A/N: Couple things to address before I start this chapter. First of all,
thank you to Bisshiehuggler for pointing out my spelling error in the word
shuriken. I honestly had no idea how to spell it or where to look, and none
of my friends had any clue either, so I made it up and hoped that either no
one would notice or that someone would correct me. So thank you =) Also,
thank you to all of you for the kind reviews. If this chapter is not
absurdly long by the time I'm done writing it I'll once again address
reviews at the bottom. If they're not there it means I got sick of typing
once the chapter was finished =)
Second, I have a few more things to say about this alternate timeline. I received a comment which pointed out that Kakashi wouldn't have mentioned going back to the village if the attack had come at the end of their journey the way I said it did. Just to clear things up, the way I interpreted that (at least for this fanfic) was that Kakashi only told Naruto that they were going to go back to the village to get a reaction out of Naruto. He needed Naruto to stop flaking out and start doing his part to help with the situation, and the fastest and most effective way for him to achieve that result was to threaten Naruto with going back. As illogical as it is in this sense, it got Naruto's attention. Does that make a bit more sense now?
The third and final thing I wanted to address here is that I am not sure how much longer I will be updating the way I have been in the week or two since I began writing this fanfic. Before you all get angry at me, there WILL still be updates (just maybe not as rabidly), and there are some (I think) good reasons for this.
The first is that I want to spend some time watching new anime. Much as I love Naruto, I'm always happy to see some new things as well.
The second is that I have several ideas for one-shot fanfics that I have been tossing about in my mind. I don't know how many of those ideas I will be able to work into this story, and I would like to give each of those their chance at life. While it may mean less frequent updates it will hopefully mean that I get a chance to play with some sappy fluffiness and some more serious things and the humorous aspect of the series. Look for those sometime in the relatively near future.
Perhaps the most important reason, however, is because I have accomplished what I wanted when I initially started writing this fanfic. I am generally not a fanfiction author. I have a very creative mind, and I have quite a few unique ideas of my own. One of my dreams has always been to become a published author someday. Until now, it has been difficult for me to start and stick with a piece of writing because I begin to doubt myself halfway through. I have been very kindly pointed in the direction of fictonpress.com, and have created an account there under the same penname I use here (Ailetoile). I will hopefully be posting some of my original work there in the relatively near future. I would love to see feedback from all of you when I get to that point, which is why I am saying something here.
Anyway... I'll shush up now (since I'm sure you're all irked at the exceptionally long author note). Enjoy this chapter. The next one should be up on Sunday at the latest.
Disclaimer: As I'm sure you could have all guessed, Naruto's not mine, nor are any of the characters found therein.
............
The aftermath of that first encounter was not pretty for any of them. Kakashi wisely made the decision that, though it was not much past midday, they would stop for the night as soon as they found a suitable - and defensible - site. Tazuna tried to protest that they could at least make it to the ocean shore if they pressed on a bit longer, but Kakashi firmly objected. Looking at his team, he recognized their need to stop, and soon. Naruto was not the only child showing signs of distress after the ambush.
A half hour of walking brought them to a potential spot. It was not ideal, but Kakashi immediately ordered them to stop there rather than continuing and hoping for something better to come along. The early halt allowed him to give them some time to recuperate and gather themselves before sending them about their nightly duties.
The moment his mind registered that he could cease walking, Naruto made his way as far away from his teammates as possible, silently making his way along the bank of the stream they had stopped beside until he heard Kakashi- sensei call for him to stay in sight. Automatically, he stopped where he was, slumping to the ground and clutching the wrist of his injured hand. Funny, it didn't hurt as much as he thought it should. The thought did not seem to belong to him.
Dully, he stared straight ahead, eyes blank. In a small corner of his consciousness, he was aware of the four members of his group keeping a discreet eye on him. He didn't care. He knew, too, that he was being unnaturally quiet. Right now, he couldn't bring himself to open his mouth, let alone unleash his typical hyperactive routine. Maybe later, but not now. Ninjas were supposed to keep their emotions hidden. Even in this, he was failing. It didn't matter. Numb.
