Disclaimer: I have not, do not, and will not ever own Zelda. Although I
wish I did.
=======================================================================
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah. Welcome to Hyrule Castle! This is the courtyard.
Link: When the heck did this thing get rebuilt?
Zelda: While we were talking in the clouds.
Link: .oh.
**Two guards approach, but stop upon hearing Navi**
Navi: thatsrightlinkyouhadbettersayohbecausethatsallyoulleverknowhowtosayyoustupid -
Link: Muffler.
Zelda: Muffler? You mean for Navi?
Link: No. My car.
Zelda: you don't have a car. And you can't drive.
Link: I've got a car.
Zelda: .When?
Link: While we were talking in the clouds. I mean, if the goddesses can build a castle, why not a car?
Zelda: WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A CAR IS!! THIS IS HYRULE!! HOW COULD THEY MAKE ONE?
**The guards exchange glances**
Link: Tires.
Zelda: What? For your "car", I suppose. **sarcastically** Would you like brakes and a radiator too?
Link: No, just tires.
Zelda: What the HECK for?
Link: To run Navi over with.
Zelda: You're so weird. That reminds me, we need to talk.
Link: **sighs** about what?
Zelda: About your-
Link: **eyes light up** Yeah
Zelda: Your.umm.how should I say this.
Link: Yeah?!?! What?!?! **dirty pictures flash through link's mind**
Zelda: **sees link's thoughts** LINK!!! YOU ARE THE BIGGEST ASS IN THE WORLD!!!!
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! ANYTHING but THAT!! **starts sobbing uncontrollably**
**The guards decide the Hero of Time is having a very "personal moment" and depart, forgetting to inform Zelda and Link that Ganondorf has escaped the Sacred Realm**
Zelda: You idiot. You ARE the biggest ass, you don't HAVE the biggest ass.
Link: **looks up** Really? 'cause I wouldn't mind being known for a nice ass.
Zelda: LINK! Shut up! You look better when you're silent.
Link: You think I'm hot. I KNEW it!
Zelda: I'm gonna KILL you!
Navi: ohlinkyouregonnagetitnowzeldasgonnakillyouaboutsoethingyoudidthatwasreally-
Link: **sprays a cloud of mace at Navi**
Navi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Zelda: Good shot!
Navi: Just kidding!
Zelda: Damn! Wait! Did Navi just make a coherent sentence.
Link: Holy shit! Yeah, she did.
Navi: ohcrapididntmeantosoundlikeyoumoronsireallydidntmeantodothatitwasjustaslipup -
Link: Aaaanyways, weren't you gonna say something?
Zelda: Yes. Link-
Navi: yesididhavesomethingtosayiwasafraidyouwouldntevergetaroundtoaskingmethat-
Link: **gets an idea** **pulls out an empty bottle and captures Navi**
Navi: OOOlinkimgonnagetyouwhenigetoutofhereandyouwillbeinbigtroublewiththefairygod dessesandtheywillstrikeyoudownandineedmorecoffee-
Zelda: You really are smart on occasion, Link. In fact, you must be the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Link: [I really need to find a good place to store my waffles in this castle]
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Link: [I should have a room for my Cow]
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Link: [Did I leave the stove on? What if Mr. Fuzzles gets close?? NOOO MR. FUZZLES!! NOT THE STOVE!!!]
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Link: [What if Zelda finds my waffles? She'll- is she STILL going??]
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Link: [What if she's BROKEN!?!? I'll never be able to stop her!! OH NOOOOOO!! Hmmm, a waffle maker that never stops making waffles. Mmmmmmmmmmm. OH! Zelda! O great goddess Din help me! I'll even go to the temple of time more. Please help your loyal servant. I beg you.]
**A bright sphere of light appears out of nowhere and zaps Zelda with a bolt of pure energy. Then it disappears**
Zelda: HEY!! THAT COULD'VE KILLED..actually, that felt pretty good. Kinda like **Zelda gets a look in her eyes and giggles**
Link: **looks at Zelda then gasps** HEY! I KNOW THAT LOOK!!! IT'S MINE!!! **Link gets the look in his eyes and giggles harder** ZELDA!!! How DARE you!! **Link starts giggles harder** All this time.
Zelda: **smiles and turns bright red**
Link: I can't believe that all this time.
Zelda: Yes?
Link: You've been making.
Zelda: YES??
Link: That all this time you've had.
Zelda: OOOHHHH!!! TELL ME BABY!!! I WANNA HEAR IT!!!
Link: THAT ALL THIS TIME YOU'VE BEEN MAKING GIANT WAFFLES IN YOUR BRAND NEW WAFFLE MAKER DIN SENT YOU IN THAT BOLT OF ENERGY!!!!!!!!!
Zelda: YES!!! OH, YEAH BABY THAT'S WHAT I'M- wait, what? A WAFFLE MAKER?? Are you serious? **gasps** you ARE!! I don't have a waffle maker! I don't even know what those are!
Link: Then was that **gasps** your I've-been-secretly-making-throne- slipcovers-Martha-Stewart-style?
Zelda: **gasps** you found out! yes link it was.
