So far: Phoebe thwacked Edmund and Bianca; the author received some very nice reviews; and, proving that it is indeed possible to exist without a sense of humor, one offended Bianca fan spammed the author with 36 copies of the same comment while another flamed her via both e-mail and signed review.
Repeat thwackings are possible. So, Phoebe can pay a follow-up visit to someone who's already met with her wrath, if warranted.
A few responses to feedback received so far:
One person wanted Anna thwackage, while two are against it. Therefore, I'll hold off on the matter for the time being and may not get to her at all.
Regarding flames: A couple years ago, during the height of the anti-Doggett backlash on the part of some rabid "X-Files" fans, I wrote a Scully/Doggett romance story. So, now you know I've been flamed before and survived. ;)
For Czar Fruitcake and a sane person who only posts her opinions once: Greenlee thwackage and hair mussing coming up, as requested. Actually, this chapter contains a double THWACK! Greenlee and Kendall fans, here's your warning. :)
Who next? Phoebe considered as she left the Valley Inn. Well, she thought, she could probably find at least one deserving victim from among the sorry lot working at Fusion Cosmetics. So she asked her chauffeur to take her there.
Fifteen minutes later, Phoebe arrived at the Fusion building and rolled up to the front door. She rapped on it several times and soon Kendall Hart popped up. Phoebe smiled inwardly; she'd just taken care of Bianca, and she was about to get the girl's half-sister as well.
"Phoebe." Kendall looked confused. "Hello."
"Hello, Kendall." Phoebe edged closer to the door. "I'd like to come inside and talk to you."
"Um, sure." Though, she looked puzzled, Kendall moved back and Phoebe drove inside, down a short hallway and into a large room with boxes and papers scattered about. Sizing up the location, she noticed that the room held one other occupant: Greenlee Smythe du Pres. It looked like a two-for-the-price-of-one deal.
Phoebe turned back to Kendall. "I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here. I heard about this company you and your friends are starting up, and I am very interested in learning more."
Kendall's face lit up. "Really! Just one minute and I'll be right with you." She darted across the room and began to whisper to Greenlee, obviously assuming Phoebe couldn't hear as she muttered, "If we handle things right, Phoebe might invest in the company. And the more money we have, the better."
"You can bet she'll be less hands-on than Liza is," Greenlee agreed in a low voice that still carried to Phoebe's ears. "She'll probably just give us the money and then leave us alone to make the decisions. This could be our lucky day."
Wearing identical plastic smiles, the women walked back over to Phoebe. "We'd just love to discuss the company," Greenlee said in a falsely sweet tone.
Phoebe eyed the round table in the center of the room. "Certainly. We can go right over there and talk about it." She wheeled herself into optimum position and directed her companions. "Greenlee, you sit there, on my left. And you, Kendall, on my right. A little closer... perfect."
"Well," Greenlee began once everyone was settled, "as I'm sure you know, our company will--"
Phoebe reached over and smacked Greenlee upside the head. THWACK! Kendall burst into spasms of laughter, until THWACK!, Phoebe smacked her, too.
"Phoebe!" Greenlee screeched, blowing her mussed-up hair out of her face. "I can understand why you hit *her*, but why *me*?"
"I was just about to say the same thing," Kendall whined, smoothing her ruffled curls.
Phoebe pointed at Greenlee. "You, my dear, are a rude spoiled brat who thinks it's humorous to call Bianca 'LesBianca.' Not to mention believing you're above the law. Need I enumerate your crimes? In a normal world, you would be in jail right now. And *you*," Phoebe addressed Kendall, whose smirk quickly faded, "are a hypocritical bitch who constantly complains about how your mother ruined your life, yet you make ridiculously transparent attempts to be like her. Not to mention the fact that you are stupid."
"Stupid!" Kendall exclaimed. "I've dragged myself up from nothingness, from being an unwanted baby to being on the verge of running a cosmetics empire that is destined to grind my mother's into dust despite the fact that I usually fail at even the simplest plans and I chose to work with my worst enemy. What have I done that's so dumb?"
Phoebe paused just long enough that Kendall began to look uneasy. Then she delivered the coup de grace. "Aside from losing Ryan because your obsession with Erica led you to make out with Aidan on your wedding day and get caught by your fiance? I'd say your very bizarre flirtation with 17-year-old J.R. Chandler qualifies as fairly dumb."
"Ha! I always knew Kendall was a skanky ho!" Greenlee jeered.
"I am not!" Kendall screeched back. "I'm just lonely, since my soulmate dumped me for no good reason."
"Well, *my* soulmate went over a waterfall for me, and--"
Leaving the two young women at each other's throats, Phoebe quietly exited the room.