Chapter 8 - Couldn't Sleep
James was woken suddenly by a loud noise. He wondered for a moment where he was and why he felt so miserable and empty. The feeling didn't last long, however, the events of earlier that day soon washed over him like a cold wave of icy water. He shivered and looked around at the source of the noise. All the students had returned to the common room.
He wondered vaguely what time it was and how long he'd been asleep, until a voice answered his unasked questions. "It's after dinner and you've slept all day. Here, I brought you a sandwich, you'll be hungry." James looked up to see who the owner of the voice was, and he was surprised to see that it was Lily, though he didn't know why. She was standing there with a sympathetic look on her face and a sandwich in her hand. He took it gratefully, although he wasn't sure that the empty feeling inside him could be relieved by food. She looked at him and left, as though she knew that he really wanted to be alone now. James got a pang as he realised he still needed to reply to his parents letter. With shaking hands he reached into his bag and found a quill and a piece of parchment and started to write,
Dear Mum and Dad,
Thank you for letting me know, you were right to think I'd want to know straight away. The news has been a great shock to me and I hope all of you are well, especially Cara, I know this must be hard for her. I haven't as yet seen Dumbledore, but my friends have been great. I'll see you at Christmas for the funeral. All my love (and ruffle Cara's hair for me),' James
James read it over and decided he was satisfied. He would have liked to say something about the misery and emptiness he felt inside, but he couldn't fond the words. He was sure he family would understand and settled for a short letter that let them know he'd received theirs; he'd send it with Selene later. He sat back in the chair by the fire and ate his sandwich thoughtfully. Now the shock of his grandparents death had worn off a bit, another thought invaded his mind. Had Lily known? He'd felt sure that morning that Lily knew all about it, but how could she. She didn't know his friends very well, and he didn't tell her. She couldn't have read the letter because Remus had it. It was too soon for it to be in the paper.. At that thought his heart stopped. A dark wizard had killed them, their deaths were likely to be in Daily Prophet the next day and then the whole school would know. This thought thoroughly depressed James, he couldn't stand the thought of the whole school looking at him with pitying eyes and he brushed past his friends and went to the dormitory. He wasn't tired at all, but he decided to just go and lie on his bed for a bit.
He lay there for ages, feeling sorry for himself, unable to sleep because he'd slept all day. He stared at the red canopy of his four-poster bed for hours, listening to the snores of his roommates but in the end he decided to get up and go for a walk. He got his invisibility cloak out and tucked it under his arm, he wasn't sure if he'd need it or not. He crept down the stairs, not wanting to wake up his friends and found himself in the common room again. The light from the crackling fire was comforting, and he briefly thought about sitting there again. He moved towards the couch, but he'd only gone a few steps when he noticed that he wasn't alone. A dark figure was silhouetted against the red of the fire, and even in the dark he could make out the red of her hair. She turned to look at him, and James blushed, embarrassed for some strange reason. Her eyes sparkled in the darkness, almost as though they had a light of their own. Almost like he was obeying some silent orders, he moved towards the couch and sat next to her, staring into the leaping flames of the fire.
"You couldn't sleep either?" It wasn't a question, "You know why I couldn't sleep. Why are you here?" "I was thinking." She replied simply. "About what?" Her answer had peaked James' curiosity and he was grateful to have something else to think about. "Well, you." James was startled by this, why should Lily be losing sleep over him and his grandparents. She didn't even know them; she shouldn't even know they were dead. She barely knew him. "I was wondering how I'd feel if I lost some of my family like that, it's a horrible thought. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel." James didn't know how to react to that, so he nodded and gave Lily a weak smile. She returned it, and then sat back in her chair and closed her eyes. James sat and looked at her for a moment, thinking about just how grateful he was to her and wondering if she realised. Then it occurred to him that she probably did, she seemed to know everything else. Then he went back to bed, his cloak still tucked under his arm, forgotten.
The next morning James woke up early, he hadn't really been tired anyway, and went down to the common room before breakfast. He noticed that Lily was still there, fast asleep, her red hair made a striking contrast to the dark couch. He wanted to wake her before Sirius got there, he wouldn't do a nice job of it, but she looked so peaceful. Last night she had looked troubled, and she looked so much happier there, relaxed, a slight smile playing about her lips. He gathered all his will power together and sat next to her. He shook her a little bit and spoke softly into her ear, "Lily, Lily, wake up. You don't want anyone else to find you here, do you?" She stirred, and James stood up and shook a bit harder, taking her shoulders into his hands. Eventually her eyelids fluttered open and her green eyes were revealed, a confused look in them at the moment. She was obviously trying to figure out why a boy was waking her and then why she was in the common room and not her dorm. "Didn't think you'd want to be found down here, especially not by Sirius." "Mmm? You're probably right. Sirius wouldn't have been as gentle as you, would he?" She giggled and stretched sleepily. James laughed too, the sound seemed alien to him, but strangely good, it made him forget, just for a second about how bad he felt, but when the giggles stopped, the pain returned.
