Welcome back, dude, like, radical, man, it's like, far out, dude! Just
kidding, I'm on a sugar high, here... Yay! Heh. Sugar is god. Worship it!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*Shadow and Hiei are sulking again in their wonderful white clothes, cursing various things, such as their white clothes, the loony bin administrators, humanity, the narrator, Hiei, humanity, Shadow, humanity, rubber walls, humanity, loony bin drugs, humanity... You get the idea. Not much going on.*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ONWARD!!! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
CHAPITER SEVIN
THEY'RE WEASELS, NOT SOME PANSY LITTLE HOUSE PET!!!
*In case you've forgotten, Yusuke sealed Shadow and Hiei together in Shadow's room by nailing two by fours over the door so they couldn't come out*
HIEI: WHAT THE HECK! OPEN THE DOOR, YOU PANSY BITCHES!
SOME GUY: HEY, THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE, BOY!
HIEI: Shut up, you #%*ing censor guy. *doing a bad impression of horror, like in a cheesy movie with bad actors* Oh, no! His cursid shift-number censors!
CENSOR GUY: *laughing evilly* SOON, THE WORLD WILL BE FREE OF ALL CUSSING, AND IT WILL BE FULL OF SHIFT-NUMBER CENSORS!!!
EVERYBODY: *looking fakely horrified, like bad actors* AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!!
SHADOW: SHUT THE ^($& UP, YOU MOTHER^(&@ING CENSOR GUY!!!!!!
CENSOR GUY: MUWAHAHA. MUWAHAHA. MUWAHA! HA HA! HA HA *suddenly horrified* AAAHHHHH!!! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND KEEPS RABID WEASELS IN A ROOM ACROSS THE HALL? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! BACK, WEASEL. Gooood weasel! Good. No! NO! Ahhh! Let go of me! HHHHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!! *runs away screaming, being chased by Shadow's rabid weasels*
SHADOW: I'M NOT IN MY RIGHT MIND, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW!!! *laughs evilly*
CENSOR GUY: SO I NOTICED! *he has weasels latched onto his throat and wrists* HOLY CRAP, GIRL WHAT THE--- *dies from blood loss*
KURAMA: *walks upstairs* AGH! Shadow, your weasels killed somebody again!
SHADOW: Yes, so I noticed. Could you open the door?
KURAMA: No! I gotta mop up the blood before the smell makes me go nuts... And you should keep that door locked, Shadow, because last time it was the vacuum cleaner salesman that they got.
SHADOW: Oh, that was deliberate.
KURAMA: What?!
SHADOW: The weasels were hungry.
KURAMA: Shit, girl, you're insane!
*By now, the rabid weasels had picked the bones of the censor guy completely clean and are waddling back to their room*
SHADOW: Hey, throw the skeleton in their room, too, Kurama! They like to chew on the bones.
KURAMA: O_O Shadow, I swear to god, there's got to be some law against this.
SHADOW: They came with the house.
KURAMA: DID NOT!
SHADOW: I found them in the forest. They came with the forest, then.
KURAMA: Geez... You're insane. *drags the skeleton back to the weasels' room and throws it in there, closing the door quickly to avoid letting any out*
*Yusuke and Kuwabara are staring at Kurama, who is now mopping up the blood that wasn't cleaned up by the weasels, with a look of horror on their faces. They slowly turn and stare at the door. A big sign on it reads, "DANGER: HIGH VOLTAGE"*
HIEI: *leaning on the wall in Shadow's room with his eyes closed* Yusuke, you pansy, are you going to open the door or not?!
YUSUKE: *too horrified to speak*
KURAMA: *carrying a mop and a bucket full of soapy bloody water* He's not, Hiei, he's too scared of the weasels. You might as well just camp out in there tonight, cuz they're kinda blocking the door, so I can't help you.
HIEI: What?! CURSE YOU, FOX!
KURAMA: What, it's not like Yusuke is gonna realize it and use it for blackmail. He's in shock out here. I think this is the most terrified I've ever seen him.
SHADOW: What about the dolt?
KURAMA: Kuwabara is... I think he's lost his mind.
SHADOW: Yeah! So those weasels are more useful than just eating traveling salesmen!
KURAMA: It seems that way, doesn't it... Okay, well I'm going to go dump out this mess of blood, because the smell is... not doing anything good for me. *walks away*
YUSUKE: *shaking with fear and still staring at the 'high voltage' sign on the weasel door* Omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod....
