Disclaimer: There's someone in this world that owns Zelda. But it's not me. **sniffs**

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Strange voices from above: You will receive us now.

Link: What if we don't wanna?

SVFA: THAT IS NOT AN OPTION!!!

Link: **meeps** Sorry!

**bright lights descend from the sky**

Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

Zelda: **giggles** Silly Link! Hi guys!

Link: Hi? Who- oooohhhhhhhhh...Hiya!

**bright lights transform into the seven sages who stand there looking very regal**

Rauru: Hello Zelda. Link. Wasn't that God-like voice the COOLEST!!! You were like OMG! And I was like, HEAR ME ROAR, and you were like, OMG!! And- **gets smacked upside the head by Impa**

Impa: Sorry. He found the liquor. MY liquor. **eyes tear up** it was my special stash.

Zelda: for what?

Impa: :& ................. :& ..................you don't wanna know.

Zelda: **suspicious** Yes, I do.

Impa: When Rauru got drunk- with his OWN champagne **glares at Rauru, but he just giggles**- he would...make......advances...

Zelda and Link: o.o

Other sages: We never knew of this!

Impa: We kept it a secret. But the drinks were the only way to forget...

Everyone else except Rauru, who's still giggling: o.O ...................................................

Saria: **in a feeble attempt to break the silence** Hey! I know! Let's play a game! How about-

Impa: NO!! NO GAMES!!!

Everyone else: ................................................

Rauru: **giggles**

Impa: The horrible images of Rauru bending over like that... twisting himself in those positions...

Everyone else: O.O .............................................

Impa: We even had our own special method of deciding what our...positions...would be.

Everyone but Rauru: O.o

Rauru: I liked getting to decide!

Link: [I can't believe Impa and Rauru... I wonder if she can make waffles...]

Zelda: [My caretaker... I thought she saved her fun for ME...]

Saria: [What are advances? Forget what?]

Darunia: [Damn lucky Rauru]

Nabooru: [I've always wanted to strangle that guy. Now I've got an excuse] **grins evilly**

Ruto: [Link is so HOT! Damn lucky princess...just cause I'm a Zora...Oooohh Link! You HOTTIE!!!]

Rauru: [I wonder if Zelda has any good liquor here]

Zelda: Impa? Did you *allow* him to do that to you?

Impa: Sure!

Everyone except Rauru: o.O

Rauru: **giggles at thoughts of playfulness**

Impa: I mean, at first I thought it was harmless fun, but then I discovered it was really painful! I couldn't stand the both of us contorted like that...so I had to finally say no.

Everyone but Rauru: O.O

Rauru: **starts sobbing at the thought of rejection**

Impa: I told him, if he wanted to play like that he would have to find another partner. I'm just too old for this kind of thing.

Nabooru: But Impa, Rauru is, like, a zillion years old! You aren't even 40!

Impa: That's why I started. I thought I could come out on top every time, but Rauru is surprisingly fit-and agile.

**Everyone shudders except Rauru, who is still sobbing**

Impa: I said, "Rauru! It's over between us! I can't see you secretly like this anymore. It's over."

Rauru: **relives moment** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! **sobs harder**

Impa: I said "Rauru, no more Friday night Twister!" He ran away sobbing like he is now.

Rauru: **starts bawling very, very hard**

Everyone: O.O TWISTER!!!!! WE THOUGHT......

Impa: Thought what? I thought I made it clear- **Realizes what they thought** You SICKOS!! **turns to Zelda** YOU TOO???

Zelda: **nods head shamefully**

Impa: Zelda...you know you're the only one I could ever play Candy Land with.

Zelda: **runs into Impa's arms crying** I KNOW!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!!!

Everyone except Zelda, Impa, and Rauru: O.O

Link: We never heard that.

**mutters of agreement**

Darunia: Nobody ever played Candy Land with ME!

Ruto: Why are you playing Candy Land to begin with?

Darunia: ........umm.......did I say that out loud.........oops.........

Link: That either.

**more mutters**

Saria: Hey! I've got an idea! Let's go to Link's house for a party!

Everyone: ............................

Saria: What?

Nabooru: Saria, Link's **makes finger quotes** "house"-

Link: Hey!

Nabooru: -is, like, a hundred square feet. It's like a closet in a tree.

