A/N: . . . .Pra. . .is. .e. .*gasp* need. . .praise. . .*hic*. . .prai. . .
Yami^munchie: Ah, you called me 'Kelly-sama'! No one's ever done that before! *Sob!* Arigato!!! *Kelly goes off to a corner to bawl in private*
Cephalantus: Nyahahahaha! I'm going to have Kyo cry a LOT. . .the angst is upped in this arc and not just for Kyo!
Literary Eagle: Inu vs. Neko. Who do you think will win? ^^
Jess: Maa, maa Jess-chan. . .of COURSE Kyo's going to suffer a lot. . .I have to torture Takashi in SOME way. . .Ohohohoho!
Warning: Taka-angst, Tats being cute!
Disclaimer: You all know to whom YnM belongs to, the info I got on rape is from a website which I forgot (so sorry!) and PS2© belongs to Sony and Devil May Cry 2© is under Capcom.
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CHAPTER 4: Lies
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He rubbed a weary hand against his forehead. "In the end, I had to use a sleep 'fuda on him," he confessed.
He was standing by the big windows in Watari's lab that overlooked the sakura park of the JuuOhCho building. The light that shone through the sparkling clean glass, though soft, nevertheless hurt his eyes. Not surprising considering that he didn't sleep at all last night. A rustle of cloth against cloth told him that Watari was joining him and the blond handed him a steaming mug of coffee. Takashi took the proffered mug with gratefulness. They stood side by side and watched the scene outside in contemplative silence.
Tsuzuki, Hisoka and Kyo were out there, involved, in all things, a game of tag it looks like. Tsuzuki and Kyo seemed determined to do something to the flaxen-haired boy with the long, trailing pink ribbons they held in their hands.
"He seems to be doing alright," Watari murmured from behind the rim of his upraised mug.
Takashi sighed in exasperation. "You're close to Kyo, you know he can be as stubborn as a mule when it comes to talking about his problems."
"You got that right," Watari said wryly. "Sometimes I feel like knocking his head in."
No more were said for a few minutes while they watched the three of them at their game. The tables had been turned on Kyo. Now, it was Hisoka and Tsuzuki chasing him around the grassy clearing and judging by the way Kyo's lagging, Takashi give him a fairly slim chance of escaping the ribbons Hisoka now holds. Even as he watched his love like a ghostly sentinel in his white lab coat, he replayed again the scene from last night.
After more than ten minutes, Kyo's hysterical outburst had shown no signs of abating. Takashi had tried everything; rubbing his back, stroking his hair, rocking him back and forth, everything! Nothing worked. Nothing that he did or say could comfort him. Desperate then, he had run to the bedroom and yanked open the bedside drawer that held their stack of ofudas. Grabbing the talisman he wanted, he ran back out and not long after, he had Kyo slumped in his arms. Though he had fallen asleep, it took a while before the tears stopped. Again, he winced inwardly at the thought of having to cast a spell on Kyo. It felt. . .wrong. Like he had betrayed him or something.
Takashi took the unconscious Kyo to bed then and held him close throughout the night. His fear and worry gnawed at him till he felt like screaming his head off. But in the end, all he did was to hug Kyo tighter.
When the glowing red numbers of the alarm clock told him with mechanical cheerfulness that it was 8 a.m., reluctantly, Takashi pulled off the talisman from Kyo's forehead that had seemed like a cruel parody of a Chinese vampire movie we had watched together some time ago. (Look! Here comes the vampire! Slap the talisman on his forehead and you'll be saved!)
It took Kyo several minutes to pull himself out of the deep, dreamless sleep the spell had put him in. When his eyes fluttered open, Takashi saw momentary confusion and a slice of fear. Seeing Takashi, Kyo closed his eyes again, clenching them tightly shut and swallowing his throat convulsively. When next he opened his eyes again, all traces of the fear and confusion were gone. Replaced by a veil of blank cheer.
"What do you think is going on?" Watari finally spoke up.
"My question exactly."
The both of them whirled around in surprise at the unexpected voice. Tatsumi was standing in the open doorway of the lab, adjusting his glasses and looking a bit uncomfortable at the sudden scrutiny.
"I knocked earlier but nobody heard me," he said by way of explanation.
