I've decided that every 10 or so chapters I'd contribute a chapter that was
to do mostly with a series that we don't cover much or don't cover a lot,
namely the Gundam Aus. Chapter 10 is dedicated to parodying Gundam W.
The Gundam Pub - Chapter X: Gundam Wing-less
At a large table in the middle of the G-Pub, we see the Wing boys, Zechs and Relena talking with a pair of writers.
Writer #1: Thanks for this meeting, guys. We know how you wanted to work out another series. And Preventer 5...
Duo: That was a lousy idea! What genius thought that you could make a Gundam series without MS?
Writer #2: . . . we fired him. Anyway, we have a lot of new ideas to pass around for the new season. So, how about a Haro?
Wing Cast: . . .
Writer #2: Okay, forget that one. Well, we were talking about replacing all that fencing with flashy gunfights. And lots of white doves flying around.
Zechs: Yeah, and Chow Yun Fat will sue us so fast it'll set a land speed record.
The other guys chortle.
Writer #1: How about a heart-touching romance between Quatre and Dorothy?
Quatre: (Spit-takes his whiskey) Good God, what the (deleted expletive) is wrong with you (more deleted expletives)?!
Wufei: (Rolls his eyes) Gee, you'd never know he was a Ping-Pong Club fan . . .
Writer #2: Well, what do you say to having the Cinq Kingdom stage a performance of Romeo and Juliet and having everyone fight over the parts?
Zechs: . . . lawsuits from Takeuchi, Takahashi, Shakespeare's estate . . .
Heero: Besides, I played Tybalt at the community college. Not my favorite play.
Writer #1: Okay, so here's our final idea. Take out the MS fights and replace them with mud-wrestling matches between the girls. With guest appearances by girls from the other universes! It'll boost our ratings!
Trowa: You DO realize that our primary audience is women, right?
Heero: And you'd have to consult all the girls for permission.
Writer #2: Nah, we already scripted it. It's gonna' be great . . . now what was it I forgot?
All heads at the table turn to Relena, and they notice girls like Sayla, Rain, Four, and Christina peeking over the booth angrily.
Relena: (Turns to Duo and points at a bottle of Jack Daniels in front of him) Are you done with that?
Duo: Sure. (Passes her the bottle)
Relena: (Breaks the bottle against the table and points it at the writers) I think your scripts need a few edits. Girls?
The angry women of Gundam, wielding pool cues and other nasty objects, chase the writers out of the bar.
Heero: Maybe I should ask them to write her like that in the new season.
Duo: . . . After they get out of intensive care. In the meantime, let's get wretched!
Meanwhile, Amuro and Char watch from far away.
Char: Hey, why do they get a special?! A bunch of overpowered Gundams in a rehashed series . .
Amuro: Char, we're in just about every chapter taking up multiple pages. We've got to give these other guys a chance. I mean, you and your twin just took up the entire BUTCHHOUND arc finale.
Char: Well if it's going to be like this from time to time, then damn the director!
Suddenly, the ground begins to shake, the heavens open up revealing the Sun, and in front of it is none other than Revolver Zero.
Char: YOU?!
Zero: I have been damned? (Throws lightning bolts at Char) TAKE THAT BACK FROM YOUR BELOVED WRITER?!
Char is hit by a lightning bolt and thrown to the ground.
Char: Oww . . .
Zero: Now, we will continue with Gundam Wing's special!
Char: Yes, sire . . .
The heaven's close. Dorothy walks into the pub. Wufei is sitting alone as usual, but Dorothy walks over to him.
Dorothy: Hi, I'm Dorothy, like what's your name?
Wufei: I am Wufei, for Wufei is my name!
Dorothy: Ok, and like what do you do?
Wufei: I fight to rid the Earth of all evil that Earth must be rid of!
Dorothy: . . . And umm just how do you do that?
Wufei: By defeating the enemies that must be defeated!
Dorothy: . . . But h -
Wufei: And beating the evil that must be beaten! I will rid the Earth of all evil even if I must become evil itself!
Dorothy: Why are you yelling?
Wufei: For dramatic effect that is effective and dramatic!