Was he really that weak? That worthless? That far behind the others? Sasuke, and even Sakura, had remained calm and level headed, doing what must be done in the heat of battle while he, Naruto, had choked. Frozen. Perhaps he had simply confirmed the suspicions that he had revealed to Sasuke not too long ago. The dark-haired boy had successfully allayed his doubts and fears then, but they came rushing back now. Had they ever really vanished? Wishful thinking. Numb.
Wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his chin on his knees, the boy risked a glance back towards his companions. Kakashi-sensei was taking advantage of the respite he had granted his team, lounging against his pack with his novel. Tazuna was sitting on his discarded pack, watching the three children in his impassive way while taking the occasional drink from his bottle. Sasuke and Sakura were sitting together, slightly apart from the adults, talking quietly. Or, more likely, Sakura was talking and Sasuke was ignoring her.
Sighing, the blonde once again shifted his attention inwards, resuming his unhappy train of thought. He felt empty, deflated. He KNEW he was better than this. He had sworn to himself in front of four witnesses that he would never need saving again, but the seeds of self doubt remained. How much was his word really worth? How much was HE really worth? Or was he just a burden on his team? Who was he really fooling? Certainly not his teammates. Not any more. Numb.
In a few hours, he would be able to regain control over his emotions. He would slip into his comfortable roll again, hiding behind that smile just like always. This incident would be put behind him; it would be in the past but not forgotten. Never forgotten. He never forgot his failures or his shortcomings. They were stored somewhere deep inside, alongside the despair and the rejection that he experienced every single day. Alongside the understanding of what it was to be hated. Someday, perhaps, these memories would fuel his determination and earn him the recognition he so craved. Someday, perhaps, he would drown in these memories. Who ever knew that a memory could haunt so effectively? So painfully?
In a few hours, he would be fine on the outside. The outside was what counted. The act. His act. No longer just his, but Sasuke's as well. His smile could be regained, his spirit renewed. In a few hours.
But for now, he was crushed. Ground into dust and slipping away from his outstretched hands no matter how frantically he tried to hang on to himself. For now, he could not absorb and hide his feelings. His emotions. He did have those, although many people seemed to believe otherwise. He could not ignore the pain. And the worst part, the part that made it all hurt even more... Was the familiarity of this feeling. This helpless, desolate numbness. Hiding his feelings behind a painted smile, a pair of slitted eyes and an exceptionally loud mouth did not make them hurt any less. He was experienced, though, in reapplying that smile. In picking up the pieces. In pretending that nothing had ever happened. That he had never hurt. That he was still alive on the inside.
Sometimes, he could truly forget everything, all of the bad, and focus only on the good. At those times, it really was as though he had a few sparks of real life left, hidden somewhere deep within his soul where no hatred, no failure, no despair could snuff them out. Sometimes, he almost believed it. He had believed in himself when Sasuke had said it. Sasuke...
Slowly, Naruto began the excruciating process of burying his pain. Of finding his smile again. Not the real thing. The plastered smile that would never, could never touch his eyes. A real smile was rare for him, now.
Stoically, he ignored the feeling of dark eyes on his back.
.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*: .:~:.:*: .:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.: *:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.
Sasuke was getting quite good at tuning out Sakura's mindless chatter. It was not as incessant or as meaningless as the drivel that Naruto came up with, but it was annoying nonetheless. It wasn't that he disliked the girl; he simply did not return the intimacy of her feelings. It would be cruel to encourage her if he was not interested. In only a few weeks he had grudgingly grown to care about and respect her as a teammate, maybe even as a friend, but beyond that he was wholly indifferent. Regardless, he would not respond to her efforts. He knew that if he did acknowledge her, if he gave her any sort of an opening, she would redouble her attempts to attract his attention. He would never have a moment's peace.
