NARRATOR: *in a creepy voice* On the outskirts of town, a horrible house
sits... Surrounded by trees and fire-blackened ground... Inside, two of the
most horrible creatures you'll ever find are sitting... Demonic, evil
creatures that would make even the bravest of brave people wet
themselves... Two demons, plotting to take over the world and destroy all
government... Let the criminals take over the world, they say... No law
enforcement... No police... Death and horror and rape and kidnapping
everywhere you go... That's what these two have planned for the world...
And
HIEI: SHUT UP, ALREADY!!! YOU'RE FIRED!!!
NARRATOR: Shoot. *sulks away*
SHADOW: We're not planning any of that crap, you retard. You're giving major false impressions.
HIEI: Too late. *points out the window. 100 cop cars are parked and about 250 men with guns and tear gas bombs and nerve gas and smoke bombs are surrounding the house. A SWAT team is heading toward the roof*
SHADOW: Hey!!! We can't-- Ahh!!! We'll deal with this. You just keep reading the story...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ LET US BEGIN!!! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
CHAPITER WON
Home Videos
*Shadow, Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara are all gathered in Shadow's living room. Yusuke and Kuwabara are on the floor laughing so hard they're turning blue. Kurama is standing there with a sweatdrop, while Shadow has an evil grin on her face*
HIEI: *walks into the living room* What's so funny?
*everybody looks at Hiei, completely straight-faced, then they all four just explode with laughter*
HIEI: What?
SHADOW: Remember this, Hiei? *hits play on the VCR*
~*~On the tape~*~
*Hiei is chugging a whole 2 liter bottle of Mello Yello**the screen goes to fuzz, but a second later, it shows Hiei again. He's standing in a hallway. Kurama is behind him. The ring of the Dark Tournament is partly visible outside. Hiei has no shirt on (is that unusual?)*
HIEI: *singing* I'm, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy- -
KURAMA: *sweatdrop* Hiei?
HIEI: *starts doing the moonwalk*
KURAMA: *another sweatdrop* Hiei?
HIEI: DO DA WOOOORRRRMM!!! *starts doing the worm*
KURAMA: Um... Hiei...?
HIEI: *pulls out a bottle of hair gel, turns his back for a second, and when he turns back around, his hair is styled like Elvis Presley* Hello... ah... My name's Elvis. *starts doing some horrible Elvis Presely imitation, singing some song that isn't even by Elvis*
KURAMA: Hiei. Elvis Presley didn't sing that.
HIEI: Huh? Oh well!! *starts break dancing*
KURAMA: Oh god...
HIEI: DISCO, BABY!!! *starts doing disco*
KURAMA: O_O
HIEI: *makes up his own rap song and the motions to go with it* Oh, I am a rapper, and my name is really gay, like, yeah, and I have nearly-naked women in all my music videos, uh-huh.
KURAMA: *looks up. He sees the camera and his eyes bug* Hiei!!!
HIEI: I am... MICHAEL JACKSON!!! *strikes a pose* I LOOK LIKE A GIRL AND I DON'T HAVE BARELY ANY NOSE!!! *starts dancing like Michael Jackson*
KURAMA: HIEI!!!
HIEI: *does a split* HOLY-- OUCH!!! ... I'm stuck.
KURAMA: *drowns in sweatdrops and falls over*
HIEI: Help? Ouchie...
KURAMA: Hiei? *points at camera*
HIEI: Huh? *looks up* HOLY FUDGE!!! *tries to get up but is stuck in an extremely painful-looking split position* OWIE!!!
KURAMA: *helps Hiei up* Baka fire youkai...
HIEI: Hey, you watch it, fox boy! Owie... My poor-- *glares at camera* BUZZ OFF, LITTLE GIRL!!!
*laughter from behind the camera as the screen fades out*
~*~ Back in Shadow's living room ~*~
HIEI: *blushing madly* I should kill you, Shadow, I really should.
SHADOW: ^_^ You wouldn't do that! You're too nice! *puts her arm around Hiei's shoulders*
YUSUKE: Shadow, you have absolutely GOT to make me copies of that!!! I'll sell it on eBay!!! I'll be RICH!!!
HIEI: Over my dead body.
SHADOW: That can be arranged, Hiei.
HIEI: *kicks Shadow in the shin* Moron.