Dorothy: Why are you repeating everything you say? You're like that monkey from the Powerpuff Girls.
Wufei: ....... .......
Dorothy: Do you always have to say everything you say twice?
Wufei: No . . . no!
Dorothy: Geez, you're a creep. I'm outta' here.
Dorothy gets up to try and leave.
Wufei: Are you doing the right thing!?
Dorothy: What the hell are you talking about?
Wufei: I'm asking you if you're doing the right thing!!
Dorothy: Yeah, I'm getting out of here.
Dorothy leaves, Duo seeing Wufei's plight comes over.
Duo: Hey buddy you gotta' loosen up!
Wufei: .... ....
Duo: Here have a drink, I can't believe you messed that up man. She's great in the sack!
Wufei: Really . . . really?!
Duo: Yeah buddy, that thing she does with her eyebrows . . . whoa! Plus she let Hilde join too!
Wufei: Damn . . . damn!
Duo: You really need to work on your people skills! What's bugging you so bad?
Wufei: My wife is dead 'cause she died!
Duo: Oh yeah . . . sucks to be you!
Wufei draws his sword.
Duo: Ummm . . . heh, heh, heh . . . did I say you? I meant ewe, you know like a female sheep.
Wufei: You are lucky and in luck! I haven't felt like killing anyone since Trieze died and got killed!
Duo: Well you killed him, there be happy!
Wufei: He killed himself and committed suicide! He was beating my ass because it was my fannie that was getting whooped!
Duo: So you never killed Trieze? Oh well at least he is dead!
Wufie: No! I continue to fight him to this day!
Duo: What do ya' mean! That's just more of your insane psycho-babble right?
Wufei: No, he is alive, look he's over there at his weekly club meeting!
Duo: Holy shit. So you never did kill Trieze!
Wufei: No . . . no.
Duo: So I guess your life is pretty much as meaningless as you were a character in Wing then?
Wufei glares angrily at Duo but before he can draw his sword Duo has already run away.
Wufei: Yes . . . (Sobs) it is!
Elsewhere in the pub, the guys are chill-axing, when . . .
Relena: (Running in with a letter) You've got a bit of important mail, Heero . . .
Everyone looks at Heero.
Char: And why, pray tell, is she reading your mail?
Heero (Opening the letter) At least I can carry on a relationship with someone who's my age. (Reads the letter as the guys restrain Char) . . . I'm being sued?!
Camille: (Takes the letter) Hmm . . . the families of your victims are suing you for wrongful death. Wait, wasn't that just a TV show?
Heero: Well, yeah, but the director wanted a certain "Faces of Death" realism to it. So . . .
Amuro: (Facepalms) . . . so you actually killed all those people.
Heero: It's called method acting. Now if you'll excuse me, I need a lawyer.
Scene change to Birdman's office. Birdman and a suit-wearing Heero talk as Peanut acts like Solid Snake, like usual.
Birdman: So let me get this straight. You were filming a TV show . . . and you actually killed people.
Heero: Why do people have such a problem with this? We were going for realism.
Birdman: You do realize that there's only an extremely small chance that I can spring you, right?
Heero: If you can defend Char against pedophilia, then this should be no problem.
Peanut attempts to snap Heero's neck.
Heero: Cut that out. You're doing it all wrong.
Scene change to the courtroom, with no judge. The jury consists mainly of mecha anime characters of all forms. Suddenly, the heavens open, and from the sky lowers Revolver Zero.
G-Pub: YOU?!
Zero: Yes, I am as well the said writer of this story like I said earlier in this chapter but NOOOOOOO, none of you are paying attention. Do I have to explain myself again and again?
Four: I knew you looked familiar.
Zero: Bring in the defendant.
The bailiff wheels Heero in, who now bears a resemblance to Hannibal Lecter.
Judau: (Whispering to Amuro) That can't be good for his ego.
Zero: Mr. Spyro-Graph, make your case.
Spyro: Thank you, your honor. I intend to prove, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that this young miscreant, Mr. Odin Lowe Junior . . .
All the Gundam characters begin laughing wildly.
Scirocco: THAT's his legal name?!
Char: I guess that assassin must have had a fake birth certificate made. Still!
