A Precious Gift

I watched, stunned, as Draco stormed out of the Dungeon. Instantly Ron was at my side, then followed by Hermione, who came out of Potions quite a bit after everyone else and has missed evidently all but Draco storming off.
"Harry, are you all right? Did Draco hurt you at all?" Ron demanded.

"Draco attacked Harry?" Hermione asked seeming incredulous and confused.

"No, he didn't hurt me, he just had…words for me."

Hermione heaved a sigh of relief.

"Good, but Harry, you just give me the word and I'll beat the shit out of that asshole." Ron's face showed that he was deadly serious.

"Ron, don't. This is just between Draco and myself, it has nothing whatsoever to do with you so stay out of it, okay?"

"What's going on Harry? What did that bastard say to you anyway?"

"Nothing! Oh, Okay…he wanted to meet me tonight alone." I was amazed by the fact that though I spoke the truth, Ron surely was interpreting my words only as he wanted to.

"You're not going to are you!? I mean it very well could be suicide, or very definitely some sort of trap!"

"I never said whether or not I was going, but I did say that it was none of your business, so please just drop it."

Ron just glowered at me. I realized that Hermione had not spoken at all on the subject.

"What?" I asked turning to Hermione. "You have nothing to say?"

"No, I agree with you, it is none of our business. I'm sure you're old enough to make your own decisions and live with the results."

I was very surprised by Hermione's response. I'd never before been so impressed with how mature and reasonable Hermione could be.

"Thank you," I said stiffly.

The rest of the day I struggled internally with whether I should go meet Draco or not. I knew that I wanted to go, but I didn't know why I wanted to. I filled my head with many different answers as to why I should want to go, but I still didn't know which answer was the right one. I guess in the end I was just curious. I wanted to know why Draco had been acting the way he had over this past week, and why he suddenly wanted to talk to me privately. The truth may have been that I just wanted to see Draco, but at the time I was not ready to admit that to myself.

So at eight-thirty I headed towards the North Tower. When I got there it was completely abandoned, not surprisingly, as it was never visited by the students at Hogwarts. I sat for a while, waiting for Draco to show up, entertaining various thoughts in my head. Mainly I thought about Draco. I tried to think sensible thoughts about him. The reasonable part of my brain wanted me to believe that Draco hated me. I knew where we stood when we hated each other, but somehow I knew that it was anything but hate that persuaded Draco to finally agree to talk to me after a week. The predominate thought in my brain was how Draco's breath felt against my skin.

Was that intentional? Did he realize what he was doing?

When I finally saw him I was first greeted by his disembodied head, which was then followed by the rest of his body as he removed my invisibility cloak.

"I told you I'd return it," he said, handing me the silvery cloak.

"This isn't the only reason you wanted me there, though, was it?"

"No, I wanted us to talk."

"About what? If I remember correctly, you haven't spoken one word to me all week." I was embarrassed to realize that I sounded like a scorned lover.

"Of course I didn't talk to you. It was you who said we should say goodbye and leave it at that. Remember? You weren't upset that we hadn't spoken, where you?"

"No," I lied. I'm not good at lying, it had been getting irritating lately.

"It upset me," Draco whispered.

I sighed deeply. "Look Draco, I don't understand at all anything that has happened this past week."

"Me neither."

"I mean, we've hated each other for years, haven't we? Why should it all of a sudden matter whether or not we speak to each other?" I asked exasperated.

"So you don't want to talk to me, then?"

"No that's just it!" I yelled, but then I lowered my voice to a whisper. "I…I do want to talk to you."

Oh God, it's true

"I've been dying to talk to you all week, Harry, but I was afraid of what you would think if I did…I was afraid of what might happen."

"I wouldn't have minded if you spoke to me. I would probably been grateful for insults. I can't believe I'm saying this, though. All week I've been trying so hard to convince myself of just the opposite."

Draco laughed, "Me too."

For a while we just stood there in silence, trying to take in what had just been said.

"I'm not entirely sure I understand why this sudden change has occurred, though," I finally spoke, breaking the silence.

"Does it matter?"

"Maybe not," I confessed. "But what are we supposed to do about what we've just said? I mean…is it truly possible for Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter to be friends?"

"I wasn't exactly thinking we would be friends."

"Well then what…"

But I wasn't able to finish my sentence as my mouth was suddenly covered by Draco's.

Oh God!

I had spent all week analyzing and reanalyzing everything. I was convinced that there was a logical explanation for all the odd things that had happened. But as I finally stood there in the dark with Draco's warm lips firmly gripping my own, I figured it out.