SHADOW: *hopping around* Owie! You stupid little boy! *kicks Hiei*
KURAMA: KIDS, NO FIGHTING!!!
*Shadow and Hiei stop strangling each other. Shadow gets an evil smile on her face*
SHADOW: Muwaha... I just had a good idea.
HIEI: No!
*The tv starts playing again because Shadow forgot to turn it off*
SHADOW: *staring at the TV* Oh yeah, I remember that! I forgot that was on the tape!
HIEI: *stares at the TV* Turn that off!!!
~*~ On the Tape ~*~
*Hiei is sitting on his bed with a guitar on his lap. He's staring at it. A second later, he puts the strap around him and stands up, strumming a few cords. He starts saying some words that kind of go along with his music*
HIEI: Oh, yeah, I am a violent person... I like to kill people... With swords... And make a point of strewing their body parts out all over the place... In a knee-deep ocean of blood... It's killing time... I like to kill... People... Because humanity is so stupid... La la la... Oooh... Blood... Is good... It's red...
*a string on his guitar snaps, flipping back and cutting his arm*
HIEI: Ouch. That was painful. Why do they make strings out of that kind of stuff?
*He replaces the string and starts playing again*
HIEI: Oh, I want to see my reflection, in a puddle of your blood... Ya... Blood... *stops suddenly* Wow. I hope no one is seeing this. They'd laugh at me until I was forced to murder them. Then I'd go to Reikai prison for killing them... And most likely the only people who would see this is Shadow. *He stands up and walks toward the camera.*
*The camera zooms out and you can see that the whole thing was filmed through a tiny hole in Hiei's door. The camera turns and focuses on Shadow's face*
SHADOW: I'm dead. If nobody ever sees me again, I leave this house and everything in it to Hiei, even though he's about to kill me.
HIEI: *from off the camera* Shadow, what in the name of everything good in the world are you doing with a camera OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM DOOR?
SHADOW: *focuses the camera on Hiei again* I was filming... uh.. your door... It's... um... very... interesting...?
HIEI: Liar. *snatches the camera and focuses it on Shadow* Look here, people, it's a snoopy little girl. Why don't we kill her?
SHADOW: *looks at the camera* I told you I was dead. *takes off running*
HIEI: SHE'S GETTING AWAY!!! *runs after her*
SHADOW: You'll never catch me!!! Muwahahaha--- oops!!! *trips and falls down the stairs*
HIEI: *looking down the stairs at Shadow* Watch out for that first step, Shadow! It's a doooosie!!!
SHADOW: *lying at the bottom of the stairs* Shut up, retard!!!
HIEI: *looks into the camera. He has a fake horrified look on his face* She just called me a retard!!! Did you hear that?! She's a foul-mouthed little snoop girl!!! *focuses on the bottom of the stairs where Shadow was. She's gone*
FRONT DOOR: Slam!!!
HIEI: *looks at the camera again* She's gettin' away again!!! *grinds down the stair rail like a skateboarder and runs out the front door after her*
SHADOW: Gotcha!!!
*Hiei is tackled and the camera is stolen away from him*
HIEI: Hey!!!
SHADOW: *running and looking into the camera screen so you can see her face and what's behind her (a crazy fire demon)**in a scared voice* Oh my god!!! I can't get away!!! He's chasing me!!! I'll never be safe!!! Tell insert- lover's-name-here that I love him!!! I can't believe I'm going to die this way!!! *starts fake crying* I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD S--- *she's tackled by Hiei again*
HIEI: Ha! Nobody calls me a retard and gets away with it. *focuses on Shadow* This is a very dangerous species... It's a Shadowius Retardedus!
SHADOW: Hey! You watch it, Hiei! *throws a rock*
HIEI: Oooh, we better get some chains for this one!!! She's dangerous!!!
SHADOW: *crosses her arms and glares at Hiei, who has started circling her* Hiei, seriously. Can I have my camera back?
HIEI: Trying to bargain with the enemy, huh? Trying to bribe me, huh?
SHADOW: *sarcastically* Oh, yes, of course. You give me my camera back and I'll give you anything you want from me.
HIEI: I don't appreciate the sarcasm, missy.
SHADOW: *sticks her tongue out* Suck it up.
HIEI: You can't make me.
SHADOW: Fudge.
HIEI: Wha?
SHADOW: Ha! *tackles him, steals the camera, and runs away*
HIEI: Shoot!
