Neville was a solitary creature for the most part, or at least he learned to become one. Any attempts he had made to be accepted by his peers had generally proven fatal and the day came when he realized that any further attempts would simply be a waste of his time. One thing that Neville was very good at was observing people; sitting on the sidelines will develop that skill in any one. He often found it delightfully ironic that he could probably know more about a person just by watching him, then that same person's friends would ever know. The thing about friendships, Neville observed, is that they generally served very selfish purposes. People generally weren't friends with a person unless that person could regularly contribute something to the friendship. Being clever and funny, he found, were two essential elements to friendships. Harry was friends with Ron, for example, because he was funny, and he was friends with Hermione because she was clever. Were Hermione terribly stupid, there would be very little to recommend herself to the position of best friend, no matter how loyal she might be to Harry. Devotion counts for something, if all a person is looking for is a lackey. Crabbe and Goyle, for example are neither amusing nor clever, yet Malfoy apparently wasn't looking for a couple of friends so much as a couple of guys to hang around him.

Neville's thoughts paused for some time on the topic of Draco Malfoy. He was an odd character, that one, no mistaking that. Normally he wasn't the type of person Neville would stop to long enough to think about save to register in his mind "Malfoy, Draco: Slytherin and all around right bastard." But after his odd behavior in the Greenhouse, it had occurred to Neville that there was something… off about Malfoy. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he was certain that there was something incredibly abnormal about the boy, if he could only figure it out. It was this very train of reasoning that led Neville to start watching Draco Malfoy. The results of his study were surprising to say the least.

Starting at breakfast the next morning, Neville began his study into "the mystery that is Draco Malfoy." It was a bit of a peculiar thing, for Neville never glanced towards the Slytherin table during meals, it simply wasn't done. Now as he did look, though, he found that it was a bit strange. He always supposed that any sort of amusement that went on over at that side of the hall would involve evilness and shifty glances and a fair amount of plotting to take over the world. What he saw surprised him greatly. For the most part, the main difference between the Slytherin table and the Gryffindor table was the fact that everyone was wearing green and silver ties as opposed to red and gold. They all seemed to be joking about merrily and chatting up a storm and on some occasions, flirting subtly or even flirting outrageously in the case of Pansy Parkinson. Neville glanced back to his own table and confirmed the fact that the behavioral patterns seemed remarkably similar.

Turning his head back to the Slytherins Neville searched out Draco Malfoy. There he was, dwarfed by his two companions, who flanked him on either side. Crabbe and Goyle were chatting amiably with each other over Malfoy's head. If being left out of the conversation bothered Malfoy, he didn't show it. In fact, he seemed more than content to ignore them right back. Draco sat there eating primly with a smug look on his face as he glanced about at his housemates. It was a rather odd thing, because though he had a look of superiority plastered over his face, Neville began to realize, that Malfoy had no friends. Even more odd was the fact that Malfoy appeared to honestly not care. He carried himself in such a way that would lead one to believe that he was a king surveying his subjects, rather than a social reject looking at all the popular kids. But that was the odd thing, wasn't it; no one would think of Draco Malfoy as unpopular, the thought was unheard of. Neville decided that this matter needed some serious looking into.

*

Over the next few days, Neville kept a close watch on Draco Malfoy. All meal times were fairly uneventful and all seemed to involve Draco Malfoy simply eating primly and looking out across at his housemates, none of whom he ever talked to. During class, Neville noticed that the behavior was fairly similar. Malfoy mostly seemed intent on his class work and rarely spoke to his housemates anymore than was strictly necessary. He did, of course, spend a fair bit of time harassing and generally laughing at the Gryffindors. For the most part, Neville had to admit that Malfoy mostly came across as a snob, nothing new there. After a week, Neville realized that he was no closer to uncovering the truth of Draco Malfoy than he had been at the beginning of the week. The problem seemed to be that Malfoy simply guarded himself far too closely for any amount of observation on Neville's part to be fruitful. Finally, though, on Friday night, Neville made a breakthrough.