KUWABARA: *running in circles waving his arms* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THE HORROR!!! THE HOOOORRRRROOOORRRRRRRRR!!!
SHADOW: Well, you can try to bust down the door, or you can sleep and see if those lunatics outside recover by morning. If not... Explosions are guaranteed... *pulls out a stick of dynamite*
HIEI: Who in their right mind carries DYNAMITE around, girl?!
SHADOW: Hiei, you should know by now that I'm not in my right mind! *smiles, tosses him the dynamite and curls up in her bed, promptly falling asleep two seconds later, leaving Hiei standing there with a stick of dynamite*
HIEI: *staring at the dynamite* Heh heh... *smiles evilly*
SHADOW: *wakes up suddenly, gets up, walks over, and snatches her dynamite back* No explosions while I'm sleeping. *sticks the dynamite in a dresser drawer and goes back to bed*
HIEI: *sulking* Curses on her.
~*~ The next morning ~*~
*Yusuke and Kuwabara recovered some time around 4 in the morning and pulled off the boards from Shadow's doorway*
YUSUKE: *looking around Shadow's room* They didn't sleep together.
*Shadow is in her bed and Hiei is on the floor. Both of them are sound asleep*
KUWABARA: I wonder how much it would take to wake them up...
KURAMA: *walking by the door* Not much. I suggest you get out, guys, and--- KUWABARA!!!
KUWABARA: Heh heh. *pokes Hiei* Poke poke poke AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
HIEI: NEVER DO THAT, YOU UGLY BOY!!! *punches Kuwabara in the face*
KUWABARA: AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! *hugs Yusuke's leg* MOMMY, SHORTY PUNCHED ME!!!
YUSUKE: LET GO OF ME, FATSO! *kicks Kuwabara in the head*
KURAMA: *flinching and watching Shadow* Please don't wake up... Please don't wake up... Shut up guys... She's going to wake up...
KUWABARA: OOOWWWWWW!!! *sits back, rubbing his head*
YUSUKE: NEVER HUG ME!
KUWABARA: I didn't mean tooooooo!!! *starts crying*
SHADOW: *groans and rolls over*
HIEI: *staring at Shadow with a look or terror on his face* Oh shit. *darts out of the room*
KURAMA: *still staring at Shadow in horror* She's going to wake up... Be quiet... Stop screaming... Yusuke... You're doomed...
HIEI: What are you doing! Run for it! *grabs Kurama and is halfway down the hall when it happens*
SHADOW: *screaming louder than anything in the world* WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!
DYNAMITE: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
YUSUKE & KUWABARA: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
SHADOW: GET THE HECK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! OUT!!! NOW!!! LAST TIME I CHECKED, I NEVER LET BOYS IN MY ROOM WHEN I'M SLEEPING!!!
YUSUKE: *burnt and on fire still from the explosion* What about Hiei?
SHADOW: Hiei's okay. BUT YOU'RE NOT! NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!
*Yusuke and Kuwabara run out of the room screeching like a whipped dog with their hands over their heads. Shadow slides out into the hall a second later waving a katana in one hand and a meat cleaver in the other*
HIEI: *his hand shoots back to his sheath and he realizes his sword is gone* O_O My... katana...
KURAMA: How'd she get a hold of it?
HIEI: Why are you asking me?! I don't know!!! What do you think I am? Psychic?!
KURAMA: *looks at Hiei's forehead* Yes.
HIEI: *he goes cross-eyed trying to look at his own forehead* Oh yeah. Oops. WELL I STILL DON'T KNOW!
SHADOW: Well, that got rid of them... Hiei, this is yours! *throws the katana at Hiei, who catches and sheaths it*
HIEI: Uh... Are you gonna kick us out to?
SHADOW: No, idiot! You live here.
KURAMA: I don't.
SHADOW: Well, you're not some blackmailing freak who wakes me up early in the morning.
KURAMA: Shadow, it's noon already.
SHADOW: Kurama?
KURAMA: Yes?
SHADOW: Shut up.
KURAMA: O_O ... -_- Well FINE then. Be that way!
SHADOW: I will. And you can't do anything about it!
DOORBELL: DING DONG!!!
SHADOW: Hiei, would you answer that?
HIEI: Why? It's probably just Yusuke and Kuwabara begging forgiveness so they can get back in here and try to blackmail us.
