He stood on her doorstep with his entire stomach dragging behind him.
He was nervous and hadn't a clue what he was going to say. He knew he
needed to tell her everything. It wasn't only to get peace from Catherine
and his mother, but he needed to do this for himself as well.
Knocking lightly on the door, he checked his shirt and pants. He'd been to work, then the airport and now Sara's apartment without changing. He hoped he didn't smell too bad and that he looked less like he was crawling around a small flat all night.
Sara opened the door and was highly surprised to see him standing there. She could see he hadn't been home or if he had, he hadn't changed out of his work clothes. "Can I come in?" He asked when he realised she definitely wasn't expecting him.
Her eyes narrowed slightly at his work tone. She took a calming breath and leaned back inside the door to grasp her jacket and keys. "No." She delivered gently before closing and locking her door. "If we're gonna argue, then I don't want to feel like a prisoner in my own home." She explained and pushed past him.
Grissom stared at the door with confusion and then concern. She didn't want to talk about this in private and she didn't trust him to talk with accusation. He sighed heavily and turned on his heel to follow her out of her apartment building. They walked down the street in the harsh morning sunlight. Both sported sunglasses and matching lead heavy steps.
Sara snuck glances now and then, waiting and waiting for him to speak, but when he didn't, she sighed and stopped. Grissom continued a few steps until he realised he was alone. He turned and stayed where he was. They were standing just inside the areas local park. The grass glistened in the sun and the few people walked from one end to the other and the parks were quiet.
So early in the morning left the park empty. Children were in school and the occupants were mostly made up of a few elderly walking their dogs and a couple sitting on a nearby bench. A man sat on the grass with a newspaper and a paper cup, which might be coffee. Sara started walking again when she looked Grissom in the eyes. She grasped his arm and pulled lightly to get him moving.
A few feet away was the children's park; with swings, slide and a round-a- bout. Sara moved to sit on a swing as Grissom stood slightly in front of her. He dug his hands into his pockets and kicked at the asphalt. "I don't want to argue, Sara." He finally spoke. When his eyes finally lifted and found hers, he could have sworn she was upset, sad even.
"I never wanted to argue in the first place." She admitted, releasing a sad sigh.
He walked to the swing beside her and sat down. His hands held the chains, although he didn't move. "I'm.not good at this. Sara. I.I don't know what to do." His stammering was making himself angry and he attempted to swallow past the lump in his throat.
"That's not true." She groaned, turning her head to look at him. He was looking straight at her with intense blue eyes. She looked away quickly, but found his eyes again. Her chest was crushing in on itself as she looked at him and tried to explain what he knew, but obviously refused to believe it. "You are capable of speaking to me, Grissom. You only start avoid speaking to me when 'you' notice that I might actually say something back that requires an honest straightforward answer, preferably within a few minutes before I get the feeling you're not going to say a thing."
He sighed and nodded. "I'm trying Sara. I really am. It 'is' difficult and I don't know how to resolve this-" His head snapped up from his sudden bowed position, when Sara groaned and pushed away from the swing.
"THIS, is not some case Grissom!" She took an angry breath and pushed her hair back. "I cannot believe you. I'm trying not to force you. I trying not to throw myself at you and make an even more of a fool of myself and all I get from you in return is, 'I don't know what to do about this' 'I don't know how to resolve this.'" Sara shook her head and turned back to him. "What do you want from me Grissom?" She asked calmly, but shakily. "I can't give you anything else. My objective was to find out what you feel and stupid me, I thought that I'd actually achieve that, but look." She laughed sarcastically. "It's taken three years for you to even attempt to figure THIS out and you want ME to give in so easily. That's not gonna happen. Maybe yesterday when I was chasing you, but not today and not now. I'm done. I can't keep chasing you and hoping I'll get something for all the heartache. I've got nothing left."
Grissom watched as tears started to roll down her cheeks. He felt extremely guilty and he knew he deserved to feel this way, but he didn't want to leave now and forget the last few years of flirting and special moments between them. He wanted more of that and he wanted it more than anything. He needed to tell her, he needed to open up. He's let her stand alone in this relationship for too long already.
With deliberate slow movements, he stood and walked towards her. Sara looked down when he started towards her and tried to turn away, but Grissom's hand stopped her. He lightly held her folded arms and tried to control his rapid heartbeat as he stepped closer and pulled her arms away from her stomach. Sara's arms fell to her sides, but still stayed in his grasp.
