Remembrance
Author: Liz Camp
Warnings: Careful wit' th' minarz... thar be yaoi in them thar hills!
Disclaimer: Checked my stock portfolio the other day, no shares of Squaresoft. Also, realized I should really have a stock portfolio before trying to check it. The broker looked at me funny. *whistles to herself* So...me no own.
Author's Notes:
Arrgh... this was hard. Really, really hard... and other random author bitching. I'll just let you read to see why.
----Previous Chapter:
When my lungs are screaming for air, I release my hold on his lips and back away far enough to try and read Seifer's reaction.
It's not what I expect.
Chapter 8---
Seifer has a dazed expression on his face for a few seconds, his lips are parted invitingly, and he's panting slightly. Sadly, he snaps back to reality all too quickly. His mouth snaps shut, his eyes widen, he reaches for my shoulders and...
Pushes me away?
Why? I'm about to ask, when he jumps to his feet and starts talking in a rush of words.
"We can't...I mean, I shouldn't...you shouldn't...no no no...it's just...I'llberightback." Damn...Seifer. He wanted me to kiss him, he responded, and now he's fleeing the goddamn room. Exactly when did Seifer become such a coward? I stand up and follow him, he's not getting away from me without answering a few questions.
Seifer starts walking faster, I walk faster...he clears the hall and practically runs upstairs, I follow his frantic pace. I won't let him run, I'm sick of seeing him run.
We end up back in Seifer's bedroom. It's funny, in a sick sort of way, how everything leads to this room. Thoughts aside, Seifer is out of places to run, unless he jumps into the bathroom and locks the door. Somehow, I don't see him being that big of a coward, recent yellow streak aside. Hiding in a bathroom is just...unmanly.
So now I'm standing here, Seifer's pacing, and the wall clock is ticking. I can hear it faintly, a soft clank counts each second. Guess I should speak, or we could both continue being amused by the clocks scintillating conversational skills.
"What just happened on the couch?" I can actually see his pacing speed up.
"Nothing. Nothing happened, nothing will happen, nothing is going to happen. Nothing." He makes sharp gestures with his arms to articulate his words.
Did I read him wrong? Could seven years be enough time to change a man completely?
"What do you mean?"
"It's just...okay." Seifer throws his hands up in the air in defeat, "I admit something happened, but it's not going to happen again. So we should just forget that anything happened *right now*."
"Why?" I fold my arms, and Seifer stops pacing, finally. His bedroom is not a big room, and it was getting annoying.
"Why what?" I give him a 'you know what' look, "Fine, fine. It's just...it couldn't work, and don't interrupt me," Seifer glares at me when I move to speak, "we're different, you know that. It's been seven years Squall, seven long fucking years... what do we have to talk about? School stories? How we horribly disfigured each other for life? My attempts to kill you while brainwashed by an evil being from the future? And Hyne knows what Garden would think."
He's jumping from thought to thought, rambling...
"...and the newspapers...and dear Hyne, what about Rinoa?! Weren't you two an item or something... I think I remember that vaguely, seeing you together, but it's fuzzy. It's just...it would never work." Seifer frowns deeply, "I've got my life, you've got yours...and they're completely different."
"It's just...too late."
He lowers his voice to a whisper, but I lip-read the words. Too late? I know he doesn't believe that, but it's a good opening for a different question. Something that's been nagging me for years, now.
"What happened to you Seifer? Why didn't you come back, after everything settled down. I know you're not stupid enough to think we'd hunt you down."
I would have thought he'd be relieved at the change of topic, but if anything, he looks even more agitated. And he's pacing again...I'm going to break him of that habit, that is, if I get the chance.
"How was I supposed to know that, huh? You tell me, cause apparently.. I'm too stupid to know the answer to that question...wait... did you ask a question? I'm sorry... I didn't realize it, I'm too fucking dumb." Defensive...and evasive.
He arches an eyebrow at me and bares his teeth in a humorless grin... a clear challenge. Damn... I really didn't want to get into one of these petty little fights so soon. Wait...actually, that might be a good thing. When Seifer's truly angry...his shields are down, and he forgets himself in the moment. It's worth a try, if I can actually piss him off. I hope he hasn't changed too much.
"Cut the shit, Seifer, and give me a real answer. We waited for you to come back, for a long time...you never showed." Seifer chuckled darkly.
"Yeah, like anyone would wait around for my loser ass. I figure, hey...better for everyone. No more pissing off Quistis, Chickie-babe would breathe easier...you wouldn't gain any new scars. And I'd get the added benefit of *not* being hated by everyone surrounding me... good deal all around."
