Chapter 4:
Bright sunlight shone down on the young woman sleeping on the bed beside him when he woke. For a moment his mind fuzzily tried to grasp what he was doing in someone else's room rather than his own, but then the memory of last night flooded back and he propped himself up on his elbow to stare at the sleeping girl beside him.
In sleep she looked so peaceful, so quiet. Except for dried tear streaks on her cheeks, he could almost believe nothing had happened. He reached out, gently brushed a strand of tangled hair back from her cheek, and kissed her temple gently. She stirred, sighed, and rolled over, snuggling closer to him. He wanted to stay there with her, but he couldn't. He eased his arm out from under her head, wincing at the stiffness in the limb, and slid out of bed.
After a quick stop in the bathroom, he went to his room and put on a fresh change of clothes, then went down to the kitchen. Xavier and Storm were sitting at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and talking quietly. When they looked up and saw him coming, Storm got up. "Good morning, Logan."
He acknowledged her greeting with a grunt, and headed for the coffeemaker. Storm beat him to it. "Sit down and speak with Charles," she said. "I'll fix you a cup. Two sugars?"
He wrinkled his nose. "Make that black, 'Ro," he said. "After las' night, I need somethin' strong ta wake me up."
"Jean hasn't woken up yet," Xavier said as he sat down. "I would like to know what happened. First though, is Jubilee all right?"
"Yeah. She's still sleepin'," Logan took the cup Ororo handed him, and thanked her as she sat back down beside him. "She didn't have any more dreams the res' of the night, thank goodness." He put the cup down. "She begged me ta stay with 'er las' night. Said the dreams don' come when I'm there."
Storm sipped her own cup. "She sleeps some nights with your picture under her pillow," she admitted quietly. "She told me so in an email she wrote me once. It helped her sleep."
Logan groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "Chuck, can I ask ya a question?" he said. "I been wondering…ya ever regret sendin' her off to Massachusetts?"
Xavier sighed, and took a sip of his. "Sometimes yes," he said quietly. "Especially when something brings back the memories of that Operation Zero Tolerance mess. I'm very proud of the woman she's become, and all the experiences she's had combine to make her the woman she is…but I wish sometimes that I could erase some of the bad things that happened to her. Like Bastion." His face twisted in an expression of loathing. "He accused us of being monsters…when he was one himself, torturing children." He sipped his coffee again. "So what exactly did happen?" he said.
Logan put his cup down. "I musta heard a soun' in my sleep, an' I woke up. It was all quiet when I checked the hall, an' I was about to go back ta sleep when I heard Jubilee moan. I opened her room door…I jus' wanted ta make sure she was okay," he said hastily, thinking about what Xavier might say about him walking into a young girl's room uninvited. Xavier nodded, unperturbed, and Logan went on. "I walked in an' I saw her on th' bed, stretched out like she was still tied up. She was all tensed up, and she was whimperin'. Pain." He shook his head at the image of his Jubes writhing in the bed in remembered agony, and his fist clenched. "It hurt me jus' watchin' her. I was goin' ta leave, but she whispered my name, an' I jus' couldn' leave 'er like that.
"So I tried ta wake her up. As soon as I touched her, she went wild, just twistin' all over th' bed. She hit the bed a coupla times, an' cut open her knuckles, so I grabbed her wrists ta keep her from hurtin' herself anymore. And she just exploded. Started screamin', beggin' me not ta touch her, not ta hurt her anymore. She fell off th' bed, an' took me wit' her. An' then Jean come in. She went into Jubes's head an' woke her up, and Jubilee jus' started cryin' like I ain't never seen her cry before."
There were footsteps on the steps in the back of the kitchen, and Scott and Jean came down. Both were dressed, but Jean hadn't bothered to brush out her hair yet, and it hung in wild disarray around her face. "I checked on Jubilee before I came down," she said. "She's still asleep. I figured I'd let her sleep as long as possible; she had a very long day yesterday." She yawned as Scott steered her over to another empty chair. "Sit down," he directed her. "I'll get your coffee. Your usual, sweetheart?"
"Black," Jean rubbed her eyes. "After last night, I need it." She turned to Logan. "How did she sleep the rest of the night?"
"Okay," he said. "Least she didn' wake up screamin' again, though she did moan some in her sleep. Jean, I ain't never seen Jubes fall apart like that. Scairt the hell outta me."
Jean sighed. "Charles, I think we should see what we can do about this. She's been having these nightmares off and on for quite some time, according to her. They've been less frequent lately, but stress tends to bring them out again. I think she's trying to handle something she really can't deal with herself, and she's not making much headway."