"I am truly sorry Sara." He closed his eyes briefly and looked at her dark hair. "I know that doesn't give me any right to ask things of you." His voice was soft, softer than she'd ever heard come from him. "If it was in my power," He paused and slid his left hand up her arm and gently pushed her hair back. "I would take the years away and start again, but I can't." He stressed on a frustrated breath. "And please believe me when I say, I'd do that in a second if I could." Grissom didn't know what else to say. He knew he had to tell her everything, but he was still so scared of her reaction. He could lose her completely if she knew the secret he'd been hiding from her.
Sara had her eyes closed and registered everything. She could feel his body so close and his hands on her arms and his warmth seeping into her very soul. She could feel his light breathes on her hair and heard everything he said, including the emotions behind them. She didn't know what to do anymore. She was stuck. He was here and trying his best to open up, but she couldn't let him in so easily. He didn't have to live with the torture of loving someone and trying to act like that person was nothing but an employee for years and to hold her emotions so tight, it was eating away at her.
Grissom felt her slipping away from him and his heart screamed out to do something. This time, he did something. "I. like you Sara." Her head rose slowly at his words and he saw she was just as confused. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes as his hands moved up her arms slowly. When he opened his eyes, he looked straight into her dark brown orbs. "I care about you." He took a deep breath through his nose and let it out the same way. "I don't want to lose you."
His hands pushed over her shoulders to rest on her neck. Sara continued to share his personal space, even more so when he made the final step towards her and hesitantly leaned into her. Her eyes closed as he brushed his lips across hers. She sniffled lightly and returned the kiss. Grissom gently slipped his fingers into her silky hair when he felt her hands move to grasp his shirt. He brushed his lips against hers once more before pulling her against him and holding her in a nervous embrace.
"Please Sara." He pleaded in a half whisper. Sara's eyes fluttered open as she heard him. She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder and held him tighter. Grissom seemed to relax a little. "Let me prove that I." He turned his face into her neck and buried his encroaching tears into her hair.
Hearing the catch in his voice, she raised her hand to his hair and lightly ran her fingers over the skin of his neck above his collar. Her heart exploded at his words. She had waited so long to hear them and now, here he was, saying them and she was struggling to hold herself together. She needed to make it clear to him that he couldn't continue to hurt her. She was having a hard enough time not telling him everything, the anger and the love.
Feeling hot wet tears soak her skin, she realised he was crying. "Oh God Grissom, don't do this, please." She whispered hoarsely. She couldn't keep this wall he built for her, up much longer. His body was shaking as more tears fell. There had to be more than just wanting to bring up their relationship to make him break down, but what could it be?
Grissom pulled in a ragged breath to calm himself, but it didn't work. He groaned to himself and pulled back to cup her face. He saw tears flowing down her cheeks and she could see his own tears following the same path that gravity gave. His thumbs brushed the wetness from her skin as he looked deeply into her eyes.
Sara knew that any emotion from this man was beyond difficult, but tears, that was something not Grissom and it scared her to think what else there was that he had been holding onto for so long. She now wished she could speak to Marie more than anything, just to ask if there was anything bad happening that would make him so upset.
Her hand on his shoulder, moved up to his face. She watched as his eyes closed at her light touch. His breathing was settling as she lowered her hand to rest on his chest. "Talk to me." She pleaded quietly.
Grissom's eyes opened slowly to meet hers. He nodded and reached for her hand. "Let's please go back to yours Sara. I can't talk out here."
She took a deep breath and watched as his eyes showed his panic. Squeezing his hand tightly, she turned and tugged lightly until he was following her. Grissom changed his hold on her hand to entwine their fingers. "Will you promise to talk to me Grissom? Once we're alone?" She asked as he stared at the grass.
He sighed and clasped his other hand around hers. "I'm not leaving until. you kick me out, Sara." He promised and after a few minutes, he raised their hands and placed a light kiss on the back of her hand. "I'm not going to leave this alone anymore." She looked at him with a small sad smile, but nodded.
A/N: Not much longer to go readers. Glad to hear that you're enjoying this fic. It's taking me a while to get the right mood and all. Also, to answer a query. I heard that Grissom's mother went deaf. She can speak and sign. I just hope I didn't over do it. I've only known a few 'children' really that can do both. I'm only thinking that Grissom's mother is someone much like Grissom, only she's more social and willing to express herself. No translator, because she's experienced and she knows what she's doing, unlike me. LOL. Any way, if that made any sense, I'm off to finish this.
