"Listen, Ric, do you mind if we don't… well, if we postpone tonight?" Diane asked, hesitantly. She didn't want to hurt him, but she felt that she should probably stay with Anita… after all, she had invited her, she couldn't very well leave her alone.

Ric felt a sudden, almost physical pain. She wanted to throw it all away… he should have known that she would never be serious about him. After all, he was so much older than her, she was young, her whole future ahead of her… But he had believed, just for that one night, he had believed that she had wanted more. He had put his feelings on the line, he had let on how he felt, and this was how he was repaid. To be treated as a one-night stand, to be brushed off. But she was waiting for a reply. "Sure." He didn't want to let on how hurt he was. "It's probably for the best anyway…"

A flicker of shock crossed Diane's face. "What? Ric, no, I didn't mean… no! I don't want this to end, I just…" She sighed. "Look, I said Anita could stay with me for a bit, because she's moved out of Tom's. I just think I should stay with her this evening."

Ric looked uncomfortable. "Oh… I just thought… it sounded a lot like you were trying to end it." He both looked, and felt, embarrassed. But that was nothing compared to the utter relief that engulfed him.

She laughed. "No. No, never."

He smiled. "Good. I hope you realise you're not getting away easily now." He meant it. He had managed to bottle up his feelings for so long, and now he could finally tell her, now that he had finally admitted to himself and to her, he knew that there was no going back.

She felt the panic rising inside of her, the knowledge that if anyone else had said that to her, she would have run as fast as she could and never looked back. But she repressed it. You adore him, she told herself. This is Ric, he would never hurt you. You've wanted to be with him for so long, how can you even think of running away? She smiled. "Maybe I wouldn't want to get away."

Ric felt a sudden rush of happiness. To think that just a few moments ago, he had thought that she was going to end it, and now she was saying that she wouldn't leave even if she had the chance. Ignoring the fact that they were standing in the middle of the corridor, he kissed her.

Zubin, passing by, smiled. "Put her down, Ric."

The two turned to look at him. "Zubin, hi." Ric smiled. "So, you finally figured it out?"

"Well, I'm just glad that you two realised what a good thing you've got going for yourselves there," Zubin laughed. "Took you long enough, as well."

Diane hit him. "Well, if you're going by that rule, then how come you haven't realised that you and…" Ric put a hand over her mouth.

"That's enough, Miss Lloyd."

Zubin looked mildly intrigued, but didn't say anything. "Right, well, I'll see you two lovebirds later." He walked away, leaving Diane and Ric together.

"Do you want me to come round tonight?" Ric offered.

Diane looked slightly surprised. "Why?" she asked, bluntly.

"Well… I don't know. I just thought, you don't know Anita very well, do you really want to spend a whole evening with her? It might be dull for you." And he wanted to spend the evening with Diane.

Diane paused for a moment. She couldn't deny that the idea of spending the evening with Anita rather than Ric was rather boring. But… "I don't know. I mean… wouldn't it be awkward?"

"Why?"

"You and her." She shrugged. "I mean, I've got no objections, but I don't know what she'd think." That was a good way to phrase it. Make it seem as though she wasn't in the slightest bit jealous, make it seem as though she was only thinking about Anita's feelings.

Ric smiled. "I doubt she'd mind, Diane." He turned a pleading look on her. "Please? I've hardly seen you all day!"

Diane sighed. It wasn't that she didn't trust him. She did. But… it was hard to explain. She trusted him more than anyone else in the world. And she trusted Anita as well. But she just didn't like the idea. But his expression was hard to resist. "Sure, come along if you want."

"I'll do that." Ric smiled at her. "Diane, Anita and I went out on two dates, we just talked. There really is nothing to be worried about."

She looked at him in some surprise. "I didn't say I was…"

"You don't think I've seen that expression on my own face whenever you spoke to Alex Adams?" he countered, putting an arm around her. "Did you ever get anywhere with him, by the way?"

She stuck her tongue out. "As if that was any of your business!" She paused. "But, no."

"That's good to know." She shot him an indignant look, and he kissed her.

*~*~*

"Tom, I'm off now. Are you okay by yourself?" Ed asked, concerned. He didn't want to return in the morning to find Tom staring into an empty bottle. Or worse.

"I'll be fine." Tom put a false smile on his face, hiding his feelings. He was getting good at that. Wear a smile, tell a quick joke, and no one will even notice that you've got a broken heart.

"I'll be off then." Ed waved and made for the door. He didn't believe Tom for a minute, but there was nothing he could do. As his friend, all that he could do was trust that he would be okay, that he would ask for help before he needed it. He inwardly cursed Anita for driving Tom to this state. He'd never been as bad as this. Never. And Anita had been meant to help him… what sort of help was this?