*the screen fades out*
~*~ Back in Shadow's living room ~*~
YUSUKE: Is this what you spend your free time doing? I always wondered what you two did while we weren't around...
HIEI: Hey, you better not have meant that the way I took it.
YUSUKE: You were flirting.
HIEI: WHAT?
SHADOW: Was not! He stole my camera!
HIEI: Yeah! She fell down the stairs and called me a retard! And she filmed me in the privacy of my own bedroom. There has to be laws against that.
SHADOW: I think there is, but only if you were... Ahem... naked... and I sell it without your permission. Which you weren't and I didn't and if you had been, nobody would have seen it but me.
YUSUKE: And you'd like it, too!
SHADOW: *kicks Yusuke* Shut up, dork.
YUSUKE: Owie!
KURAMA: That was a very interesting video... O_o *sweatdrop*
KUWABARA: Got any more embarrassing home videos?
SHADOW: *smlies evilly* I think I have one Hiei will like...
HIEI: O_O Dare I ask?
*Shadow puts in another tape*
SHADOW: *whispering to Hiei* This should be good to blackmail Kuwabara with.
HIEI: Really? *smiles evilly* Let's see it!
*Shadow hits play*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ooooooh, "cliffhanger" ending!!! I bet it's so suspenseful!!! You just keep hanging onto that cliff...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SHADOW: Hiei, there's a SWAT team on the roof.
HIEI: Yes, so I've noticed.
*strangled scream of the narrator as he walks outside and is bombarded by nerve gas and tear gas bombs*
COP #1: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!!!
SHADOW: SO YOU CAN BOMBARD US WITH NERVE GAS? SCREW YOU!!! I THINK WE'LL STAY RIGHT HERE!!!
HIEI: AND KILL YOUR SWAT TEAM!!!
SHADOW: Hiei!!!
COP #2: YOU AREN'T GOING TO BE PERMITTED TO DESTROY THE FABRIC OF OUR PERFECT WORLD!!!
*Shadow rips a piece of fabric in half and catches it on fire*
HIEI: Shadow, he didn't mean fabric literally, you retard.
SHADOW: -_- So?
Right, well, they'll deal with the cops somehow. You just hang onto your cliff and wait for the next chapiter to come along, and hope the cops don't notice you and throw their nerve gas at you...
Read and review, people!!! And yes, I did spell chapter wrong on purpose.
HIEI: SHUT UP, ALREADY!!! YOU'RE FIRED!!!
NARRATOR: Shoot. *sulks away*
SHADOW: We're not planning any of that crap, you retard. You're giving major false impressions.
HIEI: Too late. *points out the window. 100 cop cars are parked and about 250 men with guns and tear gas bombs and nerve gas and smoke bombs are surrounding the house. A SWAT team is heading toward the roof*
SHADOW: Hey!!! We can't-- Ahh!!! We'll deal with this. You just keep reading the story...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ LET US BEGIN!!! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
CHAPITER WON
Home Videos
*Shadow, Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara are all gathered in Shadow's living room. Yusuke and Kuwabara are on the floor laughing so hard they're turning blue. Kurama is standing there with a sweatdrop, while Shadow has an evil grin on her face*
HIEI: *walks into the living room* What's so funny?
*everybody looks at Hiei, completely straight-faced, then they all four just explode with laughter*
HIEI: What?
SHADOW: Remember this, Hiei? *hits play on the VCR*
~*~On the tape~*~
*Hiei is chugging a whole 2 liter bottle of Mello Yello**the screen goes to fuzz, but a second later, it shows Hiei again. He's standing in a hallway. Kurama is behind him. The ring of the Dark Tournament is partly visible outside. Hiei has no shirt on (is that unusual?)*
HIEI: *singing* I'm, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy- -
KURAMA: *sweatdrop* Hiei?
HIEI: *starts doing the moonwalk*
KURAMA: *another sweatdrop* Hiei?
HIEI: DO DA WOOOORRRRMM!!! *starts doing the worm*
KURAMA: Um... Hiei...?
HIEI: *pulls out a bottle of hair gel, turns his back for a second, and when he turns back around, his hair is styled like Elvis Presley* Hello... ah... My name's Elvis. *starts doing some horrible Elvis Presely imitation, singing some song that isn't even by Elvis*
KURAMA: Hiei. Elvis Presley didn't sing that.
