Title: His Judas
Author: Licked Ice
Rating: R
Summary: "But this is not that story. This is the story of us. This is the story of Bella and Sirius."
Pairing Bellatrix, Sirius. Bella/Voldemort. Incest, violence and dark themes.
Author's notes: This is my first fic, please be kind and leave a review. I'm considering doing more like this, but I need to know if you want them.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but you know that.
Archive: Sure, but ask.
Feedback: Yes, please!
____________________________________________________________________________ ________ His Judas
I am not his favorite cousin, and he is not mine. We accepted this of one another a long time ago. His is my sister, Andromeda. She is all that I am not. She's like he pretends to be brilliant, funny, nice and filled with light, despite our name. She is the one who will break the family curse, and he knows this. She will escape.
My favorite is his brother Regulus. He's like me. He knows of he darkness inside of himself, and he fears it. But ultimately he will accept it. He accepts the title and the label of it, the pride and the privilege. The Noble House of Black. We both know that even in death you will not be free of your bloodline. Purity's gift and it's curse. Regulus will be consumed by it.
The one who isn't my favorite likes to torment me. He lives to do it, and I don't mind. It's the outlet for the side of him that he attempts to deny. He can kill things to frighten me, so I act frightened when he gives me small birds or fish or squirrels bodies. It is all right for him to hit me, if I act hurt when he leaves purple and blue and black kisses against my skin. It is all right for him to kiss me if I squirm and pretend I don't like it when the thick heat of his tongue brushed against mine.
But it's all an act.
He acts differently as well. He's another person when we are alone together. He tells me how frightened he is of being the heir apparent as he holds my hand against his chest. He confides in me his worries about school as the dreaded day grows closer, and he holds me in his lap, his face in my hair. He reminds me of the hate of his future marriage, and how he wishes he could kill Kiera Malfoy his intended bride. And then he holds my wrists, his mouth against my neck.
I soothe him the best I can, and press my fingers against his lips to quiet him. He kisses them and then bites me a little bit to hear me gasp and my breath quicken. After he asks me if we will always be together like this, and all I can do is smile sadly, pressing my lips against his. I close my eyes as he looses his hands in my mass of black hair. I know I cannot lie to him, not outright and not about this. Tomorrow he will leave me for Hogwarts.
Regulus gloated to me when he told me the news, as if he had seen through the fiction of hate all along. Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor, and the thousand-year line of Blacks in Slytherin was broken for the first time. Not even my sister had even dared to do that. I acted angry at the family meeting to follow, but on the inside I was crying.
He had convinced the sorting hat that he differed from what he really was. I knew then that things would be forever changed.
He was the Black family Judas, the betrayer of the family of betrayers.
He was by Judas, the betrayer of the betrayed.
Those holidays we did not see him, and for half the summer he spent with the people he had betrayed me with. And then the Sirius I knew didn't come home. Instead this other creation came home. He was different, cocky, teasing. but the anger was still there, hidden behind the jovial eyes that he shown. He knew how angry it would make his mother. She was violent, trying to drive this new person out of him. She knew like I did how he truly was inside.
As he grew angrier and angrier, I waited for him to come to me for three weeks. I waited in our secret place hoping that he would come and emerge into the real Sirius again. The night before I was to leave for Hogwarts, I went to find him. For the first time I entered his room and was shocked at what I found there. His black room was now red, as if someone had splashed it with blood. I shivered as I looked at him, sitting on the floor by his bed. Quickly I went to him, was on my knees beside him.
His hands wrapped around mine as he looked at me with deadened eyes, his mouth touching my palm. He begged me to deny everything that I was, everything that he really was. The words spilt like sorrow, words that really didn't come from his own mouth. He kissed me pleadingly, his lips lying with that fake tenderness. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand him. He couldn't say my name with longing and at the same time deny his own.
I slapped him as hard as I possibly could, my nails leaving trails of blood in their wake. For a moment he simply stared at me before he sneered. His voice was soft and bitter, more like the Sirius I used to know, the one who was mine. "Is that all you've got, Bella? Is that all you've got?" He hit me back then, hard and violent, the way he used to, but I didn't cry out. I just walked away from him with disgust,
The next day I went to Hogwarts, and we both ignored one another on the train. The Sorting Hat reminded me about the promise I didn't make. He told me then that Sirius's fate would be in my hands and my hands alone. I could push him until his ideal or I could lock him into mine.