More laughing.
Zero: Order in the court, dammit! Don't make me come down there!
Spyro: This young miscreant willfully and maliciously, took the lives of 3713 people during the filming of his television series.
Zero: Mr. Birdbrain?
Chuckles from everyone.
Birdman: How do you define a hero? Bold? Daring? Fearless? Willing to sacrifice a few thousand lives for the betterment of a few billion? That's my definition, and this brave young man, Heero, is a true . . . hero . . . uh, yeah.
Spyro: The prosecution will now call its witnesses.
A montage of GW characters begin testifying.
Duo: Sure, soldiers are supposed to kill. But Heero's the first one I ever saw make a highlight reel. He'd watch it and make comments like "Boy, that was a messy one". Creeped me out.
Trowa: Actually, he did show remorse. There's this one episode where he puts his life in the hands of his victims' families . . . but they all tried to kill him, so the director hired actors to play their parts.
Relena: He tried to run me over with his Mazda on fifteen non-consecutive occasions!
Birdman: Objection, your Honor. My client was merely filling the clause of his contract that states he was supposed to bring the life of Ms. Peacecraft into jeopardy.
Relena: Only during filming! He tried to run me down when I was going home! My own boyfriend! Once, he even drove through the front wall of my house to get at me.
Heero whispers to Birdman for a second.
Birdman: But at that time, were you not a big fan of the music of Celine Dion?
Relena: Well, yes, but . . .
Birdman: Justifiable homicide, your Honor.
Zero: Meh. Too true.
Cut to the commisionary, where Birdman and Heero are discussing the case.
Birdman: I know exactly what you're going through, my boy. During my super- hero days, I accidentally hit a nuclear reactor with my solar ray. They called it "another Chernobyl". But they never got it to stick! (Chuckles)
The main cast of GW comes over to the table.
Duo: Hey buddy, how's it going?
Heero: (Hisses through the mask)
Duo: Come on, we're supposed to be telling the truth up there. It's not like we're not your friends here.
Heero begins muttering something. Birdman leans in to hear it, and his eyes go wide.
Duo: What'd he say?
Birdman: . . . nothing we could get past the network censors.
Relena: I'm sorry, but I promise that we'll get you out of this. I've got a brilliant plan on how to win the jury's sympathy!
Heero mumbles something to Birdman.
Birdman: He says . . . "You can take your plan, your fuzzy handcuffs, your French maid outfit, and your strawberry body paint and shove them.
The guys look at her funny.
Relena: HEERO!!!!
Birdman: Look, just do your thing and I'll try to stall.
Quatre: Is it right for you to be stalling the engine of modern justice like that?
Birdman: Son, that's what being a lawyer is all about!
The trial drags on . . .
Birdman: (Who now has visible stubble) Your Honor, I believe that by reviewing the entire 49-episode series and movie, we can truly understand that my client was merely acting to fulfill the wishes of the majority and bring about a peaceful resolution to the vicious cycle of war.
Zero and all of the jury are asleep.
Birdman: (Whispering to Heero) I don't think they bought it.
Heero: (Mutters something that sounds like "No shit")
The doors of the courtroom burst open, and in come Relena and the other guys, along with the little girl from EW.
Relena: Wait, we have a surprise witness!
Zero: Well, since I missed my Patriots game we might as well hear what she has to say.
The girl is sworn in.
Birdman: So, sweetie, how did you meet Heero.
Girl: I was walking my dog Mary, and I stopped to talk to him.
Birdman: Now, what do you think of him?
Girl: He's really nice! I gave him a flower and he played with Mary!
Jury: Aww!
Spyro: Young lady, you DO understand that this "nice" boy has ended the lives of over 3000 people, don't you?
Girl: (Getting teary-eyed) Please, don't be mean to my Big Brother Heero. He was just doing what he thought would make everyone happy. He didn't mean to hurt anyone.
She runs up and gives him a big hug.
Jury: Awwwww!
Relena winks at Heero. Heero, relieved, smiles back.
After deliberation . . .
Zero: Mr. Foreman, what is the verdict?
Gai Daidoji: Your Honor, we, the Fair and Just Jury have used our great powers of deduction . . .