-It didn't matter-

All that mattered was that Draco was kissing me. It was as though the whole week had been in anticipation for this moment. No, scratch that, my whole life had been waiting for this.

I'd been kissed before, sure, and frankly this probably wasn't the most technically spectacular kiss I'd ever had. But nothing could compare to how right this moment felt, how perfect, how satisfying, how completing. I know this sounds unbelievable and perhaps even cheesy, but I'm only telling you how I felt at that moment. It felt as though something had been missing my whole life. Something important, like a limb, and I had finally been reunited with it.

As I kissed Draco back I moved my arms around his waist, drawing him as close as possible until there was no space left between us. I felt Draco's arms in return, slide up my back, making there way delicately over my neck. His long fingers then began to intertwine themselves in my hair, all the while trying to pull my head even closer to his, though I think that would probably have been physically impossible.

Finally our lips parted, solely for want of breath. Our arms were still wrapped around each other as I looked up into his eyes. They were deep, cool silvery pools.

How could I have never noticed those eyes before?

In his eyes I saw that he was equally shocked as I was at what had just transpired.

"How can you be so shocked? You were the one who kissed me."

"I've kissed lot's of people, Harry, and that was no kiss."

I was tempted to tell him that logically his statement made no sense, but in my heart I knew exactly what he meant.

"I…I know. I felt it too."

For some time we just stared at each other, speaking volumes with just our eyes until we came to a silent understanding. After a while Draco nodded his head, as in agreement to words I never spoke aloud. Words I didn't have to speak aloud. To show him that I knew what he meant, I kissed him again, first just letting my lips rest against his, happy to be that close to him. It was Draco who began hissing me deeply, as if he thought he could swallow me whole, as if he needed me to survive, like one needs air. I moved my hands from his waist up towards his head, as he had done earlier. I traced my hands along his jaw line, and then over his cheeks. I was mildly surprised to find that there were tears streaming down his face. But I did not have to mention them or ask about them to know why they were there. It was for the same reason that there were tears on my face.

Suddenly everything we had once known about the world had changed. All that now mattered was that we were together. But the fear that something or someone might force us apart was overwhelming. The truth was that there were simply too many factors against us. The history of antagonism between us amounted to nothing as far as we were concerned, we knew this without speaking the words. But we knew that there were very few people in the world who would accept us.

How can I bare to hide this from the world when I cannot bare to have one inch of space between us?

"Draco" I whispered between kisses, "I don't know if I'll be able to explain this to people, but I do know that I wont be able to hide it." I stopped kissing Draco and looked into his eyes, emphasizing the seriousness of what I just said and what all it implied.

"I know." Draco returned my gaze with equal severity. "I'm not sure what's to be done about it, though. I mean how do we explain something like this? I'm not sure I fully understand it myself."

"Yeah, it's like, there just aren't any words to describe it. Whatever it is between us I can feel very strongly. I know it's there, but I just don't think I can describe it, can you?"

"Well, mainly it feels like a…need. For some reason I need you."

"That's what it is, isn't it? A need."

The theory sounded bizarre, but I knew that Draco was right. I needed to be near him. I needed his presence. I needed to know that he would continue to be there with me.

"It's as though…" I paused briefly to make certain I used the right words, "you are all of a sudden as vital a part of me as my breath or my heartbeat."

"I doubt it's so sudden, though. Somehow I think I've always needed you, I've just redirected that need. Just because I've spent so many years… being mean to you," I noticed Draco blush, "it doesn't mean that I didn't thrive off of you. I'm very sorry for how I acted, but you really were a lifeline for me. There were so many times I thought I would go mad, but you were always there to ground me. You were my focus, my constant. No matter how fucked up the world got around me, you were always the same, you were always there. I lived for the next moment I saw you, the next time I could insult you, the next time I could play against you. That's why I never left you alone. I'm not saying that I was in love with you, but I was obsessed with you all the same. I didn't realize any of this until just last week, though. It was painful for me to ignore you completely, truly painful. It was as though I had nothing left, nothing to live for, no point. I couldn't believe it when Snape paired us up in potions. You know why I said we should probably not talk in public?"

I shook my head.

"I was honestly afraid that after a week of depriving myself of you, that being so close to you would finally break my resolve. I was honestly afraid that I might jump you in the middle of potions class."

"Well you practically did just that in the hallway after class."

"Yeah, I guess so." Draco laughed sheepishly.

"I didn't mind. Ron of course thought you had attacked me. He kept asking if you had hurt me at all."

"Did I?" The concern in Draco's voice was very clear.

"No, you did manage to make me horny as hell, though."

I can't believe I'm saying this to Draco!