SHADOW: Well, I have a little idea that will soon turn into a big working plan with the help of that fox you've got there.
HIEI: *looks at Kurama, looking confused* I haven't got him. He's just standing here.
SHADOW: Well---
DOORBELL: BUZZ!!!
SHADOW: I'm still going to turn my idea into a big working plan with his help.
HIEI: Why can't I help?
SHADOW: Cuz you're not some thousand-year-old genius teenager.
HIEI: *sulks*
DOORBELL: BEEEEP!!!
SHADOW: Now please go answer the door!
HIEI: *glares at her for a second before moping past her, muttering under his breath*
SHADOW: *grabs Hiei by the back of his shirt and pulls him back* I hope I'm mistaken, but did I just hear you say I was a slave driver?!
HIEI: O_O *a little halo appears over his head* Of course not! Why would you think I'd said something so cruel to my bestest friend?! ^_^
KURAMA: But...
SHADOW: Well, that's sure what it sounded like.
HIEI: Well, you're not. You're my bestest friend.
KURAMA: But...
SHADOW: Then what did you say?
HIEI: I... uh... said you were a really nice person and I love you?
KURAMA: But...
SHADOW: What part of that sounds like 'slave driver'?
HIEI: Hm... That'll take some thought. Can I get back to you on that?
KURAMA: But...
SHADOW: Sure. Think about it on your way to the door.
HIEI: Fine. *mutters something under his breath*
SHADOW: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
HIEI: *the halo bursts into flames and disintegrates* Nothing!
SHADOW: Curses. You know, I think you're lying.
HIEI: ^_^ I wouldn't lie to my bestest friend!
KURAMA: But...
DOORBELL: WE HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY, ARE YOU AWARE OF THAT? COME ON, SNAP TO IT, PANSIES!!!
HIEI: *glares up at the speaker on the ceiling* I'll go answer the door.
SHADOW: Good boy. *lets go of him and he runs downstairs*
KURAMA: But... *staring blankly*
SHADOW: What's wrong?
KURAMA: I thought I was his bestest friend!!!
SHADOW: No, you're his best friend. I don't exist, since bestest isn't a word and so therefore there can't be such a thing as a bestest friend.
KURAMA: *looks happy* Okay!
SHADOW: You're the genius, you should have figured that out.
KURAMA: Heh... *sweatdrop*
HIEI: *from downstairs* SHADOW!!!
SHADOW: WHAT?!
HIEI: COME DOWN HERE, PLEASE!!!
SHADOW: *rolls her eyes* WHY?
HIEI: JUST GET DOWN HERE PLEASE!!!
SHADOW: WELL WHO'S THE SLAVE DRIVER NOW?
*~* Downstairs *~*
HIEI: *glances at the people at the door* Heh heh. Ignore her. She's slightly demented.
MAN AT THE DOOR #1: I'm curious, though. If she's demented, why do you need her to come down here?
HIEI: Shadow is the one who owns the house and takes care of all of... this kind of stuff. You just stay right there. *darts down the hall and up the stairs* SHA-- OW!!!
*Hiei ran straight into Shadow on the stairs and they both fall down the stairs*
MAN AT THE DOOR #2: Oh dear. ARE YOU OKAY, SIR?
HIEI: Yes, we're fine.
*Shadow and Hiei walk around the corner. Shadow is distracted with trying to lick a small cut near her elbow and doesn't notice the men at the door*
HIEI: Shadow?
SHADOW: *looks at Hiei* Yeah?
HIEI: *points at the two men at the door*
SHADOW: *looks up and instantly jumps backwards, falling over the back of the couch and landing upside down on her head. She jumps up with a look of horror on her face* JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES!!!
JW (Jehovah's witness, formerly Man At The Door) #1: Yes... We were wondering if you had a spare minute so we could talk to you?
SHADOW: NOO!!!
JW #2: Well. maybe you can read this in your spare time. *holds out a pamphlet*
SHADOW: N-- You know what, actually, I do... Come upstairs. *grabs Hiei and drags him upstairs*
HIEI: What the heck are you doing?!
SHADOW: Shhh! *stops outside the door with the 'high voltage' sign on it and flips that sign around. On the other side it says 'welcome!!!' with flowers and bunny rabbits and cuteness*
HIEI: *jaw drops* Shadow... You're demented, you realize that don't you?