Knocking lightly on the door, he checked his shirt and pants. He'd been to work, then the airport and now Sara's apartment without changing. He hoped he didn't smell too bad and that he looked less like he was crawling around a small flat all night.
Sara opened the door and was highly surprised to see him standing there. She could see he hadn't been home or if he had, he hadn't changed out of his work clothes. "Can I come in?" He asked when he realised she definitely wasn't expecting him.
Her eyes narrowed slightly at his work tone. She took a calming breath and leaned back inside the door to grasp her jacket and keys. "No." She delivered gently before closing and locking her door. "If we're gonna argue, then I don't want to feel like a prisoner in my own home." She explained and pushed past him.
Grissom stared at the door with confusion and then concern. She didn't want to talk about this in private and she didn't trust him to talk with accusation. He sighed heavily and turned on his heel to follow her out of her apartment building. They walked down the street in the harsh morning sunlight. Both sported sunglasses and matching lead heavy steps.
Sara snuck glances now and then, waiting and waiting for him to speak, but when he didn't, she sighed and stopped. Grissom continued a few steps until he realised he was alone. He turned and stayed where he was. They were standing just inside the areas local park. The grass glistened in the sun and the few people walked from one end to the other and the parks were quiet.
So early in the morning left the park empty. Children were in school and the occupants were mostly made up of a few elderly walking their dogs and a couple sitting on a nearby bench. A man sat on the grass with a newspaper and a paper cup, which might be coffee. Sara started walking again when she looked Grissom in the eyes. She grasped his arm and pulled lightly to get him moving.
A few feet away was the children's park; with swings, slide and a round-a- bout. Sara moved to sit on a swing as Grissom stood slightly in front of her. He dug his hands into his pockets and kicked at the asphalt. "I don't want to argue, Sara." He finally spoke. When his eyes finally lifted and found hers, he could have sworn she was upset, sad even.
"I never wanted to argue in the first place." She admitted, releasing a sad sigh.
He walked to the swing beside her and sat down. His hands held the chains, although he didn't move. "I'm.not good at this. Sara. I.I don't know what to do." His stammering was making himself angry and he attempted to swallow past the lump in his throat.
"That's not true." She groaned, turning her head to look at him. He was looking straight at her with intense blue eyes. She looked away quickly, but found his eyes again. Her chest was crushing in on itself as she looked at him and tried to explain what he knew, but obviously refused to believe it. "You are capable of speaking to me, Grissom. You only start avoid speaking to me when 'you' notice that I might actually say something back that requires an honest straightforward answer, preferably within a few minutes before I get the feeling you're not going to say a thing."
He sighed and nodded. "I'm trying Sara. I really am. It 'is' difficult and I don't know how to resolve this-" His head snapped up from his sudden bowed position, when Sara groaned and pushed away from the swing.
"THIS, is not some case Grissom!" She took an angry breath and pushed her hair back. "I cannot believe you. I'm trying not to force you. I trying not to throw myself at you and make an even more of a fool of myself and all I get from you in return is, 'I don't know what to do about this' 'I don't know how to resolve this.'" Sara shook her head and turned back to him. "What do you want from me Grissom?" She asked calmly, but shakily. "I can't give you anything else. My objective was to find out what you feel and stupid me, I thought that I'd actually achieve that, but look." She laughed sarcastically. "It's taken three years for you to even attempt to figure THIS out and you want ME to give in so easily. That's not gonna happen. Maybe yesterday when I was chasing you, but not today and not now. I'm done. I can't keep chasing you and hoping I'll get something for all the heartache. I've got nothing left."
Grissom watched as tears started to roll down her cheeks. He felt extremely guilty and he knew he deserved to feel this way, but he didn't want to leave now and forget the last few years of flirting and special moments between them. He wanted more of that and he wanted it more than anything. He needed to tell her, he needed to open up. He's let her stand alone in this relationship for too long already.
With deliberate slow movements, he stood and walked towards her. Sara looked down when he started towards her and tried to turn away, but Grissom's hand stopped her. He lightly held her folded arms and tried to control his rapid heartbeat as he stepped closer and pulled her arms away from her stomach. Sara's arms fell to her sides, but still stayed in his grasp.
