Chapter 1: Going Under (Hermione)

Now I will tell you what I've done for you

Fifty thousand tears I've cried

Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you

And you still won't hear me...

I sit, sobbing, on the floor. The others have gone to Hogsmeade and left me behind. Again. They don't care. No one does. Except for Him. But He doesn't understand why I am sad. He doesn't know that I cry, I yearn for Him with every drop of desire my soul possesses, He doesn't know that the cuts on my too-pale arms are because of Him, my love; my pain.

Don't want your hand – this time I'll save myself

Maybe I'll wake up for once

Not tormented, daily defeated by you

Just when I'd thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again...

He tries to help me, he really does. But I want to do it myself! I want to escape the trap I have created for myself by myself. I don't want to hear His lectures about how I should take care of my body – they make me wonder, do I repulse Him? Surely I do, as He repulses me, for every time I see Him, I wish Him away. And when He is gone, I cry. He is killing me slowly, trying to help me.

I'm going under

Drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through

I'm going under...

I sit on the floor dreaming of Him. How he will wrap his arms around me and sooth me. Calm me, comfort me. How he will press his soft, perfect lips to my own chapped, hard mouth, ugly as sin. How I will bury my face into his messy hair. His hair. Oh gods, his hair… wonderfully black, black as ravens' wings, soft as lambs' wool. He takes my breath away, he removes me from my past.

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

So I don't know what's real and what's not

Always confusing the thoughts in my head

So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again...   

My grades have dropped. He is ruining my life. I cannot remember what is fact and what is rumor. I cannot write a bibliography – I can't name the resources. I cannot get my head around my schoolwork. I can only think of Him. I do not know if I am alive or dead. Dead or alive. I am no longer me.

I'm going under

Drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through...

I need Him to love me the same way I love Him. I love Him. I love Him, love Him, love Him. I want, need Him to love me. My arms hurt. Blood is flowing onto the floor, staining the carpet.

So go on, scream

Scream at me

I'm so far away

I'm so far away

I've got to breathe

I can't keep going under...

He is angry with me. Every day, he screams. At me. He tells me that I am hurting those who love me. Am I hurting Him? He doesn't love me, not the way I want Him to. I am the sister, not the lover. Every day, He screams, but I do not hear Him. In my head, He is caressing my face with his calloused hands; He is telling me that I am His world. I don't want to be in love with Him anymore.

I'm going under

Drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through

I'm going under

Going under

I'm going under...

I hate Him. I love Him. I wish I had never met Him. I wish Voldemort had killed Him. I wish the best for Harry Potter, the Boy-I-Love. The Boy-I-am-Beginning-to-Hate.

Well, what do you think? Love/Hate? Please REVIEW and let me know.

-Keladria