Neville spent that Friday night as he always did, alone in the Greenhouse. He always felt the most content and at ease with himself when he was there. He knew that he could completely be himself and no one would make fun of him. He also knew that no one would ever barge in on him and spoil his fun, except, of course, for those two instances with Malfoy. Neville was just pondering that thought when the very Slytherin in question waltzed through the door. It was quite clear that Malfoy hadn't noticed Neville, so he simply sat back quietly and observed. It didn't take long for it to occur to Neville that there were at least two things very odd about Malfoy's behavior. Primarily, it was very odd for any young man to choose to spend his Friday night collecting Belladonna and Demphel Blossoms, and secondarily, even if a young man did choose to do so, it seemed most uncommon for him to whistle "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies" whilst doing so. And, of course, if Neville really felt like adding a third item to the list, he could always point out the fact that it was somewhat odd for him to occasionally pause his whistling in order to make idle chit chat with the plants. Of course Neville was a bit hesitant in adding any of these to a list of "very odd behavior for a young man" on the grounds that it would be self incriminating as well, but then, Neville always knew he was a bit queer.

"You know, if you're up to taking requests I happen to know that that Demphel plant is quite fond of Beethovin, though generally I'd recommend "Fur Elise" or "Moonlight Sonata" in favor of such pieces as his "Fifth Symphony," though you never know, the results could be quite fascinating."

Draco probably jumped about a foot into the air when he realized he wasn't alone in the Greenhouse.

"What on earth are you doing here, Longbottom?" Malfoy shouted once he finally spotted the disturber of his solitude.

"Oh, I'm sorry I was under the impression that this was my corner of the Greenhouse, but don't let me disturb you if you were under the allusion that it was yours."

"Don't be silly Longbottom, you don't own this Greenhouse."

"Well, no, of course not; I'm fairly sure that it belongs to the school. I merely implied that this particular corner of this Greehouse was my corner. These are my plants."

"Your plants? What, all of these?"

"Yes, everything up till that aisle over there. I grew them all from seeds, so they're my plants."

Draco was rather put out by the way this conversation was unfolding and he was desperately searching for some sort of scathing remark that would be applicable to the situation, but even Draco Malfoy couldn't come up with a way in which to make Neville Longbottom feel inadequate for being the owner of the plants that Malfoy had been steeling from. In the end he settled for, "Are you telling me that you recreationally grow plants?"

"I've never personally put it quite that way. One could just as easily suggest that you recreationally gather plants in a… little wicker basket."

Draco looked down at the basket of stolen goods that he was holding with something akin to guilt, but then again it may have been embarrassment.

"Is there any reason why you appear to have an interest in my plants? There are other greenhouses full of plants, you know."

"Well, yours happen to be the ones I want. Demphel isn't all that easy to come by, you know, there was none at all to be found in Snape's stores."

"Since they are justifiably my plants, might I ask what it is that you're doing with them?"

"I was going to make a potion with them," Draco said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"For extra credit or something?"

"No, I just felt like brewing a potion."

"So…you claim to spend your Friday nights recreationally brewing potions?"

"And you spend you Friday nights recreationally growing plants, what's the problem?"

"No problem at all. I just assumed you'd want to spend the weekend doing something a bit more fun. I mean, most of the houses have parties on Friday night, I'm assuming Slytherin is the same."

"Yes, well I must confess that spending my evening with a room full of morons on a sugar high isn't exactly my idea of fun."

"Heh, that's funny. I swear, that's exactly how I would describe the Gryffindor commons room on a Friday night."

Draco smiled a little bit at this. "It's not every day one came across a Gryffindor who would admit to insulting his own housemates."

"I was thinking the same of you, frankly."

"A moron's a moron's a moron, you know. It's just that were expected to live in close quarters with a bunch of them and call them our friends. It wouldn't be so bad if I were able to hex them into next week, but for some reason it's seen as faux pas."

"Hmm, you Slytherin's must have a more structured sense of loyalty than the Gryffindors do, then."

"Now, there's no way you're going to make me believe that the Gryffindors are disloyal. I've never seen a more loyal group of people in my life."

"Loyal to Harry Potter, you mean. That never stopped any of them from hexing me. Kind of offensive, really, they'd get all upset that you'd cast a leg locker on me, but did they think twice about casting petrificus totalis on me and leaving me till morning? No!"

Draco couldn't help but laugh at that. "Damn, Longbottom, there aren't a lot of students who can claim to be on the receiving end of hexes from both sides. It must take real skill to be that unwanted."

