Before we start, I'd just like to mention again that we have a website: , so come on in and visit whenever you can, as it has everything here plus tons more, not to mention I'll have a message board/forum up soon for your Gundam discussion needs. Also, can I get a vote on what you'd like first for the next time I do an AU special? I have both a G Gundam and SEED special ready, so, which would you guys like first?

Chapter 12: And the Slaughter Continues . . .

Begun! The Gender War Has!

Char: Alright ladies, rematch time!

Rain: We'll whip you boys any day of the week.

Gato: It's on! We're gonna' kick your butts this time!

Haman: Then let the game begin.

They go up to the machines and prepare to get into their cockpits. Amuro reaches into his pocket.

Amuro: Damn, Char, can you lend me a quarter?

Char: Damn it . . .

The guys climb into the game cockpits, pop in their quarters and select their mobile suits

Christina: Haman, Beltochika isn't here today, so we are short one player.

Haman: Like we need her.

Aina: Yeah, but it just isn't a team without us nine girls.

Haman: Fine, I'll call "her" and see if she wants to come play today. I'll join the game later.

Christina: Okay.

The girls jump in, deposit their quarters, and select their suits.

Texas colony wastelands is the chosen arena.

Shiro: Crap, I hate this board! Who picked this board? There's no cover, it's a damn desert! This is so unstrategic!

Char: Well if you want to go hide fine, leave the real fighting to us men.

Judua: Yeah, us men!

Shiro Shut up, Judua! You're like twelve.

Judua sticks his tongue out at the radio.

Bernie: Will you all shut up, you're gonna' give our position away!

(Radio silence)

The guys break into two teams. Team A consisting of Char in the Hyaku- Shiki, Gato in his customized Zeta Gundam, Judua with the FAZZ, Shiro in the EZ-8, and Paptimus in a GM Sniper. Team Z heads off in the other direction made up of Amuro in the Nu Gundam, Bernie in the RX-78-2 Gundam, Heero in the Wing Zero, and Camille in Gundam F91.

Char: Damn it where are they? I wanna' shoot something!

Paptimus: Calm down, ju . . . Something's showing up on the radar!

Judua: I see it. Battle position you guys!

Char starts firing his beam rifle like mad in seemingly random directions.

Char: DIE DIE DIE!!!! I won't loose this time!

Shiro: Char . . .

Char: DIE!!!!

Shiro: Char!

Char: BANG BANG BANG!!!!

Shiro: CHAR!

Char: (Snaps out of it) Huh, what?

Shiro: Those radar blips are us.

Char: That explains why were not dead, yet . . .

Shiro: Say what?

Char: . . . Ahem, I mean that explains why we aren't completely and utterly victorious! Heh heh!

Gato: Were doomed . . .

Char: Hey Gato, where did you get that spiffy new Gundam?

Gato: Oh it's from a MSiA that they said that they were making for me. Isn't it cool?

Shiro: That was just a joke you know.

Gato: Shut up!

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: The whole "Gato's Zeta" thing was a joke we made up on GameFAQs when we were making fun of Gato and one person asked what would happen if Gato was in the AEUG]

Paptimus: Judua, radio Z Team and tell them were drawing a blank here.

Judua: Come in Amuro.

Amuro: This is Amuro . . . over.

Judua: Were not getting anything here how about ya'll?

Char: Amuro sucks!

Amuro: I heard that Char! And no we haven't found anything yet either . . . hey . . wa . . ts . . .gir . . . (Static)

Gato: That's not good.

Paptimus: Hey there are more dots on the radar now moving to the middle, and they're red too. Is that a good thing? We're red right? Right? Which way is the way to run away?

Gato: TAKE COVER!!!

A huge mound of sand is blown away by the Apsaras II, and the other girls storm in after the blast.

Rain: The other guys got lucky. They got Puru and Chris, but were gonna' take you down!

Combat is joined, after several tense minutes with niether side gaining much sway the girls suffer a staggering blow when the Apsaras II is downed landing on top of Rain's Dom Tropen and Relena's Tallgeese, eliminating all three.

Judua: Ha, ha, were winning!

Judua is downed by a precision shot made by Rosamia's Efreet.

Rosamia: Serves you right!

Paptimus' GM Sniper blasts the Efreet.

Paptimus: Who's yo' pappy!

Four: Crap, we're the only ones left.

Relena: Gotta' make these shots count.

Four and Relena are bum rushed by all four guys and easily defeated.

Char: Did we win? YES!

Gato: We actually won?

Shiro: No, the game hasn't ended . . . there's nine of them.

Paptimus: So where are the other two?

All four guys are immediately defeated in a swirl of pink beam energy.

GAME OVER

They all step outside the machine

Char: What the hell was that?

Haman: Beltochika was sick so I got somebody else, video game ace, Allenby Beardsly.

Allenby: You guys are sad.

Heero: Crap! Now we'll never win.

Amuro: Is she that good?

Heero: Ever read Go For It Domon W?

Char: You mean that's . . . We'll never win.

A day later, the girls are in the bar still gloating over their win as the sounds of lots of feet begin marching their way. They look up and see Amuro, Char, Shiro, Bernie, Gato, Camille, Scirocco, Judau, Hathaway, Seabook, Usso, Domon, Argo, Heero, Duo, Garrod, Roybea, Loran, and Kira.

Sayla: What's the matter boys, still hot over your last butt-kicking?

Evil laughs rise up from the women.

Domon: We're here to throw down the gauntlet! You women have trashed us for the last time, and we're gonna' get one final, crushing victory!!

