Change My Mind

Part Two

Anita put the phone down and stared at it for a moment. There was no going back now. She sighed, and began to pack. She was making the right decision. Of course she was. Going back to Holby made sense. She had only gone to America because she had a job there. Now, she had no job, and no reason to stay. And it would be easier to find another job in Holby. She knew people there.

She paused for a moment. Holby was where Tom was, and, whilst, in one way, that made her want to go back, it also made her want to stay away. She didn't particularly want to see him – not after what he had done to her. He had hurt her… she had thought that maybe, just maybe, he would be the one man who wouldn't do that to her. But he had. It wasn't as though it was the first time she had had her heart broken, and probably wouldn't be the last. That knowledge didn't help.

She sighed. She loved him, and it was impossible to forget that. But she would most certainly not let that affect anything, she told herself sternly. If she saw him, she saw him. She would have to see him – once, at least. Just to tell him. And she had to do that. Whilst it was tempting to stay away from him, to avoid him for the rest of her life, it was the right thing to do, telling him. She had no doubts on that score. She might not have wanted to, not particularly, but she owed it to him to do so.

But after that, she could avoid him. It would be painful to both of them if they kept seeing each other. But they were both adults. They could handle seeing each other once in a while. They didn't even have to talk to one another. Unless… oh, that was a tempting thought.

Smiling, she returned to her packing, a plan forming in her mind.

*~*~*

Diane, Ric, and Zubin were perfectly aware that they could have gone home, but they were curious as to why Tom was back.

"Maybe he's broken up with Anita?" Diane suggested.

"You needn't sound so happy," teased Zubin.

"It's more likely that he's just come back for the rest of his stuff," Ric rationalised. "If he moved to New York with Anita, he wouldn't give up after a few weeks, surely?"

"Maybe she cheated on him?" Diane put in.

Ric pushed her playfully. "I wouldn't go saying things like that. However much you don't like Anita, there's no reason to accuse her of that."

"She might have done!" Diane protested.

"And she might not," Zubin added.

At this point, Tom walked past Ric's office. "Ask him why he's here," Diane hissed.

"You're the one who's so curious," Ric retorted.

"I can't ask him, have you got any idea how inappropriate that would be?" she asked, innocently.

"Inappropriate? Diane, you went out with him a few times and he dumped you. People move past these things… we have." Ric shot her a look.

Zubin choked on his drink before he spoke. "I'll ask him." He opened the door and called out. "Tom?"

Tom turned around. "Yes?"

"It's… nice to see you back." Zubin shot Ric a look. "What do I say?" he mouthed.

Tom stepped into the office. "Ric, Diane, hello." They both smiled awkwardly, and sat down. Tom looked around. "So, you're wondering why I'm back, aren't you?"

Ric looked uncomfortable, and made a few vague sounds.

"If you must know, I've come back for good," Tom revealed. "Anita and I broke up."

"Told you," Diane mouthed to Zubin, out of sight of Tom.

"I'm sorry," Ric said, awkwardly.

"Why?" Diane asked Tom.

He looked startled. "I beg your pardon, Miss Lloyd? That's none of your business."

"Well, you must have thought she was pretty great if you moved to New York with her, so why did you break up?" Zubin stood up, took Diane's arm, and dragged her out of the room.

"Diane, I don't know and I don't care what the man's done to you, but you could at least be civil!" he hissed.

"He cancelled a date with me to move to America with Anita." Diane shot Tom a murderous look, and Zubin sighed.

"I don't understand why you care so much," Zubin told her. "You weren't serious about him, you hadn't been out that many times, you didn't love him… did you?" he queried, uncertainly.

She laughed. "Of course not!" She paused. "But I still don't see why I should be nice to him."

"He didn't do anything wrong. He fell in love, that's all. What's the problem with that?"

"Nothing." Diane glared at Tom again. "I've got no problems with that. It's the fact that he stood me up and humiliated me."

Zubin sighed. "Fine. Continue with your grudge. But don't blame me if you end up getting in trouble."

"I won't."

"Excuse Diane's behaviour," Ric apologised to Tom. "But she does have a point," he added. "You treated her terribly, and she has a right to know why."

"I deserve that," Tom said, sighing. "I should have said something to her, I know." He paused. "But as for what happened between Anita and I, that's our business and no one else's." He left the room, marching past Diane and Zubin, and didn't bother to say anything more.

