Chapter 7: Argument
He insisted that she ride home in Remy's pickup, and when they got back to the mansion around one in the morning, he dragged her off to the kitchen despite her protests. Remy got a kitchen towel as Logan packed a bag with ice, and then he fussed about getting it in place over her eye. "Jubes, stop touchin' it," he said exasperated as she took the makeshift icepak off her eyes and felt the swelling flesh under her it.
She kept the ice on her eye till it was almost numb with the cold, and Logan was emptying the melted ice from the bag when the kitchen door opened and Jean came in. "Jubilee!" Jean exclaimed, shocked, and Jubilee thought that it must really look bad if Jean was that upset. She crouched beside Jubilee's chair, taking the younger woman's chin in her hand and turning her face toward the light to see better. "My God, you're going to be sore for a week! What happened?"
"Bar brawl," Jubilee grinned unrepentantly. "Logan and I went bar crawling. We met Remy at Crossroads and had a couple of drinks. Some guy wanted me to sit on his lap instead of our table, and took exception to my choice of company."
Jean stood up and turned on Logan. "What the hell were you thinking, taking Jubilee to Crossroads? That place is too rough for a young woman. Jubilee isn't like one of the girls you guys usually go out with! What were you thinking?"
Ororo and Scott walked in on the tail end of her words, and Logan sighed as Scott straightened up. He was in for it now.
"What were you two thinking, taking Jubilee to Crossroads?" Scott swelled with indignation. He knew he'd been right about Logan being too old for Jubilee, but both Ororo and Jean had told him firmly that it wasn't any of his business, and he needed to leave them alone. Jean in particular had gotten vehement in her reaction to his opinion, and had told him so loudly and at length one night when he was in the garage working on his car. His ears still burned with embarrassment at the memory of that particular conversation. Well, hopefully she'd see now that he was right about Logan and Jubilee's relationship, and stop encouraging Jubilee's hanging out with Logan. "She's not like one of your whores, Logan, she's one of us, and she's still young! You've got no right dragging her off to Crossroads! Didn't you get into a fight there a few months ago that broke your rib?" When Logan nodded, Scott went on. "Well, you may heal fast, but Jubilee can't! She's lucky she didn't get hurt worse than a black eye! What if she'd broken something, or worse, gotten stabbed, or shot, or seriously hurt? Did you even think about that before you took her there? I'll bet not! That's just like you, Logan, you never think! Jubilee, if you have any sense whatsoever, you'll think twice about getting involved with him, because he's going to get you killed!" Scott crossed his arms, glowering in anger, and Jean stood beside him wearing a matching expression.
Ororo laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Scott, calm down," she said. "But he did have a point, Jubilee. Crossroads is no place for a child like you. Logan, you should have thought about Jubilee before you chose the place to visit tonight. Harry's would have done just as well, with less potential for danger. You should think next time before dragging her into a dangerous place such as that again—"
Jubilee jumped up. "Stop talking about me like I'm not here, okay?" she snapped, angry. "I got Logan to drag me out there tonight. He didn't make me do anything, and stop talking about what could have happened, because it didn't! I'm twenty-four, I can handle myself! And stop calling me a child, because I sure as hell am not a child anymore!"
"Jubilee, we're not saying you are--" Jean tried to placate the angry girl, but she refused to be mollified.
"Really? You aren't? 'Cause that's what it sounds like from here!" Jubilee paced the kitchen floor angrily. "Listen, this isn't the first time I've been to Crossroads. I followed Logan there some years ago, when I was here for a visit. But I was too young to go in. Soon after my twenty-first birthday, When I came home for a visit and Logan was off somewhere, I went there for the first time. In case you all want to know, I got into a fight then, too, I just didn't get hurt. Since that first time, I've gone back many times, sometimes by myself, and Remy took me a couple of times too."
There was silence for a moment, and then Scott exploded. "Remy? You took her there? Why in the name of God didn't you have more sense? It's not a place for a young girl! Have both of you taken leave of your senses--"
"ENOUGH!" Jubilee yelled, getting up. "Isn't anyone listening to me? I went there on my own. I dragged Remy there. It was my decision, and my mistake. So will you all lay off both of them?" Silence for another minute, and then the angry words broke out again, mostly directed at Logan and Remy. Jubilee stood there for one startled second, then whirled and ran up to her room.
She lay on her bed, angry tears seeping from her eyes. It wasn't fair! She was twenty-four, and she'd made the decision. If anyone should be scolding anyone, it should be them scolding her for getting hurt, not for Logan and Remy taking her there. It wasn't as if they'd held a gun to her head and made her go to the bar, for goodness sake! It was her choice!