Xavier sighed. "I think so too. Which incident was it this time?"
"When Bastion scarred her ribs with that damn electric prod. It seems to be one of the worse memories."
"I didn' see any scars," Logan spoke up. "In that bathing suit she wore yesterday , I didn't see any scars."
"She had them removed," Jean said. "Some of them were quite noticeable. They were reminders of something she'd rather have forgotten."
"Why didn' she tell me what she was goin' through, Jean?" Logan's eyes looked haunted.
Jean looked at him seriously as she accepted her coffee from Scott. "You were already feeling guilty enough about not being there when she needed you. How much more would it have hurt you if you'd known what she was still going through?" She sipped, still looking at him over the rim of her cup. "I wanted her to tell you. She needed someone stronger than 'Ro and I to help her bear some of the burden she was carrying, but she refused. She said just seeing her was bad enough, and you didn't need to know what she'd experienced. She said you carried quite enough of your own pain around with you already. And she made both of us promise not to tell you."
Logan digested this in the silence of the kitchen. Jubilee had always been considerate of his feelings. Thoughtful, caring, compassionate Jubilee. He was going to have a talk with her sometime about what she considered good for him. He would decide what was good for him and what wasn't. And watching her torment herself keeping all this locked in wasn't good for either of them. "What're ya goin' ta do?" he asked finally.
Xavier looked at Jean. She looked back at him. He said, "I was thinking of placing a block around some of the worst of those memories."
Jean shook her head. "I don't think that would be a good idea. I think we should just put some distance between them and her conscious mind. She's still experiencing the nightmares as if they were the first time; she hasn't been able to put any emotional distance between her and them. If we put some perspective on them, get her subconscious to believe that some time had passed since the memories happened, she could maybe start distancing herself from them."
"The nightmares won't stop, though," Logan pointed out.
Jean shook her head. "No they won't. She needs those, Logan. Nightmares are her mind's way of dealing with what happened to her."
"By making her relive what that bastard did to her over and over again? What good is that supposed to do?"
Jean sighed. "That's just the way the mind works, Logan. Dreams are healthy; they help us come to grip with stuff that happens to us while we're awake. You of all people should know that, with the nightmares you have."
He subsided as she went on. "The nightmares won't stop; that will only happen with time, Logan. In fact, if we just put a block on her conscious memories, the nightmares will get more and more violent. She told me she's lucky she hasn't destroyed anything in any of the hotels she's stayed at while she was globe-trotting. But if we put some distance on them, they'll become less violent and she'll be able to start healing mentally. She should also be able to stop gagging herself when she sleeps."
He couldn't argue with that. The thought of Jubilee biting down on cloth to muffle the sound of her screams was not a mental picture he wanted to have of her.
Xavier's eyes got a faraway look for a second. "She's awake," he said finally.
Jean got up and headed for the stairs. "'Ro, can you fix her usual? I'm going to tell her to stay in bed. What Charles and I need to do can be done while she's lying down, and it'll be better for her if it's in her room, where she can feel safe." And she vanished up the stairs.
Scott put his cup in the sink, then emptied Jean's and rinsed both as Ororo got up and reached in the cupboard. Logan's eyes widened as she pulled out a box of instant oatmeal. "Since when did Jubes start eatin' oatmeal?"
"Since she found out oatmeal is the only thing that stays down after one of these nightmares," Ororo said. "She wakes up and the first thing she will do is go and throw up whatever might be left in her stomach after last night, which, thanks to her high metabolic rate, will not be much. Jean will get her back into bed, and she'll have a bowl of oatmeal." She poured boiling water into the bowl and stirred as she said softly, "Poor child. No one should have to go through something like this."
Xavier took the bowl from Ororo and set it down on top of his hoverchair's platform. "Logan, Jean say's Jubilee is asking for you. If you would accompany me upstairs…"
Jubilee was looking pale as she sat on the edge of her bed, Jean beside her. Jean was wrapping bandaging around the bruised knuckles Jubilee had punched him with the last night when Logan and Xavier came in. She looked immensely glad to see him, and took the bowl of oatmeal from him with a grimace. "I hate this stuff," she said, picking up the spoon and beginning to eat it anyway. "Logan…Wolvie…I hit you last night, Jean said…I'm so sorry…are you okay?"
He sat down beside her and pushed her tangled hair back from her face. "'S okay, darlin'," he said. 'I heal fast. It didn' hurt."