HIEI: Huh? Oh well!! *starts break dancing*
KURAMA: Oh god...
HIEI: DISCO, BABY!!! *starts doing disco*
KURAMA: O_O
HIEI: *makes up his own rap song and the motions to go with it* Oh, I am a rapper, and my name is really gay, like, yeah, and I have nearly-naked women in all my music videos, uh-huh.
KURAMA: *looks up. He sees the camera and his eyes bug* Hiei!!!
HIEI: I am... MICHAEL JACKSON!!! *strikes a pose* I LOOK LIKE A GIRL AND I DON'T HAVE BARELY ANY NOSE!!! *starts dancing like Michael Jackson*
KURAMA: HIEI!!!
HIEI: *does a split* HOLY-- OUCH!!! ... I'm stuck.
KURAMA: *drowns in sweatdrops and falls over*
HIEI: Help? Ouchie...
KURAMA: Hiei? *points at camera*
HIEI: Huh? *looks up* HOLY FUDGE!!! *tries to get up but is stuck in an extremely painful-looking split position* OWIE!!!
KURAMA: *helps Hiei up* Baka fire youkai...
HIEI: Hey, you watch it, fox boy! Owie... My poor-- *glares at camera* BUZZ OFF, LITTLE GIRL!!!
*laughter from behind the camera as the screen fades out*
~*~ Back in Shadow's living room ~*~
HIEI: *blushing madly* I should kill you, Shadow, I really should.
SHADOW: ^_^ You wouldn't do that! You're too nice! *puts her arm around Hiei's shoulders*
YUSUKE: Shadow, you have absolutely GOT to make me copies of that!!! I'll sell it on eBay!!! I'll be RICH!!!
HIEI: Over my dead body.
SHADOW: That can be arranged, Hiei.
HIEI: *kicks Shadow in the shin* Moron.
SHADOW: *hopping around* Owie! You stupid little boy! *kicks Hiei*
KURAMA: KIDS, NO FIGHTING!!!
*Shadow and Hiei stop strangling each other. Shadow gets an evil smile on her face*
SHADOW: Muwaha... I just had a good idea.
HIEI: No!
*The tv starts playing again because Shadow forgot to turn it off*
SHADOW: *staring at the TV* Oh yeah, I remember that! I forgot that was on the tape!
HIEI: *stares at the TV* Turn that off!!!
~*~ On the Tape ~*~
*Hiei is sitting on his bed with a guitar on his lap. He's staring at it. A second later, he puts the strap around him and stands up, strumming a few cords. He starts saying some words that kind of go along with his music*
HIEI: Oh, yeah, I am a violent person... I like to kill people... With swords... And make a point of strewing their body parts out all over the place... In a knee-deep ocean of blood... It's killing time... I like to kill... People... Because humanity is so stupid... La la la... Oooh... Blood... Is good... It's red...
*a string on his guitar snaps, flipping back and cutting his arm*
HIEI: Ouch. That was painful. Why do they make strings out of that kind of stuff?
*He replaces the string and starts playing again*
HIEI: Oh, I want to see my reflection, in a puddle of your blood... Ya... Blood... *stops suddenly* Wow. I hope no one is seeing this. They'd laugh at me until I was forced to murder them. Then I'd go to Reikai prison for killing them... And most likely the only people who would see this is Shadow. *He stands up and walks toward the camera.*
*The camera zooms out and you can see that the whole thing was filmed through a tiny hole in Hiei's door. The camera turns and focuses on Shadow's face*
SHADOW: I'm dead. If nobody ever sees me again, I leave this house and everything in it to Hiei, even though he's about to kill me.
HIEI: *from off the camera* Shadow, what in the name of everything good in the world are you doing with a camera OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM DOOR?
SHADOW: *focuses the camera on Hiei again* I was filming... uh.. your door... It's... um... very... interesting...?
HIEI: Liar. *snatches the camera and focuses it on Shadow* Look here, people, it's a snoopy little girl. Why don't we kill her?
SHADOW: *looks at the camera* I told you I was dead. *takes off running*
HIEI: SHE'S GETTING AWAY!!! *runs after her*
SHADOW: You'll never catch me!!! Muwahahaha--- oops!!! *trips and falls down the stairs*
HIEI: *looking down the stairs at Shadow* Watch out for that first step, Shadow! It's a doooosie!!!
