The Fellowship of Quinn.
Part VIII:
Mary Sue Slaughter Feast
SOME HOURS LATER
EXT. BAY IN FRONT OF A WATERFALL – DAY
On the western shore of the bay the Fellowship left their boats
and put up a little camp.
EXT. WESTERN SHORE OF THE BAY IN FRONT OF A WATERFALL – DAY
The Fellowship, minus Quinn and Jodie, is resting. Some of them
are looking for firewood.
JANE: (cautious)
Something draws near. I can feel it. We cannot linger…
DARIA: (sneaking up from behind)
*BOO*!
Jane nearly frightens and scowls at a smirking Daria.
BRITTANY:
Where is Quinn?
TIFFANY:
Collecting firewooooood.
SANDI: (suspicious)
Where is Jodie?
STACY:
Collecting firewoo… Eep!
DARIA:
So they are both *alone* in the forest.
SANDI, TIFFANY AND STACY: (looking at each other)
Ewwww!
EXT. FORREST – DAY
Jodie is struggling on top of Quinn in a very, very, very compromising
position, which I won't describe in detail, since this story is PG-13.
The only hint is, that it has got something to do with the numbers 6 and
9.
JODIE: (manic)
It should be mine. Give it to me!
QUINN:
Eww!
JODIE: (manic)
I ask only for the strength to defend *my* people.
QUINN:
EWWW! You are doing that Blaxploitation thingy again.
JODIE:
Give me the Ring!
QUINN:
EWWWW!
Quinn puts on the Ring and vanishes.
Jodie startles.
It takes some time, before she realizes what she has done.
JODIE: (ashamed of herself)
No, not *me*. I am the perfect African-American teen. The role model
for all of the other African-American teens at Lawndale.
Quinn… QUINN!
(feeling awful)
What have I done?
Quinn, I am sorry!
EXT. RUINS ON TOP OF A HILL – DAY
On the hill are some walls and statues left from big city, hundred
of years ago.
JODIE VOICE OVER:
Quinn, I am sorry!
Quinn takes off the Ring and reappears.
She sees Daria who is just walking into her direction.
QUINN:
Ewww.
Quinn is about to put on the Ring again.
DARIA: (deadpan)
Carry on Houdini! But seeing me in my string-tanga is not a pleasure…
QUINN: (closing her eyes and putting the Ring away)
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
DARIA:
Where is Jodie?
QUINN:
She just got nuts. She wanted the Ring… Stay away Daria!
DARIA:
Why? I swore to protect myself.
QUINN: (she takes the Ring out and holds it under Daria's nose)
Can you protect me from you?
Would you destroy it?
Daria stares at the Ring.
THE RING VOICE OVER:
Daria… Daria… Daria…
She stares at it, and let herself surrender to the suggestion, but then…
DARIA: (mutters)
……Trent……
She wakes up from the trance and closes Quinn's hand around the Ring.
DARIA:
I would have gone with you to the end, into the very fires of the Volcano…
I mean… I do everything to get rid of this Ring even if I have to throw
you with it into molten lava.
Quinn smiles at her, knowing she didn't mean it like that.
QUINN:
I know.
Look after the others, especial Stacy.
DARIA:
Of course, I can use a punching bag.
QUINN:
So what happens next?
DARIA:
Well, we are going to be attack very soon by a bunch of awful Mary
Sues.
Quinn and Daria see a huge horde of Mary Sues with nice shiny weapons gathering around them.
QUINN:
Eep!
DARIA:
Go Quinn! Run!
Daria pull out her sword and faces the army.
DARIA: (brave)
Come and get some from the true main character.
Daria attacks them. She stabs off loads and loads of Mary Sues. Soon she gets company by Jane who shoots with her bow arrows into masses and masses of Mary Sues. Finally Brittany joins in, who paints the forest floor blood red with chopping Mary Sues with a nice sharp axe into handy pieces.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
DO NOT BE ALARMED NOW, WHEN YOU GET A WARM GENTLE FEELING INSIDE
OF YOU, WHILE IMAGINING THE BRUTAL SLAUGHTER OF THOSE MARY SUES.
IT IS SOMETHING TOTALLY NATURAL AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT
IT.
MEANWHILE
EXT. FORREST – DAY
Tom leads a troop, which are hunting the fugitive Quinn.
TOM:
Find the Fashion Clubber!
Soon Tiffany and Stacy join Quinn.
QUINN:
Eww! Don't join me! We have to split up. So it is difficult to capture
*me*… I mean *us*.
STACY AND TIFFANY:
Sorry Quinn.
Both run away from Quinn… direct into the arms of some Mary Sues.
STACY:
Hey Quinn. It is not working
QUINN VOICE OVER:
I know it is not working!
TIFFANY:
Eeeeeeeeep!
Just before the Mary Sues can grab Stacy and Tiffany.
Jodie swings into action and saves them by slicing up so much Mary
Sues she can, but there are too much. She blows a horn to call for help.
JODIE:
Why have I forgotten my mobile?
Although Quinn manages to flee, Stacy and Tiffany get taken away
by the hordes of evil.
EXT. RUINS ON TOP OF A HILL – DAY
Still fighting, Daria hears a sound.
DARIA:
The horn of Landon!
She runs down the hill while Jane and Brittany are still fighting.
EXT. FORREST – DAY
Huge piles of dead Mary Sues lie around. They were killed recently
by Jodie. But now she lies heavily wounded on the floor.