SHADOW: *smiles evilly* Yeah! It's great, isn't it!
HIEI: O_O
JW #1: *finally getting up the stairs* We thank you for allowing us in, but why do you want us up here? Couldn't we just talk in the living room or something?
SHADOW: No. This is my visitor's room. *opens the door and pushes the two guys inside, slamming the door behind them*
JW #1: What?! Hey!
JW #2: AAAGH!!! FERRETS!!!
JW #1: WHAT?! AAAAHHHHH!!!
SHADOW: THEY'RE WEASELS, YOU RETARDED FOOLS!!! WEASELS, NOT SOME PANSY LITTLE HOUSE PET!!!
HIEI: O_O
*the Jehovah's witnesses are screaming and the weasels are screeching and finally there's silence. Kurama was standing down the hall and saw the whole thing*
KURAMA: Shadow, that's... not... intelligent, exactly...
SHADOW: Oh, shut up, fox boy. Did you really think I'm intelligent?!
KURAMA: Well, that IQ test you took once said your IQ is 132, which is above average, so I'm just saying... You're smart, why don't you ACT LIKE IT?!
SHADOW: I don't want to, and some pansy red haired spirit-fox-in-a-human's- body isn't about to make me.
KURAMA: Pansy!?
HIEI: Oopsy. Shadow, you shouldn't have said that.
KURAMA: Pansy?!
SHADOW: *nodding* Yah. You heard me.
KURAMA: I AM NOT A PANSY!!! KUWABARA IS A PANSY!!! I AM NOT!!!
HIEI: He's an angry pansy.
KURAMA: HIEI!!!
SHADOW: He's a furious pansy.
KURAMA: SHUT THE ^(&# UP!!!
HIEI: NO!!! THE CENSOR-PERSON'S CURSID SHIFT-NUMBER CENSOR!!!
CENSOR GUY #2: *rises up out of the floor* MUWAHAHAHAHHA!!! YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE THE WRATH OF THE CENSOR PEOPLE!!!
SHADOW: SHUT UP, (&%*^&@
CG #2: *laughing insanely*
KURAMA: *punches the guy in the jaw* SHUT UP, YOU &%#)(&*
CG #2: *rubbing his jaw* I'm ashamed of you, Kurama. That didn't hurt!
KURAMA: *kicks him in the crotch* How about that?!
*The censor guy stands, completely normal, not even a speck of pain on his face*
HIEI: No way.
KURAMA: This guy...
SHADOW: IS IMMORTAL!!!
ALL: *look at each other for a second* AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *start running in circles* GOD HELP US!!!
KOENMA: *appears* You called?
HIEI: *stops* You're not God. ()&% off.
KOENMA: What is this crossdressing censor woman doing here!?
ALL (except CG and Koenma): O_O What the )*^%?!
SHADOW: *pale* You mean...
HIEI: *very pale* This guy is actually...
KURAMA: *white* A... girl?!
ALL THREE: *look at each other with looks of complete horror on their faces* OH MY GOD!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *start running in circles (and other similar shapes), eventually crashing into either the walls of each other and falling down*
KOENMA: Well, I see no point in my being here... *vanishes*
CG #2: Well, I hope you learned your lesson. Never cuss, or you might get your house invaded by a girl with a moustache. *walks away*
*Kurama, Hiei, and Shadow are laying there, unconscious from running into walls or smashing their heads together. Yusuke comes sneaking up the stairs, laughing evilly, and pushes Shadow and Kurama together, snaps a few pictures, and runs away again, leaving them cluelessly laying on the hallway floor, unconscious*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Okay, if you don't hate Jehovah's witnesses, you must either be a Jehovah's witness or be rather oblivious to the world... I don't like them much, so you can understand why I would want to feed them to weasels. And since I can't REALLY feed people to weasels, Shadow did it for me. I don't keep rooms full of rabid bloodthirsty starved weasels...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SHADOW: YES!
HIEI: What?!
SHADOW: I've figured out what to do with all the loony bin people when I get out of here!
HIEI: What?
SHADOW: Well, we've been in here for way too long, and unless Kurama has fed the weasels...
HIEI: *smiles evilly then bursts out laughing* Shadow, sometimes I love you.
SHADOW: O_O
HIEI: Unless, of course, I hate you. Then I don't love you.