SHADOW: *lying at the bottom of the stairs* Shut up, retard!!!
HIEI: *looks into the camera. He has a fake horrified look on his face* She just called me a retard!!! Did you hear that?! She's a foul-mouthed little snoop girl!!! *focuses on the bottom of the stairs where Shadow was. She's gone*
FRONT DOOR: Slam!!!
HIEI: *looks at the camera again* She's gettin' away again!!! *grinds down the stair rail like a skateboarder and runs out the front door after her*
SHADOW: Gotcha!!!
*Hiei is tackled and the camera is stolen away from him*
HIEI: Hey!!!
SHADOW: *running and looking into the camera screen so you can see her face and what's behind her (a crazy fire demon)**in a scared voice* Oh my god!!! I can't get away!!! He's chasing me!!! I'll never be safe!!! Tell insert- lover's-name-here that I love him!!! I can't believe I'm going to die this way!!! *starts fake crying* I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD S--- *she's tackled by Hiei again*
HIEI: Ha! Nobody calls me a retard and gets away with it. *focuses on Shadow* This is a very dangerous species... It's a Shadowius Retardedus!
SHADOW: Hey! You watch it, Hiei! *throws a rock*
HIEI: Oooh, we better get some chains for this one!!! She's dangerous!!!
SHADOW: *crosses her arms and glares at Hiei, who has started circling her* Hiei, seriously. Can I have my camera back?
HIEI: Trying to bargain with the enemy, huh? Trying to bribe me, huh?
SHADOW: *sarcastically* Oh, yes, of course. You give me my camera back and I'll give you anything you want from me.
HIEI: I don't appreciate the sarcasm, missy.
SHADOW: *sticks her tongue out* Suck it up.
HIEI: You can't make me.
SHADOW: Fudge.
HIEI: Wha?
SHADOW: Ha! *tackles him, steals the camera, and runs away*
HIEI: Shoot!
*the screen fades out*
~*~ Back in Shadow's living room ~*~
YUSUKE: Is this what you spend your free time doing? I always wondered what you two did while we weren't around...
HIEI: Hey, you better not have meant that the way I took it.
YUSUKE: You were flirting.
HIEI: WHAT?
SHADOW: Was not! He stole my camera!
HIEI: Yeah! She fell down the stairs and called me a retard! And she filmed me in the privacy of my own bedroom. There has to be laws against that.
SHADOW: I think there is, but only if you were... Ahem... naked... and I sell it without your permission. Which you weren't and I didn't and if you had been, nobody would have seen it but me.
YUSUKE: And you'd like it, too!
SHADOW: *kicks Yusuke* Shut up, dork.
YUSUKE: Owie!
KURAMA: That was a very interesting video... O_o *sweatdrop*
KUWABARA: Got any more embarrassing home videos?
SHADOW: *smlies evilly* I think I have one Hiei will like...
HIEI: O_O Dare I ask?
*Shadow puts in another tape*
SHADOW: *whispering to Hiei* This should be good to blackmail Kuwabara with.
HIEI: Really? *smiles evilly* Let's see it!
*Shadow hits play*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ooooooh, "cliffhanger" ending!!! I bet it's so suspenseful!!! You just keep hanging onto that cliff...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SHADOW: Hiei, there's a SWAT team on the roof.
HIEI: Yes, so I've noticed.
*strangled scream of the narrator as he walks outside and is bombarded by nerve gas and tear gas bombs*
COP #1: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!!!
SHADOW: SO YOU CAN BOMBARD US WITH NERVE GAS? SCREW YOU!!! I THINK WE'LL STAY RIGHT HERE!!!
HIEI: AND KILL YOUR SWAT TEAM!!!
SHADOW: Hiei!!!
COP #2: YOU AREN'T GOING TO BE PERMITTED TO DESTROY THE FABRIC OF OUR PERFECT WORLD!!!
*Shadow rips a piece of fabric in half and catches it on fire*
HIEI: Shadow, he didn't mean fabric literally, you retard.
SHADOW: -_- So?
Right, well, they'll deal with the cops somehow. You just hang onto your cliff and wait for the next chapiter to come along, and hope the cops don't notice you and throw their nerve gas at you...
Read and review, people!!! And yes, I did spell chapter wrong on purpose.