Koji Kabuto: Get on with it!
Gai: . . . and, in reviewing the evidence and testimonies, have decided that in light of all the facts . . .
Misato Katsuragi: Just say it!
Gai: . . . That the man known as Odin Lowe Jr., but more commonly by the true name of his soul, Heero Yuy . . .
Roy Fokker: READ THE DAMN VERDICT!
Gai: . . . is innocent.
Zero: Case dismissed! (Rises, and flies back to fanfic writer heaven)
Back at Birdman's office . . .
Birdman: You know, if we'd have lost, the penalty would have been death by lethal injection.
Heero: Been there, done that.
Flashback to a bunch of OZ grunts attempting to inject Heero.
OZ Soldier: Strange . . . the needle isn't breaking his skin
Heero: You might want a beam saber for that, pal.
End flashback
Birdman: Anyway, how'd you get the little girl to testify? I thought she was one of his victims.
Glemmy: She was!
In come Glemmy and a Puru, who is wearing the girl's dress.
Glemmy: The young lady here hired out one of my girls to do a little acting.
Birdman: (To Relena) Nice. You a lawyer?
Relena: Nope, politician.
Glemmy: Well, to celebrate Puru's performance, I'm gonna' let her pick out a "special friend" for tonight. Who do you want, dear?
Puru grabs onto Relena's arm.
Puru: I like this one! She's pretty!
Everyone looks a bit weirded out.
Glemmy: Wait, which one are you?
Puru: I'm Puru-69!
Glemmy: Ah. (To everyone else) She came out a little . . .odd.
Heero: Can I come too?
Glemmy: Sure, the more the merrier.
They walk out, as cheesy 60's porno music plays.
Birdman: . . . I think I'm going to go claw my eyeballs out.
Duo: Hey, compared to what they usually put us in, that's a treat.
To Be Continued . . .
Well, the end of another chapter, hope you all liked it. BTW, I have a website dedicated to this fanfic among other Gundam parodies called "The G- Pub". The address is . In the sidestory section, I have Gundam parodies of "Chrono Trigger" and "Star Wars: Episode I - The Phanton Menace". I've got a whole lot of other stuff on there, too, so check it out.
The Gundam Pub - Chapter X: Gundam Wing-less
At a large table in the middle of the G-Pub, we see the Wing boys, Zechs and Relena talking with a pair of writers.
Writer #1: Thanks for this meeting, guys. We know how you wanted to work out another series. And Preventer 5...
Duo: That was a lousy idea! What genius thought that you could make a Gundam series without MS?
Writer #2: . . . we fired him. Anyway, we have a lot of new ideas to pass around for the new season. So, how about a Haro?
Wing Cast: . . .
Writer #2: Okay, forget that one. Well, we were talking about replacing all that fencing with flashy gunfights. And lots of white doves flying around.
Zechs: Yeah, and Chow Yun Fat will sue us so fast it'll set a land speed record.
The other guys chortle.
Writer #1: How about a heart-touching romance between Quatre and Dorothy?
Quatre: (Spit-takes his whiskey) Good God, what the (deleted expletive) is wrong with you (more deleted expletives)?!
Wufei: (Rolls his eyes) Gee, you'd never know he was a Ping-Pong Club fan . . .
Writer #2: Well, what do you say to having the Cinq Kingdom stage a performance of Romeo and Juliet and having everyone fight over the parts?
Zechs: . . . lawsuits from Takeuchi, Takahashi, Shakespeare's estate . . .
Heero: Besides, I played Tybalt at the community college. Not my favorite play.
Writer #1: Okay, so here's our final idea. Take out the MS fights and replace them with mud-wrestling matches between the girls. With guest appearances by girls from the other universes! It'll boost our ratings!
Trowa: You DO realize that our primary audience is women, right?
Heero: And you'd have to consult all the girls for permission.
Writer #2: Nah, we already scripted it. It's gonna' be great . . . now what was it I forgot?
All heads at the table turn to Relena, and they notice girls like Sayla, Rain, Four, and Christina peeking over the booth angrily.
Relena: (Turns to Duo and points at a bottle of Jack Daniels in front of him) Are you done with that?
