'Robes?'
'Check!'
'Water?'
'Check!'
'Healing potions?'
'Check!'
'Brooms?'
'Check!'
'Chocolate?'
'Check!'
'Razor?'
'What?' Sirius stopped rummaging through the bundles of neccessities for the journey, and raised an eyebrow. Bill, who was calling items out from the checklist, grinned sheepishly.
'I like the clean-shaven look', he protested, as Sirius began to tease him, 'I wanna look good, in case we bump into any girls.'
'Yeah', Sirius replied sarcastically, 'I hear loads of pretty girls hang out in the wastelands surrounding Azkaban. It's the cool place to be.'
'Shut up!' Bill moaned, 'just pack a razor, will you? There's one on the windowsill in the bathroom.'
'Get it yourself, you lazy git', Sirius retorted, collapsing onto the sofa in the living room, and glaring across at the Black family tree.
Bill sighed exaggeratedly and strode off to find the razor. Remus entered the room a few moments later.
'Ready?' He asked, 'I've lit a fire.'
'Okay', Sirius sighed, getting up slowly, 'but I know he won't want to talk to me.'
'He's probably gotten over that by now', Remus reassured him, as they descended to the kitchen, and walked to the fireplace, 'Harry's not one to sulk, unless he's in a very bad mood. HOGWARTS!'
They exited the fireplace in Professor Dumbledore's office. The headmaster smiled benignly at them, before leading them down several flights of stairs to Professor McGonagall's classroom.
'Excuse me', he said politely, sticking his head around the door, 'but might I borrow Harry Potter for a moment please?'
After a few seconds, Harry appeared at the door, followed by Ron and Hermione, who shot Sirius pleading looks.
'Let those two off class as well, won't you Professor?' Sirius asked brightly. Professor McGonagall rolled her eyes, sighed impatiently then said 'oh very well! Don't keep them long!'
Harry was not surprised to see Sirius, for his godfather had sent him a note telling him to expect a visit. Sirius was anxious to see whether Harry would be any more friendly this time, but was sorely disappointed. Harry refused to look at him as they all walked back to Dumbledore's office, where the kindly headmaster left them, after providing them with tea, sandwiches and cream cakes.
'What's up Sirius?' Ron asked eagerly, stuffing a cake into his mouth at once, 'how come you had to pull Harry out of class?'
'Er...' Sirius continued to gaze at Harry, willing his godson to speak to him, but to no avail. Remus nudged him encouragingly, so Sirius went straight in at the deep end:
'Remus and I have been given a mission', Sirius announced, 'along with five others. We have to go to Azkaban and destroy the source of the Dementors' powers.We might not return.'
The effect was instantaneous. Ron's jaw dropped, revealing the remains of the half-chewed cream cake. Hermione's hands flew to her mouth and she gasped. Harry froze, before slowly looking up, and meeting Sirius' eyes.
'No', he croaked, 'you can't. It'll kill you.'
Hermione burst into tears and Ron almost choked in his hurry to swallow.
'I have to', Sirius replied quietly, 'it's my mission. I can't back out.'
'I'm sorry Sirius', Harry burst out, 'I'm sorry, okay? Will that make you stay?'
'Don't say you're sorry unless you mean it', Sirius answered bitterly, 'and no, even if you weren't lying, it wouldn't stop me. This has nothing to do with you being a sulky git.'
'I'm not a sulky git!' Harry protested angrily, 'but you keep treating me like a kid! I've been through more than you've ever gone through.'
Something snapped inside Sirius at this remark. The anger and fear that had been bubbling away inside him for so long now reached boiling point, and he couldn't control it anymore. He didn't even want to.