*~*~*

As she stood outside the airport, surrounded by her cases, Anita suddenly realised that she had nowhere to stay. It was the early hours of the morning, and she had nowhere to go. She felt no inclination to call Tom and ask if she could stay with him. She was going to need to pluck up courage and think about what she wanted to tell him – or take the easy way out, and get very drunk – before she saw him. Now was not the time.

As tempting as it was to get a flight back to New York, where she at least had a flat, she forced herself to find a taxi. She gave the name of a hotel that she knew, a few miles away from the hospital. She could stay there for one night at least. After that… well, she could think about whether she wanted to find a house in Holby or go back to America. Best to just take things one day at a time for now.

She was relieved when she managed to lock herself in a room, which, although small, was a place that she could stay for the night. She decided not to bother unpacking anything – after all, she would most likely only be staying there for a few nights. Besides, she had bigger problems to worry about. Such as Tom… and what to tell him. She had no job and nowhere to live. Those were problems. And there was the other problem, the one that she was keeping to the back of her mind. She could worry about that one later.

The first thing that she needed to do was think. She had yelled at Tom before she had fully grasped what had happened. She had thrown herself into her packing and avoided excess thought before. She had slept on the plane. So she had no real idea of what she felt about this situation. She sank down onto the bed, knowing that she could take the easy way out and sleep, or do the harder task. Think, come up with a plan of action, decide what to do.

All that she knew she was going to do was try and get her job back, and talk to Tom. Those were just general headings. How was she going to do it? Well, she thought comfortably, it would be easy enough to get her job back. Talking to Tom… well, that would be harder. But she could do it. Of course she could.

*~*~*

Diane smiled as she opened the door to find Ric standing there. "What are you doing here?"

"Thought I'd drive you to work," he replied.

She looked confused. "Why? I mean… my car's just there."

"I wanted to check that you were alright to come in," he explained, as she picked up her bag and wriggled her feet into a pair of shoes.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she demanded, touched by the gesture, but not wanting to show it. It was sweet of him to do that for her. He was having problems of his own, even if he wouldn't admit them, Diane knew that, and it shocked her that he would take the time out of his busy schedule to see how she was. And yet, it shouldn't have shocked her. He was always like that. Sometimes she felt that she didn't deserve him as a friend. It seemed that she was continually crying on his shoulder.

"You didn't seem too pleased when Tom turned up yesterday." He had been worried about her the previous day. After Tom had left, Ric and Zubin had gone for a drink, but Diane had declined their invitation, and gone home, looking to be on the verge of tears. It was the way she had looked so often lately, but Ric had never got used to seeing her look like that. She had used to be so happy all the time. And, whilst everyone has bad patches once in a while, and no one knew that more than Ric, Diane's bad patch seemed to have lasted a long time, and included events that no one ought to go through on their own.

"I was just surprised." That was one way to put it. Whilst, in a way, it had gratified her to see that she wasn't the only one who had been tossed aside by Tom, she had not expected to see him, and… well, she had never been very good with dealing with surprises. She needed to prepare herself for difficult situations. Granted, she had been able to prepare herself for very little of what had happened in the past few months. But, after Alex's departure, when she had been through all that one person could possibly go through, she had thought that perhaps, just perhaps, she would be able to move past the unexpected shocks, and get her life back on track.

"Well, I'll still give you a lift," Ric replied. "I haven't seen you out of work for ages." He wished that he had. Diane was a good friend to him, along with Zubin, she was probably his best friend. And then, there were the feelings that kept resurfacing… feelings of love. He loved her, but he would not say anything, he would never do that, not unless she told him that she was ready, that she wanted him to fall for her. At times, he could almost believe that she felt the same. Others times… he wasn't quite so sure.

"It's been a hectic few months," she said, smiling ruefully. Not just for her. Maybe her life had been turned upside down in the past few months, but other people had had a worse hand dealt to them. Chrissie, for example. She had lost a child whom she had loved and wanted. That was more than Diane had. Alex. He'd lost a job that he loved, and had to live with the knowledge that his condition would deteriorate. Zubin. He'd been accused of rape, had his name dragged through the mud, and all by a woman he had loved. Kath. She had lost Terry, she'd been accused of murdering him, and the rumours were still going around. And yet Kath kept going… just like Chrissie kept going, and Zubin kept going. In the midst of people like that, people who had kept on fighting, Diane felt that she had no right to make a fuss.