Duo: Sure. (Passes her the bottle)
Relena: (Breaks the bottle against the table and points it at the writers) I think your scripts need a few edits. Girls?
The angry women of Gundam, wielding pool cues and other nasty objects, chase the writers out of the bar.
Heero: Maybe I should ask them to write her like that in the new season.
Duo: . . . After they get out of intensive care. In the meantime, let's get wretched!
Meanwhile, Amuro and Char watch from far away.
Char: Hey, why do they get a special?! A bunch of overpowered Gundams in a rehashed series . .
Amuro: Char, we're in just about every chapter taking up multiple pages. We've got to give these other guys a chance. I mean, you and your twin just took up the entire BUTCHHOUND arc finale.
Char: Well if it's going to be like this from time to time, then damn the director!
Suddenly, the ground begins to shake, the heavens open up revealing the Sun, and in front of it is none other than Revolver Zero.
Char: YOU?!
Zero: I have been damned? (Throws lightning bolts at Char) TAKE THAT BACK FROM YOUR BELOVED WRITER?!
Char is hit by a lightning bolt and thrown to the ground.
Char: Oww . . .
Zero: Now, we will continue with Gundam Wing's special!
Char: Yes, sire . . .
The heaven's close. Dorothy walks into the pub. Wufei is sitting alone as usual, but Dorothy walks over to him.
Dorothy: Hi, I'm Dorothy, like what's your name?
Wufei: I am Wufei, for Wufei is my name!
Dorothy: Ok, and like what do you do?
Wufei: I fight to rid the Earth of all evil that Earth must be rid of!
Dorothy: . . . And umm just how do you do that?
Wufei: By defeating the enemies that must be defeated!
Dorothy: . . . But h -
Wufei: And beating the evil that must be beaten! I will rid the Earth of all evil even if I must become evil itself!
Dorothy: Why are you yelling?
Wufei: For dramatic effect that is effective and dramatic!
Dorothy: Why are you repeating everything you say? You're like that monkey from the Powerpuff Girls.
Wufei: ....... .......
Dorothy: Do you always have to say everything you say twice?
Wufei: No . . . no!
Dorothy: Geez, you're a creep. I'm outta' here.
Dorothy gets up to try and leave.
Wufei: Are you doing the right thing!?
Dorothy: What the hell are you talking about?
Wufei: I'm asking you if you're doing the right thing!!
Dorothy: Yeah, I'm getting out of here.
Dorothy leaves, Duo seeing Wufei's plight comes over.
Duo: Hey buddy you gotta' loosen up!
Wufei: .... ....
Duo: Here have a drink, I can't believe you messed that up man. She's great in the sack!
Wufei: Really . . . really?!
Duo: Yeah buddy, that thing she does with her eyebrows . . . whoa! Plus she let Hilde join too!
Wufei: Damn . . . damn!
Duo: You really need to work on your people skills! What's bugging you so bad?
Wufei: My wife is dead 'cause she died!
Duo: Oh yeah . . . sucks to be you!
Wufei draws his sword.
Duo: Ummm . . . heh, heh, heh . . . did I say you? I meant ewe, you know like a female sheep.
Wufei: You are lucky and in luck! I haven't felt like killing anyone since Trieze died and got killed!
Duo: Well you killed him, there be happy!
Wufei: He killed himself and committed suicide! He was beating my ass because it was my fannie that was getting whooped!
Duo: So you never killed Trieze? Oh well at least he is dead!
Wufie: No! I continue to fight him to this day!
Duo: What do ya' mean! That's just more of your insane psycho-babble right?
Wufei: No, he is alive, look he's over there at his weekly club meeting!
Duo: Holy shit. So you never did kill Trieze!
Wufei: No . . . no.
Duo: So I guess your life is pretty much as meaningless as you were a character in Wing then?
Wufei glares angrily at Duo but before he can draw his sword Duo has already run away.
Wufei: Yes . . . (Sobs) it is!
Elsewhere in the pub, the guys are chill-axing, when . . .
Relena: (Running in with a letter) You've got a bit of important mail, Heero . . .
Everyone looks at Heero.
Char: And why, pray tell, is she reading your mail?