'How dare you', he hissed at Harry, 'how dare you presume you understand one tenth of the suffering I've endured! When you've looked into the eyes of one of your best friends, Harry, and realised that all along he's been betraying you, then maybe you can claim to understand something! Or when you realise you've just sold out your friends, and cost them their lives. Or when you're lying in a filthy six foot by six cell, with a creature sucking all the joy out of you twenty four hours a day. Or when you realise that your own godson, the son of your best friend, thinks you're a murderer and threatens to kill you. Or when the whole world hates you for a crime you never committed. Or when you've just lost all your powers and realise that the person you made the sacrifice for isn't even grateful. Then, Harry, you can begin to say you been through as much as me.'
All through this relentless tirade, Ron was shaking and Hermione sobbed into the sleeve of her robes. Remus sat, helplessly listening to his friend's angry words. And Harry looked at Sirius and understood, for the first time, what Sirius had gone through. But his last words stung Harry into retorting ruthlessly.
'Not grateful enough, amn't I?' Harry spat, 'well maybe if somebody'd actually had the decency to tell me what had happened to you, I might have taken it better, but no! I had to hear it from Peter Pettigrew. I got my information from Voldemort, in the middle of a nightmare. I never thought it could be true. I thought they were trying to trick me again. Imagine how guilty I felt when you told me it was true!'
'Yeah well I'm sorry Harry', Sirius responded angrily, 'but I was trying to protect you. I knew you'd freak out about it, so I thought it was better to keep it to myself. And don't give me any more of this "I'm not a kid anymore" rubbish. You're fifteen, and I have legal responsibility for you. No matter how prepared and level-headed you claim to be, you're just not old enough!'
'Stop it! Stop acting like you're my dad! I bet my real parents wouldn't say that stuff to me!' Harry yelled.
His words stung Sirius, and he knew it. 'I-I'm sorry', he muttered, 'I'm sorry.'
'Well', Sirius replied, in a dead tone of voice, 'you won't have to worry about me trying to act like a parent to you anymore. After today, you probably won't see me alive again. Not that you'll care. From what you've been saying lately, I've been nothing but a nuisance and an inconvenience since we first met.'
He stood, and walked over to the fireplace. Remus placed a hand on his arm. 'You don't want to leave it like this.' He warned.
'Don't I?' Sirius asked miserably, opening the portal to Grimmauld Place. Without looking back, he stepped into the flames.
'NO!'
The world had just been beginning to spin when someone got a tight grip on Sirius forearm, and began to drag him back out of the fire. It felt like his head was going to explode. Stars danced before his eyes, as he collapsed in a heap on the floor beside Harry, back in Dumbledore's office again.
'Sirius', Harry gasped. And Sirius realised that there were tears rolling down his godson's cheeks.
'Sirius', Harry said again. There was no need for words. Sirius hugged Harry tightly and fiercely to him, dreading the moment when he would have to let go.
'I'm sorry', Harry mumbled into Sirius' shoulder, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I really am. Please, don't go.'
Sirius' heart was breaking all over again, just like it had shattered sixteen years ago, when Harry's parents died. 'I have to', he whispered, 'I have to do this. I won't feel right if I don't. You understand that, don't you?'
'I know, but...'
'No buts', Sirius interrupted gently.
'Please...' Harry begged, 'at least promise me you'll come back.'
'I can't', Sirius was determined not to give Harry any false hopes, 'but I promise you I'll do everything in my power to get back here alive and kicking.'
'We should go', Remus interrupted uneasily, aware of Ron and Hermione's discomfort.
'Okay', Sirius said, 'so...have a good Summer Harry. And don't let the Dursleys mess you around. With any luck, I'll be home by September.'
'Okay', Harry whispered, still looking extremely upset.
'Bill will be coming to see you, Ron', Remus informed him, 'he'll be coming with us too. He wanted us to tell you, so you have a few days to get used to the idea.'
All the colour drained from Ron's face, and he sat down again suddenly.
'Bye, you three', Remus said, swallowing hard.
'See you soon', Sirius said, in a falsely cheerful voice. The last thing he saw before Dumbledore's office spiralled out of view, was Hermione comforting a stunned Ron, and Harry mouthing Sirius' name, a look of utter despair on his pale, thin face.
NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST CHAPTER!!!!!!!!