I couldn't accept that. Instead I ran from him, from his mocking honey eyes, from the repulsion in them. I ran and burrowed into the darkest place I could find. I dove into the deepest depths of the snake pit. Determination is a powerful motivation, and I was going to prove to be the opposite of what he wanted to be.
I suppose you could say I succeeded beyond belief.
My favorite cousin was my way in, that and my looks. I flirted; I kissed and whispered my way into the inner circle. My body didn't matter to me anymore, it was simply another weapon, and another currency to by what I wanted. And what I wanted was darkness. All the time they thought they were using me, but it was really me who was using them.
With each year I grew more powerful, and darker, fulfilling the role that Sirius never did.
I was in my fourth year the next time I saw my Sirius. My Sirius, not the whitewashed form he claimed to be. I had been working with Severus. Of all the boys, he was the one I had he most kinship with, he knew me best. I almost felt as if I had a kinship to him. If we were other people, I might have called it love. But we were snakes, and our cold hearts belonged to other people.
But for Sirius, seeing me for what I was now was a huge shock. I knew he watched me from the lion table, I could feel his eyes on me and his hands against my skin. But we hadn't been that close in such a long time. He actually thought Severus was taking advantage of me. He thought he was taking advantage of me. I laughed in his face before I poured him a glass of whiskey, the brooding shades of his eyes. He watched me for a moment before kissed me. In the morning he was disgusted with himself, and he tried to blame it on me.
For the first time I refused to play his game, and act as he wished.
He hit me and I laughed at him, asking, "Is that all you've got, Sirius Black?" He looked at me and I didn't look away, I laughed in his face not playing his little toy anymore. In that moment I felt the fragile bridge of love crack below my feet. That night Sirius turned his back on the ancient and noble house of Black.
He told everyone I was a slut.
He was once again my Judas.
Shall I go on to tell you of the rest of my Hogwart's life without him, just the shadows and insults he left in his wake? I can tell you how he never looked at me again. I can tell you how he tormented Severus simply because he thought that he was my lover. He wasn't. I had long ago moved onto bigger and darker game.
I should probably tell you of my affairs with the older Lucius, or of my bouncing back between the Lestrange brothers, one a teacher and one in his last year of school. I could tell you of how I played Rodolphus and Rabastan against one another. I kept at school, learning darker and darker things. I knew that there would be no going back and I had no desire too. I was the Black, and that was perfect. Then I met the man who would define my life. Rodolphus introduced me to him and I was entranced. Right there I pledged my allegiance to him, and he took me too his bed before he branded me, and christened me with a new name, "La Bella Morte."
For me, My Lord was the anti-Sirius. Everything was different from him. It was he who took over my education, and I learned well. It was my Master who brought out all of the things inside myself that I had tried to bring out of Sirius. They were inside me all along. It was he who set me free.
On the night after my arranged wedding, he took me on my first mission. I laughed as I killed my first Auror as he begged me not to do it. There would be many more as I grew into the inner circle on the power of my merits, not because of who I was fucking, or anyone else.
My first act of the Circle of Seven was to kill my favorite cousin. He was frightened and gotten in too deep to compete with me. Silly boy, there was no competing with me. It was my resposibitly to kill him; he had betrayed me and my master. I only allowed one Judas, and he was not it. I didn't even feel badly, as he looked at me with his wide eyes, the one that matched my own. I kissed his lips before I pressed my wand to his head and killed him slowly, savoring the quaking of his body below mine.
Then came the horrible day when my Master was diminished. I gad seduced Peter into becoming a spy a year before he became the secret keeper. I knew my beloved to well. He would exploit the same thing I exploited in Peter: his weakness. He loved me, but I loathed him, hating him, as he would come to me, telling tales of Sirius while his lips kissed my body and inwardly I would shudder. I didn't love him; my love only belonged to two people. In this serpent's heart, there wasn't room to love anymore.
I admit now my mistake in seducing Barty into this life. At the trial I was embarrassed by how whiny and how stupid he was. Everyone knows of how I spoke out at the trial, so there's no need to revisit it here.
As for Azkaban, once I went in, I was dead. For twelve years I hovered on the abyss of it with only my memory for a view.
And then of course I was freed. I rejoiced when I felt my arm burn with his calling. I paid for my rebirth to life with a part of my beauty, but I was still the same inside. Tormented, daft and above all, evil.
I was still beautiful to my Master and too myself.