Xavier steepled his fingers and looked at her quietly. "Jubilee, Jean and Logan told me what happened last night," he said. "Please don't take this as an intrusion upon your privacy, but as an offer of help from friends who care deeply about you. Jean and I were discussing your nightmares in the kitchen, and the fact that these dreams are still so violent bothers me. We'd like to help you."
"How?" Jubilee said. "You can't go back and undo what happened." She stared at the bowl in front of her, tears welling up in her blue eyes. "If you really cared you'd have been there for me when I needed help," she whispered. "I wouldn't have been sent off with Frosty."
Xavier actually flinched, and Logan fought down astonishment. In some way, Chuck felt guilty for what had happened to her. He patted her back, avoiding looking at Xavier until the X-Men's founder regained his composure. "We want to place some distance between your memories and the present," Charles said. "We think if your subconscious realizes that some time has elapsed since you got those memories, the nightmares won't be as violent or as draining as they currently are. Will you let us do that?"
Jubilee put the spoon down in her bowl, looking up at him with tear-blinded eyes. "Can you do that?" she whispered. "If you could just…make them less intense…I could handle them better."
"Of course," Xavier said, his own eyes suspiciously bright. "We could do it now, if you like."
Jean took the bowl out of Jubilee's grasp and handed it to Logan, who took it. Jubilee lay on her back on the bed, and Xavier took one hand. Jean took the other. There was silence for several minutes, And Logan turned to leave.
Jubilee suddenly screamed on the bed. He turned, in time to see her convulse. Her hand ripped out of Xavier's and Jean's, and she turned over, sobbing, burying her head in the pillow, pressing her fist to her mouth and sobbing. Xavier slumped back in his hoverchair, taking deep breaths and trying to compose himself. Jean did the same.
Logan couldn't stand to see her cry like that. He dropped the bowl on the dresser and ran back to the bed, taking her shoulders gently and pulling her upright with her back against his chest, hugging her close. "Jubes, Jubes, it's okay," he crooned, distressed by her anguish. "It's okay, you're safe, it's just memories." He tucked her hands into her lap, rubbing her wrists.
She jerked her hands out of his grasp and refused to let him touch them. "Don't, Lo—Wolvie," she said, sobbing a little. "Don't touch my wrists. I can't bear anything touching them anymore. That's how Bastion had me restrained while he…while I was held there."
When she had herself under control again, Jean said, "Let's try doing this another way. Jubilee, I'm going to put you in a light sleep, then we'll try again, okay?" The young woman lay back against Logan's chest, and soon she was breathing evenly. Jean looked at Logan. "No, don't get up," she said. 'Jubilee seems to feel safer with you close. Stay there. Hold her hand. And brace yourself. I know Jubilee made me promise not to let you know about any of the things that happened to her, and she'll probably be mad at me when we're done, but I think it might help calm her down if she feels your presence in her mind. I'm going to pull you into the link with us. Ready?"
Logan leaned back against the headboard of the bed. "Ready," he said. He closed his eyes.
Mist swirled around them, shot through with lightning. Slowly the mist cleared, and Logan's heart contracted painfully at what he saw. Jubilee knelt in a bright spotlight, clad only in rags tied around her waist and chest, her wrists chained to opposite walls of a tiny cell, shivering. There were raw sores on her wrists and ankles, red welts and marks all over her body, and a dull, hopeless look in her eyes. A heavy metal collar was clamped around her neck, prohibiting the use of her powers. Its winking operating lights looked somehow menacing on the collar's surface.
Footsteps echoed around the three watchers, and Logan watched, eyes narrowed in rage, as Bastion unlocked the door to Jubilee's cell and stepped inside. He carried a long, thick stick with him.
He grabbed her hair, yanked her head back to force her to look at him. Jubilee looked up and sobbed in terror, her throat raw from sobbing and screaming. "Please," she whimpered, breaking Logan's heart, "Please don't hurt me, please stop, I'm just a kid, please," she begged, tears of pain, exhaustion, and terror leaving pale tracks down her dirt-, sweat-, and blood-smeared face. Bastion shoved her head down toward the floor, and she rocked in her bonds. Rope bound her ankles to her thighs, keeping her kneeling before him. Her raw knees scraped open yet again on the hard floor of the cell. Bastion circled her, smiling cruelly. "This is where are your kind of filth should be," he said, poking her with his stick. "Kneeling at my feet, begging for your pathetic life. Beg, little mutie filth."
Jubilee just sobbed.
