Change My Mind

Chapter Four

Anita removed the final pair of shoes from her suitcase and placed them in a wardrobe. She closed the door slightly harder than was necessary, and sat back on the bed. She kicked the suitcase into the corner, hoping that it wouldn't leave a mark on the white wallpaper.

Tom knocked on the door and came in. "Hi."

She looked up. "Hey."

Tom handed her a cup of tea. "Thought you might like some company," he told her, sitting down.

"Thanks." In all honesty, she would have preferred to be left alone. Being by herself was better than being with him, and yet not with him. But she took the cup, and let him sit next to her. "Thanks for letting me stay," she told him.

He smiled, and sipped his own drink. "I wasn't going to leave you out on the streets, was I?" He continued before Anita could protest that she had never been remotely close to living on the streets. "And staying in hotels costs money. You're going to need to save up for this baby."

"You not going to pay for anything then?" she teased. She hoped that he would. Whilst she had enough money, moving to America and back had cost quite a lot, and besides, Tom earned more than she did.

"I thought you didn't need my help?" He smiled. "What happened to 'it's not your place to be worried about this baby', 'I don't want anything'…?"

She shrugged. "I don't need your help. But it would be nice if you'd help out."

He laughed. "I will help out. I promise, I'll be there whenever you need me, okay? If you need money, just ask." He paused. "Money for the baby, that is. I don't want to be paying for your shopping sprees, or – getting your hair done, or anything else like that."

"Would I make you do that?"

"I seem to remember a certain outing in New York, where I ended up buying several pairs of shoes that definitely weren't for me."

"Well, if you will take me to shoe shops…" She shrugged apologetically.

Tom smiled. "Well, it certainly was an experience."

"You've never been shoe shopping before?" she queried, glancing at his feet.

"I meant New York in general." He paused. "Being there with you."

Anita felt a lump forming in her throat. This wasn't what she needed. She didn't want to talk about this. She had known that seeing him would be hard, that it would hurt to be near him and know that she was trying not to be in love with him anymore, but she had thought that it would be bearable. This… this was torture. And yet she would rather know that he was there, she would rather be near him, than be thousands of miles away in New York.

Tom stood up as the phone rang. "You coming?" he asked Anita.

She shook her head. "No… I – I'm a bit tired. I think I'll go to bed."

Tom nodded. "Okay. Sleep well." He dropped a kiss onto her hair as he passed. She was surprised, but allowed it. It made her feel comfortable. However, as the door closed, the feeling disappeared, and she felt as empty as she had done before. Without bothering to change, she crawled underneath the duvet, and cried herself to sleep.

*~*~*

Diane bounced into Ric's office, looking as though she was on cloud nine. Ric glanced up from his paperwork, and smiled at her. "Why're you so happy?"

"Why shouldn't I be?" she queried, sitting herself down comfortably.

"Well, you've been down in the dumps for the past few days about Tom and Anita coming back." Ric put down his pen and filed the form that he had been filling in.

"Well, it's a new day. Life goes on. Live and let live. All those silly sayings, you know." She laughed. "And, y'know, Alex rang last night."

Ric groaned. "Alex Adams?"

"Do you know any other people named Alex?" she asked.

"No, one's enough." He smiled at her, and began filling in another form.

"Ric," she complained. "Be nice. Please!"

He sighed. "Fine. How is he?"

"Great, he's moved away – without telling us, which is so kind of him," she added, looking slightly annoyed. "But he's happy, so that's the main thing, I suppose."

"So, if you're annoyed with Alex for moving away, how come you're so happy today?" Ric was confused.

"Because at least I know that he's alright." She shrugged. "C'mon, Ric, I had to prise a gun out of his hand, and the next day he goes missing. That's not exactly the way I like to part with my friends."

Ric smiled. "I can understand that."

*~*~*

"Are you and Anita back together?" Ed demanded of Tom, wandering into his office.

"Didn't we go through this yesterday?" Tom sat back in his chair.

"You drove her into work," Ed commented.

"I did." Tom started sorting through a pile of papers. "Have you seen a brown envelope anywhere?"

Ed shook his head, privately marvelling at the fact that Tom had been in this office for three days and already was managing to lose things. "So… you and Anita…"

"It's none of your business."

Ed shrugged, and got up. "Fine. I suppose you wouldn't be interested to hear that I slept with Chrissie last night, then…" He smiled as he saw Tom's shocked expression. "What?"

"You and Chrissie…? Again?" Tom's tone hinted that he disapproved. "I hope you won't let it disturb your work this time."