Aina: Eh, go burn your finger or make it explode or whatever the hell you do with it . . .

More laughing.

Judau: What's the matter? Chicken?

The guys all start doing chicken impressions, complete with strutting and crowing.

Relena: Puh-leaze. We happen to be a lot more mature than you testosterone- riddled sad sacks.

Heero: You're just afraid we'll beat the skirts off you.

Relena: (Crushes her beer bottle in her hand) It's go time!

Scirocco: Hold it! We've drawn up a few new rules for this fight. First, to make it fair, no Allenbys.

In the corner of the bar, a certain blue-haired girl feels left out.

Scirocco: Second, we choose the battlefield.

Christina: Fine, prepare to lose what little face you have left. We'll need about five minutes to gather the team.

Char: Take all the time you need, it still won't help.

In another few minutes, the women's team is assembled and consists of Sayla, Haman, Aina, Christina, Cima, Four, Rosamiya, Puru-Two, Quess, Cicily, Kathejina, Rain, Relena, Ennil El, Sochie, Fraw, Karen, Emma, and Reccoa. The teams load up into the newly-expanded machine, put in their money, and select MS.

Char: Now, the battlegrounds shall be . . . Axis!

The screens shift to a view of the barren asteroid, hovering very close to Earth. Most of the people are using their personal MS, which includes a stand-out crowd of Hi-Nu Gundam, Wing Zero Custom, and The O.

Domon: (in G-Gundam) Now, let's ring the starting bell for this revenge match! Gundam Battle of the Sexes!

All Guys: READY?

All Girls: GO!

The battle was only about five minutes in, and everyone was still alive and well. The guys' strategy seemed to mostly consist of delaying and hiding. In one crater . . .

Amuro: (in Hi-Nu) So, how's Operation M going?

Judau: (in FAZZ) So far, so good. We've managed to keep everyone alive up to this point, but it's really up to Bernie.

Camille: (in Zeta) I can't believe our entire plan depends on him . . .

Amuro: Yeah, life's funny like that.

Their sensors begin beeping, and they dodge out of the way to avoid a team attack by Epyon, Pallas Athene, and Gerbera Tetra.

Relena: (in Epyon) Quit running! You wimps challenged us, but you're acting like rookies!

A burst of missile fire chases the girls away from their pursuit.

Roybea: (in Leopard-D) Funny words coming from somebody who's never piloted a real MS in her life.

Meanwhile, there were a number of close-range duels taking place on Axis' surface, including Deathscythe Hell Custom and Nightingale versus Berah Dalas and Quebely.

Duo: This plan is so boring! How long do we have to stall for?

Char: Until we can corral them together, which is no small feat. Char to Loran, how're things going with Stardust?

The Turn-A and GP02A were flying far above Axis, with Crossbone X1 and Strike Gundam playing lookout.

Loran: So far, nothing. Just give us the target and we're ready. I . . . wait a sec. Hey Gato, what about Point 3417?

Gato: Hmm . . . looks good. Stardust, ready! For our pride! Sieg . . . Sieg . . . ERROR . . . GATO-BOT G-800 MALFUNCTIONING . . .

Amuro kicks Gato's MS.

Gato: Whew . . . almost malfunctioned out there . . .

Amuro: . . .

Gato: I mean . . . uh, spaced out . . . yeah, I'm not a robot or anything . . . I think . . .

The Turn-A's missile silos open up and launch a number of objects toward a spot near all the fighting. Shortly, Gato fires the atomic bazooka at the nuclear cluster, setting off a massive explosion.

Haman: Damn! Everyone, get down here! We need to avoid that blast!

With that, all the women's MS land and group on one spot.

Amuro: Yes!! Go, Bernie!

All of a sudden, a lonely Rick Dias jets out of nowhere, a bazooka over its shoulder.

Rain: (in Rising) A Rick . . . Dias?

Emma: (in Super Gundam) They must be pretty desperate to use that.

Or that was what they thought, until Bernie began firing his bazooka at their MS' feet.

Haman: What?! A clay bazooka! They tricked us!

Char: Now, go Argo!

Argo: (in Bolt) Here I go! Zakaretsu Gaia Crusher!

Bolt slams its fist into Axis, creating massive spires of rock that trap the girls. The guys all pull back to a spot with Axis between them and Earth.

Sayla: What the hell do you think you're doing?

Amuro: Winning back our pride! Domon!

Domon: Now, through the magic of Super Robots . . .

All Guys: These hands of ours are burning red!

Christina: You've got to be kidding me . . .

All Guys: Their loud roar tells us to grasp victory!

Haman: Please don't tell me we're gonna' lose to this.

All Guys: Here we go! Bakunetsu Gundam Team Ken!

The gathered MS all throw out their right arms, sending out a giant red shockwave that begins to push Axis . . .towards Earth.

All Girls: . . . Oh.

BOOM! Game over. The guys leap out of their seats and begin celebrating. The infuriated girls climb out a second later.

Scirocco: YES! Men rule!

The guys do a bunch of dancing. Then, they rush off to get plastered. The girls stand there, looking pissed.

Aina: They set us up the whole way! I can't believe it!

Rain: Why that . . . (Sudden inspiration) . . . wait, we're the real winners here!

Haman: Care to enlighten the rest of us?

Rain: (now beaming) Well, what's the one thing guys really want out of girls, but they have to ask permission to get?

The all puzzle over this for a second, then smile.

Sayla: Well, not anymore they're not.

Camille: (Shivers) Why do I feel so worried all of a sudden?

Amuro: Forget it, let's celebrate!

To Be Continued . . .