Seifer's trademark smirk graces his lips, as he folds his arms in front of him. His smirk was a little too sharp. Seifer isn't good with masks, especially around me. He knows I'm not buying it, whether its something in my eyes, or just...I don't know.
So...he turns away from me... I know he's going to leave... I just know it. Seifer... you fucking coward! I grab both of his arms tightly, right above the wrists, and see something I didn't want to see...
Scars?
Nani?
My fingers tighten their hold as I pull him closer, inspecting.
"What are these? I *hope* they're not what I think they are." Seifer's eyes are on his wrists, and he tries to twist away from my grip, but it's a half-hearted effort at best.
"Ah...you weren't supposed to see those." Seifer caught my eyes with his for a second, then went back to staring at his wrists.
"When the fuck did this happen!" Seifer laughed at my tone. The prick.
"Whaaat...you don't find them attractive Leonhart? Here I thought they added a sort of...tortured artist feel to my look. But if the great High Commander disapproves...well." Seifer clucked his tongue, mockingly. Goddamn him...always thinking the worst of me. I hate that... I've always hated that. I'm going to keep hating it till I just fucking give up and die.
"You *know* that's not what I'm thinking about. Dammit, Almasy! I want to know *exactly* what went through you're self-absorbed, arrogant head when you decided to do this!" I hold his arms up for emphasis, and he flinches...just barely.
"None of you're fucking business...I'm warning you Leonhart. Back off." Oh, no...you're not getting rid of me that easily...I use that threat way too much to not recognize the lie.
"Not a chance Almasy. You're *going* to tell me what happened to you, so help me Hyne. You're not leaving this room until you do." Yeah...there we go. The beginnings of panic, his eyes are shifting around the room...he's fidgeting. Any minute now...
"Dammit Squall! Why do you want to know? You don't care!" Seifer rips his arms from my grasp, his hands balling into fists in front of him. He's going to have finger shaped bruises, I regret that. Just a little more though...
"Bullshit, and you know it." Bingo. Seifer takes a swing at me, and I duck, dodging behind him. He spins around quickly, facing me. He looks positively feral, angry, panicked and wild. I can't help thinking how attractive it makes him.
"If it's such bullshit *Commander*, why'd you wait SEVEN FUCKING YEARS before coming after me huh? I wasn't *that* hard to find." This time I block when he tries for my face. My eyes catch his...oh yes, he's panicking. I thank Hyne he's never been able to read me as well as I could him. Still doesn't change the fact that the man currently trying to bash my skull in knows me better than any other human on the planet.
"I didn't know you wanted me to." Honesty seems to piss him off further. Seifer gives a desperate cry, throwing his weight behind his next punch. I catch his wrist, using his force to throw him to the floor, my arms wrapped around his, restraining him. He goes limp.
"Dammit...you were supposed to find me Squall...you were supposed to be there." The words after that are garbled, muffled in my jacket. He's crying again...sobbing really. I should feel like a jackass, I really should, but he needs this. Seifer's emotional...you just have to chisel away to get to the right emotions. It's not easy...
I let go of my deathgrip over his arms to stroke his hair, trying to soothe. He takes advantage of his freedom to wrap his arms around my waist. Well...this is uncomfortable. I'm now sitting on a hardwood floor with half of Seifer sprawled across my lap, still crying. My ass is numb.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not a cold hearted bastard, really. Seifer needs this, I'll provide it. Because I *want* to. I...care about Seifer. Still doesn't change the degree of numbness in my ass one bit.
Oh, thank Hyne...his grip is loosening. I take the opportunity to stand up, dragging Seifer's incoherent self with me, supporting his weight by wrapping my arms around his chest, under the arms. I pull him over to the bed, practically throwing him onto it and following after. As soon as I sit back down, his arms latch onto me again. At least this is more comfortable.
Eventually, he calms down enough to speak.
A/N Christ... I'm making Seifer into a little bitch *laughs* He wont be that way for long... it's just been kind of a rough day, what with most of his mentality towards Squall, and his place in the universe (Seifer's, not Squall's) being proven wrong. He'll be..err...'normal' eventually. But then, I see Seifer as very emotional, his anger kind of proves it in a sense. You have to care to be angry.
On a more authory note... I was pretty proud of the way this came out. This is the first argument I've written where I've actually felt the characters emotions. That's enough self-congratulatory BS. Next chapter on it way. Soon. Probably.