Heero (Opening the letter) At least I can carry on a relationship with someone who's my age. (Reads the letter as the guys restrain Char) . . . I'm being sued?!
Camille: (Takes the letter) Hmm . . . the families of your victims are suing you for wrongful death. Wait, wasn't that just a TV show?
Heero: Well, yeah, but the director wanted a certain "Faces of Death" realism to it. So . . .
Amuro: (Facepalms) . . . so you actually killed all those people.
Heero: It's called method acting. Now if you'll excuse me, I need a lawyer.
Scene change to Birdman's office. Birdman and a suit-wearing Heero talk as Peanut acts like Solid Snake, like usual.
Birdman: So let me get this straight. You were filming a TV show . . . and you actually killed people.
Heero: Why do people have such a problem with this? We were going for realism.
Birdman: You do realize that there's only an extremely small chance that I can spring you, right?
Heero: If you can defend Char against pedophilia, then this should be no problem.
Peanut attempts to snap Heero's neck.
Heero: Cut that out. You're doing it all wrong.
Scene change to the courtroom, with no judge. The jury consists mainly of mecha anime characters of all forms. Suddenly, the heavens open, and from the sky lowers Revolver Zero.
G-Pub: YOU?!
Zero: Yes, I am as well the said writer of this story like I said earlier in this chapter but NOOOOOOO, none of you are paying attention. Do I have to explain myself again and again?
Four: I knew you looked familiar.
Zero: Bring in the defendant.
The bailiff wheels Heero in, who now bears a resemblance to Hannibal Lecter.
Judau: (Whispering to Amuro) That can't be good for his ego.
Zero: Mr. Spyro-Graph, make your case.
Spyro: Thank you, your honor. I intend to prove, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that this young miscreant, Mr. Odin Lowe Junior . . .
All the Gundam characters begin laughing wildly.
Scirocco: THAT's his legal name?!
Char: I guess that assassin must have had a fake birth certificate made. Still!
More laughing.
Zero: Order in the court, dammit! Don't make me come down there!
Spyro: This young miscreant willfully and maliciously, took the lives of 3713 people during the filming of his television series.
Zero: Mr. Birdbrain?
Chuckles from everyone.
Birdman: How do you define a hero? Bold? Daring? Fearless? Willing to sacrifice a few thousand lives for the betterment of a few billion? That's my definition, and this brave young man, Heero, is a true . . . hero . . . uh, yeah.
Spyro: The prosecution will now call its witnesses.
A montage of GW characters begin testifying.
Duo: Sure, soldiers are supposed to kill. But Heero's the first one I ever saw make a highlight reel. He'd watch it and make comments like "Boy, that was a messy one". Creeped me out.
Trowa: Actually, he did show remorse. There's this one episode where he puts his life in the hands of his victims' families . . . but they all tried to kill him, so the director hired actors to play their parts.
Relena: He tried to run me over with his Mazda on fifteen non-consecutive occasions!
Birdman: Objection, your Honor. My client was merely filling the clause of his contract that states he was supposed to bring the life of Ms. Peacecraft into jeopardy.
Relena: Only during filming! He tried to run me down when I was going home! My own boyfriend! Once, he even drove through the front wall of my house to get at me.
Heero whispers to Birdman for a second.
Birdman: But at that time, were you not a big fan of the music of Celine Dion?
Relena: Well, yes, but . . .
Birdman: Justifiable homicide, your Honor.
Zero: Meh. Too true.
Cut to the commisionary, where Birdman and Heero are discussing the case.
Birdman: I know exactly what you're going through, my boy. During my super- hero days, I accidentally hit a nuclear reactor with my solar ray. They called it "another Chernobyl". But they never got it to stick! (Chuckles)
The main cast of GW comes over to the table.
Duo: Hey buddy, how's it going?
Heero: (Hisses through the mask)
Duo: Come on, we're supposed to be telling the truth up there. It's not like we're not your friends here.
Heero begins muttering something. Birdman leans in to hear it, and his eyes go wide.
Duo: What'd he say?
Birdman: . . . nothing we could get past the network censors.