SHADOW: O_o
HIEI: Right. Oh, I'm in a good mood. So good that I'm not going to kill the reader for watching me!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*Shadow and Hiei are sulking again in their wonderful white clothes, cursing various things, such as their white clothes, the loony bin administrators, humanity, the narrator, Hiei, humanity, Shadow, humanity, rubber walls, humanity, loony bin drugs, humanity... You get the idea. Not much going on.*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ONWARD!!! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
CHAPITER SEVIN
THEY'RE WEASELS, NOT SOME PANSY LITTLE HOUSE PET!!!
*In case you've forgotten, Yusuke sealed Shadow and Hiei together in Shadow's room by nailing two by fours over the door so they couldn't come out*
HIEI: WHAT THE HECK! OPEN THE DOOR, YOU PANSY BITCHES!
SOME GUY: HEY, THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE, BOY!
HIEI: Shut up, you #%*ing censor guy. *doing a bad impression of horror, like in a cheesy movie with bad actors* Oh, no! His cursid shift-number censors!
CENSOR GUY: *laughing evilly* SOON, THE WORLD WILL BE FREE OF ALL CUSSING, AND IT WILL BE FULL OF SHIFT-NUMBER CENSORS!!!
EVERYBODY: *looking fakely horrified, like bad actors* AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!!
SHADOW: SHUT THE ^($& UP, YOU MOTHER^(&@ING CENSOR GUY!!!!!!
CENSOR GUY: MUWAHAHA. MUWAHAHA. MUWAHA! HA HA! HA HA *suddenly horrified* AAAHHHHH!!! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND KEEPS RABID WEASELS IN A ROOM ACROSS THE HALL? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! BACK, WEASEL. Gooood weasel! Good. No! NO! Ahhh! Let go of me! HHHHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!! *runs away screaming, being chased by Shadow's rabid weasels*
SHADOW: I'M NOT IN MY RIGHT MIND, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW!!! *laughs evilly*
CENSOR GUY: SO I NOTICED! *he has weasels latched onto his throat and wrists* HOLY CRAP, GIRL WHAT THE--- *dies from blood loss*
KURAMA: *walks upstairs* AGH! Shadow, your weasels killed somebody again!
SHADOW: Yes, so I noticed. Could you open the door?
KURAMA: No! I gotta mop up the blood before the smell makes me go nuts... And you should keep that door locked, Shadow, because last time it was the vacuum cleaner salesman that they got.
SHADOW: Oh, that was deliberate.
KURAMA: What?!
SHADOW: The weasels were hungry.
KURAMA: Shit, girl, you're insane!
*By now, the rabid weasels had picked the bones of the censor guy completely clean and are waddling back to their room*
SHADOW: Hey, throw the skeleton in their room, too, Kurama! They like to chew on the bones.
KURAMA: O_O Shadow, I swear to god, there's got to be some law against this.
SHADOW: They came with the house.
KURAMA: DID NOT!
SHADOW: I found them in the forest. They came with the forest, then.
KURAMA: Geez... You're insane. *drags the skeleton back to the weasels' room and throws it in there, closing the door quickly to avoid letting any out*
*Yusuke and Kuwabara are staring at Kurama, who is now mopping up the blood that wasn't cleaned up by the weasels, with a look of horror on their faces. They slowly turn and stare at the door. A big sign on it reads, "DANGER: HIGH VOLTAGE"*
HIEI: *leaning on the wall in Shadow's room with his eyes closed* Yusuke, you pansy, are you going to open the door or not?!
YUSUKE: *too horrified to speak*
KURAMA: *carrying a mop and a bucket full of soapy bloody water* He's not, Hiei, he's too scared of the weasels. You might as well just camp out in there tonight, cuz they're kinda blocking the door, so I can't help you.
HIEI: What?! CURSE YOU, FOX!
KURAMA: What, it's not like Yusuke is gonna realize it and use it for blackmail. He's in shock out here. I think this is the most terrified I've ever seen him.
SHADOW: What about the dolt?
KURAMA: Kuwabara is... I think he's lost his mind.
SHADOW: Yeah! So those weasels are more useful than just eating traveling salesmen!
KURAMA: It seems that way, doesn't it... Okay, well I'm going to go dump out this mess of blood, because the smell is... not doing anything good for me. *walks away*
YUSUKE: *shaking with fear and still staring at the 'high voltage' sign on the weasel door* Omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod....
