Title: Playing With Matches
Author: Rhapsody
Summary: "I've always been a person who seeks a challenge. I always want what I can't get. It seems that now that I have Lavender as my own, the love is fading." Lavender/Parvati.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
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Chapter 2: Learning to Love
Parvati POV
She loves me with all her heart. She gives me all her soul. And it saddens me to think that I cannot return the beautiful gift she has given me.
It's not that I never loved her. I did at one time. My heart yearned for her. All I wanted was to be with her. But all the while I was afraid that she would reject me so I never breathed a word. I even dated other people so she wouldn't find out.
She eventually told me she loved me and for the next few weeks I returned her gift, but gradually the love seemed to fade away. I was still attracted to her, but the feeling wasn't there.
I've always been a person who seeks a challenge. I always want what I can't get. And I thought I couldn't get Lavender. She is so perfect and I am so flawed, but nonetheless she loves me. It seems that now that I have Lavender as my own, the love is fading.
I want so badly to love her. I want to be the perfect companion. I want the old feelings, the old sparks between us to return. I'm so afraid. I'm afraid that they have left my body. I'm afraid that I have lost the ability to not only love Lavender, but love anybody.
Maybe it is that she is too good for me. Maybe all the love we shared was so strong that it was a shock to my system and whipped out all ability to love or accept love in the future.
There is not a day that I don't sit and wish that I could love her like she loves me. She has given so much up all for me and what do I give her in return? A fake love, fabricated in my mind, to compensate for the real love that I lack. I'm broken and undeserving of anyone's love. I have done such horrible things. It is hard for me to fathom anyone loving me the way she does.
And still, I'm terrified of hurting her. Lavender has gone through so much, she deserves the best. The best has laid itself upon a silver platter in front of her and she rejected it, for me. She is so devoted to me, to the love we used to share, and in her mind still share. She is like a fragile flower, irreplaceable and delicate.
I want so badly to love my fragile flower. To caress her with all the tenderness and love that I once held in my heart. I want only to make her happy. I want to insure that she will never get hurt, by anyone, especially by me.
It's so confusing, I don't understand why I'm having these feelings. I want so badly to love her but something is holding me back. There is this guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I see her pretty face. I know she deserves better, but if I leave her it will destroy her.
I know that if I don't begin to love her again she will get hurt. I can almost picture my delicate little flower being crushed by cruel life.
I have never broken the promise we made so long ago. A ring is positioned my finger affirming that I haven't broken it. I have never had the desire to break our sacred oath, but I suspect that if I were ever to leave Lavender that would be her first notion.
It hurts me to think that she would ever suspect me of something so heinous, but what right do I have to talk of betrayal and hurt. I know in the end it will be me who hurts most, because to live my life knowing I hurt her would be unbearable.
I want to scream out and end the pain and confusion by simply telling her that I do not, can not love her the way she loves me. But to step on my delicate flower would be a crime punishable by death.
I want to love her so badly it hurts. I will love her some day. I have always wanted what I can't have and I can't love, therefore my want for it is great. It is my goal in life to love Lavender and show her that I love her.
I know that if I continue to yearn what I want most will come to me, just how Lavender came to me when I wanted her most. I will learn to share with her the gifts she has shared with me for so very long.
But for now I lie upon her bed, half covered in blankets. I drift in and out of sleep as Lavender strokes my hair. She is showing her love for me. A love I will soon be able to return to her.
Author: Rhapsody
Summary: "I've always been a person who seeks a challenge. I always want what I can't get. It seems that now that I have Lavender as my own, the love is fading." Lavender/Parvati.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chapter 2: Learning to Love
Parvati POV
She loves me with all her heart. She gives me all her soul. And it saddens me to think that I cannot return the beautiful gift she has given me.
It's not that I never loved her. I did at one time. My heart yearned for her. All I wanted was to be with her. But all the while I was afraid that she would reject me so I never breathed a word. I even dated other people so she wouldn't find out.
She eventually told me she loved me and for the next few weeks I returned her gift, but gradually the love seemed to fade away. I was still attracted to her, but the feeling wasn't there.
I've always been a person who seeks a challenge. I always want what I can't get. And I thought I couldn't get Lavender. She is so perfect and I am so flawed, but nonetheless she loves me. It seems that now that I have Lavender as my own, the love is fading.
I want so badly to love her. I want to be the perfect companion. I want the old feelings, the old sparks between us to return. I'm so afraid. I'm afraid that they have left my body. I'm afraid that I have lost the ability to not only love Lavender, but love anybody.
Maybe it is that she is too good for me. Maybe all the love we shared was so strong that it was a shock to my system and whipped out all ability to love or accept love in the future.
There is not a day that I don't sit and wish that I could love her like she loves me. She has given so much up all for me and what do I give her in return? A fake love, fabricated in my mind, to compensate for the real love that I lack. I'm broken and undeserving of anyone's love. I have done such horrible things. It is hard for me to fathom anyone loving me the way she does.
And still, I'm terrified of hurting her. Lavender has gone through so much, she deserves the best. The best has laid itself upon a silver platter in front of her and she rejected it, for me. She is so devoted to me, to the love we used to share, and in her mind still share. She is like a fragile flower, irreplaceable and delicate.
I want so badly to love my fragile flower. To caress her with all the tenderness and love that I once held in my heart. I want only to make her happy. I want to insure that she will never get hurt, by anyone, especially by me.
It's so confusing, I don't understand why I'm having these feelings. I want so badly to love her but something is holding me back. There is this guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I see her pretty face. I know she deserves better, but if I leave her it will destroy her.
I know that if I don't begin to love her again she will get hurt. I can almost picture my delicate little flower being crushed by cruel life.
I have never broken the promise we made so long ago. A ring is positioned my finger affirming that I haven't broken it. I have never had the desire to break our sacred oath, but I suspect that if I were ever to leave Lavender that would be her first notion.
It hurts me to think that she would ever suspect me of something so heinous, but what right do I have to talk of betrayal and hurt. I know in the end it will be me who hurts most, because to live my life knowing I hurt her would be unbearable.
I want to scream out and end the pain and confusion by simply telling her that I do not, can not love her the way she loves me. But to step on my delicate flower would be a crime punishable by death.
I want to love her so badly it hurts. I will love her some day. I have always wanted what I can't have and I can't love, therefore my want for it is great. It is my goal in life to love Lavender and show her that I love her.
I know that if I continue to yearn what I want most will come to me, just how Lavender came to me when I wanted her most. I will learn to share with her the gifts she has shared with me for so very long.
But for now I lie upon her bed, half covered in blankets. I drift in and out of sleep as Lavender strokes my hair. She is showing her love for me. A love I will soon be able to return to her.