Link: ........ninety...........

Nabooru: Huh?

Link: I've gotta keep my waffles somewhere....**gasps** OH NO!! MIDO!! **To everyone** I've gotta go! **mumbling to self as he runs out of castle ** if that jerk face even THINKS about touching one of...

Everyone: O.O

Saria: Different idea. How about we have a surprise party for Link. I mean, he was the one who saved Hyrule, not us. We just sat around watching him after we each gave him a little medallion that did absolutely nothing whatsoever. I mean sure we *said* we would be with him, but that was a bunch of bull. We didn't do anything for him at all. Furthermore- **passes out from lack of oxygen**

Ruto: I'm with Saria. Let's have a big party right here. Umm...does anybody have some water?

Zelda: I'll go get some. **leaves, is gone for a minute, returns, and dumps it all over Saria**

Saria and Ruto: HEY!

Saria: Now I'm all wet...

Ruto: Zelda! I wanted that!

Zelda: But I thought the water...ummm...oops! **giggles**

Nabooru: I thought you had the Triforce of Wisdom for a reason Zelda. **laughs**

Zelda: ummm... **tries to divert attention from herself** How about we start that party!

Nabooru: Nice try. I'm not through with you yet.

Zelda: **nervous, remembering Nabooru's stint on Weakest Link. She was kicked off because she was too cruel too the contestants** Party...anyone? Someone......anyone......help?

Everyone else: **pulls up chairs to watch**

**Ganon appears, everyone screams**

Zelda: It's OK! He's insane!

Everyone: **stops screaming** Oh! OK!

**Navi appears**

Everyone but Zelda: HI NAVI!

Zelda: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!! SHE FOUND THE ESPRESSO MACHINE!!!

Everyone: ..................................

Zelda: **runs from room screaming**

Navi: hellohowiseverybodyihaventseenanyofyouinageswhathaveyouallbeenuptoidlovetokn owexceptimthefairyfromhellandicantstoptalkingbecauseihadtoomuchespressotodri nkbeforeicameoverand-

Everyone: **runs from room screaming**

Navi: COME BACK!!! I'LL BE NORMAL!!! I PROMISE!!!!!!!

Zelda: **pokes head around corner** You *promise*?

Navi: Yes.

Zelda: OK. **disappears** it's safe now guys!!

**Everyone returns, and gets back in their chairs**

Nabooru: Where were we. **grins evilly*

Zelda: **gulps**

Darunia: I'll go make popcorn! **leaves**

Nabooru: Zelda! Where were you on the night of Ganon's defeat?

Zelda: Right here.

Nabooru: Correct! Zelda! Where were you on the previous night?

Zelda: Hiding from him. **points at Ganon**

Nabooru: Correct! Zelda! Where were you on the previous night?

Zelda: u_u Hiding.

Nabooru: Correct! Zelda! What is my middle name?

Zelda: o.o ummm...

Nabooru: Wrong! Zelda! PENALTY GAME!!! (A/n: if you read Yu-Gi-Oh! in Shounen Jump, you'll realize what I'm talking about here) **holds hand out at Zelda and shouts** ILLUSION OF DANCING WAFFLES!!!

Zelda: AAAAAAA!!! Everything is changing!!! I'm seeing nothing but waffles!!! And they're dancing!!! This must be an illusion! Cool!

Nabooru: You have paid the ultimate punishment. I am done. **sits down, and everyone claps and cheers**

Everyone: **claps and cheers**

Zelda: Just kidding!

Everyone: **claps and cheers**

Nabooru: NO! My punishment failed!!

Everyone: **claps and cheers**

Nabooru: Will you stop that already!?!?

Everyone: **claps and cheers**

Nabooru: I'm serious. Stop it!

Everyone: **claps and cheers**

Nabooru: Feel the wrath of my awesome powers!

**Everyone stops clapping and cheering except Darunia, who's a little slow**

Darunia: **claps and cheers**

Everyone: -_- **heaves a collective sigh**

Saria: Hey! I know!

Zelda: I do too! You're right! I'll go get them! **leaves**

Saria: o.o ummm.............

Impa: You're gonna have to get used to that.

Saria: o.o ummm..............

Impa: Seriously. Get over it.

Saria: o.o ummm.............