KUWABARA: *running in circles waving his arms* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THE HORROR!!! THE HOOOORRRRROOOORRRRRRRRR!!!
SHADOW: Well, you can try to bust down the door, or you can sleep and see if those lunatics outside recover by morning. If not... Explosions are guaranteed... *pulls out a stick of dynamite*
HIEI: Who in their right mind carries DYNAMITE around, girl?!
SHADOW: Hiei, you should know by now that I'm not in my right mind! *smiles, tosses him the dynamite and curls up in her bed, promptly falling asleep two seconds later, leaving Hiei standing there with a stick of dynamite*
HIEI: *staring at the dynamite* Heh heh... *smiles evilly*
SHADOW: *wakes up suddenly, gets up, walks over, and snatches her dynamite back* No explosions while I'm sleeping. *sticks the dynamite in a dresser drawer and goes back to bed*
HIEI: *sulking* Curses on her.
~*~ The next morning ~*~
*Yusuke and Kuwabara recovered some time around 4 in the morning and pulled off the boards from Shadow's doorway*
YUSUKE: *looking around Shadow's room* They didn't sleep together.
*Shadow is in her bed and Hiei is on the floor. Both of them are sound asleep*
KUWABARA: I wonder how much it would take to wake them up...
KURAMA: *walking by the door* Not much. I suggest you get out, guys, and--- KUWABARA!!!
KUWABARA: Heh heh. *pokes Hiei* Poke poke poke AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
HIEI: NEVER DO THAT, YOU UGLY BOY!!! *punches Kuwabara in the face*
KUWABARA: AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! *hugs Yusuke's leg* MOMMY, SHORTY PUNCHED ME!!!
YUSUKE: LET GO OF ME, FATSO! *kicks Kuwabara in the head*
KURAMA: *flinching and watching Shadow* Please don't wake up... Please don't wake up... Shut up guys... She's going to wake up...
KUWABARA: OOOWWWWWW!!! *sits back, rubbing his head*
YUSUKE: NEVER HUG ME!
KUWABARA: I didn't mean tooooooo!!! *starts crying*
SHADOW: *groans and rolls over*
HIEI: *staring at Shadow with a look or terror on his face* Oh shit. *darts out of the room*
KURAMA: *still staring at Shadow in horror* She's going to wake up... Be quiet... Stop screaming... Yusuke... You're doomed...
HIEI: What are you doing! Run for it! *grabs Kurama and is halfway down the hall when it happens*
SHADOW: *screaming louder than anything in the world* WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!
DYNAMITE: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
YUSUKE & KUWABARA: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
SHADOW: GET THE HECK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! OUT!!! NOW!!! LAST TIME I CHECKED, I NEVER LET BOYS IN MY ROOM WHEN I'M SLEEPING!!!
YUSUKE: *burnt and on fire still from the explosion* What about Hiei?
SHADOW: Hiei's okay. BUT YOU'RE NOT! NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!
*Yusuke and Kuwabara run out of the room screeching like a whipped dog with their hands over their heads. Shadow slides out into the hall a second later waving a katana in one hand and a meat cleaver in the other*
HIEI: *his hand shoots back to his sheath and he realizes his sword is gone* O_O My... katana...
KURAMA: How'd she get a hold of it?
HIEI: Why are you asking me?! I don't know!!! What do you think I am? Psychic?!
KURAMA: *looks at Hiei's forehead* Yes.
HIEI: *he goes cross-eyed trying to look at his own forehead* Oh yeah. Oops. WELL I STILL DON'T KNOW!
SHADOW: Well, that got rid of them... Hiei, this is yours! *throws the katana at Hiei, who catches and sheaths it*
HIEI: Uh... Are you gonna kick us out to?
SHADOW: No, idiot! You live here.
KURAMA: I don't.
SHADOW: Well, you're not some blackmailing freak who wakes me up early in the morning.
KURAMA: Shadow, it's noon already.
SHADOW: Kurama?
KURAMA: Yes?
SHADOW: Shut up.
KURAMA: O_O ... -_- Well FINE then. Be that way!
SHADOW: I will. And you can't do anything about it!
DOORBELL: DING DONG!!!
SHADOW: Hiei, would you answer that?
HIEI: Why? It's probably just Yusuke and Kuwabara begging forgiveness so they can get back in here and try to blackmail us.