'Check!'
'Water?'
'Check!'
'Healing potions?'
'Check!'
'Brooms?'
'Check!'
'Chocolate?'
'Check!'
'Razor?'
'What?' Sirius stopped rummaging through the bundles of neccessities for the journey, and raised an eyebrow. Bill, who was calling items out from the checklist, grinned sheepishly.
'I like the clean-shaven look', he protested, as Sirius began to tease him, 'I wanna look good, in case we bump into any girls.'
'Yeah', Sirius replied sarcastically, 'I hear loads of pretty girls hang out in the wastelands surrounding Azkaban. It's the cool place to be.'
'Shut up!' Bill moaned, 'just pack a razor, will you? There's one on the windowsill in the bathroom.'
'Get it yourself, you lazy git', Sirius retorted, collapsing onto the sofa in the living room, and glaring across at the Black family tree.
Bill sighed exaggeratedly and strode off to find the razor. Remus entered the room a few moments later.
'Ready?' He asked, 'I've lit a fire.'
'Okay', Sirius sighed, getting up slowly, 'but I know he won't want to talk to me.'
'He's probably gotten over that by now', Remus reassured him, as they descended to the kitchen, and walked to the fireplace, 'Harry's not one to sulk, unless he's in a very bad mood. HOGWARTS!'
They exited the fireplace in Professor Dumbledore's office. The headmaster smiled benignly at them, before leading them down several flights of stairs to Professor McGonagall's classroom.
'Excuse me', he said politely, sticking his head around the door, 'but might I borrow Harry Potter for a moment please?'
After a few seconds, Harry appeared at the door, followed by Ron and Hermione, who shot Sirius pleading looks.
'Let those two off class as well, won't you Professor?' Sirius asked brightly. Professor McGonagall rolled her eyes, sighed impatiently then said 'oh very well! Don't keep them long!'
Harry was not surprised to see Sirius, for his godfather had sent him a note telling him to expect a visit. Sirius was anxious to see whether Harry would be any more friendly this time, but was sorely disappointed. Harry refused to look at him as they all walked back to Dumbledore's office, where the kindly headmaster left them, after providing them with tea, sandwiches and cream cakes.
'What's up Sirius?' Ron asked eagerly, stuffing a cake into his mouth at once, 'how come you had to pull Harry out of class?'
'Er...' Sirius continued to gaze at Harry, willing his godson to speak to him, but to no avail. Remus nudged him encouragingly, so Sirius went straight in at the deep end:
'Remus and I have been given a mission', Sirius announced, 'along with five others. We have to go to Azkaban and destroy the source of the Dementors' powers.We might not return.'
The effect was instantaneous. Ron's jaw dropped, revealing the remains of the half-chewed cream cake. Hermione's hands flew to her mouth and she gasped. Harry froze, before slowly looking up, and meeting Sirius' eyes.
'No', he croaked, 'you can't. It'll kill you.'
Hermione burst into tears and Ron almost choked in his hurry to swallow.
'I have to', Sirius replied quietly, 'it's my mission. I can't back out.'
'I'm sorry Sirius', Harry burst out, 'I'm sorry, okay? Will that make you stay?'
'Don't say you're sorry unless you mean it', Sirius answered bitterly, 'and no, even if you weren't lying, it wouldn't stop me. This has nothing to do with you being a sulky git.'
'I'm not a sulky git!' Harry protested angrily, 'but you keep treating me like a kid! I've been through more than you've ever gone through.'
Something snapped inside Sirius at this remark. The anger and fear that had been bubbling away inside him for so long now reached boiling point, and he couldn't control it anymore. He didn't even want to.