Author: Liz Camp
Warnings: Careful wit' th' minarz... thar be yaoi in them thar hills!
Disclaimer: Checked my stock portfolio the other day, no shares of Squaresoft. Also, realized I should really have a stock portfolio before trying to check it. The broker looked at me funny. *whistles to herself* So...me no own.
Author's Notes:
Arrgh... this was hard. Really, really hard... and other random author bitching. I'll just let you read to see why.
----Previous Chapter:
When my lungs are screaming for air, I release my hold on his lips and back away far enough to try and read Seifer's reaction.
It's not what I expect.
Chapter 8---
Seifer has a dazed expression on his face for a few seconds, his lips are parted invitingly, and he's panting slightly. Sadly, he snaps back to reality all too quickly. His mouth snaps shut, his eyes widen, he reaches for my shoulders and...
Pushes me away?
Why? I'm about to ask, when he jumps to his feet and starts talking in a rush of words.
"We can't...I mean, I shouldn't...you shouldn't...no no no...it's just...I'llberightback." Damn...Seifer. He wanted me to kiss him, he responded, and now he's fleeing the goddamn room. Exactly when did Seifer become such a coward? I stand up and follow him, he's not getting away from me without answering a few questions.
Seifer starts walking faster, I walk faster...he clears the hall and practically runs upstairs, I follow his frantic pace. I won't let him run, I'm sick of seeing him run.
We end up back in Seifer's bedroom. It's funny, in a sick sort of way, how everything leads to this room. Thoughts aside, Seifer is out of places to run, unless he jumps into the bathroom and locks the door. Somehow, I don't see him being that big of a coward, recent yellow streak aside. Hiding in a bathroom is just...unmanly.
So now I'm standing here, Seifer's pacing, and the wall clock is ticking. I can hear it faintly, a soft clank counts each second. Guess I should speak, or we could both continue being amused by the clocks scintillating conversational skills.
"What just happened on the couch?" I can actually see his pacing speed up.
"Nothing. Nothing happened, nothing will happen, nothing is going to happen. Nothing." He makes sharp gestures with his arms to articulate his words.
Did I read him wrong? Could seven years be enough time to change a man completely?
"What do you mean?"
"It's just...okay." Seifer throws his hands up in the air in defeat, "I admit something happened, but it's not going to happen again. So we should just forget that anything happened *right now*."
"Why?" I fold my arms, and Seifer stops pacing, finally. His bedroom is not a big room, and it was getting annoying.
"Why what?" I give him a 'you know what' look, "Fine, fine. It's just...it couldn't work, and don't interrupt me," Seifer glares at me when I move to speak, "we're different, you know that. It's been seven years Squall, seven long fucking years... what do we have to talk about? School stories? How we horribly disfigured each other for life? My attempts to kill you while brainwashed by an evil being from the future? And Hyne knows what Garden would think."
He's jumping from thought to thought, rambling...
"...and the newspapers...and dear Hyne, what about Rinoa?! Weren't you two an item or something... I think I remember that vaguely, seeing you together, but it's fuzzy. It's just...it would never work." Seifer frowns deeply, "I've got my life, you've got yours...and they're completely different."
"It's just...too late."
He lowers his voice to a whisper, but I lip-read the words. Too late? I know he doesn't believe that, but it's a good opening for a different question. Something that's been nagging me for years, now.
"What happened to you Seifer? Why didn't you come back, after everything settled down. I know you're not stupid enough to think we'd hunt you down."
I would have thought he'd be relieved at the change of topic, but if anything, he looks even more agitated. And he's pacing again...I'm going to break him of that habit, that is, if I get the chance.
"How was I supposed to know that, huh? You tell me, cause apparently.. I'm too stupid to know the answer to that question...wait... did you ask a question? I'm sorry... I didn't realize it, I'm too fucking dumb." Defensive...and evasive.
He arches an eyebrow at me and bares his teeth in a humorless grin... a clear challenge. Damn... I really didn't want to get into one of these petty little fights so soon. Wait...actually, that might be a good thing. When Seifer's truly angry...his shields are down, and he forgets himself in the moment. It's worth a try, if I can actually piss him off. I hope he hasn't changed too much.
"Cut the shit, Seifer, and give me a real answer. We waited for you to come back, for a long time...you never showed." Seifer chuckled darkly.
"Yeah, like anyone would wait around for my loser ass. I figure, hey...better for everyone. No more pissing off Quistis, Chickie-babe would breathe easier...you wouldn't gain any new scars. And I'd get the added benefit of *not* being hated by everyone surrounding me... good deal all around."