Above her is a Daria-look-alike-Mary-Sue who was left behind, to
finish her off with a bow and an arrow.
JODIE
The irony: Killed by a look-a-like of someone, I sometimes want to
be like.
Just before the Daria-look-alike-Mary-Sue can fire, she gets pushed
over by Daria.
Both pull their swords.
A furious fight encounters until Daria completely cuts off the Daria-look-alike-Mary-Sue
left arm. Still armed with sword in her right hand. The Daria-look-alike-Mary-Sue
glances at her shoulder.
DARIA-LOOK-A-LIKE-MARY-SUE:
'Tis but a scratch.
DARIA:
A scratch? Your arm is off.
DARIA-LOOK-A-LIKE-MARY-SUE:
No, it isn't.
DARIA: (Pointing at the arm on ground)
Well, what's that then?
DARIA-LOOK-A-LIKE-MARY-SUE:
I have had worse. Come on you pansy!
DARIA:
No wait!
(mutters)
Why do people think that quoting Monty Python sketches would make them
more sophisticated?
Especially the writer of this fanfiction should consider that this
is not funny anymore.
(to the Mary Sue)
You know what: I am doing the readers and myself a favour.
Daria swings her sword and chops the head of the Mary Sue off.
Walking over the Mary Sue's dead body, she turns back to the dying Jodie.
DARIA:
Jodie?
JODIE:
Quinn. Where is Quinn?
DARIA: (packing out bandages and starts nursing Jodie)
Quinn? Quinn? Somewhere rings a bell… Ah yes, *that* Quinn, I let her
go.
JODIE: (smirks with pain)
Then you did what I could not.
(pause)
They took the little ones.
DARIA:
Little?
JODIE:
The brains of Stacy and Tiffany.
Both smirk while Jodie is bleeding out of the bandages.
Daria takes a look and concludes that she won't make it.
DARIA:
Hold still.
JODIE:
I have failed you.
DARIA:
I wouldn't put it like that.
JODIE:
Okay, I have f**ked everything up.
DARIA: (giving Jodie her sword)
Well… You still kept your honour.
JODIE: (grins with pain)
Well… My boyfriend will tell you something else…
DARIA: (touched by the scene, close to tears)
I wished you wouldn't have to leave.
JODIE:
What you expected from a token black girl in a fantasy spectacle?
How about some Blaxploitation in the End? Prolonged dying scenes always
attract Emmy nominations, especially when you are a young Afro-American-Teenager.
DARIA: (granting Jodie's last wish)
I do not know what strength is in my blood, but I swear to you I will
not let the College fall, nor *our* people fail.
JODIE:
*Our* people, *our* people! I would have followed you to the end...
my Queen... my sister... my friend!
DARIA:
Be at peace Daughter of Landon.
Dramatic pause. While Jane and Brittany join the scene.
EXT. WESTERN SHORE OF THE BAY IN FRONT OF A WATERFALL – DAY
Quinn is rowing the boat on the other side of the stream. Sandi
comes out the woods.
QUINN: (to Sandi)
Go back, Sandi. I am going to the Great Strawberry Volcano alone.
SANDI:
Of *course* you are. Goodbye!
Sandi stands at the shore. But then she notices how a couple of Mary Sues attack her.
SANDI:
WAIT! I am coming with you!!
She runs into the water.
A BIT LATER
EXT. WATERFALL – DAY
The corpse of Jodie gets a water funeral.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
SORRY FOR THE HARSH DESCRIPTION OF THAT SCENE, BUT JODIE IS FINE.
SHE AND OTHER CHARACTERS WEREN'T HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS FANFICTION.
…
(EXCEPT THE MARY SUES)
EXT. WESTERN SHORE OF THE BAY IN FRONT OF A WATERFALL – DAY
Jane is about to pull a boat into the water. Daria and Brittany
join her.
JANE:
Hurry! Quinn and Sandi have reached the eastern shore.
DARIA:
Quinn's fate is no longer in our hands.
JANE:
*Exactly*. Hurry up so they don't find us again.
BRITANNY:
But that means that it has all been in vain. The Fellowship of Quinn
has failed.
DARIA:
Yep, but the Fellowship of Daria will prevail. We will not abandon
Stacy and Tiffany to torment and death.
JANE:
Yo! That is our job.
BRITANNY:
Besides, they still own us 284 $ for lunch, gas, and tolls, don't they?
DARIA:
So we agree:
(she puts her arms on the shoulders of Jane and Brittany)
Not while we have strength left.
Leave all that can be spared behind:
That is everything what the Fashion Club have dragged with, especially
the olive oil.
We travel light. Let's hunt some Mary Sues.
Daria runs off.
Jane smiles at Brittany and sprints after Daria.
Brittany pursues them.
BRITTANY: (squeaks)
Yippy! Go Lawndale!
The three make their way into the next chapter of the saga.
To become the most notorious fighting trio since Goodfellas.
EXT. BARREN LAND – CLOUDY DAY
Quinn and Sandi stop walking and look at horizon. A rocky wasteland
is unfolding before them.
QUINN:
Ms Li's realms! I hope the others will find a safer road. I don't suppose
that we see them again.
SANDI:
Well, *thanks* for that.
QUINN: (sarcastic)
Oh Sandi. I am *so* *glad* you are with me.
Both walk on to the horizon.
END
TO BE CONTINUED IN:
THE TWO TEACHERS