Bastion raised the stick behind her, as Logan cried out in anguish. The stick crashed down on Jubilee's bare back, eliciting a scream from her as she lurched forward. The manacles yanked cruelly against her wrists, pulling her back into place, and her knees scraped the floor again. When he raised it off her back, Logan could see a new welt on the skin that would become a horrible bruise later. He circled the sobbing girl, brought the stick down again on an existing black bruise. She screamed. He beat her with the stick until she hung limp in the chains, sagging against the restraints that held her, unconscious. He sliced the ropes around her thighs that pulled her ankles tight up to her backside, and then picked up a bucket of water sitting in a corner of the cell and dashed it over her.
Jubilee recovered consciousness, screaming. The circulation was rushing back to her feet and legs, and it hurt like hell. He let her scream for a while, watching her as she writhed in her chains. When her sobbing stopped, he picked the stick back up, did something to the handle. Logan jumped as blue electricity crackled around its tip. She cringed away from it, shrinking from the blue fire, dragging the manacles through the raw sores on her wrists again. He teased her like that for some time, bringing the prod close to allow her to feel the heat of the electricity before pulling it away again. Then he touched her with it.
Jubilee went wild, jerking and writhing in the chains that held her, mouth open in a silent scream of agony. Logan's fists clenched, tears flowing unnoticed from his eyes as he saw her pain. Bastion held the tip of the prod to her body, moving it back and forth across her ribcage just under her breasts. She screamed as her body shuddered. Her howls of agony no longer sounded human. Logan had been in the forest once when a hunter some distance away had unwittingly stepped into a bear trap and the metal jaws had taken the man's leg off. The animal sounds of agony the man had made then sounded like Jubilee now.
Jubilee's body twisted against him, and he had to break the link with Jean to control it, and keep her from tearing her hands from Xavier's and Jean's grasp. Wild, high-pitched keening sounds erupted from her throat as she writhed against him. He held her firmly, tightly, crooning soft sounds into her ear.
Xavier whispered, "Jubilee, you're all right. You're safe. Jean and I are here. Logan is here. Bastion is gone. We're trying to help you with the memories. Relax, Jubilee. Let us help you." Jean's lips repeated the same words as he spoke them. The body Logan held froze for a moment, warily, then relaxed. Not completely; but there was a loosening of the muscles. Logan reached for Jean's hand again. She tried to shake it off, spared a brief moment to speak telepathically to him. You don't want to see this, Logan. Trust me, you don't. I don't even want to see this. There were tears glittering on the edge of Jean's lashes as she sat in the chair beside Jubilee's bed.
Logan pushed insistently at her until she allowed him in. Don't say I didn't warn you, she snapped at him as he slipped back into Jubilee's mind with her.
Jubilee lay on the floor of the cell. Bastion didn't even bother to chain her anymore; she was too weak to fight him, in too much pain to try to escape. He kept her hands cuffed behind her; that was all he had to do.
He approached her now, watching her eyes follow him. Other than her eyes and the shallow rise and fall of her chest, she didn't move. He stopped in front of her, nudged her limp body with the toe of his boot. "You smell," he said. She closed her eyes. "Mutie filth. You smell like the animal you are." He stepped outside the cell, turned on a spigot in the wall that had a hose attached to it, and brought the hose to the door of her cell. Then he aimed the nozzle at her and squeezed the trigger.
A hard spray of icy cold water struck her nude body. She squealed, crawled painfully into the corner of her cell, tried to avoid the icy flow. He stepped in, grabbed her hair, and yanked her head back, aiming the water into her face. She squeezed her eyes shut, opened her mouth, drinking the cold water greedily through cracked, swollen lips. He snorted, dropped her hair. She fell to the floor as he proceeded to aim the hose at every part of her. Then he put the hose down, walked over to her where she knelt, and opened his pants.
Logan gasped in horror as Jubilee screamed. Bastion assaulted her body brutally, violently, ignoring the blood that streaked her thighs and splattered on his pants. She writhed, screamed, tried to wriggle away from him, but he pulled her back onto himself and continued until she passed out from pain and horror of the brutal rape.
Logan broke the link, feeling as though he was going to be sick. Jean was right; he really hadn't wanted to see that. In his arms, Jubilee sagged against him as Jean and Xavier finished doing whatever they were doing to her mind while Logan had been transfixed by the memories. Slow, silent tears crept down her face as she snuggled against him, tears that were mirrored in Jean's eyes as the redhead slumped, exhausted, against her chair. When Logan looked at Xavier, the older man too was crying. Logan sighed and hugged the girl in his lap closer as his own tears fell from his eyes.