Sakura continued to talk, but by now she was used to his silence just as he was used to her chatter. He was restless, his mind racing despite his outward calm. Finally giving in to an increasing sense of urgency, he allowed himself to discretely shift his attention to the blonde figure which sat, unmoving, on the other side of the campsite. He could not see the boy's eyes, but he had a good notion of what they looked like. Of the hurt and the despair that they contained. One thing Naruto had not yet managed to master was the ability to keep his emotions out of his eyes. The vulpine squint he often coupled with that plastered grin was all that kept his inner feelings hidden, sometimes. Naruto's eyes were a liability to him as a shinobi, but they made the boy an open book to Sasuke.
Right now, Naruto was shaken and very, very hurt. That much was obvious from the very way he sat, the small, defeated set of his shoulders. Almost as though he was trying to shrink in on himself. The fight had been bad enough for the boy. Sasuke knew that Naruto now considered himself not only a liability, but also a failure after that fight. The ill-considered taunt that Sasuke had thrown in at the end had been absolutely heartless, even coming from him. Especially coming from him. He had essentially kicked his friend when he was down, and though he had regretted his words the moment they left his mouth, he couldn't take them back. The damage was done.
After seeing the effect of those few words, so easily spoken... After seeing the warring hurt and fury in those brilliant eyes, Sasuke had wanted to crawl into a hole and die. But he couldn't take them back. Not without ruining everything for both of them. He didn't know the extent of Kakashi- sensei's knowledge or suspicions about all that had transpired between Sasuke and Naruto, but he was confident that Sakura remained clueless. Someday, she, too, would be let in on their secret, but not yet. Not now. They both had too much at stake.
Briefly, he contemplated going to talk to Naruto, to comfort the blonde and to apologize. Almost immediately, he rejected the thought. For one, he did not feel that his clumsy attempts at reconciliation would be accepted right now. They might make things worse. And, damn circumstance to hell, such a move would be blast both of their secrets into the open. It was a measure of Sasuke's distress to know that he would have accepted those consequences if he thought that an apology would help. It wouldn't.
There was no way around it: Naruto would have to become more thick-skinned when it came to their friendship. Sasuke didn't mean the insults that he flung at his teammate any more than Naruto meant his heated responses. Perhaps it was some forgotten vestige of his naïve childhood, but Sasuke doubted that either of them could ever hurt one another intentionally. They were too similar, and they needed each others' trust and friendship too much to break the tenuous bond they had forged despite all odds. Funny... Him admitting that he needed another person. But whether Sasuke liked it or not, it was the plain and simple truth.
At some unknown point over the years, Sasuke had become incredibly fond of Naruto and extremely protective of him although he would never show it. Their young friendship had strengthened and reinforced those feelings exponentially. When he was around the loud boy, it seemed as though everything made sense, as if all they had both been subjected to was justified. He felt safer, somehow. Not so alone. Not so misunderstood. Complete.
Just as Sasuke knew that Naruto had taken a leap of faith in trusting him, so had Sasuke taken a huge chance in trusting Naruto. In letting the blonde see what lay beneath the walls and defenses he had adopted.
Since his parents' murder, Sasuke had been a changed person. It was very understandable. He had been robbed of his innocence and his childhood in one heart-stopping moment. After that, after the nightmarish scene he had witnessed, nothing could ever be the same. Sasuke had been much, much too young when he learned just how long one moment could last. Forever. In one moment, he had lost everything. The brother he had depended on had turned on him. His mom and dad had been stolen. In one moment, his ability to trust had been forever crushed, shattered. In one moment he had been forced to abandon his childhood and teach himself how to live the life of an adult. One moment had set the foundation of an emotional wall that quickly encircled his heart and closed him off from the rest of the world. Alone. Always alone. He could never allow himself to care again.
This is what he had grown up thinking. He would take revenge for his parents' deaths. He would kill his brother. He was an avenger. He had no room in his heart for anything else. No room for emotions. No room for loneliness. No room for hurt. For pain. For love. Emptiness was his friend. Emptiness and a grim determination that would carry him through anything so that he could reach his final goal. His destiny. Revenge.