'How dare you', he hissed at Harry, 'how dare you presume you understand one tenth of the suffering I've endured! When you've looked into the eyes of one of your best friends, Harry, and realised that all along he's been betraying you, then maybe you can claim to understand something! Or when you realise you've just sold out your friends, and cost them their lives. Or when you're lying in a filthy six foot by six cell, with a creature sucking all the joy out of you twenty four hours a day. Or when you realise that your own godson, the son of your best friend, thinks you're a murderer and threatens to kill you. Or when the whole world hates you for a crime you never committed. Or when you've just lost all your powers and realise that the person you made the sacrifice for isn't even grateful. Then, Harry, you can begin to say you been through as much as me.'
All through this relentless tirade, Ron was shaking and Hermione sobbed into the sleeve of her robes. Remus sat, helplessly listening to his friend's angry words. And Harry looked at Sirius and understood, for the first time, what Sirius had gone through. But his last words stung Harry into retorting ruthlessly.
'Not grateful enough, amn't I?' Harry spat, 'well maybe if somebody'd actually had the decency to tell me what had happened to you, I might have taken it better, but no! I had to hear it from Peter Pettigrew. I got my information from Voldemort, in the middle of a nightmare. I never thought it could be true. I thought they were trying to trick me again. Imagine how guilty I felt when you told me it was true!'
'Yeah well I'm sorry Harry', Sirius responded angrily, 'but I was trying to protect you. I knew you'd freak out about it, so I thought it was better to keep it to myself. And don't give me any more of this "I'm not a kid anymore" rubbish. You're fifteen, and I have legal responsibility for you. No matter how prepared and level-headed you claim to be, you're just not old enough!'
'Stop it! Stop acting like you're my dad! I bet my real parents wouldn't say that stuff to me!' Harry yelled.
His words stung Sirius, and he knew it. 'I-I'm sorry', he muttered, 'I'm sorry.'
'Well', Sirius replied, in a dead tone of voice, 'you won't have to worry about me trying to act like a parent to you anymore. After today, you probably won't see me alive again. Not that you'll care. From what you've been saying lately, I've been nothing but a nuisance and an inconvenience since we first met.'
He stood, and walked over to the fireplace. Remus placed a hand on his arm. 'You don't want to leave it like this.' He warned.
'Don't I?' Sirius asked miserably, opening the portal to Grimmauld Place. Without looking back, he stepped into the flames.
'NO!'
The world had just been beginning to spin when someone got a tight grip on Sirius forearm, and began to drag him back out of the fire. It felt like his head was going to explode. Stars danced before his eyes, as he collapsed in a heap on the floor beside Harry, back in Dumbledore's office again.
'Sirius', Harry gasped. And Sirius realised that there were tears rolling down his godson's cheeks.
'Sirius', Harry said again. There was no need for words. Sirius hugged Harry tightly and fiercely to him, dreading the moment when he would have to let go.
'I'm sorry', Harry mumbled into Sirius' shoulder, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I really am. Please, don't go.'
Sirius' heart was breaking all over again, just like it had shattered sixteen years ago, when Harry's parents died. 'I have to', he whispered, 'I have to do this. I won't feel right if I don't. You understand that, don't you?'
'I know, but...'
'No buts', Sirius interrupted gently.
'Please...' Harry begged, 'at least promise me you'll come back.'
'I can't', Sirius was determined not to give Harry any false hopes, 'but I promise you I'll do everything in my power to get back here alive and kicking.'
'We should go', Remus interrupted uneasily, aware of Ron and Hermione's discomfort.
'Okay', Sirius said, 'so...have a good Summer Harry. And don't let the Dursleys mess you around. With any luck, I'll be home by September.'
'Okay', Harry whispered, still looking extremely upset.
'Bill will be coming to see you, Ron', Remus informed him, 'he'll be coming with us too. He wanted us to tell you, so you have a few days to get used to the idea.'
All the colour drained from Ron's face, and he sat down again suddenly.
'Bye, you three', Remus said, swallowing hard.
'See you soon', Sirius said, in a falsely cheerful voice. The last thing he saw before Dumbledore's office spiralled out of view, was Hermione comforting a stunned Ron, and Harry mouthing Sirius' name, a look of utter despair on his pale, thin face.
NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST CHAPTER!!!!!!!!