"Really? I never thought you'd go in for that kind of stuff!"

"Well, I guess we've all got out quirks. I've got a few more I might share with you some day." I raised one eyebrow suggestively.

"Oh God, slow down Harry. I am in no way prepared for dealing with how very horny you are in serious danger of making me."

"Sorry."

"No offence, Harry, but I don't want to rush anything too much. I'm not implying that I would regret it, just that, under the circumstances, I really want to do things in the right order. I want to be able to prove to people that I'm not just using you for sex. I know people will think that too, especially the Slytherins. But I what I feel for you is so much more than that."

"I know that Draco."

"You know Harry, I really love the fact that beyond all laws of reason, I am comfortable saying things to you that I wouldn't otherwise be able to say to anyone. I mean, honesty isn't necessarily a Slytherin trait. I've been lying to people, even myself, for so many years now. It's become difficult to distinguish the truth from the fiction. But for some reason, I know I will always tell the truth to you. That night when you found me a week ago, I couldn't believe the things I told you. I normally would have lied and been defensive, but I wasn't."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For letting me see the real you, it means a lot to me."

"You're welcome."

I kissed Draco once lightly on the mouth.

"Draco," I said suddenly remembering something, "that morning, when you left the Griffendor tower, did you kiss me?"

"Well, yeah, why?"

"I thought, after you completely ignored me, that I had imagined it. I was really angry with myself about it, too. But, why did you do it? Kiss me and then ignore me?"

"Well I had actually already decided before we reached the door that I would have to ignore you. I assumed that we could never be seen as anything more than enemies. But I also knew that I could never go back to treating you as though I hated you. So the only option I saw was to cut off all contact with you. I kissed you because I honestly believed that would be the last contact with you ever. I had no idea at the time, however, just how impossible it would be for me to ignore you. I want you to know, Harry, that I've never lost my resolve before today. In the past I've always stuck to whatever I had decided to do, all the way to the end. Being so near you today in class, though, made me realize how totally I need you."

"There is no going back, is there?"

"Why, do you wish you could?"

"Oh God, no. I do need you. I don't even want to imagine going back to the way things were, not for the whole world. But we do need to convince the rest of the world of this. We can't just walk into the Great Hall holding hands and expect that everyone to figure it out amongst themselves, can we?"

"No. Maybe I'm a little selfish, but I really wish we didn't have to tell anyone. I wish I could just keep you to myself for a while."

"That would involve a lot of hiding. I don't know if I'm talented enough to keep a secret this big from my friends. Although, they all seem to be keeping secrets from me. I only wish I were a better liar. I just know, though, that if I try to keep a secret this big from them, they will find out sooner rather than later. And besides, I don't think under the circumstances that you're cracked out to be any better at hiding this than I am. Remember, you practically jumped me today in front of all my friends? I think that for us to successfully hide this, we would have to stay far apart, and I know we don't want to do that. So I think the real question is whether we want everyone to find out when they come across us snogging or if we want to be able to warn them first."

"I wish we didn't have to talk about things like this. I wish we could just have a normal relationship."

"But we aren't normal, Draco, and we do have to talk about this. If this were just a fling we wouldn't have to worry about these sorts of things, but I don't think this is a passing faze, do you?"

"Oh God no! I… I can't bare to even think about not having you with me."

At that I simply had to kiss him again.

"So how do you want people to find out?"

Draco paused before he spoke, clearly contemplating the question.

"I think we should shock everyone!"

"Draco this is serious!"

"So am I. I think tomorrow morning at breakfast we should walk into the Great Hall and make sure everyone knows about us. I think we should come in together, slightly late, and kiss so that the whole school sees us. Then we can part to our separate tables and make our explanations, or not if we're so inclined."

"You're crazy, you know that Draco."

"I know," Draco said smiling. "But I really don't care what people think about us, I want the whole school to know. And I honestly think that letting them see us snog would be a lot easier than getting in front of the school and say 'well guys, things are gonna be a little different from now on.' I mean it could seriously take forever for us to try to explain this. Showing them would just be so much easier."

"Okay, it's totally insane, but I will agree on one condition. I want you to be with me when I go tell Ron and Hermione."

"Anything you want."

"I cannot believe we are actually planning on doing this. Are you sure I'm worth it?"

"Worth my life," Draco said, then kissed me to emphasize his point. "I will die for you if I have to. I know I will die without you. I may never be able to logically prove it to anyone else, or even to myself, but that won't make it any less true." Draco's eyes shone with such fierceness and intensity I knew what he said was true.

"You'll never leave me will you Draco?"