SHADOW: Well, I have a little idea that will soon turn into a big working plan with the help of that fox you've got there.
HIEI: *looks at Kurama, looking confused* I haven't got him. He's just standing here.
SHADOW: Well---
DOORBELL: BUZZ!!!
SHADOW: I'm still going to turn my idea into a big working plan with his help.
HIEI: Why can't I help?
SHADOW: Cuz you're not some thousand-year-old genius teenager.
HIEI: *sulks*
DOORBELL: BEEEEP!!!
SHADOW: Now please go answer the door!
HIEI: *glares at her for a second before moping past her, muttering under his breath*
SHADOW: *grabs Hiei by the back of his shirt and pulls him back* I hope I'm mistaken, but did I just hear you say I was a slave driver?!
HIEI: O_O *a little halo appears over his head* Of course not! Why would you think I'd said something so cruel to my bestest friend?! ^_^
KURAMA: But...
SHADOW: Well, that's sure what it sounded like.
HIEI: Well, you're not. You're my bestest friend.
KURAMA: But...
SHADOW: Then what did you say?
HIEI: I... uh... said you were a really nice person and I love you?
KURAMA: But...
SHADOW: What part of that sounds like 'slave driver'?
HIEI: Hm... That'll take some thought. Can I get back to you on that?
KURAMA: But...
SHADOW: Sure. Think about it on your way to the door.
HIEI: Fine. *mutters something under his breath*
SHADOW: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
HIEI: *the halo bursts into flames and disintegrates* Nothing!
SHADOW: Curses. You know, I think you're lying.
HIEI: ^_^ I wouldn't lie to my bestest friend!
KURAMA: But...
DOORBELL: WE HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY, ARE YOU AWARE OF THAT? COME ON, SNAP TO IT, PANSIES!!!
HIEI: *glares up at the speaker on the ceiling* I'll go answer the door.
SHADOW: Good boy. *lets go of him and he runs downstairs*
KURAMA: But... *staring blankly*
SHADOW: What's wrong?
KURAMA: I thought I was his bestest friend!!!
SHADOW: No, you're his best friend. I don't exist, since bestest isn't a word and so therefore there can't be such a thing as a bestest friend.
KURAMA: *looks happy* Okay!
SHADOW: You're the genius, you should have figured that out.
KURAMA: Heh... *sweatdrop*
HIEI: *from downstairs* SHADOW!!!
SHADOW: WHAT?!
HIEI: COME DOWN HERE, PLEASE!!!
SHADOW: *rolls her eyes* WHY?
HIEI: JUST GET DOWN HERE PLEASE!!!
SHADOW: WELL WHO'S THE SLAVE DRIVER NOW?
*~* Downstairs *~*
HIEI: *glances at the people at the door* Heh heh. Ignore her. She's slightly demented.
MAN AT THE DOOR #1: I'm curious, though. If she's demented, why do you need her to come down here?
HIEI: Shadow is the one who owns the house and takes care of all of... this kind of stuff. You just stay right there. *darts down the hall and up the stairs* SHA-- OW!!!
*Hiei ran straight into Shadow on the stairs and they both fall down the stairs*
MAN AT THE DOOR #2: Oh dear. ARE YOU OKAY, SIR?
HIEI: Yes, we're fine.
*Shadow and Hiei walk around the corner. Shadow is distracted with trying to lick a small cut near her elbow and doesn't notice the men at the door*
HIEI: Shadow?
SHADOW: *looks at Hiei* Yeah?
HIEI: *points at the two men at the door*
SHADOW: *looks up and instantly jumps backwards, falling over the back of the couch and landing upside down on her head. She jumps up with a look of horror on her face* JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES!!!
JW (Jehovah's witness, formerly Man At The Door) #1: Yes... We were wondering if you had a spare minute so we could talk to you?
SHADOW: NOO!!!
JW #2: Well. maybe you can read this in your spare time. *holds out a pamphlet*
SHADOW: N-- You know what, actually, I do... Come upstairs. *grabs Hiei and drags him upstairs*
HIEI: What the heck are you doing?!
SHADOW: Shhh! *stops outside the door with the 'high voltage' sign on it and flips that sign around. On the other side it says 'welcome!!!' with flowers and bunny rabbits and cuteness*
HIEI: *jaw drops* Shadow... You're demented, you realize that don't you?
SHADOW: *smiles evilly* Yeah! It's great, isn't it!
