Words On A Page
I have been looking at some of my old things lately, all those minutes I've lost. I've seen pictures from when I was six, at least until last year. Well I have some pictures from them, but they don't get to be in the family albums. No one wants to see me with a shot in one hand a cigarette in the other and guy and I touching tongues, yeah I haven't showed these to my mother.
But I started writing up little notes to go under certain pictures, I'm planning to have a photo album at the wake and group photo of my friends and I and a picture of my mom, dad and I put in my casket with me. It's weird looking at those seeing all of us so happy, smiling. Seeing it all, knowing that I can't relive all those happy moments.
I found a lot of things when I went looking around. In fact I found a few old journals I had. I even found one I kept during my partying. Reading it feels so strange, like reading someone else's journal.
Here's one of the strangest, from a time when I was partying the most.
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Mmm fruit punch Kool Aid to add a sugar high to that orgasmic feeling bubbling up in me.
Just another ramp on the highway of hi. Kool Aid washes the pills down.
A red current of sugary lava bringing those pillz, that make spots explode behind your eyes, into you.
Now that's a real thrill!!
Fuck roller coasters give me pillz, spiked Kool Aid and two other hot bodies yearning for an ultimate orgasm, that's what I want.
Give it to me pure and condensed!
Make it just another of the hundreds of fun creating pillz out there and then slip it into my Kool Aid.
Smile at me and kiss me and let me taste that concoction on your tongue.
That's what I want!
That holy deception.
Yeah baby that's what I want give it to me give it to me hard!!!
MAKE MY MIND REEL!!!
MAKE MY MIND SCREAM!!!!!
That's all I've ever wanted!!
Someone to cut me up,
Stick needles in me,
Tell me they love me,
Whisper lies into my ear as they rape me,
Fill me up with liquor,
Stuff me full of pills.
Just kill me baby!
Just cut me open and eat me from the inside, these things do it for you but I want you, all of you.
I want both of you in me around me, battering me, bruising me, bleeding me! That's it!!!
That's it!!
It's all in the delivery!
Getting my hopes up!!
Then breaking me in half!
Making me cry!
Making me want to die!!
That's it!!
That's how I like it!!
They don't know what it is!!!
They tell me to fight it!!! There's hate in you kiss.
That's what I want to taste!
HATE HATE HATE!!!
MORE MORE MORE!!!
Yea that's right I'm a WHORE WHORE WHORE!!
I give myself to this holy sweet deception!
Weekly is its repetition.
I don't care about what it does, that pain all over.
It's that few seconds of bliss that I live for!!
MORE MORE MORE!!
It's what I have with them.
This holy sweet deception.
It's the bond that shall never be broken
[][][]
I look at those words scrawled on a page and it sickens me to think that that was my hand that wrote it, that those were my thoughts, that my mind was that sick. It feels as if that poison that was feasting on my brain is now feasting on my body.
I have been looking at some of my old things lately, all those minutes I've lost. I've seen pictures from when I was six, at least until last year. Well I have some pictures from them, but they don't get to be in the family albums. No one wants to see me with a shot in one hand a cigarette in the other and guy and I touching tongues, yeah I haven't showed these to my mother.
But I started writing up little notes to go under certain pictures, I'm planning to have a photo album at the wake and group photo of my friends and I and a picture of my mom, dad and I put in my casket with me. It's weird looking at those seeing all of us so happy, smiling. Seeing it all, knowing that I can't relive all those happy moments.
I found a lot of things when I went looking around. In fact I found a few old journals I had. I even found one I kept during my partying. Reading it feels so strange, like reading someone else's journal.
Here's one of the strangest, from a time when I was partying the most.
[][][]
Mmm fruit punch Kool Aid to add a sugar high to that orgasmic feeling bubbling up in me.
Just another ramp on the highway of hi. Kool Aid washes the pills down.
A red current of sugary lava bringing those pillz, that make spots explode behind your eyes, into you.
Now that's a real thrill!!
Fuck roller coasters give me pillz, spiked Kool Aid and two other hot bodies yearning for an ultimate orgasm, that's what I want.
Give it to me pure and condensed!
Make it just another of the hundreds of fun creating pillz out there and then slip it into my Kool Aid.
Smile at me and kiss me and let me taste that concoction on your tongue.
That's what I want!
That holy deception.
Yeah baby that's what I want give it to me give it to me hard!!!
MAKE MY MIND REEL!!!
MAKE MY MIND SCREAM!!!!!
That's all I've ever wanted!!
Someone to cut me up,
Stick needles in me,
Tell me they love me,
Whisper lies into my ear as they rape me,
Fill me up with liquor,
Stuff me full of pills.
Just kill me baby!
Just cut me open and eat me from the inside, these things do it for you but I want you, all of you.
I want both of you in me around me, battering me, bruising me, bleeding me! That's it!!!
That's it!!
It's all in the delivery!
Getting my hopes up!!
Then breaking me in half!
Making me cry!
Making me want to die!!
That's it!!
That's how I like it!!
They don't know what it is!!!
They tell me to fight it!!! There's hate in you kiss.
That's what I want to taste!
HATE HATE HATE!!!
MORE MORE MORE!!!
Yea that's right I'm a WHORE WHORE WHORE!!
I give myself to this holy sweet deception!
Weekly is its repetition.
I don't care about what it does, that pain all over.
It's that few seconds of bliss that I live for!!
MORE MORE MORE!!
It's what I have with them.
This holy sweet deception.
It's the bond that shall never be broken
[][][]
I look at those words scrawled on a page and it sickens me to think that that was my hand that wrote it, that those were my thoughts, that my mind was that sick. It feels as if that poison that was feasting on my brain is now feasting on my body.