I meant it to be a rhetorical question, but Draco answered it anyway.

"I couldn't leave you even if I wanted to."

"Nor I you."

Draco leaned over the very short distance and kissed a tear from my cheek. I knew it was a tear he has kissed, for I tasted the salt on his lips when he then kissed my mouth.

I knew in my heart that this was where I was meant to be, side by side with Draco. If you had told me eight days before that I would in such a short time be feeling what I felt for Draco, I could not have believed you. But truly, as I stood there in Draco's arms, there was not a thing in the world that could talk me out of being more than willing to give up everything just to be with him. I could honestly think of nothing that I would be willing to keep if it meant giving up Draco. Not even my own life would be worth anything to me if I had to live it without Draco.

In a sense, it was absolutely terrifying. All of those emotions were entirely new to me. Even the intensity alone of my emotions was new to me. I'd never felt this strongly about anything. Not even my fears and my anger could compare. I suppose it was because I never had anything to live for. True I was very angry when I learned about my parents' murder, but I had never met them, as truly awful as that is to say. But what I mean is that I never learned what is was to love them really. True I did love Ron and Hermione, but in many ways they had been unable to be there for me as completely as I wished. But now I had someone who I knew would be there for me completely and by God now that I knew what that felt like, I sure as Hell wasn't about to give it up!

It occurred to me that this whole time Draco and I had not moved so much as a centimeter apart from each other. We had our chins rested on each other's shoulders and our arms wrapped around each other in a death grip.

"We can't stand here like this all night," I pointed out.

"U know I'll sound like a moron for saying this, but I don't want to let you go. I'm afraid you'll disappear."

I laughed. "You're right, you do sound like a moron, but I know what you mean. I'm terrified that if I leave here and go to bed, when I wake up it will all have been a dream."

"Do you dream about me, Harry?"

"Not usually, but I probably will tonight knowing me."

"That's so sweet." Draco kissed me lightly.

"You know that night you fell asleep in my bed? I had a rather erotic dream, it wasn't about you, though. But when I woke up, I was still holding you and I thought I was still dreaming."

"So was it before or after you officially woke up that you started feeling me up?"

"What!? You were supposed to be asleep!"

"No. Confession, I woke up long before you did."

"But I tried to wake you up and you just laid there."

"Well, I was so happy lying there that I just didn't want it to end, so I pretended to be asleep."

"You were happy waking up in my arms?"

"Oh, yeah! You have very gentle hands, you know. I really enjoyed the reenactment of your dream. You're blushing, Harry."

"I can't believe you were really awake the whole time. No wonder you were so upset when I yelled at you, though, I must have ruined a nearly perfect morning for you."

"Yes, as a matter of fact, you did."

"I'm sorry."

"Are you willing to make it up to me?"

"What , how?"

"I don't think you've ever seen my room, have you?"

"I thought you said you didn't want to rush into anything."

"I'm not suggesting anything. I just want to start off where this awful week began, as if it never happened. I want to wake up in your arms again, but when I do wake up, I want to open my eyes and see you laying next to me, and this time I want to kiss you, like I had wanted to last time."

"I think, that sounds like a wonderful idea," I said, kissing him.

Pulling my invisibility cloak around the both of us, since we still could not bare to part even an inch, we set off to Draco's bedroom. As we went we would occasionally stop, as we found that kissing and walking at the same time was very difficult.

Once in Draco's room we began to very timidly remove each other's robes. It was odd, because I knew I had seen Draco naked before, but this time it was a whole new experience. I was now allowed to admire him, and he was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, despite the scars. As I lowered the robes off of Draco's shoulders I began kissing each scar separately, as if I could heal them with my lips alone.

"I wish I could heal all of these scars," I said, looking up into Draco's eyes.

"You have healed me already, more than any science or medicine or magic ever could, just by being here with me." He pulled me up, drawing me into a deep kiss. "You are the greatest, most precious gift I've ever received, Harry Potter."

I returned his kiss and our lips never parted once as we made our way under the covers of Draco's bed. It was a gift to be able to lay there so peaceably with Draco in my arms. This time I let my hands run over his soft skin with the knowledge that I had every right to do so. Also, this time, the gesture was returned, as Draco explored my naked flesh for the first time. His hands deftly moving across my body with such care and adoration, as though he wished his fingertips to memorize ever square inch of me. As much as I could see that Draco could have been happy if he never stopped his actions, his eyelids soon began to droop and I allowed him for the second time ever to fall asleep in my arms. This time, though, there were no tears. Just before I drifted off to sleep myself, I leaned over and kissed his lips which were formed into a smile even as he slept.