Despite his best efforts, however, the changes that Naruto had wrought in the very core of Sasuke's being were beginning to show. Without trying, without knowing what he was doing, the blonde boy was accomplishing the impossible. One despised and feared boy was reintroducing something suspiciously akin to friendship and trust to a lonely heart. Together, with their defenses lowered, they were no longer a pair of scarred and scared boys. They were just... Twelve year olds... For a few hours at a time. A few hours of blissful childhood.
He would not accept or acknowledge this stirring of emotion from anyone, FOR anyone... Except Naruto. With Naruto, there was only pure, unadulterated innocence and honesty. No walls, no masks; at least, none that Sasuke could not see through. None that Naruto would hide from him. It hurt; sometimes the pain of letting himself open up after all these years was unbelievable, but it was the pain of a gaping wound finally beginning to heal. A good pain. Who would have ever thought such a thing could exist?
Sasuke did not notice when Sakura finally got the hint that he was not listening and left. He ignored the passage of time, simply allowing his mind to wander as he sat. Perhaps if he did not think, he would not have to remember the hurt and the anger in Naruto's eyes. Perhaps he would not have to see the defeated ball his friend had curled himself into. Perhaps he would be released from the guilt that gripped his heart and his stomach.
Funny. Even his undirected thoughts always drifted back to the loud blonde.
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To the untrained eye, Kakashi's attention seemed to be wholly monopolized by his book. By now, however, the children of team seven knew otherwise. When the man sensed Sakura making her way towards him, the book vanished immediately.
"How are you feeling?" he inquired, a note of concern in his voice.
"I'm doing okay," she answered, taking a seat between her sensei and Tazuna. Both men looked at her strangely. "Well, better than the other two," she amended, looking down at her hands.
"It is never easy to recover after an ambush," Kakashi said softly, his one eye trained on his student. "We are lucky that Naruto's hand was the extent of the injuries. It could have been a lot worse if you and Sasuke had not reacted the way you two did."
"They're... Going to be okay, right?" Sakura asked hesitantly, glancing from Sasuke to Naruto and back to Kakashi.
"Yes. They're both strong, just a little shaken," the older man assured her, giving her a smile that crinkled his visible eye.
Kakashi would never tell Sakura how worried he actually was about the two boys. He had expected reactions of shock from all three of his charges, but nothing of this magnitude. Especially not from Sasuke.
The Uchiha boy had absolutely shone today whereas Naruto had clammed up... But that was to be expected. That was the difference between the two boys. Then again... Although they did not know it, the pair had surprised him more than a few times in the short time he had been their mentor. They were growing in ways that no one had ever dreamed, in ways that neither Kakashi nor Iruka nor even the third hokage had dared hope. But rapid physical growth could not rescue either of them from the emotional wounds they had each sustained over the years. They would have to recover those on their own. He had no doubt that they would help each other through it.
Well. He couldn't let them all sit there and wallow in self pity and doubt forever. He had given them a reasonable amount of time to pull themselves together and he would go easy on them when it came to chores tonight, but they had to get SOME work done before dark. Now was as good a time as any to rouse Naruto and Sasuke and put them to work. Hopefully, a little bit of physical exertion would help restore a sense of reality to them.
Purposefully, he stood and belted out a list of orders for Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura to follow. As the trio complied, Kakashi noticed the way Naruto avoided Sasuke's eyes. The way Sasuke stiffened ever so slightly every time he looked at Naruto. Thoughtfully, the man decided to assign them watch duty as a pair tonight. They needed to talk things out, but the jounin could not justify sending them away, even together, knowing that another attack might come at any moment.
He was slightly gratified to see the looks of mixed relief and apprehension wash across both of their faces when he informed them of his decision. This was something they definitely needed to talk out between themselves.
............
A/N: Yeah... So this chapter majorly got away from me. I had never intended to make it this long, and I actually wanted to get to the Zabuza fight, but... Ah well. I hope you're not all too disappointed. Since it's midnight, I don't want to continue writing this chapter and sacrifice the quality, so I'll post this now and write the fireside talk along with the Zabuza fight in the next chapter. I'm sorry to anyone who had their hopes set on the fight in this chapter =(
Also, given the hour, I am going to reply to most reviews in the next chapter, if I do it at all. I'm sorry... I love you all for reviewing, but it takes like a half hour to respond to all of them, and I just don't have that kind of time right now =) Don't hate me too much, please?