"I am truly sorry Sara." He closed his eyes briefly and looked at her dark hair. "I know that doesn't give me any right to ask things of you." His voice was soft, softer than she'd ever heard come from him. "If it was in my power," He paused and slid his left hand up her arm and gently pushed her hair back. "I would take the years away and start again, but I can't." He stressed on a frustrated breath. "And please believe me when I say, I'd do that in a second if I could." Grissom didn't know what else to say. He knew he had to tell her everything, but he was still so scared of her reaction. He could lose her completely if she knew the secret he'd been hiding from her.
Sara had her eyes closed and registered everything. She could feel his body so close and his hands on her arms and his warmth seeping into her very soul. She could feel his light breathes on her hair and heard everything he said, including the emotions behind them. She didn't know what to do anymore. She was stuck. He was here and trying his best to open up, but she couldn't let him in so easily. He didn't have to live with the torture of loving someone and trying to act like that person was nothing but an employee for years and to hold her emotions so tight, it was eating away at her.
Grissom felt her slipping away from him and his heart screamed out to do something. This time, he did something. "I. like you Sara." Her head rose slowly at his words and he saw she was just as confused. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes as his hands moved up her arms slowly. When he opened his eyes, he looked straight into her dark brown orbs. "I care about you." He took a deep breath through his nose and let it out the same way. "I don't want to lose you."
His hands pushed over her shoulders to rest on her neck. Sara continued to share his personal space, even more so when he made the final step towards her and hesitantly leaned into her. Her eyes closed as he brushed his lips across hers. She sniffled lightly and returned the kiss. Grissom gently slipped his fingers into her silky hair when he felt her hands move to grasp his shirt. He brushed his lips against hers once more before pulling her against him and holding her in a nervous embrace.
"Please Sara." He pleaded in a half whisper. Sara's eyes fluttered open as she heard him. She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder and held him tighter. Grissom seemed to relax a little. "Let me prove that I." He turned his face into her neck and buried his encroaching tears into her hair.
Hearing the catch in his voice, she raised her hand to his hair and lightly ran her fingers over the skin of his neck above his collar. Her heart exploded at his words. She had waited so long to hear them and now, here he was, saying them and she was struggling to hold herself together. She needed to make it clear to him that he couldn't continue to hurt her. She was having a hard enough time not telling him everything, the anger and the love.
Feeling hot wet tears soak her skin, she realised he was crying. "Oh God Grissom, don't do this, please." She whispered hoarsely. She couldn't keep this wall he built for her, up much longer. His body was shaking as more tears fell. There had to be more than just wanting to bring up their relationship to make him break down, but what could it be?
Grissom pulled in a ragged breath to calm himself, but it didn't work. He groaned to himself and pulled back to cup her face. He saw tears flowing down her cheeks and she could see his own tears following the same path that gravity gave. His thumbs brushed the wetness from her skin as he looked deeply into her eyes.
Sara knew that any emotion from this man was beyond difficult, but tears, that was something not Grissom and it scared her to think what else there was that he had been holding onto for so long. She now wished she could speak to Marie more than anything, just to ask if there was anything bad happening that would make him so upset.
Her hand on his shoulder, moved up to his face. She watched as his eyes closed at her light touch. His breathing was settling as she lowered her hand to rest on his chest. "Talk to me." She pleaded quietly.
Grissom's eyes opened slowly to meet hers. He nodded and reached for her hand. "Let's please go back to yours Sara. I can't talk out here."
She took a deep breath and watched as his eyes showed his panic. Squeezing his hand tightly, she turned and tugged lightly until he was following her. Grissom changed his hold on her hand to entwine their fingers. "Will you promise to talk to me Grissom? Once we're alone?" She asked as he stared at the grass.
He sighed and clasped his other hand around hers. "I'm not leaving until. you kick me out, Sara." He promised and after a few minutes, he raised their hands and placed a light kiss on the back of her hand. "I'm not going to leave this alone anymore." She looked at him with a small sad smile, but nodded.
A/N: Not much longer to go readers. Glad to hear that you're enjoying this fic. It's taking me a while to get the right mood and all. Also, to answer a query. I heard that Grissom's mother went deaf. She can speak and sign. I just hope I didn't over do it. I've only known a few 'children' really that can do both. I'm only thinking that Grissom's mother is someone much like Grissom, only she's more social and willing to express herself. No translator, because she's experienced and she knows what she's doing, unlike me. LOL. Any way, if that made any sense, I'm off to finish this.