Seifer's trademark smirk graces his lips, as he folds his arms in front of him. His smirk was a little too sharp. Seifer isn't good with masks, especially around me. He knows I'm not buying it, whether its something in my eyes, or just...I don't know.
So...he turns away from me... I know he's going to leave... I just know it. Seifer... you fucking coward! I grab both of his arms tightly, right above the wrists, and see something I didn't want to see...
Scars?
Nani?
My fingers tighten their hold as I pull him closer, inspecting.
"What are these? I *hope* they're not what I think they are." Seifer's eyes are on his wrists, and he tries to twist away from my grip, but it's a half-hearted effort at best.
"Ah...you weren't supposed to see those." Seifer caught my eyes with his for a second, then went back to staring at his wrists.
"When the fuck did this happen!" Seifer laughed at my tone. The prick.
"Whaaat...you don't find them attractive Leonhart? Here I thought they added a sort of...tortured artist feel to my look. But if the great High Commander disapproves...well." Seifer clucked his tongue, mockingly. Goddamn him...always thinking the worst of me. I hate that... I've always hated that. I'm going to keep hating it till I just fucking give up and die.
"You *know* that's not what I'm thinking about. Dammit, Almasy! I want to know *exactly* what went through you're self-absorbed, arrogant head when you decided to do this!" I hold his arms up for emphasis, and he flinches...just barely.
"None of you're fucking business...I'm warning you Leonhart. Back off." Oh, no...you're not getting rid of me that easily...I use that threat way too much to not recognize the lie.
"Not a chance Almasy. You're *going* to tell me what happened to you, so help me Hyne. You're not leaving this room until you do." Yeah...there we go. The beginnings of panic, his eyes are shifting around the room...he's fidgeting. Any minute now...
"Dammit Squall! Why do you want to know? You don't care!" Seifer rips his arms from my grasp, his hands balling into fists in front of him. He's going to have finger shaped bruises, I regret that. Just a little more though...
"Bullshit, and you know it." Bingo. Seifer takes a swing at me, and I duck, dodging behind him. He spins around quickly, facing me. He looks positively feral, angry, panicked and wild. I can't help thinking how attractive it makes him.
"If it's such bullshit *Commander*, why'd you wait SEVEN FUCKING YEARS before coming after me huh? I wasn't *that* hard to find." This time I block when he tries for my face. My eyes catch his...oh yes, he's panicking. I thank Hyne he's never been able to read me as well as I could him. Still doesn't change the fact that the man currently trying to bash my skull in knows me better than any other human on the planet.
"I didn't know you wanted me to." Honesty seems to piss him off further. Seifer gives a desperate cry, throwing his weight behind his next punch. I catch his wrist, using his force to throw him to the floor, my arms wrapped around his, restraining him. He goes limp.
"Dammit...you were supposed to find me Squall...you were supposed to be there." The words after that are garbled, muffled in my jacket. He's crying again...sobbing really. I should feel like a jackass, I really should, but he needs this. Seifer's emotional...you just have to chisel away to get to the right emotions. It's not easy...
I let go of my deathgrip over his arms to stroke his hair, trying to soothe. He takes advantage of his freedom to wrap his arms around my waist. Well...this is uncomfortable. I'm now sitting on a hardwood floor with half of Seifer sprawled across my lap, still crying. My ass is numb.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not a cold hearted bastard, really. Seifer needs this, I'll provide it. Because I *want* to. I...care about Seifer. Still doesn't change the degree of numbness in my ass one bit.
Oh, thank Hyne...his grip is loosening. I take the opportunity to stand up, dragging Seifer's incoherent self with me, supporting his weight by wrapping my arms around his chest, under the arms. I pull him over to the bed, practically throwing him onto it and following after. As soon as I sit back down, his arms latch onto me again. At least this is more comfortable.
Eventually, he calms down enough to speak.
A/N Christ... I'm making Seifer into a little bitch *laughs* He wont be that way for long... it's just been kind of a rough day, what with most of his mentality towards Squall, and his place in the universe (Seifer's, not Squall's) being proven wrong. He'll be..err...'normal' eventually. But then, I see Seifer as very emotional, his anger kind of proves it in a sense. You have to care to be angry.
On a more authory note... I was pretty proud of the way this came out. This is the first argument I've written where I've actually felt the characters emotions. That's enough self-congratulatory BS. Next chapter on it way. Soon. Probably.