Relena: I'm sorry, but I promise that we'll get you out of this. I've got a brilliant plan on how to win the jury's sympathy!
Heero mumbles something to Birdman.
Birdman: He says . . . "You can take your plan, your fuzzy handcuffs, your French maid outfit, and your strawberry body paint and shove them.
The guys look at her funny.
Relena: HEERO!!!!
Birdman: Look, just do your thing and I'll try to stall.
Quatre: Is it right for you to be stalling the engine of modern justice like that?
Birdman: Son, that's what being a lawyer is all about!
The trial drags on . . .
Birdman: (Who now has visible stubble) Your Honor, I believe that by reviewing the entire 49-episode series and movie, we can truly understand that my client was merely acting to fulfill the wishes of the majority and bring about a peaceful resolution to the vicious cycle of war.
Zero and all of the jury are asleep.
Birdman: (Whispering to Heero) I don't think they bought it.
Heero: (Mutters something that sounds like "No shit")
The doors of the courtroom burst open, and in come Relena and the other guys, along with the little girl from EW.
Relena: Wait, we have a surprise witness!
Zero: Well, since I missed my Patriots game we might as well hear what she has to say.
The girl is sworn in.
Birdman: So, sweetie, how did you meet Heero.
Girl: I was walking my dog Mary, and I stopped to talk to him.
Birdman: Now, what do you think of him?
Girl: He's really nice! I gave him a flower and he played with Mary!
Jury: Aww!
Spyro: Young lady, you DO understand that this "nice" boy has ended the lives of over 3000 people, don't you?
Girl: (Getting teary-eyed) Please, don't be mean to my Big Brother Heero. He was just doing what he thought would make everyone happy. He didn't mean to hurt anyone.
She runs up and gives him a big hug.
Jury: Awwwww!
Relena winks at Heero. Heero, relieved, smiles back.
After deliberation . . .
Zero: Mr. Foreman, what is the verdict?
Gai Daidoji: Your Honor, we, the Fair and Just Jury have used our great powers of deduction . . .
Koji Kabuto: Get on with it!
Gai: . . . and, in reviewing the evidence and testimonies, have decided that in light of all the facts . . .
Misato Katsuragi: Just say it!
Gai: . . . That the man known as Odin Lowe Jr., but more commonly by the true name of his soul, Heero Yuy . . .
Roy Fokker: READ THE DAMN VERDICT!
Gai: . . . is innocent.
Zero: Case dismissed! (Rises, and flies back to fanfic writer heaven)
Back at Birdman's office . . .
Birdman: You know, if we'd have lost, the penalty would have been death by lethal injection.
Heero: Been there, done that.
Flashback to a bunch of OZ grunts attempting to inject Heero.
OZ Soldier: Strange . . . the needle isn't breaking his skin
Heero: You might want a beam saber for that, pal.
End flashback
Birdman: Anyway, how'd you get the little girl to testify? I thought she was one of his victims.
Glemmy: She was!
In come Glemmy and a Puru, who is wearing the girl's dress.
Glemmy: The young lady here hired out one of my girls to do a little acting.
Birdman: (To Relena) Nice. You a lawyer?
Relena: Nope, politician.
Glemmy: Well, to celebrate Puru's performance, I'm gonna' let her pick out a "special friend" for tonight. Who do you want, dear?
Puru grabs onto Relena's arm.
Puru: I like this one! She's pretty!
Everyone looks a bit weirded out.
Glemmy: Wait, which one are you?
Puru: I'm Puru-69!
Glemmy: Ah. (To everyone else) She came out a little . . .odd.
Heero: Can I come too?
Glemmy: Sure, the more the merrier.
They walk out, as cheesy 60's porno music plays.
Birdman: . . . I think I'm going to go claw my eyeballs out.
Duo: Hey, compared to what they usually put us in, that's a treat.
To Be Continued . . .
Well, the end of another chapter, hope you all liked it. BTW, I have a website dedicated to this fanfic among other Gundam parodies called "The G- Pub". The address is . In the sidestory section, I have Gundam parodies of "Chrono Trigger" and "Star Wars: Episode I - The Phanton Menace". I've got a whole lot of other stuff on there, too, so check it out.