James was woken suddenly by a loud noise. He wondered for a moment where he was and why he felt so miserable and empty. The feeling didn't last long, however, the events of earlier that day soon washed over him like a cold wave of icy water. He shivered and looked around at the source of the noise. All the students had returned to the common room.
He wondered vaguely what time it was and how long he'd been asleep, until a voice answered his unasked questions. "It's after dinner and you've slept all day. Here, I brought you a sandwich, you'll be hungry." James looked up to see who the owner of the voice was, and he was surprised to see that it was Lily, though he didn't know why. She was standing there with a sympathetic look on her face and a sandwich in her hand. He took it gratefully, although he wasn't sure that the empty feeling inside him could be relieved by food. She looked at him and left, as though she knew that he really wanted to be alone now. James got a pang as he realised he still needed to reply to his parents letter. With shaking hands he reached into his bag and found a quill and a piece of parchment and started to write,
Dear Mum and Dad,
Thank you for letting me know, you were right to think I'd want to know straight away. The news has been a great shock to me and I hope all of you are well, especially Cara, I know this must be hard for her. I haven't as yet seen Dumbledore, but my friends have been great. I'll see you at Christmas for the funeral. All my love (and ruffle Cara's hair for me),' James
James read it over and decided he was satisfied. He would have liked to say something about the misery and emptiness he felt inside, but he couldn't fond the words. He was sure he family would understand and settled for a short letter that let them know he'd received theirs; he'd send it with Selene later. He sat back in the chair by the fire and ate his sandwich thoughtfully. Now the shock of his grandparents death had worn off a bit, another thought invaded his mind. Had Lily known? He'd felt sure that morning that Lily knew all about it, but how could she. She didn't know his friends very well, and he didn't tell her. She couldn't have read the letter because Remus had it. It was too soon for it to be in the paper.. At that thought his heart stopped. A dark wizard had killed them, their deaths were likely to be in Daily Prophet the next day and then the whole school would know. This thought thoroughly depressed James, he couldn't stand the thought of the whole school looking at him with pitying eyes and he brushed past his friends and went to the dormitory. He wasn't tired at all, but he decided to just go and lie on his bed for a bit.
He lay there for ages, feeling sorry for himself, unable to sleep because he'd slept all day. He stared at the red canopy of his four-poster bed for hours, listening to the snores of his roommates but in the end he decided to get up and go for a walk. He got his invisibility cloak out and tucked it under his arm, he wasn't sure if he'd need it or not. He crept down the stairs, not wanting to wake up his friends and found himself in the common room again. The light from the crackling fire was comforting, and he briefly thought about sitting there again. He moved towards the couch, but he'd only gone a few steps when he noticed that he wasn't alone. A dark figure was silhouetted against the red of the fire, and even in the dark he could make out the red of her hair. She turned to look at him, and James blushed, embarrassed for some strange reason. Her eyes sparkled in the darkness, almost as though they had a light of their own. Almost like he was obeying some silent orders, he moved towards the couch and sat next to her, staring into the leaping flames of the fire.
"You couldn't sleep either?" It wasn't a question, "You know why I couldn't sleep. Why are you here?" "I was thinking." She replied simply. "About what?" Her answer had peaked James' curiosity and he was grateful to have something else to think about. "Well, you." James was startled by this, why should Lily be losing sleep over him and his grandparents. She didn't even know them; she shouldn't even know they were dead. She barely knew him. "I was wondering how I'd feel if I lost some of my family like that, it's a horrible thought. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel." James didn't know how to react to that, so he nodded and gave Lily a weak smile. She returned it, and then sat back in her chair and closed her eyes. James sat and looked at her for a moment, thinking about just how grateful he was to her and wondering if she realised. Then it occurred to him that she probably did, she seemed to know everything else. Then he went back to bed, his cloak still tucked under his arm, forgotten.
The next morning James woke up early, he hadn't really been tired anyway, and went down to the common room before breakfast. He noticed that Lily was still there, fast asleep, her red hair made a striking contrast to the dark couch. He wanted to wake her before Sirius got there, he wouldn't do a nice job of it, but she looked so peaceful. Last night she had looked troubled, and she looked so much happier there, relaxed, a slight smile playing about her lips. He gathered all his will power together and sat next to her. He shook her a little bit and spoke softly into her ear, "Lily, Lily, wake up. You don't want anyone else to find you here, do you?" She stirred, and James stood up and shook a bit harder, taking her shoulders into his hands. Eventually her eyelids fluttered open and her green eyes were revealed, a confused look in them at the moment. She was obviously trying to figure out why a boy was waking her and then why she was in the common room and not her dorm. "Didn't think you'd want to be found down here, especially not by Sirius." "Mmm? You're probably right. Sirius wouldn't have been as gentle as you, would he?" She giggled and stretched sleepily. James laughed too, the sound seemed alien to him, but strangely good, it made him forget, just for a second about how bad he felt, but when the giggles stopped, the pain returned.