Link: Can we move over there? **gesturing to somewhere else in the courtyard** Or maybe sigh a little more? All of this gasping has sucked all of the air right out of this space, and the vacuum will kill us if we enter it.
Zelda: Always the picky one, aren't you?
Link: [you know, all I'd have to do to shut her up is-]
Zelda: Don't even think it, Link. You know I know what you're thinking.
Link: **gasps** Gasp!
Zelda: What?
Link: I know who did it!
Zelda: Did what?
Link: It was Colonel Mustard in the observatory with.umm.CRAP! I FORGOT!
Zelda: I know the "with". I read your thoughts. But I'm not telling. P
Link: [Freak lady]
Zelda: FREAK?? FINE!! Just go eat one of your waffles, you moron.
Link: Mmmmm. Waffles. I love waffles.
**The guards, remembering that Ganondorf poses a serious threat to that Friday night's plans, approach Link and Zelda yet again**
Link: I love them when they're hot and steamy.
**The guards stop in their tracks**
Link: I like to give 'em a little nibble before I start.
Zelda: **Noticing the guards** um.Link.can you-
Link: Then I like to lick them all over.
**The guards start blushing**
Zelda: Link! Stop!
Link: Then I like to butter 'em up.
Zelda: LINK! HEY!! SHUT UP!!
**The guards smile knowingly**
Link: Then I like to pour some delicious syrup all over them.
Zelda: HEY! MORON! EARTH TO MORON!!
Link: OOOHHHH.I can almost taste 'em. But then,
**The guards start to run to Link full of a heart-pounding desire to be near him**
Link: Then I like to chop 'em up into little pieces and eat 'em.
**The guards stop in their tracks, horrified**
Zelda: **spies guards again** Oh! Guards! What messages do you have?
Guards: **look at link, then start running** ABSOLUTELY NONE, PRINCESS ZELDA! GANONDORF IS GONE!! GOODBYE!!
Link: I wonder why they said that ugly loser was gone. [I beat him AND I'm better looking. Oh yeah.]
Zelda: Oh! While you're thinking of you, I should ask that question I've been meaning to ask.
Link: OK. I'm ready.
Zelda: Exactly HOW, and I want to know EXACTLY,-
**Link and Zelda gasp simultaneously **
Ganondorf: I'm baaaaaaaaaack!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least it's better than chapter one. Anyone wanna R&R this chapter? I'd like to know how I'm doing.
Link: you suck! A moblin with a lower-than-average IQ could do better!
Bite me.
Link: Don't tempt me
Bring it on pretty boy.
Link: **Tears up** You DO think I'm hot!
**twitches** You're gonna pay for that one.
=======================================================================
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah. Welcome to Hyrule Castle! This is the courtyard.
Link: When the heck did this thing get rebuilt?
Zelda: While we were talking in the clouds.
Link: .oh.
**Two guards approach, but stop upon hearing Navi**
Navi: thatsrightlinkyouhadbettersayohbecausethatsallyoulleverknowhowtosayyoustupid -
Link: Muffler.
Zelda: Muffler? You mean for Navi?
Link: No. My car.
Zelda: you don't have a car. And you can't drive.
Link: I've got a car.
Zelda: .When?
Link: While we were talking in the clouds. I mean, if the goddesses can build a castle, why not a car?
Zelda: WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A CAR IS!! THIS IS HYRULE!! HOW COULD THEY MAKE ONE?
**The guards exchange glances**
Link: Tires.
Zelda: What? For your "car", I suppose. **sarcastically** Would you like brakes and a radiator too?
Link: No, just tires.
Zelda: What the HECK for?
Link: To run Navi over with.
Zelda: You're so weird. That reminds me, we need to talk.
Link: **sighs** about what?
Zelda: About your-
Link: **eyes light up** Yeah
Zelda: Your.umm.how should I say this.
Link: Yeah?!?! What?!?! **dirty pictures flash through link's mind**
Zelda: **sees link's thoughts** LINK!!! YOU ARE THE BIGGEST ASS IN THE WORLD!!!!
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! ANYTHING but THAT!! **starts sobbing uncontrollably**
**The guards decide the Hero of Time is having a very "personal moment" and depart, forgetting to inform Zelda and Link that Ganondorf has escaped the Sacred Realm**
Zelda: You idiot. You ARE the biggest ass, you don't HAVE the biggest ass.
Link: **looks up** Really? 'cause I wouldn't mind being known for a nice ass.
Zelda: LINK! Shut up! You look better when you're silent.
Link: You think I'm hot. I KNEW it!
Zelda: I'm gonna KILL you!
Navi: ohlinkyouregonnagetitnowzeldasgonnakillyouaboutsoethingyoudidthatwasreally-
Link: **sprays a cloud of mace at Navi**
Navi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Zelda: Good shot!
Navi: Just kidding!
Zelda: Damn! Wait! Did Navi just make a coherent sentence.
Link: Holy shit! Yeah, she did.
Navi: ohcrapididntmeantosoundlikeyoumoronsireallydidntmeantodothatitwasjustaslipup -
Link: Aaaanyways, weren't you gonna say something?
