Change My Mind

Part One

Anita opened her eyes slowly, and looked at the empty space beside her. She sighed, and looked at the clock, sitting up. "Well, it's never a good start to your morning when you wake up half an hour after you're meant to be at work," she told no one in particular. She hit the alarm clock with the palm of her hand as punishment for not going off at seven o'clock, and got up.

"Tom?" she called out, wondering where he was. His shoes were gone from their place by the door, so he had probably gone out. She cursed him for not waking her… being late on her second week at a new job was not a good idea. And she had not had the best record for punctuality so far. Tom thought that it was "considerate" to turn off her alarm clock, and let her sleep later than she should. Idiot, she thought fondly. She could not afford to dwell on that, though. She was late.

She was ready within ten minutes, although the knowledge that she was going to be an hour late did not exactly spur her on. She swore as she picked up her bag and knocked a pile of papers onto the floor. As she bent down to pick them up, she caught sight of her own name. She picked up the envelope and tore it open. For a few seconds, she was silent, her eyes scanning the page. As she finished reading, she sat down suddenly, her legs almost giving way under her.

How could he do that to her? How could he just… leave, like that? Had she missed something, had there been something wrong with their relationship that she hadn't noticed? Had she done something terrible to offend him, to make him run away? Or had he just been so irresponsible, so pig-headed, that he couldn't see that this was going to hurt her? Suddenly the full realisation of what had happened hit her. He had left. She was alone. She tore the letter into pieces, angrily, and, laying her head on her arms, began to cry.

*~*~*

"Late night, Miss Lloyd?" Ric teased Diane, as she wandered into theatre and placed an aspirin in her mouth.

She grimaced at him. "I couldn't sleep."

"Why not?"

"I was thinking, is all." She turned away.

He smiled. "First time for everything, I suppose."

"Ouch," Zubin commented, looking up from where he was sitting by the table, reading.

"Good book?" Diane asked.

"Pride and Prejudice," he replied, holding the cover up for her to see. "Have you ever read it?"

Diane thought for a moment. "I don't think so. What's it about?"

Zubin flicked through the pages idly before speaking. "About a couple who are in love, but don't admit it."

"Sounds boring," Diane remarked. "Have you read it before?"

"A few times." He turned to the first page. "But even if I hadn't, it's one of those things where you just know that the couples will get together. Even when they're arguing, they're still in love."

Ric took the book off his friend. "This book is three hundred pages or so long. Surely no one, fictional or otherwise, could spend that long before admitting they were in love?"

Zubin looked between Ric and Diane for a moment, smiling. "Well, some people just don't realise what's right in front of them."

*~*~*

Tom unlocked his front door and began dragging a suitcase into the hallway. As his phone began ringing, he dropped the case, startled. He viewed the display screen with some trepidation. The name on the screen suggested that it would not be a particularly pleasant call. However, he answered the phone, and prepared himself for Anita's wrath.

"Nice of you to say goodbye," she told him, anger masking the hurt that she was feeling.

"I'm sorry. I just… I didn't want to hurt you," he faltered.

"Yes, I'm so glad you escaped doing that," she quipped. She paused. "Why? Was there something glaringly obviously wrong that I just didn't notice?"

"No, there wasn't," he hastened to reassure her. "I just… that's what the problem was."

She paused, trying to understand what he had just said. "Okay. So you left me because nothing was wrong?"

"No. Because I knew that I'd hurt you in the long run, Anita," he corrected her.

"In the long run? What about now?" she demanded. "What about the fact that we had something good there, and you threw it away because of something that might happen?"

"It's for the best." If only she had not called, he would still have been convinced. But now, just hearing her voice, hearing her sounding upset, it was all that he could do to stop himself catching the next plane back to New York. He wanted to make it all better for her, and yet he had ruined it all for her.

She could barely believe what she was hearing. "Well, considering this, it probably is. I never realised how stupid, or uncaring or – just plain horrible you were."

"Anita, I was trying to…"

"I don't care what you were trying to do. All I know is that you've succeeded in hurting me." She held the phone away as she blew her nose, not wanting him to hear her crying.

"I'm sorry," he said, feebly.