"Well, you know, it does take effort to be that unpopular, but I had an early start. My family all used me for hexing practice, too. I'm sorry to tell you that you did not hold the unique distinction of being the first to hex me. That distinction would go to my Uncle Elwood. Jelly legs curse, he refused to remove it for a week. Finally my grandmother forced him to take it off."

"Rather reminds me of my childhood, actually," Draco said once he stopped laughing. "My cousins all picked on me cause I was so small. They soon learned not to use me as target practice, though, cause I'd always get back at them. As soon as I got my wand I cursed them all to high heaven."

"Unfortunately I didn't have such a skill with hexes, so that didn't pose itself as a realistic method of revenge for me."

"Is that why you have such a handsome collection of man-eating plants?"

"Maybe…" Neville smirked.

"Well you need to work a bit on your back bone, then. Saving your enemies from being eaten alive by carnivorous vegetation isn't necessarily the best way to enact revenge."

"It's more of a warning for people to fuck off than anything. There aren't a lot of people who would walk up to a plant with four inch long teeth and attempt to wake it up. Besides, I don't mean to hurt your feelings or anything, but It wasn't actually planted with you in mind."

"And yet you did tell me to fuck off."

"And yet you refuse to go."

"That must be my open invite to fuck off then," Draco said with one raised eyebrow.

"Yes, please do, or next time I shall simply have to feed you to the plant personally in order to be rid of you."

Neville shook his head firmly when he found himself once again alone in his domain, trying to compose his thoughts. It occurred to him in a flash that the answer he'd been looking for all that week was perfectly obvious. Malfoy really was a geek without friends. A snobby bastard geek without friends, albeit, but nonetheless a geek without friends. No doubt about it, no one other than a geek without friends would spend their Friday night brewing potions for the fun of it.

*


The next time Draco ran into Neville was three days later. Once again Neville was guarding the entrance to his Greenhouse by leaning against the glass wall and smoking a cigarette.

"Come to pilfer some more of my plants?"

"I thought I might. As it so happens I noticed some rather attractive Foxfern among your collection."

"Help yourself," Neville said nonchalantly, indicating with a wave of his hand that Draco should go on in.

"You smoke?" He asked, when Draco reappeared.

"When I get the chance, they're rather difficult to get your hands on, though."

Neville didn't respond right away as he busied himself rolling a cigarette for Draco. After lighting it with his own cigarette and handing it to Draco he finally responded, "it's easy enough if you've got a greenhouse with man-eating plants guarding the entrance."

Draco grinned and nodded appreciatively as he took a drag on the cigarette. "So don't tell me that's the real reason you planted those things!"

Neville shook his head. "No, I told you, it was to keep out certain unwanted visitors."

"Actually, all you said was that it wasn't to keep me out, which, quite frankly, I'm still a little hurt by."

Neville snorted out a laugh, but otherwise said nothing.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Aren't you going to tell me who the plants are for?"

Neville rolled his eyes but eventually said, "Ron Weasley."

"Okay, I respect that. So what did the weasel do to deserve man-eating plants?"

"He claimed that he was attempting to defend his sister's honour."

"What'd you do? Knock her up?"

"Not bloody likely! All I did was refuse to date her, but she went crying to her big brother and he came and tried to hex me into oblivion."

"Well, that seems rather lame, no offence, but that seems like a rather weak excuse to be that angry at someone."

"Tell that to a Weasley," Neville said with a scoff. "It seems that he didn't believe my excuse for not wanting to date her and claimed that I was insulting his sister by making up lies like that."

"Personally I believe that lying is a perfectly respectful way to get rid of unwanted admirers. I mean, some of those silly bints simply cannot take a hint. Although I'm surprised that you found it necessary. It's not like you've got girls hanging around you in swarms, no offence."

"Oh, I didn't lie. I just said Weasley didn't believe me. And as you pointed out, it isn't as though I'm continually surrounded by a harem of girls, so why he didn't believe that I'm gay is beyond me."

Draco suddenly found himself choking quite violently on his cigarette smoke.

"You know they say smoking will kill you," Neville said before taking one long last drag on his cigarette and stamping it out with his foot. "See you round, Malfoy."

-Since when is Neville Longbottom Queer?- Draco wondered to himself as he attempted to return his breathing to some semblance of normal. Not that Draco felt he had any idea what was normal anymore.