HIEI: O_O
JW #1: *finally getting up the stairs* We thank you for allowing us in, but why do you want us up here? Couldn't we just talk in the living room or something?
SHADOW: No. This is my visitor's room. *opens the door and pushes the two guys inside, slamming the door behind them*
JW #1: What?! Hey!
JW #2: AAAGH!!! FERRETS!!!
JW #1: WHAT?! AAAAHHHHH!!!
SHADOW: THEY'RE WEASELS, YOU RETARDED FOOLS!!! WEASELS, NOT SOME PANSY LITTLE HOUSE PET!!!
HIEI: O_O
*the Jehovah's witnesses are screaming and the weasels are screeching and finally there's silence. Kurama was standing down the hall and saw the whole thing*
KURAMA: Shadow, that's... not... intelligent, exactly...
SHADOW: Oh, shut up, fox boy. Did you really think I'm intelligent?!
KURAMA: Well, that IQ test you took once said your IQ is 132, which is above average, so I'm just saying... You're smart, why don't you ACT LIKE IT?!
SHADOW: I don't want to, and some pansy red haired spirit-fox-in-a-human's- body isn't about to make me.
KURAMA: Pansy!?
HIEI: Oopsy. Shadow, you shouldn't have said that.
KURAMA: Pansy?!
SHADOW: *nodding* Yah. You heard me.
KURAMA: I AM NOT A PANSY!!! KUWABARA IS A PANSY!!! I AM NOT!!!
HIEI: He's an angry pansy.
KURAMA: HIEI!!!
SHADOW: He's a furious pansy.
KURAMA: SHUT THE ^(&# UP!!!
HIEI: NO!!! THE CENSOR-PERSON'S CURSID SHIFT-NUMBER CENSOR!!!
CENSOR GUY #2: *rises up out of the floor* MUWAHAHAHAHHA!!! YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE THE WRATH OF THE CENSOR PEOPLE!!!
SHADOW: SHUT UP, (&%*^&@
CG #2: *laughing insanely*
KURAMA: *punches the guy in the jaw* SHUT UP, YOU &%#)(&*
CG #2: *rubbing his jaw* I'm ashamed of you, Kurama. That didn't hurt!
KURAMA: *kicks him in the crotch* How about that?!
*The censor guy stands, completely normal, not even a speck of pain on his face*
HIEI: No way.
KURAMA: This guy...
SHADOW: IS IMMORTAL!!!
ALL: *look at each other for a second* AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *start running in circles* GOD HELP US!!!
KOENMA: *appears* You called?
HIEI: *stops* You're not God. ()&% off.
KOENMA: What is this crossdressing censor woman doing here!?
ALL (except CG and Koenma): O_O What the )*^%?!
SHADOW: *pale* You mean...
HIEI: *very pale* This guy is actually...
KURAMA: *white* A... girl?!
ALL THREE: *look at each other with looks of complete horror on their faces* OH MY GOD!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *start running in circles (and other similar shapes), eventually crashing into either the walls of each other and falling down*
KOENMA: Well, I see no point in my being here... *vanishes*
CG #2: Well, I hope you learned your lesson. Never cuss, or you might get your house invaded by a girl with a moustache. *walks away*
*Kurama, Hiei, and Shadow are laying there, unconscious from running into walls or smashing their heads together. Yusuke comes sneaking up the stairs, laughing evilly, and pushes Shadow and Kurama together, snaps a few pictures, and runs away again, leaving them cluelessly laying on the hallway floor, unconscious*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Okay, if you don't hate Jehovah's witnesses, you must either be a Jehovah's witness or be rather oblivious to the world... I don't like them much, so you can understand why I would want to feed them to weasels. And since I can't REALLY feed people to weasels, Shadow did it for me. I don't keep rooms full of rabid bloodthirsty starved weasels...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SHADOW: YES!
HIEI: What?!
SHADOW: I've figured out what to do with all the loony bin people when I get out of here!
HIEI: What?
SHADOW: Well, we've been in here for way too long, and unless Kurama has fed the weasels...
HIEI: *smiles evilly then bursts out laughing* Shadow, sometimes I love you.
SHADOW: O_O
HIEI: Unless, of course, I hate you. Then I don't love you.
SHADOW: O_o
HIEI: Right. Oh, I'm in a good mood. So good that I'm not going to kill the reader for watching me!