIC MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY
DARIA: (heroically)
Back you devils!
Face me!
BUTTHEAD: (unimpressed)
Hey! It is Daria!
MUSIC CUTS DEAD
BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD: (singing and dancing)
Diarrheaahhh cha-cha-cha. Diarrheaahhh cha-cha-cha.
Daria is now very annoyed, or we should better say: Heavily pissed
off.
So she takes a torch and set fire to her former classmates Beavis
and Butthead.
BEAVIS:
Ahhhh! Fire, fire, fire.
BUTTHEAD:
Huh, huh.
BEAVIS:
Yeah, I am so hot.
BUTTHEAD:
You are not hot. You are a dumb ass.
BEAVIS:
Shut up, you fart-knocker.
Beavis attacks Butthead. Both are burning and struggling on the floor.
DARIA:
(to the Fashion Club)
Okay, let's leave. There are still 7 TV-Wraiths left.
(to the readers)
I would like to warn all children of all ages, that this is a cartoon.
In reality setting fire to people is a very dangerous thing to do. So don't
try this at home.
The Fashion Club plus Daria runs down a hill.