Disclaimer: I don't own Hawkeye, or Trapper, or the song – they belong to Fox, and the song belongs to Leann Rimes and all her legal people that I really don't want a visit from. 
 
My 3 A.M.'s
 
I pulled away from Hawkeye, who murmured slightly, reaching out in his sleep, for the warmth removed from his grasp. Tucking the blanket back around him, I massaged his hair gently, before turning and stuffing more wood in the stove. Winter in Korea is one of the cruelest things I've ever experienced, and tonight was breaking records like the three foot icicles that broke off the buildings. 
 
I returned to the warmth of body heat and Hawkeye, resting my cheek on his silky hair. I waited for sleep, but I guess the Sandman knocked me off his list, because I found myself thinking, as opposed to dreaming. 
 
My thoughts wandered until they found a comfortable subject – Hawkeye. It made sense, since most roommates don't spend winter nights cocooned up with each other – unless they're co – ed roommates. But Hawk and I, we're different…
 
I found myself thinking about Hawkeye – and not just fantasies, which I make realities as often as possible – but just being close to him, being able to hold him, and how nuts I'd go if I couldn't.
 
I don't need a lot of things,
I can get by with nothing
 
I'm a simple man, I think. I don't ask a lot – food, shelter, the basics. But when it came to love…well, there, I'm a bit more picky. 
 
Now, don't get me wrong. I love my wife and kids, they're the centre of my world. But this isn't the same world – this is Korea, and in Korea, things are different. Unorthodox. In Korea, you have to get along with what you're given. Thank God I was given someone like Hawkeye. 
 
Of all the blessings life can bring,
I've always needed something
But I've got all I want
When it comes to loving you
 
Hawkeye is like my anchor, an anchor that keeps me grounded, keeps me from being swept away by this massive sea of terror and cruelty and blood and pain and so many other things. He keeps me sane, by helping me to be insane, and I think if I didn't have him, I'd go absolutely bonkers.
 
You're my only reason,
You're my only truth
 
I literally live, eat, sleep, breathe Hawkeye Pierce – and I love every part of him. His cynical thoughts, his lame jokes, his mood swings, his melancholy utterances about war, and everything in between. Our relationship goes so far beyond the normal point for "friends"…we're more like soulmates. I belong to him, and he belongs to me. 
 
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
 
Hawkeye is one of those people who allow you to open up, and really be yourself, right down to the core. He's accepting and compassionate, and he just…understands. 
 
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
 
And sometimes, especially at these sleepless 3 A.M.'s, I find myself thinking about what life in Korea would be like if I didn't have Hawkeye. And often, I find myself pale and shaking, even from just imagining. Very few people can have an impact like that, but that's Hawkeye.
 
You're the hope that moves me
To courage again
You're the love that rescues me
When the cold winds rage
 
And what's really funny is that he doesn't even know how much he affects the people here. We would really just fall apart if we didn't have our Hawkeye – even Frank and Hot Lips. He's the core of this place, and he has no clue. And again, that's Hawkeye.
 
And it's so amazing
'Cause that's just how you are
And I can't turn back now
'Cause you've brought me too far
 
And then morning rolls around, and we have to wake up, get back to reality, and back to separate bunks, before Frank comes back. But those 3 A.M.'s haunt me, linger through the rest of the day, and I find myself bringing those thoughts up, over and over.
 
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
 
And maybe one day, I'll get around to telling Hawkeye all of this, tell him just what he means to the people around here. But till then, these thoughts stay stuck with me, in my sleepless 3 A.M.'s
 
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
 
***The End***
 
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