"For you more than anyone else, I think." He waited for her to close and lock the door, and then began to walk to the car.

"No." She didn't leave it open for discussion. She climbed into the car. "So, did you buy this with money from the Hadlington, or money from the horses?"

"If I said neither and it came from money from the casino, what would you say?" he joked.

"I'd say that you need to get help." She looked at him. "Ric, why can't you admit that something's wrong?" She would have willingly helped him, but it frustrated her so much that he still was insisting that there was no problem. She knew that he wanted to protect her, but she didn't want to be protected.

"Why can't you?" he countered. He had cut back on the gambling, he knew that he had had a problem, but he was working through it by himself. He didn't want to burden Diane with his problems. She had enough of her own.

Diane was confused. "Nothing's wrong with me."

"Maybe not now. But when there is, do you admit it?" he queried.

Diane reached for the door handle. "If we're just going to argue, then I'll drive myself."

Ric sighed. "Fine, we'll forget about it for now."

"For now… that sounds ominous." Diane laughed.

Ric laughed along with her. "Ominous for me, or ominous for you?"

"Both."

"Well, until we restart this discussion, let's think about something more pleasant," Ric suggested.

Diane giggled. "Does cutting people open to look at their insides count as something more pleasant?"

*~*~*

Tom did not look up, as someone knocked on the door of his office. "Come in." He was totally unprepared for the sight of Anita calmly strolling into his office and perching herself on his desk. On top of his paperwork, to be precise.

"Hi," she said, smiling, and hoping that she looked less nervous than she felt. She had spent nearly an hour doing and re-doing her makeup, determined to look nothing less than perfect. She wanted to show him that it would take more than one broken heart to make her lose control. And part of her wanted to show him what he was missing.

"Anita, I…" Tom paused, unsure of what to say. "What are you doing here?"

"I lost my job," she replied, casually. "So I thought I'd come back here… y'know, see if I could get my old job back. Just thought I'd drop in and say hi."

"You – ah, when did you lose your job?"

"Yesterday. Your fault, thanks for turning my alarm off. I appreciate the gesture of dumping me and making me lose my job all on the same day." Her eyes bore into him; the intensity of her glare was almost painful.

"I'm sorry. I just… it's better this way."

"You said." She paused for a moment. "I want you to know that I've not come here to try and get you back, by the way. I think you're probably right. We're better off apart. If you can throw our relationship away as easily as that, then it obviously doesn't mean as much to you as it does to me, and… well, there's no point in trying to carry on, is there?" It nearly killed her to say that. She didn't think it. Not at all. But this was all part of her plan… she wanted to hurt him, hurt him as much as he had hurt her, and she knew that this would do the trick.

Tom nodded. It did hurt him. To hear her say those things… it hurt more than anything had hurt him before. "So… why are you here?"

"Well, I thought it was only polite to tell you that I was back." She glanced at her hands for a moment. Now, a little voice told her. Do it now. Tell him. But the nervous part of her made her keep silent. Fine, the voice snapped. But you'll have to do it sometime. I will, she promised. Sometime.

"Right. Well, it's nice to see you." He didn't mean it. It hurt him to see that she seemed calm; she didn't even seem slightly upset. Not that he wanted her to be upset. But he would have liked her to show that maybe, just maybe, she had cared about him a little bit. And it hurt him to hear her say that she thought they were better off apart. He might have been the one to end it, but he still loved her. But, above all, it hurt him to see her sitting in front of her and to know that she was no longer his girlfriend, to know that he had been the one who had hurt her, the one who had made her lose her job, the one who was responsible for the anger in her eyes.

"You too." Nice? Well, if feeling as though she could curl up and die was nice, then yes, it was very nice.

Tom thought around wildly for something to say, as Anita was sitting there looking as though as though she were waiting for something. "Ah… did you have a good flight…?"

She interrupted him. It was now or never. The bitten nails that anxiously tapped the desk were showing that she was not as calm as she wanted to appear. But the voice that spoke was matter-of-fact and composed. "I'm pregnant."