"Please!" Watari blushed rather cutely and flapped his arms at Tatsumi like a flustered mother hen. "Come in! Do you want some coffee?"
Tatsumi nodded and murmured a thank you as a couple of minutes later, he was given a blue, slightly chipped mug of dark coffee, just the way he liked it. Their fingers brushed together as Watari handed him the mug and Takashi have never saw anyone blush that hard and that fast. The both of them.
"Oh, go ahead and give him a kiss," Takashi rolled his eyes, worry temporarily set aside. "I don't mind," he added with a mischievous grin.
If anything, that made them blush the harder until with a nip from 003, Watari darted forwards and pecked Tatsumi's cheek; his own version of a loving nip. The secretary looked pleased for a moment even as his blush was approaching the tomato stage. But he wasn't described as 'infallible' for nothing. He cleared his throat and faced the auburn-haired man directly.
"What's going on Takashi-san? Why are the both of you here? Kacho gave you both a week off for your honeymoon."
True enough, despite the vacation time they had gotten, the both of them got up this morning, dressed, had breakfast and went off to work as usual. Takashi didn't bring up the fact that they were off-duty and neither did Kyo. When they walked in at their usual time, not a few eyebrows were raised in mute surprise at the unexpected presence. Tsuzuki had seemed on the verge of asking why when Takashi had given him a sharp shake of his head, the message carrying clear across. Besides, how can they not miss the strain evident in his face? Kyo, of course, was as cheerful as ever. But being Shinigamis gives you a clearer perception of your surroundings than other normal people. Their friends acted as though nothing was out of the ordinary with the remarkable dexterity gained from spending your afterlife with a bunch of co-workers whose past was just as colorful, just as painful, and just as bitter as your own.
He gave Tatsumi a brief but clear outline of last night's events. No doubt that Watari would fill him in later with the smaller details he was too tired to mention.
"And your opinion is?" Tatsumi followed his gaze to the clearing outside. Tsuzuki and Hisoka had tackled Kyo the ground and were busy tying every available lock of his hair into pigtails with the ribbons they had.
Takashi didn't think. He just acted. He slammed his fist into the wall beside the window, startling a squawk of indignation from 003 and grated out, "He was. . .raped," he nearly spat the word out, "and nearly killed. That it happened was bad enough but he was taken right in front of us! He's breaking down now only because the last 3 months he's been unconscious!"
"Except for that time in the infirmary," Tatsumi reminded him quietly.
He thumped his head back against the injured wall and sank slowly to the floor. "Aa."
"You're the doctor, Takashi-san. What can we do to help him now?"
Takashi covered his face with his hands and stifled the urge to break into frustrated laughter. Yeah, he was the doctor all right. The doctor who can't even help his own love when he desperately needed it. The doctor who could only watch as his love was taken.
"Just. . ." his voice failed him suddenly and he tried again. "Just. . .try to act normally. He needs that. If we start to treat him differently, it'll only agitate him further."
"Is that all?"
He sighed heavily. "That's all. For now."
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He felt like he was living a masquerade.
Every morning, he put on a brave face for Kyo, for his love. When all he wanted to do is to break down and cry. Cry for the pain that Kyo went through and is still going through. They wake up, they smile, they talk, they go to work, they do their job and they keep smiling. But bit by bit, day by day, Kyo was dying again. Oh, not the kind of death that cuts your soul from your flesh but the kind of death that cuts you off from life, friends and everything else around you till you're only an empty shell, a marionette dancing on your invisible strings.
And as Kyo dies, he dies with him.
As they live this masquerade, he came to a realization; that they're all such good actors. Saya, Yuma, Wakaba, Terazuma, even Tatsumi and Watari; they're all acting out their lives. Each of them were inflicted with scars that run so deep, they cling on to a world that doesn't need or want them anymore. Because they need and want it still. So what of scars inflicted upon them in this in-between stage? They accepted the post of a God of Death because they could not accept Death itself. So they bring Death to others. And when new scars are given, or old scars are bled open, what does it make them?
A Shinigami's Shinigami?
Extra-concentrated Shinigamis?
They all live a masquerade and they all remember their lines and their scenes. After all, a play's success depends on the smoothness of the scenes flowing into another, the conviction of the actors reciting their lines, the quality of the script.
And Kyo?