"Ed… thanks for listening, earlier." Tom looked slightly embarrassed as Ed smiled in acceptance before leaving. He watched from the window, seeing Ed's car drive off. How come Ed could cope with a broken heart so easily? How come Ed could say that he had loved Chrissie, and yet still go on smiling?

He sighed, sinking down into his chair. This wasn't how it was meant to be. Not at all. He had never believed she would actually walk away. When he had left her, he had never felt worse about anything. But when she had come back, and agreed to live with him, he had thought that maybe she had forgiven him, maybe she had been mature enough to see past what he had done. He wasn't calling her immature, but anyone who prided themselves on being objective and rational, like she did, should surely have been able to see past the fact that he had been stupid, and seen that he truly loved her.

If she had known how bad he felt, he wondered, would she give him another chance? If she knew that this was killing him, that no one had ever hurt him as much as she had, that he didn't mind being hurt as long as he could still hope she might change her mind one day… But would she even care? Was he just a patient who got too close, a mistake that could have ruined her career? Something that she wanted to forget, even? Because to him, she wasn't just a woman who had been his doctor. She wasn't just a pretty face, she was more than that. He loved her. And, he was sure, she had loved him once. Even just for a moment, a few fleeting days, she had loved him. He had seen her face when he had followed her to America, and the joy in her eyes had assured him that she had loved him once.

He was at home almost before he realised it. He couldn't remember the journey back. All he could remember was Anita telling him that she was sorry. Anita crying… Anita shouting at him, breaking his heart, and probably her own as well. Her words echoed in his mind.

"When I see you now, all I can see is someone who walked out on me, who lied to me, and who abandoned me."

"Why weren't you here tonight?"

"I don't need alcohol. I'm not you."

She wasn't him. She was stronger than he would ever be, and she had thrown that back at him, she had taunted him with it. But she was right. As usual, she was right. He had let her down because he was… he was him. He was too scared, he was too irresponsible, and he had hurt her, and hurt himself.

He opened a cupboard and took out a bottle. It was something he had kept… because he had felt stronger, it had felt better to have it there and still not need to drink. He had never thought that he would need to turn back to it. He had had her. She had been worth it, worth staying sober for. But now… she didn't think he was worth anything, and she was probably right about that. So…

He placed a hand around the top of the bottle, ready to open it. He was well aware that once he had done this, there was no going back. Once he saw the liquid, smelt it, tasted it… he would be back where he had been all those months ago. But he had nothing else, nothing else was worth anything. He had had no one before, but now, that would be so much worse. Being alone when he had had someone, being by himself and knowing what he was missing… he didn't know if he could do that.

As he was about to open the bottle, he caught sight of a magazine lying on the coffee table. It was Anita's, a mother and baby magazine. Suddenly, he felt as though he was about to fall, and grabbed onto a chair to steady himself. How could he have contemplated drinking? It wasn't just himself and Anita that he had to consider. There was the baby. Anita was going to have a baby; he was going to be a father. How could he have forgotten, how could he have thought that Anita was the most important factor? This baby was going to depend on him, it was going to need him, more than Anita needed him, more than he needed Anita. And he didn't want this baby to know him as an alcoholic.

He slowly and deliberately dropped the bottle on the tiled floor, taking a grim satisfaction in the sound of smashing glass, the sound of the amber liquid trickling across the white tiles. The sound of a man being restored to sanity, escaping the demons that had hounded him.

*~*~*

Diane held tightly onto Ric's hand as she led the way into her hallway. Her grip was almost painful to Ric, her nails dug into his hand, but he knew what she would be thinking, so he let her. It was silly, it was stupid, jealous, and everything else, but she felt as though she needed to remind herself that he loved her, that he cared about her and not Anita. She needn't have worried.

Anita looked up as they entered the kitchen, and almost laughed at the expression of pain on Ric's face. "Diane, I think you're hurting him," she said, calmly.

Diane let go of Ric's hand, blushing. "Sorry Ric."

He laughed. "It's okay."

"I'm not going to steal him from you, Diane, you needn't be so possessive." Anita sipped her drink and smiled, enjoying Diane's embarrassed expression.

"Anita, stop embarrassing her," Ric said, slipping an arm around Diane's waist. Maybe she was only teasing, but Diane couldn't take it. She wasn't used to feeling secure, and she wasn't used to being teased about it. It was still new to her, and Anita didn't know that. She wouldn't have teased otherwise.

Anita smiled apologetically. "Sure." She shrugged. She sat down, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Maybe Ric hadn't intended to, but putting his arm around Diane, sitting close to Diane, on the other side of the room, it made Anita feel almost unbearably left out. Not that she wanted to be included with them. Just… to be included anywhere, to feel as though she belonged somewhere, that would be nice.