I could go into the time between then and now. I could whisper the plans that are even now being pulled into action. Hidden allies and enemies, all of it is simply waiting to be told.
But this is not that story. This is the story of us. This is the story of Bella and Sirius.
I killed him. It is as simple as that and yet as complicated as that. It is my doing that he should be in that time and place. I knew that he would run to Harry's side at the first sign of trouble. He would gladly give up life and limb to insure his safety. He would even sell his soul to save him.
I know because once he would have done the same for me.
His eyes met mine, burnt sugar through a flame. I expected hate in that second, a burning loathing that would scorch my skin with his emotion. I deserved it. But for one moment our eyes only held pictures of forgotten joy and memories that we attempted to forget but never really could.
We were hidden by the throng and lit by spells on either side like faerie lights. He pressed his hand to his lips and blew them towards me, and I mirrored the gesture. For a moment I felt his breath hovering over my skin before the final moment of the en guard was born. My wand was removed and thrown towards him, a simple spell, a dueling spell. He blocked it easily before he responded with a simple spell. We moved quicker after that, dancing with the efforts of the spells flying back and forth towards us. I never noticed how close we were getting to that damn veil.
He stepped closer to it, and the simple spell engulfed him as he flew backwards, tumbling towards the voices that I could hear on the other side. My face transformed in that second, as he stopped laughing. I screamed a sound that was pulled from my very core. I had killed my beloved, and yet I hadn't.
For a moment, I didn't know what to do how to react. I started to run, and then fought the other man, using a curse as quickly as possible. I knew I was in no frame of mind to attempt Avada. Dumbledore attempted to stop me, and I kept running. But then I heard Harry screaming he was going to kill me. I laughed, I had too. The boy, who lived, the chosen one of light's cause was going to kill me for killing Sirius. I find it entirely ironic that I could bring out the emotions in him that I couldn't bring out in my Sirius.
He tainted his soul on me, using it as collateral for the price of the Unforgivable Curse. And he didn't even understand what it meant. I had to laugh. You know what happened next. My Master came and took me away from everything, running from the Ministry. They know he's back now, but it doesn't matter we're still going to win.
But once again, that's not this story. This is the story of Bella and Sirius, from the Ancient and Noble House of Black.
He had been my Judas.
But all along, I had been his.
Author: Licked Ice
Rating: R
Summary: "But this is not that story. This is the story of us. This is the story of Bella and Sirius."
Pairing Bellatrix, Sirius. Bella/Voldemort. Incest, violence and dark themes.
Author's notes: This is my first fic, please be kind and leave a review. I'm considering doing more like this, but I need to know if you want them.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but you know that.
Archive: Sure, but ask.
Feedback: Yes, please!
____________________________________________________________________________ ________ His Judas
I am not his favorite cousin, and he is not mine. We accepted this of one another a long time ago. His is my sister, Andromeda. She is all that I am not. She's like he pretends to be brilliant, funny, nice and filled with light, despite our name. She is the one who will break the family curse, and he knows this. She will escape.
My favorite is his brother Regulus. He's like me. He knows of he darkness inside of himself, and he fears it. But ultimately he will accept it. He accepts the title and the label of it, the pride and the privilege. The Noble House of Black. We both know that even in death you will not be free of your bloodline. Purity's gift and it's curse. Regulus will be consumed by it.
The one who isn't my favorite likes to torment me. He lives to do it, and I don't mind. It's the outlet for the side of him that he attempts to deny. He can kill things to frighten me, so I act frightened when he gives me small birds or fish or squirrels bodies. It is all right for him to hit me, if I act hurt when he leaves purple and blue and black kisses against my skin. It is all right for him to kiss me if I squirm and pretend I don't like it when the thick heat of his tongue brushed against mine.
But it's all an act.
He acts differently as well. He's another person when we are alone together. He tells me how frightened he is of being the heir apparent as he holds my hand against his chest. He confides in me his worries about school as the dreaded day grows closer, and he holds me in his lap, his face in my hair. He reminds me of the hate of his future marriage, and how he wishes he could kill Kiera Malfoy his intended bride. And then he holds my wrists, his mouth against my neck.
I soothe him the best I can, and press my fingers against his lips to quiet him. He kisses them and then bites me a little bit to hear me gasp and my breath quicken. After he asks me if we will always be together like this, and all I can do is smile sadly, pressing my lips against his. I close my eyes as he looses his hands in my mass of black hair. I know I cannot lie to him, not outright and not about this. Tomorrow he will leave me for Hogwarts.