She heard the sound of footsteps coming up the steps, but they didn't pass her door. It was Remy, then. Scott and Jean had a larger suite on the third floor, and Remy's room was only three doors down from the stairs, so he wouldn't pass her door to get to his room. Only Logan would have to, and she thought he'd come up to her room when Scott got done yelling at him.
She was just drowsing off when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. She sat up in bed, noting the clock on her bedside table said two o'clock. The footsteps paused at her door, then moved off further down the hall. She sprang out of bed and wrapped a robe around her nude body, then opened her own door and slipped out. Logan's door was just closing. She crept down the hall and slipped in.
Logan was undressing. She caught her breath as the rush of desire she'd been holding in all night long burst into flame again, and she walked up to him, letting her robe fall open so she could press her warm body against his back. "Sheesh. I thought Scott would never stop yelling at you," she said, resting her unbruised cheek against his back. "Little uptight, isn't he?"
But Logan didn't respond with some sarcastic remark about Scott's 'responsible leader' attitude as she expected. Instead, he placed his hands on top of hers where she had wrapped then around his chest, held them for a second, then disengaged her hands from his body, gently pushing her away. She stared at him, looking puzzled. "'S been a long evenin', Jubilee," he said, unbuttoning his shirt. "I think ya should go ta bed."
She tried to cover her confusion with a little laugh as she approached him again. "I thought so too, that's why I came," she said, dropping her robe on the floor and slipping between the sheets of his bed. Logan bent and picked up her robe, holding it out to her.
Hurt showed in her eyes as she got out and wrapped herself in her robe again. "You want me to sleep in my room," she said evenly.
Logan turned and looked out the window at the lawn. "Jubes," he started, then hesitated. She waited expectantly, and he sighed and sat down, still not looking at her. "Jubilee, Scott had a point this evening. My kinda life ain't fit fer somebody like you. Yer smart, beautiful, young, sexy, an' ya deserve more'n an' ol' man wit' no past an' nothin' ta offer ya. Ya should fin' some professor at one o' th' colleges ya visit, settle down wit him and have a coupla kids in a normal house with a white picket fence an' a dog or somethin' like that. Not chasin' bad guys and exhaustin' yerself an' getting' hurt an' maybe someday getting' killed. Or runnin' through seedy, trashy two-bit bars wit' me getting' hurt cause I'm too slow or too stupid ta protect ya. Ya deserve more'n that."
Jubilee stared at him, hurt clouding her eyes. "Logan, what makes you think I want those things?" she said. "What gave you the impression that I wanted to be normal? That I wanted a normal life? I hate kids," and he almost smiled at that because he'd heard her say, more than a few times, that she loved the younger students at the Massachusetts Academy. "If I never have kids, that's alright by me. I don't want them, I don't want a normal house with a normal little fence and a normal dog. Logan, since I first ran into you guys all I wanted was to be one of you. You know why I always ended up running off after you? Because everyone else was always too busy to spend time with me. I mean, there was always the Professor, but he was, like, majorly boring to a fourteen year old, anyway. You were all the things I wasn't; strong, brave, rough, caring, compassionate, nice…"
Logan snorted at that Nice? Many of his personal enemies wouldn't say the same.
"…and I loved you. At first, like a father, and then later like a real tough older brother. I'm not sure when I started to look at you as a lover, but I did, and you fulfilled every dream I ever had the first time we made love on the edge of the lake a few months ago. Normal? I don't want normal, Logan, I really don't. All I want is you." She kissed his cheek, and he heard a catch in her voice and smelled salty tears as she rubbed her cheek against his. "And if dying tomorrow or facing some life-threatening injury in a week means I'll have you for that long, I'm willing to take that chance. The danger makes life all that much sweeter."
Logan's voice was rough as he spoke, still not looking at her. "But I'm not willin' ta drag ya into that danger," he said. "Jubes...Jubilee, everyone I ever loved died on me. I don't wanna see that happen ta you. I don't know how long I been on this earth, an I don't know how much longer I'm gonna hold back the agin' process, but I know I don't wanna be bringin' flowers ta yer grave before yer old an' gray."
She drew away from him, the tears falling faster now, tears of anger and hurt. "I decide what I want and don't want, Logan," she whispered. "Not Scott, not Jean, and definitely not you. I want you."
"I…I don't," Logan forced out through gritted teeth. She stood for one shocked second, and he knew her body was going cold all over with anger. She turned with a strangled, choked sob, grabbed the doorknob and yanked it, the door flying into the wall as she fled.