Zelda: Yes. Link-
Navi: yesididhavesomethingtosayiwasafraidyouwouldntevergetaroundtoaskingmethat-
Link: **gets an idea** **pulls out an empty bottle and captures Navi**
Navi: OOOlinkimgonnagetyouwhenigetoutofhereandyouwillbeinbigtroublewiththefairygod dessesandtheywillstrikeyoudownandineedmorecoffee-
Zelda: You really are smart on occasion, Link. In fact, you must be the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Link: [I really need to find a good place to store my waffles in this castle]
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Link: [I should have a room for my Cow]
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Link: [Did I leave the stove on? What if Mr. Fuzzles gets close?? NOOO MR. FUZZLES!! NOT THE STOVE!!!]
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Link: [What if Zelda finds my waffles? She'll- is she STILL going??]
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Link: [What if she's BROKEN!?!? I'll never be able to stop her!! OH NOOOOOO!! Hmmm, a waffle maker that never stops making waffles. Mmmmmmmmmmm. OH! Zelda! O great goddess Din help me! I'll even go to the temple of time more. Please help your loyal servant. I beg you.]
**A bright sphere of light appears out of nowhere and zaps Zelda with a bolt of pure energy. Then it disappears**
Zelda: HEY!! THAT COULD'VE KILLED..actually, that felt pretty good. Kinda like **Zelda gets a look in her eyes and giggles**
Link: **looks at Zelda then gasps** HEY! I KNOW THAT LOOK!!! IT'S MINE!!! **Link gets the look in his eyes and giggles harder** ZELDA!!! How DARE you!! **Link starts giggles harder** All this time.
Zelda: **smiles and turns bright red**
Link: I can't believe that all this time.
Zelda: Yes?
Link: You've been making.
Zelda: YES??
Link: That all this time you've had.
Zelda: OOOHHHH!!! TELL ME BABY!!! I WANNA HEAR IT!!!
Link: THAT ALL THIS TIME YOU'VE BEEN MAKING GIANT WAFFLES IN YOUR BRAND NEW WAFFLE MAKER DIN SENT YOU IN THAT BOLT OF ENERGY!!!!!!!!!
Zelda: YES!!! OH, YEAH BABY THAT'S WHAT I'M- wait, what? A WAFFLE MAKER?? Are you serious? **gasps** you ARE!! I don't have a waffle maker! I don't even know what those are!
Link: Then was that **gasps** your I've-been-secretly-making-throne- slipcovers-Martha-Stewart-style?
Zelda: **gasps** you found out! yes link it was.
Link: Can we move over there? **gesturing to somewhere else in the courtyard** Or maybe sigh a little more? All of this gasping has sucked all of the air right out of this space, and the vacuum will kill us if we enter it.
Zelda: Always the picky one, aren't you?
Link: [you know, all I'd have to do to shut her up is-]
Zelda: Don't even think it, Link. You know I know what you're thinking.
Link: **gasps** Gasp!
Zelda: What?
Link: I know who did it!
Zelda: Did what?
Link: It was Colonel Mustard in the observatory with.umm.CRAP! I FORGOT!
Zelda: I know the "with". I read your thoughts. But I'm not telling. P
Link: [Freak lady]
Zelda: FREAK?? FINE!! Just go eat one of your waffles, you moron.
Link: Mmmmm. Waffles. I love waffles.
**The guards, remembering that Ganondorf poses a serious threat to that Friday night's plans, approach Link and Zelda yet again**
Link: I love them when they're hot and steamy.
**The guards stop in their tracks**
Link: I like to give 'em a little nibble before I start.
Zelda: **Noticing the guards** um.Link.can you-
Link: Then I like to lick them all over.
**The guards start blushing**
Zelda: Link! Stop!
Link: Then I like to butter 'em up.
Zelda: LINK! HEY!! SHUT UP!!
**The guards smile knowingly**
Link: Then I like to pour some delicious syrup all over them.
Zelda: HEY! MORON! EARTH TO MORON!!
Link: OOOHHHH.I can almost taste 'em. But then,
**The guards start to run to Link full of a heart-pounding desire to be near him**
Link: Then I like to chop 'em up into little pieces and eat 'em.
**The guards stop in their tracks, horrified**
Zelda: **spies guards again** Oh! Guards! What messages do you have?
Guards: **look at link, then start running** ABSOLUTELY NONE, PRINCESS ZELDA! GANONDORF IS GONE!! GOODBYE!!
Link: I wonder why they said that ugly loser was gone. [I beat him AND I'm better looking. Oh yeah.]
Zelda: Oh! While you're thinking of you, I should ask that question I've been meaning to ask.
Link: OK. I'm ready.
Zelda: Exactly HOW, and I want to know EXACTLY,-
**Link and Zelda gasp simultaneously **
Ganondorf: I'm baaaaaaaaaack!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least it's better than chapter one. Anyone wanna R&R this chapter? I'd like to know how I'm doing.
Link: you suck! A moblin with a lower-than-average IQ could do better!
Bite me.
Link: Don't tempt me
Bring it on pretty boy.
Link: **Tears up** You DO think I'm hot!
**twitches** You're gonna pay for that one.