For now, Kyo is the leading actor.
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Rape is something not mentioned in polite society. Even if it is, the 'r' word is uttered with a hushed tone as though to speak it out loud would bring down condemnation upon you. In other words, rape is taboo.
So it's no surprise that a majority of rape cases go unreported every year. Statistics may show one thing but it doesn't show the victims who were too afraid, too ashamed or too anything to step up and say, "I've been raped."
But not all is grim. As years, knowledge and awareness influence people more and more, we see a lessening of the attitude that automatically ostracizes rape victims for 'having brought it on to themselves'. Encouraged by this new expansion of mind-set, more and more rape victim centers are established and proper care and help is offered for the victims.
But don't think only girls got it bad. For the vast majority of rape cases that go unreported, there's a percentage, and one that is steadily increasing, of male rape victims. It's not just a case of homosexual rape, after all, what a man can do, so can a woman. If it's hard for a woman to report being raped, imagine how hard it is for a man? After all, aren't they the tough one? The strong one? The 'I'm Tarzan, you Jane'?
So take into account the fact that society has been brought up to believe and practice the attitude that men are supposed to be emotionally invulnerable. That crying is for sissies and rape simply does not occur to men. Admit it, it is the men that usually does the rape, right?
Now remember, when a friend or loved one has been through such an experience, whether male or female, it is important to understand what they're going through so that you can help them recover. The process is not exactly mapped out and planned. A general guideline can be given of normal reactions that can be expected and how to handle each of them.
Lesson one: although every survivor you encounter will be unique, many will have one thing in common: Rape Trauma Syndrome (RTS). Identified by Ann Wolbert Burgess and Lynda Lytle Holmstrom, RTS is a cluster of emotional responses to the extreme stress experienced by the survivor during the sexual assault. RTS occurs in two phases:
The Acute (Initial) Phase, which usually lasts anywhere from a few days to a few weeks after the attack.
The Reorganization Phase, which usually lasts anywhere from a few weeks to several days after the attack.
Often, the end of the Acute Phase will overlap the beginning of the Reorganization Phase. Each phase is characterized by particular emotional and physical concerns that most survivors experience.
The Acute Phase
During this phase, the survivor experiences a complete disruption of their life. Survivors may display any of a number of contrasting emotional responses. A survivor may cry, shout, swear, laugh nervously, be silent, discuss the weather, or sit calmly. Responses may vary depending on any one of a number of external and experiential circumstances. No response is inappropriate! However, responses fall into one of two main styles:
Expressed
Controlled
If a survivor uses the Expressed style, they openly display their emotions. They may be agitated and restless, talk a lot, cry, swear, shout, and laugh. Any emotion is appropriate--because every person has his or her own unique way of responding to events in their life.
If a survivor uses the Controlled style, they contain their emotions. Most of the survivor's energy is directed toward maintaining composure. They may sit calmly, respond to questions in a detached, logical way, and downplay their fear, sadness, anger, and anxiety.
Both of these styles of emotional response reflect different ways of dealing with a crisis. A person may also exhibit characteristics of both styles. Following the shock and disbelief most survivors initially experience, they may experience a variety of emotions or mood swings. Survivors may feel angry, afraid, lucky to be alive, humiliated, dirty, sad, confused, vengeful, degraded. All of these responses, as well as the many that are not listed, are normal. In short, whatever a survivor is feeling is valid because they are feeling it. It is how they express their reaction to the rape crisis.
The survivor will often notice disruptions in their usual sleeping and eating patterns. They may not be able to eat or sleep, or may eat more than usual and be unable to stay awake. Survivors may report nightmares in which they relive the assault. These may evolve into dreams in which the survivor takes the violent role in some way, in effect reclaiming the control lost during the assault. Although both types of dreams may upset a person, they are part of the healing process. Sexual assault is such a traumatic event that the survivor may dream about it in some way throughout their life.
* * *
Every day it seems as though he was coming home later and later.
Work just keeps on piling up in the office and all of them are hard-pressed to keep up. It's bad enough that one case can take a few days to a couple of weeks to be solved, the subsequent paperwork that they need to do is enough to make them want to bang the head of the next yuurei they meet. Or maybe make it do the paperwork.