I will hopefully post more tomorrow =)
Second, I have a few more things to say about this alternate timeline. I received a comment which pointed out that Kakashi wouldn't have mentioned going back to the village if the attack had come at the end of their journey the way I said it did. Just to clear things up, the way I interpreted that (at least for this fanfic) was that Kakashi only told Naruto that they were going to go back to the village to get a reaction out of Naruto. He needed Naruto to stop flaking out and start doing his part to help with the situation, and the fastest and most effective way for him to achieve that result was to threaten Naruto with going back. As illogical as it is in this sense, it got Naruto's attention. Does that make a bit more sense now?
The third and final thing I wanted to address here is that I am not sure how much longer I will be updating the way I have been in the week or two since I began writing this fanfic. Before you all get angry at me, there WILL still be updates (just maybe not as rabidly), and there are some (I think) good reasons for this.
The first is that I want to spend some time watching new anime. Much as I love Naruto, I'm always happy to see some new things as well.
The second is that I have several ideas for one-shot fanfics that I have been tossing about in my mind. I don't know how many of those ideas I will be able to work into this story, and I would like to give each of those their chance at life. While it may mean less frequent updates it will hopefully mean that I get a chance to play with some sappy fluffiness and some more serious things and the humorous aspect of the series. Look for those sometime in the relatively near future.
Perhaps the most important reason, however, is because I have accomplished what I wanted when I initially started writing this fanfic. I am generally not a fanfiction author. I have a very creative mind, and I have quite a few unique ideas of my own. One of my dreams has always been to become a published author someday. Until now, it has been difficult for me to start and stick with a piece of writing because I begin to doubt myself halfway through. I have been very kindly pointed in the direction of fictonpress.com, and have created an account there under the same penname I use here (Ailetoile). I will hopefully be posting some of my original work there in the relatively near future. I would love to see feedback from all of you when I get to that point, which is why I am saying something here.
Anyway... I'll shush up now (since I'm sure you're all irked at the exceptionally long author note). Enjoy this chapter. The next one should be up on Sunday at the latest.
Disclaimer: As I'm sure you could have all guessed, Naruto's not mine, nor are any of the characters found therein.
............
The aftermath of that first encounter was not pretty for any of them. Kakashi wisely made the decision that, though it was not much past midday, they would stop for the night as soon as they found a suitable - and defensible - site. Tazuna tried to protest that they could at least make it to the ocean shore if they pressed on a bit longer, but Kakashi firmly objected. Looking at his team, he recognized their need to stop, and soon. Naruto was not the only child showing signs of distress after the ambush.
A half hour of walking brought them to a potential spot. It was not ideal, but Kakashi immediately ordered them to stop there rather than continuing and hoping for something better to come along. The early halt allowed him to give them some time to recuperate and gather themselves before sending them about their nightly duties.
The moment his mind registered that he could cease walking, Naruto made his way as far away from his teammates as possible, silently making his way along the bank of the stream they had stopped beside until he heard Kakashi- sensei call for him to stay in sight. Automatically, he stopped where he was, slumping to the ground and clutching the wrist of his injured hand. Funny, it didn't hurt as much as he thought it should. The thought did not seem to belong to him.
Dully, he stared straight ahead, eyes blank. In a small corner of his consciousness, he was aware of the four members of his group keeping a discreet eye on him. He didn't care. He knew, too, that he was being unnaturally quiet. Right now, he couldn't bring himself to open his mouth, let alone unleash his typical hyperactive routine. Maybe later, but not now. Ninjas were supposed to keep their emotions hidden. Even in this, he was failing. It didn't matter. Numb.
Was he really that weak? That worthless? That far behind the others? Sasuke, and even Sakura, had remained calm and level headed, doing what must be done in the heat of battle while he, Naruto, had choked. Frozen. Perhaps he had simply confirmed the suspicions that he had revealed to Sasuke not too long ago. The dark-haired boy had successfully allayed his doubts and fears then, but they came rushing back now. Had they ever really vanished? Wishful thinking. Numb.
Wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his chin on his knees, the boy risked a glance back towards his companions. Kakashi-sensei was taking advantage of the respite he had granted his team, lounging against his pack with his novel. Tazuna was sitting on his discarded pack, watching the three children in his impassive way while taking the occasional drink from his bottle. Sasuke and Sakura were sitting together, slightly apart from the adults, talking quietly. Or, more likely, Sakura was talking and Sasuke was ignoring her.
Sighing, the blonde once again shifted his attention inwards, resuming his unhappy train of thought. He felt empty, deflated. He KNEW he was better than this. He had sworn to himself in front of four witnesses that he would never need saving again, but the seeds of self doubt remained. How much was his word really worth? How much was HE really worth? Or was he just a burden on his team? Who was he really fooling? Certainly not his teammates. Not any more. Numb.
In a few hours, he would be able to regain control over his emotions. He would slip into his comfortable roll again, hiding behind that smile just like always. This incident would be put behind him; it would be in the past but not forgotten. Never forgotten. He never forgot his failures or his shortcomings. They were stored somewhere deep inside, alongside the despair and the rejection that he experienced every single day. Alongside the understanding of what it was to be hated. Someday, perhaps, these memories would fuel his determination and earn him the recognition he so craved. Someday, perhaps, he would drown in these memories. Who ever knew that a memory could haunt so effectively? So painfully?
In a few hours, he would be fine on the outside. The outside was what counted. The act. His act. No longer just his, but Sasuke's as well. His smile could be regained, his spirit renewed. In a few hours.
But for now, he was crushed. Ground into dust and slipping away from his outstretched hands no matter how frantically he tried to hang on to himself. For now, he could not absorb and hide his feelings. His emotions. He did have those, although many people seemed to believe otherwise. He could not ignore the pain. And the worst part, the part that made it all hurt even more... Was the familiarity of this feeling. This helpless, desolate numbness. Hiding his feelings behind a painted smile, a pair of slitted eyes and an exceptionally loud mouth did not make them hurt any less. He was experienced, though, in reapplying that smile. In picking up the pieces. In pretending that nothing had ever happened. That he had never hurt. That he was still alive on the inside.
Sometimes, he could truly forget everything, all of the bad, and focus only on the good. At those times, it really was as though he had a few sparks of real life left, hidden somewhere deep within his soul where no hatred, no failure, no despair could snuff them out. Sometimes, he almost believed it. He had believed in himself when Sasuke had said it. Sasuke...
Slowly, Naruto began the excruciating process of burying his pain. Of finding his smile again. Not the real thing. The plastered smile that would never, could never touch his eyes. A real smile was rare for him, now.
Stoically, he ignored the feeling of dark eyes on his back.
.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*: .:~:.:*: .:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.:~:.: *:.:~:.:*:.:~:.:*:.
Sasuke was getting quite good at tuning out Sakura's mindless chatter. It was not as incessant or as meaningless as the drivel that Naruto came up with, but it was annoying nonetheless. It wasn't that he disliked the girl; he simply did not return the intimacy of her feelings. It would be cruel to encourage her if he was not interested. In only a few weeks he had grudgingly grown to care about and respect her as a teammate, maybe even as a friend, but beyond that he was wholly indifferent. Regardless, he would not respond to her efforts. He knew that if he did acknowledge her, if he gave her any sort of an opening, she would redouble her attempts to attract his attention. He would never have a moment's peace.
Sakura continued to talk, but by now she was used to his silence just as he was used to her chatter. He was restless, his mind racing despite his outward calm. Finally giving in to an increasing sense of urgency, he allowed himself to discretely shift his attention to the blonde figure which sat, unmoving, on the other side of the campsite. He could not see the boy's eyes, but he had a good notion of what they looked like. Of the hurt and the despair that they contained. One thing Naruto had not yet managed to master was the ability to keep his emotions out of his eyes. The vulpine squint he often coupled with that plastered grin was all that kept his inner feelings hidden, sometimes. Naruto's eyes were a liability to him as a shinobi, but they made the boy an open book to Sasuke.