He got up, closed the door numbly, feeling as though his heart had been ripped out. He couldn't stand to see her hurt like that, and knowing he was the cause. He paused, irresolute, having half a mind to run after her, hug her close, and apologise for what he'd just said. But something Scott had said kept running through his head. "If you have any sense, Logan, you'll break it off with her before her obsession with you gets to the point where she stops looking at other men. You know she deserves more than you can give her. Do you want her to spend the rest of her life with you and hating the bridges she burned because she thought she was in love with you?"
No he didn't. He didn't want to look into her eyes someday and see loathing there because she'd been too young to know what love was, had mistaken infatuation for love, and devoted herself to him before she'd explored other options. He didn't want to see longing and regret in those blue eyes for what she'd lost because she couldn't see it and he had been too hungry for someone to love to let her go. Or to see her lying ashen-faced and alive only because of life support, from some freak accident that had happened to her while out on a mission with the X-Men. If she was destined to die at one of his enemies' hands (as so many of his other loves had), and if by hurting her heart now with rejection he could prevent that, then he was willing to do it if it meant she would be safe.
He kicked off his boots and sat on the edge of the bed, balling his shirt in his fists and holding it up to his face. For the first time in a long time, he cried. He felt as though he'd just ripped out his own heart. He kept telling himself it was for the best, it was for her own good.
But then why did he feel so bad?
* * *
Jubilee flung herself onto her bed, tears filling her blue eyes. She loved him, but he didn't love her. He'd never have said the things to her that he had if he did. She buried her face in the pillow, muffling her scream of anguish. She felt a hole open up under her heart, and she understood what a broken heart felt like.
She lay for a long time, sobbing, and then sighed and got up. With the stress she'd been through tonight, and the fact that Logan's presence wouldn't be there to drive away the nightmares, she was going to have some horrific ones that night. Only one thing would drive them away; she was going to get toasted. The guys had hidden a small refrigerator in the back of the old wine cellar, and kept it regularly stocked with beer. It would almost certainly be full, as she'd seen Bobby and Hank carrying in full paper bags from the local liquor store the other day.
She got up, slipped into underclothes and a set of fuzzy blue pajamas, and slipped out of her room. Down the hall, Logan's light had gone out. She wondered how he could sleep.
Down the stairs, now, and into the kitchen. Down the kitchen stairs, into the cellar, where old dusty bottles of wine sat on shelves. She headed to the back, where, behind the last rack, the refrigerator was hidden. She opened it, shivering a little in the chill coming from the open door, and nodded. It was indeed full. She chose a bottle at random, popped it open with the bottle opener hanging from a magnet on the fridge door, and shut the door. She sat down on the floor beside the last wine rack, intent on her task.
"What you doin', chere?" said a voice behind her some time later, and she jumped half a foot in the air and squealed in shock. Remy stood behind her, his face barely illuminated by the light coming from the lit cigarette in his mouth.
She sat back down carefully, since the room seemed to be moving in unexpected ways since her startled move. "Gettin' drunk," she finally got out.
"Dis Remy can see," he said as he came to sit on the floor beside her. "Remy wan' know why de p'tite need to get drunk."
It seemed so simple to her. "So da dreams don' git me," she slurred. "Logan don't wanna sleep wi' me no more, an' 'thout him to chase da dreams 'way, I doan think I c'n handle 'em."
Remy digested this in silence. "Logan say he don' wanna sleep wit' you no more?" he said, puzzled.
"Yep." Jubilee nodded vigorously, then stopped as what was left of her brain sloshed noisily in her skull. "Said he don' love me no more." Her eyes filled with tears. "He don' wan' me no more, Remy. How'm I gonna live 'thout him?" She began to cry, noisily, as the now-empty bottle dropped to the floor with a clatter.
Remy crushed out his cigarette on the cement floor and took the sobbing young woman in his arms, pulling her on his lap as though she were fourteen and he was playing Santa. She buried her face in his shirt and cried and cried, as though her heart were broken.
Remy sighed. Logan had gone very quiet in the kitchen after Scott had told him that if he loved Jubilee as much as he said he did, then he should let her go and let her find another man. Remy had rolled his eyes. Jubilee loved Logan like Scott loved Jean; it had only taken a week for Remy to see that. No matter how Logan tried to let her go and push her away, she was going to keep coming back simply because it was meant to be. Why fight fate, he reasoned, when all you were going to do was make yourself suffer? Apparently, though, Logan had listened to Scott's diatribe, and Jubes was now down here crying her eyes out. He was going to bet that tomorrow Logan was going to be hitting the bars again, picking fights with everyone he could find just to distract himself from the pain of losing Jubilee. Remy sighed. Sometimes Scott really needed to mind his own business.