Kyo would usually come home earlier than he did, thanks to direct orders from himself enforced by a well-timed glare from Tatsumi. Takashi found out that Tsuzuki had a near similar burn experience some time back and that it took the purple-eyed man a few months to recover his full strength. Kyo meanwhile, was barely a month out of the infirmary and was always running himself ragged. Takashi tried to take as much of the workload as possible to let him have some rest but the significant amount he took ends up not counting much as the work just pops up as soon as the last one is wrapped up.
Their free time, they spent it at home like they always do; watch tv, read a book or just sit in silence. Kyo never brought up the time when he broke down and he didn't either. Takashi could tell it wasn't time yet. Thankfully, Kyo didn't have another episode either but that could be due to the fact that they don't make love anymore.
Or kiss even.
Oh, they still sleep in the same bed. They still hold each other close at night and Kyo still gives him a good morning peck on the cheek but that's as far as it goes. But who was he to complain? If Kyo can get better, then what's a few months of abstinence?
After all, it's the least he could do.
That day, Takashi came home quite late, probably around 10 p.m. He let himself in the apartment and as he toed off my shoes, he let out a weary "Tadaima."
He could hear a faint "Okaeri nasai!" in reply coming from the living room. Shrugging off his coat, he hung it on an empty wall hook, trudged off to the kitchen first to put something in the fridge and then dragged his carcass over to his love.
Who was currently playing his Playstation 2.
He had bought one for Kyo not long after he was released from the infirmary. Takashi knew that Kyo could not take up work back full-time and he figured that it won't be long before Kyo'd get sick and tired of reading. So he bought him a PS2. He looked terribly cute playing it clad only in his pajamas and hair falling messily in his eyes as he battled the latest sword-wielding demon to cross his character's path. Right now, he was playing 'Devil May Cry 2', his current favourite.
"Kill me, please," Takashi groaned theatrically and flopped on to the floor beside Kyo. As he wiggled his way to place his head in Kyo's lap, Kyo obligingly lifted his arms to accommodate him and paused the game for a bit. Kyo patted Takashi's cheek in shared sympathy.
"That bad, huh?" he asked as he stroked autumn-colored hair.
Takashi may not get into absolute kitten-heaven like Kyo does when somebody does that, but he quite like it all the same. He snuggled a bit deeper before replying.
"Yeah," he sighed. "We tried talking to her for nearly an hour. That didn't work. In fact, she tried to turn us into yuureis too," he grouched. This case had seen him and Watari teamed up together to handle a case in his district. Kyo had wanted to come along but the circles under his eyes had not lessened and Takashi had refused to let him. While he thought of Watari as an efficient and competent Shinigami, he did wished for Kyo when the woman they tried to get to move on decided to show them some of the finer points of object levitation; namely sharp objects. Watari may be the absolute genius in the whole of JuuOhCho but he's totally lacking in the firepower department. This case today had a heart-stopping moment or two but thankfully, they survived and the woman was sent on.
"Have you had dinner yet?" Takashi asked Kyo as he started the game again. The main character of Devil May Cry was a frost haired guy in very cool clothes called Dante. Kyo favoured using his double revolvers when it comes to blasting away the lower level demons and Takashi watched in idle curiosity as he cheerfully blasted away one into nothing more but bits of blood and gore.
"Yup," Kyo said, not taking his eyes away from the tv screen. "I tried to wait for you but I got too hungry," he apologised.
"No harm done," Takashi assured him. "I don't want you starving anyway. So how was the lasagna?"
"Of course it's good you ninny," Kyo rolled his eyes and nudged the older man off with an elbow. "Go eat and take a shower. You'll feel better. Plus, you're ruining my concentration."
Takashi got to his feet and shot Kyo a woeful look. "Ah, Kyo my love. I've been set aside for a 2-dimensional guy wearing skin-tight vest. I don't stand a chance!"
In answer, Kyo threw a pillow at him.
Laughing, he dodged the flying missile easily and dutifully trooped off to the kitchen to have his dinner. He had correctly assumed that he would not have time to cook today so he had made the lasagna yesterday. All Kyo had to do was pop it in the oven when he got hungry. The lasagna stood on the dining table, a portion already gone. He took a plate and scooped some up, the cheese still a gooey mess thankfully, and he had his dinner in the armchair with Kyo sitting on the floor between his legs, still killing demons left and right with glee.