Impa: Can we get some help over here? I think she's in shock.

Saria: o.o ummm.............

Rauru: I can help!

Impa: What can you do?

Rauru:**blushes**

Impa: GET OUT OF HERE YOU DIRTY OLD MAN!!!!

Rauru: eek! **runs off**

**Zelda returns with Tatl and Tale**

Zelda: I've got a remedy!

Tatl: SARIA!! BY THE POWERS VESTED IN ME, I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE!!

Everyone: O.O ................................

Saria: **recovers** Who can make waffles? I like waffles.

Everyone: o.o ..............................

Zelda: So does link...

Saria: Really?

Zelda: Like you wouldn't believe.

Saria: NO! I BELIEVE YOU!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

**The others head off to do random party things**

Darunia: I'll go find some other people...

Ruto: I'll get the food...

Nabooru: I'll get some games, or something...

Rauru: I'll get the liquor!

Impa: NO YOU WON'T!

Rauru: You can't stop me!! **runs off**

Impa: I'll go get the idiot...and Link, while I'm thinking about it- he's probably trying to kill Mido over a few waffles...

**meanwhile...**

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

**hours later, everyone else has returned**

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Zelda: NO WAY!!

Saria: YES WAY!!!

Ruto: I've got the food!

Darunia: I've got the guests! **has a bunch of people tied to a rope, slave style**

Zelda: You weirdo. Those are the guests, not new slaves.

Darunia: Oh.

Rauru: I've got the liquor!

Impa: **grabs it from him** I"VE got the liquor. And the moron. **points at Link**

Link: Hey! Those waffles were important!

Impa: And you beat Mido up for eating one.

Saria: All right, Link!

Impa: Saria, Mido was beat up. For eating a waffle. One waffle. One single waffle.

Saria: ALL RIGHT, LINK!!!

Link: **hugs Saria** You always were my best friend.

Zelda: EXCUSE me????

Link: And you're my girlfriend.

Malon: What??

Link: And you're the girlfriend of my girlfriend.

Malon: Awesome! When do I start? How much does it pay? What're the times?

Link: ummm..........umm........

Darunia: Can I be a girlfriend?

Tatl: You've got issues, dude.

Darunia: Are you making fun of me?? ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME????

Tale: Sure she is!!

Tatl: WHAT!? NO! I WOULD NEVER!

Darunia: YOU WILL PAY!!!

Tatl: meep!

Darunia: I HATE YOU **sobs**

Tatl: O.o ..............

Ruto: What about me?

Link: We're a fundamentally incompatible species, who could never have a baby.

Ruto: **pouts** Doesn't mean we can't try.

Zelda: O.O

Link: UMMMM........you can be the other girlfriend of my girlfriend.

Ruto: What're my benifits? Do I have job security? What about stock options? Do I get to drive the company vehicle?

Link: ummm..........umm........

Zelda: Start now. No pay. All the time. No benefits, job security, no stock options. Company car? CARS DON'T EVEN EXIST HERE!!!

Link: Actually......

Zelda: Asking the Goddesses to give you a car doesn't count.

Link: Why-

Zelda: WHERE THE HECK WOULD YOU EVEN TAKE IT!!!

Link: I could make Ganon jealous.....

Zelda: u.u Does anyone else have anything?

Link: **totally oblivious to assorted party items** Anything for what?

Zelda: **panicking** ummm...............nothing my little Waffle-muffin. Hey! I've got.....umm.....waffles! Yeah, that's it! Waffles! In the......uhhh.....dungeon! Yeah! Dungeon! Let's go!

Link: OK! Waffles for me! **skips down hallway** Yay!

Saria: He's so messed up...

Nabooru: I've got Twister!

Everyone: NO!

Nabooru: oopsie! **giggles, realizes she doesn't giggle, and grins evilly** I'll get...another game!! HAHAHA!

Impa: Please not some demented form of twister...please...

Rauru: Please...some demented form of twister.heehee...

Impa: **pales** Psycho freak perverted old man.

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Well? How'd I do? I liked this one more. But that's an author's opinion.

Link: I've seen better in contemporary art.

Jerk.

Link: BAD contemporary art.

I'm gonna kill you...

Please R&R. Now. THAT'S AN ORDER, SOLDIER!