Right now, Naruto was shaken and very, very hurt. That much was obvious from the very way he sat, the small, defeated set of his shoulders. Almost as though he was trying to shrink in on himself. The fight had been bad enough for the boy. Sasuke knew that Naruto now considered himself not only a liability, but also a failure after that fight. The ill-considered taunt that Sasuke had thrown in at the end had been absolutely heartless, even coming from him. Especially coming from him. He had essentially kicked his friend when he was down, and though he had regretted his words the moment they left his mouth, he couldn't take them back. The damage was done.
After seeing the effect of those few words, so easily spoken... After seeing the warring hurt and fury in those brilliant eyes, Sasuke had wanted to crawl into a hole and die. But he couldn't take them back. Not without ruining everything for both of them. He didn't know the extent of Kakashi- sensei's knowledge or suspicions about all that had transpired between Sasuke and Naruto, but he was confident that Sakura remained clueless. Someday, she, too, would be let in on their secret, but not yet. Not now. They both had too much at stake.
Briefly, he contemplated going to talk to Naruto, to comfort the blonde and to apologize. Almost immediately, he rejected the thought. For one, he did not feel that his clumsy attempts at reconciliation would be accepted right now. They might make things worse. And, damn circumstance to hell, such a move would be blast both of their secrets into the open. It was a measure of Sasuke's distress to know that he would have accepted those consequences if he thought that an apology would help. It wouldn't.
There was no way around it: Naruto would have to become more thick-skinned when it came to their friendship. Sasuke didn't mean the insults that he flung at his teammate any more than Naruto meant his heated responses. Perhaps it was some forgotten vestige of his naïve childhood, but Sasuke doubted that either of them could ever hurt one another intentionally. They were too similar, and they needed each others' trust and friendship too much to break the tenuous bond they had forged despite all odds. Funny... Him admitting that he needed another person. But whether Sasuke liked it or not, it was the plain and simple truth.
At some unknown point over the years, Sasuke had become incredibly fond of Naruto and extremely protective of him although he would never show it. Their young friendship had strengthened and reinforced those feelings exponentially. When he was around the loud boy, it seemed as though everything made sense, as if all they had both been subjected to was justified. He felt safer, somehow. Not so alone. Not so misunderstood. Complete.
Just as Sasuke knew that Naruto had taken a leap of faith in trusting him, so had Sasuke taken a huge chance in trusting Naruto. In letting the blonde see what lay beneath the walls and defenses he had adopted.
Since his parents' murder, Sasuke had been a changed person. It was very understandable. He had been robbed of his innocence and his childhood in one heart-stopping moment. After that, after the nightmarish scene he had witnessed, nothing could ever be the same. Sasuke had been much, much too young when he learned just how long one moment could last. Forever. In one moment, he had lost everything. The brother he had depended on had turned on him. His mom and dad had been stolen. In one moment, his ability to trust had been forever crushed, shattered. In one moment he had been forced to abandon his childhood and teach himself how to live the life of an adult. One moment had set the foundation of an emotional wall that quickly encircled his heart and closed him off from the rest of the world. Alone. Always alone. He could never allow himself to care again.
This is what he had grown up thinking. He would take revenge for his parents' deaths. He would kill his brother. He was an avenger. He had no room in his heart for anything else. No room for emotions. No room for loneliness. No room for hurt. For pain. For love. Emptiness was his friend. Emptiness and a grim determination that would carry him through anything so that he could reach his final goal. His destiny. Revenge.
Despite his best efforts, however, the changes that Naruto had wrought in the very core of Sasuke's being were beginning to show. Without trying, without knowing what he was doing, the blonde boy was accomplishing the impossible. One despised and feared boy was reintroducing something suspiciously akin to friendship and trust to a lonely heart. Together, with their defenses lowered, they were no longer a pair of scarred and scared boys. They were just... Twelve year olds... For a few hours at a time. A few hours of blissful childhood.