Ed resisted the urge to say that he had never moved to America with a woman, and simply smiled. "I'll try." He paused. "Are you going to tell me anything?"

"Are you on commission from Chrissie, Ed?" Tom asked. "I'd never have thought of you as a gossip."

"I'm just curious." Ed leant against the wall, sensing that he was getting somewhere.

Tom sighed. "Anita's staying with me for a while, until she finds somewhere else."

Ed was confused. "So, you break up with her, leave her stranded in America, and then let her move in with you? Interesting…"

"I couldn't leave her with nowhere to stay." Tom paused, unsure of whether he was allowed to tell Ed about the fact that Anita was pregnant. It wouldn't hurt, surely… but then, he didn't seem to be Anita's favourite person at the moment, and telling Ed might be the final nail in his coffin.

"And…?" Ed prompted.

"And, nothing."

"Right. So, you just offer to let her stay with you, totally out of the blue?" Ed was sure there was something Tom wasn't telling him, and he was curious.

"More or less."

"Ah, so there is something else then. What?"

"Nothing!" Tom snapped, standing up, feeling frustrated. "Don't you have work to do?"

Ed looked slightly shocked. "Sure, yeah. I'll get on with something." He left quickly, surprised at Tom's sudden change of mood.

Tom sighed, and sat back down, putting his head in his hands. Under any other circumstances, he would have loved to have told Ed about the baby, to have boasted about the fact that he was going to be a father… and yet, he couldn't. He'd ruined it all.

*~*~*

Ric gently knocked on the door of Anita's office, and made his way inside. "Dr Forbes?"

Anita looked up from her paperwork, revealing that her blue eyes were full of tears. She looked down at the desk as Ric came in, not wanting to let anyone see that she had been crying.

"Are you alright?" Ric asked her.

"Fine thanks." Anita smiled falsely. "What's up?"

"There's a patient on Keller that I'd like you to talk to, if you don't mind."

"Sure." Anita stood up.

"Have you been crying?" Ric queried.

"No, I – I have hay fever." Anita rubbed her hand across her eyes, trying to make it look as though she hadn't been crying.

"That's the worst lie I've ever heard." He smiled at her. "And I've got nine kids. I've heard some feeble lies in my time."

Nine kids? Anita decided to ignore that part. Maybe she'd heard wrongly. "I'm honoured. So, what's the story with this patient?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

Ric explained about the patient, an alcoholic who'd been brought in after suffering liver failure. Halfway through his speech, he realised the similarities with Tom, and looked anxiously at Anita. She had obviously been thinking on the same lines, and smiled at him. "Really. I'm not going to break down every time someone mentions him. I am alright, you know."

"You don't look it." Ric gave her a concerned look. He didn't know her very well, but from what he had seen of her, she was a very professional, very 'together' woman. For her to be like this, there had to be a serious problem. He liked her, and was truly concerned about the way that she was acting. "What's the matter?"

She smiled. "Mr Griffin…"

"Ric," he interrupted.

"Ric," she corrected herself. "I'm fine. Honestly. I've moved halfway across the world twice in two months, I've broken up with my boyfriend, I'm allowed to be a little emotional, surely?"

"Well, you know what the cure for that is, don't you?" he said, smiling.

"What?" she queried, curiously. If there was a miracle cure out there, she was willing to try it.

"Alcohol," he told her, laughing.

Anita sighed. "Short term cure." And one that, being pregnant, she couldn't try.

Ric smiled. "Sounds like you've had experience."

She laughed. "I've had my fair share. It never works though." She paused. "Or, at least, it works for one evening. And then you wake up the next morning, your problems are still there, you've got a hangover, and, in my experience, you normally don't remember what you did the night before."

"Or you remember, but you really wish that you didn't," Ric put in.

"That too." She smiled at him. "No amount of alcohol is going to solve my problems, unfortunately."

"Anything I can help with?" Ric queried.

"No… it's complicated." She shook her head.

"Well, I'm going to the bar tonight if you want to try the alcohol solution and want company," he suggested. "Jess was going to come with me, but apparently she'd rather go on a date than spend a quality time with her father."

Anita pushed open the door to the ward. "Sure."

Ric smiled. "Okay. I'll see you later then." He gestured towards one of the beds. "Bed five."

Anita paused for a moment, watching him walk away, trying to process what had just happened. "What's the matter?" Kath queried, coming up behind her.

She turned around. "Nothing… I think I've just been asked out." She smiled to herself.