Regulus gloated to me when he told me the news, as if he had seen through the fiction of hate all along. Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor, and the thousand-year line of Blacks in Slytherin was broken for the first time. Not even my sister had even dared to do that. I acted angry at the family meeting to follow, but on the inside I was crying.
He had convinced the sorting hat that he differed from what he really was. I knew then that things would be forever changed.
He was the Black family Judas, the betrayer of the family of betrayers.
He was by Judas, the betrayer of the betrayed.
Those holidays we did not see him, and for half the summer he spent with the people he had betrayed me with. And then the Sirius I knew didn't come home. Instead this other creation came home. He was different, cocky, teasing. but the anger was still there, hidden behind the jovial eyes that he shown. He knew how angry it would make his mother. She was violent, trying to drive this new person out of him. She knew like I did how he truly was inside.
As he grew angrier and angrier, I waited for him to come to me for three weeks. I waited in our secret place hoping that he would come and emerge into the real Sirius again. The night before I was to leave for Hogwarts, I went to find him. For the first time I entered his room and was shocked at what I found there. His black room was now red, as if someone had splashed it with blood. I shivered as I looked at him, sitting on the floor by his bed. Quickly I went to him, was on my knees beside him.
His hands wrapped around mine as he looked at me with deadened eyes, his mouth touching my palm. He begged me to deny everything that I was, everything that he really was. The words spilt like sorrow, words that really didn't come from his own mouth. He kissed me pleadingly, his lips lying with that fake tenderness. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand him. He couldn't say my name with longing and at the same time deny his own.
I slapped him as hard as I possibly could, my nails leaving trails of blood in their wake. For a moment he simply stared at me before he sneered. His voice was soft and bitter, more like the Sirius I used to know, the one who was mine. "Is that all you've got, Bella? Is that all you've got?" He hit me back then, hard and violent, the way he used to, but I didn't cry out. I just walked away from him with disgust,
The next day I went to Hogwarts, and we both ignored one another on the train. The Sorting Hat reminded me about the promise I didn't make. He told me then that Sirius's fate would be in my hands and my hands alone. I could push him until his ideal or I could lock him into mine.
I couldn't accept that. Instead I ran from him, from his mocking honey eyes, from the repulsion in them. I ran and burrowed into the darkest place I could find. I dove into the deepest depths of the snake pit. Determination is a powerful motivation, and I was going to prove to be the opposite of what he wanted to be.
I suppose you could say I succeeded beyond belief.
My favorite cousin was my way in, that and my looks. I flirted; I kissed and whispered my way into the inner circle. My body didn't matter to me anymore, it was simply another weapon, and another currency to by what I wanted. And what I wanted was darkness. All the time they thought they were using me, but it was really me who was using them.
With each year I grew more powerful, and darker, fulfilling the role that Sirius never did.
I was in my fourth year the next time I saw my Sirius. My Sirius, not the whitewashed form he claimed to be. I had been working with Severus. Of all the boys, he was the one I had he most kinship with, he knew me best. I almost felt as if I had a kinship to him. If we were other people, I might have called it love. But we were snakes, and our cold hearts belonged to other people.
But for Sirius, seeing me for what I was now was a huge shock. I knew he watched me from the lion table, I could feel his eyes on me and his hands against my skin. But we hadn't been that close in such a long time. He actually thought Severus was taking advantage of me. He thought he was taking advantage of me. I laughed in his face before I poured him a glass of whiskey, the brooding shades of his eyes. He watched me for a moment before kissed me. In the morning he was disgusted with himself, and he tried to blame it on me.
For the first time I refused to play his game, and act as he wished.
He hit me and I laughed at him, asking, "Is that all you've got, Sirius Black?" He looked at me and I didn't look away, I laughed in his face not playing his little toy anymore. In that moment I felt the fragile bridge of love crack below my feet. That night Sirius turned his back on the ancient and noble house of Black.
He told everyone I was a slut.
He was once again my Judas.
Shall I go on to tell you of the rest of my Hogwart's life without him, just the shadows and insults he left in his wake? I can tell you how he never looked at me again. I can tell you how he tormented Severus simply because he thought that he was my lover. He wasn't. I had long ago moved onto bigger and darker game.