He would not accept or acknowledge this stirring of emotion from anyone, FOR anyone... Except Naruto. With Naruto, there was only pure, unadulterated innocence and honesty. No walls, no masks; at least, none that Sasuke could not see through. None that Naruto would hide from him. It hurt; sometimes the pain of letting himself open up after all these years was unbelievable, but it was the pain of a gaping wound finally beginning to heal. A good pain. Who would have ever thought such a thing could exist?
Sasuke did not notice when Sakura finally got the hint that he was not listening and left. He ignored the passage of time, simply allowing his mind to wander as he sat. Perhaps if he did not think, he would not have to remember the hurt and the anger in Naruto's eyes. Perhaps he would not have to see the defeated ball his friend had curled himself into. Perhaps he would be released from the guilt that gripped his heart and his stomach.
Funny. Even his undirected thoughts always drifted back to the loud blonde.
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To the untrained eye, Kakashi's attention seemed to be wholly monopolized by his book. By now, however, the children of team seven knew otherwise. When the man sensed Sakura making her way towards him, the book vanished immediately.
"How are you feeling?" he inquired, a note of concern in his voice.
"I'm doing okay," she answered, taking a seat between her sensei and Tazuna. Both men looked at her strangely. "Well, better than the other two," she amended, looking down at her hands.
"It is never easy to recover after an ambush," Kakashi said softly, his one eye trained on his student. "We are lucky that Naruto's hand was the extent of the injuries. It could have been a lot worse if you and Sasuke had not reacted the way you two did."
"They're... Going to be okay, right?" Sakura asked hesitantly, glancing from Sasuke to Naruto and back to Kakashi.
"Yes. They're both strong, just a little shaken," the older man assured her, giving her a smile that crinkled his visible eye.
Kakashi would never tell Sakura how worried he actually was about the two boys. He had expected reactions of shock from all three of his charges, but nothing of this magnitude. Especially not from Sasuke.
The Uchiha boy had absolutely shone today whereas Naruto had clammed up... But that was to be expected. That was the difference between the two boys. Then again... Although they did not know it, the pair had surprised him more than a few times in the short time he had been their mentor. They were growing in ways that no one had ever dreamed, in ways that neither Kakashi nor Iruka nor even the third hokage had dared hope. But rapid physical growth could not rescue either of them from the emotional wounds they had each sustained over the years. They would have to recover those on their own. He had no doubt that they would help each other through it.
Well. He couldn't let them all sit there and wallow in self pity and doubt forever. He had given them a reasonable amount of time to pull themselves together and he would go easy on them when it came to chores tonight, but they had to get SOME work done before dark. Now was as good a time as any to rouse Naruto and Sasuke and put them to work. Hopefully, a little bit of physical exertion would help restore a sense of reality to them.
Purposefully, he stood and belted out a list of orders for Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura to follow. As the trio complied, Kakashi noticed the way Naruto avoided Sasuke's eyes. The way Sasuke stiffened ever so slightly every time he looked at Naruto. Thoughtfully, the man decided to assign them watch duty as a pair tonight. They needed to talk things out, but the jounin could not justify sending them away, even together, knowing that another attack might come at any moment.
He was slightly gratified to see the looks of mixed relief and apprehension wash across both of their faces when he informed them of his decision. This was something they definitely needed to talk out between themselves.
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A/N: Yeah... So this chapter majorly got away from me. I had never intended to make it this long, and I actually wanted to get to the Zabuza fight, but... Ah well. I hope you're not all too disappointed. Since it's midnight, I don't want to continue writing this chapter and sacrifice the quality, so I'll post this now and write the fireside talk along with the Zabuza fight in the next chapter. I'm sorry to anyone who had their hopes set on the fight in this chapter =(
Also, given the hour, I am going to reply to most reviews in the next chapter, if I do it at all. I'm sorry... I love you all for reviewing, but it takes like a half hour to respond to all of them, and I just don't have that kind of time right now =) Don't hate me too much, please?
I will hopefully post more tomorrow =)