"So am I." She glared at the wall. "I'm sorry I ever let you into my life. I'm sorry I trusted you. I'm sorry I let myself fall in love with you." She slammed the phone down, and kicked the table angrily. This was not Anita the psychiatrist, playing mind games, always in control. This was a different side of her, a side that she had kept locked away until recently. Until she met Tom. And now she was regretting it. Because the other Anita, the one who was always in control, would never have had this problem.

*~*~*

Diane was staring unseeingly out of the window when Ric came up behind her. "What you looking at?" he queried.

"The car park."

He gave her a strange look. "Any reason why?"

"No, not really. I'm just thinking."

"Again?" he teased. "You don't want to work your brain too hard, you know. After not having used it in thirty years, thinking twice in as many days…"

Diane interrupted him. "Twenty eight years, actually."

He laughed. "I never understood why women were so fussy about their age."

"Weren't you and the Prof arguing yesterday because he thought you were fifty?" Diane teased.

"No. We were just arguing generally, that was an area we covered." Ric followed Diane's gaze, and stopped suddenly. "Is that Tom Campbell-Gore's car?"

She nodded. "That's what I thought. But isn't he in America with Anita?" She almost spat out Anita's name.

"What's Anita done to you?" Ric asked, as Diane lolled against him.

She was about to reply when a movement in the car park caught her eye. "That's Tom."

"Are you sure?" Ric squinted at the person Diane was pointing to.

"Well, I don't think there's two people in the world with his hair," she replied.

Ric laughed. "I wonder what he's doing back here," he mused.

"What's that?" queried Zubin, walking past.

"Tom Campbell-Gore," Ric told him, pointing.

"Can't be, he's in America." Nevertheless, Zubin looked to where Ric was pointing. "It does look like him."

"I think it is," Diane remarked. "I mean, there can't be two people who drive a car like that and look like that, can there?"

*~*~*

Nearly an hour later, Anita arrived at work. She was hoping that she would get to her office without anyone seeing her, but that plan didn't work. The moment she stepped into the building, she was approached by her boss.

"You're late again, Anita," he told her.

"I know," she replied, "and I'm sorry, but…"

"This is the third time this week that you've been late. What does that tell you?"

She smiled innocently at him, hoping to win him over. "That I should get a new alarm clock?" she suggested. She was uncomfortably reminded of being fourteen again, and arriving late for school. She sighed. "Look, my alarm didn't go off, my boyfriend left me, and I missed the bus. I've not had a good start to the morning, so…"

"I should let it pass?"

"Exactly." She smiled again, looking him straight in the eye.

"I'm sorry, Anita, but you've been late seven times in two weeks. That's hardly a good track record, is it?" he asked her. "It's really not working very well, you and this job."

She was feeling desperate. "I don't think you realise how much I gave up to come here."

"You moved from England," he stated.

"No. I left a job in England, I left my family and friends in England, I ruined my chances of having a relationship with the man I love, and…" Her persuasions were in vain. When she left the building half an hour later, it was to the realisation that she had no job. She felt sick. The day before, she had been in a secure relationship, and had a great job, something that many people would have envied her. And now… what did she have?

*~*~*

Tom left Helen Grant's office, smiling to himself that at least he had a job. The hospital had not filled his place yet, and so he was simply reclaiming his old job. As he was walking down the corridor, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned around.

"Tom!" Ed exclaimed. "This is a surprise! I thought you were in America?"

"I was. Now I'm not." Tom didn't want to dwell on it.

"What, has Anita come back as well, or…?"

Tom cut him off. "No, she hasn't."

Ed paused. "Oh. I, ah, I'm sorry. I didn't realise." He looked around. "So, what, are you back for good, now?"

"It appears so."

"You know Ric's got Clinical Director," Ed informed him.

"Helen told me," Tom replied. "I gave that up when I went to New York, I knew it was going to happen. So good for Ric."

Ed laughed. "Never thought I'd hear you say that."

"Well, things change."

*~*~*

She closed the bathroom door behind her, and made her way into the hallway. She leant against the wall, breathing deeply for a moment, trying to decide what she should do. After a few seconds, she picked up the phone and dialled.