I should probably tell you of my affairs with the older Lucius, or of my bouncing back between the Lestrange brothers, one a teacher and one in his last year of school. I could tell you of how I played Rodolphus and Rabastan against one another. I kept at school, learning darker and darker things. I knew that there would be no going back and I had no desire too. I was the Black, and that was perfect. Then I met the man who would define my life. Rodolphus introduced me to him and I was entranced. Right there I pledged my allegiance to him, and he took me too his bed before he branded me, and christened me with a new name, "La Bella Morte."
For me, My Lord was the anti-Sirius. Everything was different from him. It was he who took over my education, and I learned well. It was my Master who brought out all of the things inside myself that I had tried to bring out of Sirius. They were inside me all along. It was he who set me free.
On the night after my arranged wedding, he took me on my first mission. I laughed as I killed my first Auror as he begged me not to do it. There would be many more as I grew into the inner circle on the power of my merits, not because of who I was fucking, or anyone else.
My first act of the Circle of Seven was to kill my favorite cousin. He was frightened and gotten in too deep to compete with me. Silly boy, there was no competing with me. It was my resposibitly to kill him; he had betrayed me and my master. I only allowed one Judas, and he was not it. I didn't even feel badly, as he looked at me with his wide eyes, the one that matched my own. I kissed his lips before I pressed my wand to his head and killed him slowly, savoring the quaking of his body below mine.
Then came the horrible day when my Master was diminished. I gad seduced Peter into becoming a spy a year before he became the secret keeper. I knew my beloved to well. He would exploit the same thing I exploited in Peter: his weakness. He loved me, but I loathed him, hating him, as he would come to me, telling tales of Sirius while his lips kissed my body and inwardly I would shudder. I didn't love him; my love only belonged to two people. In this serpent's heart, there wasn't room to love anymore.
I admit now my mistake in seducing Barty into this life. At the trial I was embarrassed by how whiny and how stupid he was. Everyone knows of how I spoke out at the trial, so there's no need to revisit it here.
As for Azkaban, once I went in, I was dead. For twelve years I hovered on the abyss of it with only my memory for a view.
And then of course I was freed. I rejoiced when I felt my arm burn with his calling. I paid for my rebirth to life with a part of my beauty, but I was still the same inside. Tormented, daft and above all, evil.
I was still beautiful to my Master and too myself.
I could go into the time between then and now. I could whisper the plans that are even now being pulled into action. Hidden allies and enemies, all of it is simply waiting to be told.
But this is not that story. This is the story of us. This is the story of Bella and Sirius.
I killed him. It is as simple as that and yet as complicated as that. It is my doing that he should be in that time and place. I knew that he would run to Harry's side at the first sign of trouble. He would gladly give up life and limb to insure his safety. He would even sell his soul to save him.
I know because once he would have done the same for me.
His eyes met mine, burnt sugar through a flame. I expected hate in that second, a burning loathing that would scorch my skin with his emotion. I deserved it. But for one moment our eyes only held pictures of forgotten joy and memories that we attempted to forget but never really could.
We were hidden by the throng and lit by spells on either side like faerie lights. He pressed his hand to his lips and blew them towards me, and I mirrored the gesture. For a moment I felt his breath hovering over my skin before the final moment of the en guard was born. My wand was removed and thrown towards him, a simple spell, a dueling spell. He blocked it easily before he responded with a simple spell. We moved quicker after that, dancing with the efforts of the spells flying back and forth towards us. I never noticed how close we were getting to that damn veil.
He stepped closer to it, and the simple spell engulfed him as he flew backwards, tumbling towards the voices that I could hear on the other side. My face transformed in that second, as he stopped laughing. I screamed a sound that was pulled from my very core. I had killed my beloved, and yet I hadn't.
For a moment, I didn't know what to do how to react. I started to run, and then fought the other man, using a curse as quickly as possible. I knew I was in no frame of mind to attempt Avada. Dumbledore attempted to stop me, and I kept running. But then I heard Harry screaming he was going to kill me. I laughed, I had too. The boy, who lived, the chosen one of light's cause was going to kill me for killing Sirius. I find it entirely ironic that I could bring out the emotions in him that I couldn't bring out in my Sirius.
He tainted his soul on me, using it as collateral for the price of the Unforgivable Curse. And he didn't even understand what it meant. I had to laugh. You know what happened next. My Master came and took me away from everything, running from the Ministry. They know he's back now, but it doesn't matter we're still going to win.
But once again, that's not this story. This is the story of Bella and Sirius, from the Ancient and Noble House of Black.
He had been my Judas.
But all along, I had been his.