They talked of inconsequential things as Takashi ate; about work, Watari and Tatsumi, and some other little stuff. When he finished his dinner, Takashi went to the kitchen and took out the little something he brought back earlier. It was a triple layer dark chocolate cake with real chocolate frosting. This was Kyo's favourite kind of cake. Smart man that he was, he also remembered to buy a can of whipped cream to eat with it and took out the red canister from the fridge. Twisting the cap open, he grunted a bit as the cap proved to be quite stubborn. A little more twisting and the thing finally flew off, only to land in the trash can.
Takashi swore under his breath. Just great. He sighed and bent down, poking back some of the trash to look for the cap. He found it in between a fold of plastic and as he grasped it, he accidentally hooked up a corner of the plastic.
And he found what was left of Kyo's dinner. Or rather, all of it with only a bite or two missing. He stared at it for a full minute as he let the implication of what he was seeing sink in.
Almost dreamily, Takashi then cut a large slice of cake for Kyo with whipped cream topping and brought it out front. Sitting back in the armchair, he gave the plate to Kyo.
"Look, I got you a surprise," Takashi smiled.
If he hadn't known what to look for or been aware that there was something to look for, he would have missed the slight flinching and Kyo's mouth tightening a bit as he took the plate from his hand.
"Thank you, Taka," he smiled and took a bite of the cake. "Delicious," Kyo announced and Takashi leaned back in the chair.
The older man kept him in small talk as he set aside the cake to play his game. Several minutes had passed by and he still hasn't touched his plate again. Takashi gently reminded him that his cake was melting if he wasn't going to eat it soon. The cake was already sagging in the middle and the whipped cream was running all over the plate.
He could have sworn then that Dante took a few more swings with his sword at some ugly brute than was necessary.
Pausing the game, Kyo took up the plate and stared at it, biting his lower lip. His fork hovered indecisively over the cake.
"What's the matter?" Takashi asked calmly. "Don't you like it?"
"Of course I do!" Kyo answered quickly, his voice bright and cheerful. "I'm just feeling a bit full from dinner."
"Oh? That's a surprise, considering the fact that your dinner's in the trash can."
The plate crashed down on the coffee table and the fork clattered to the floor, trailing a smear of chocolate and cream. Kyo shot to his feet and glared, his eyes blazing with anger.
"So now you're spying on me?" he snarled, fists clenched at his sides.
"I wasn't." he corrected the boy blandly. "It was by accident. How long has this been going on? How long have you not been eating?"
Kyo refused to look at him. Instead, his eyes slid over to the side while his fists clenched and unclenched rhythmically. Their relationship had never contained violence. Never have they raised a hand against one another. Though they do fight like normal couples do, it tended to be more of a shouting match which helped them work out their frustration and the argument would soon be forgotten. However, looking at him then, Takashi could feel violence hanging tangibly in the air. And not just from Kyo either. Takashi himself felt like taking Kyo's shoulders and giving him a hard shake. How could he do this to himself? Is this why he was still so painfully thin after all this time?
"I asked you how long!"
His eyes snapped back, flashing but he still refused to say a word. He spun around and stalked to the bedroom and a moment later, the door slammed closed behind him.
Takashi spent the entire night on the couch.
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~to be continued~
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A/N: . . .praise! . . .*gasp*. . .need. . .*choke*. . . .please. . .*splutter*. .pr-ack!
Aha, gomen, gomen, I felt like being a little dramatic for a bit. So how was it? The part about the Chinese vampire is true you know. Or at least, in the movies it is. That's my favourite kind of horror movie. A Chinese vampire one. Have you guys seen one? A Chinese vampire wears this certain traditional robes and doesn't walk. Instead, it hops with its hands extended straight out. It can't see you but can hear you breathe and to stop one, you have to slap a certain talisman on its forehead and maybe use a bit of blood of a black dog! If what I say is crap, then don't blame me! Blame the movies! Ohohoho!
P.S: A friend of mine said her cousin saw one in front of her house one night. It was hopping down the road as she watched and it disappeared. When she looked for it, it appeared right in front of her! *whimpers* Scary!
P.P.S: PLEASE tell me how to torture other characters! I need help!