I never meant to…

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, unfortunately!!!

A/n: This is a story really close to home for me, so I'd be pleased if no one flamed, as its kind of well its based on what's happened to me, I was advised to do this by my psychotherapist and so I've used characters I like.

I'd also like to thank all the people who have reviewed and said such encouraging thing. This story is going to go on for quite a while as it's really hard to admit you have a problem, and a very tough process to go through to get back to normal again.

Now I have to thank Herbie and everyone else for there kind reviews.

26th December 2002

Dear Ron

I hate it here; I want to come back to school now! You wouldn't believe how awful this Christmas has been!

I hate my family they wouldn't leave me alone. I had to eat yesterday, a whole Christmas dinner I had to eat. They wouldn't let me leave the able until everything on my plate had been eaten. My grandma was sitting opposite, and watched my every move throughout the whole meal, as did my grandad and cousin who had sat themselves on either side of me. I could feel their eyes on me, they didn't think I knew, but I could feel them watching me as I put a piece of food in my mouth. Do you know how conscious I was of what I was doing?

It hurt so much Ron, it hurt my stomach, and it still hurts now. I could feel the food hitting the bottom of my stomach, and I knew instantly I was putting on weight. I could feel it happening! Every piece of food that went into my mouth meant that I was putting on weight. Do you know how depressing that thought was, I was putting all the weight on that I had worked so hard to lose. Its not easy starving yourself you know! You might not know that, but it really isn't easy. You have to ignore the temptation of food, because all it can do is make you fat, and yesterday I gave into that temptation. I feel so guilty and dirty. All that effort was in vain because of my family and their food!

Its my family's fault, if they hadn't of made me eat, I wouldn't feel this way. They just want to make me fatter than I already am! Why can't they leave me alone? why can't they let me get on with my life? They don't understand how long it's going to take me to get all this weight off again.

I hate them I hate them all!

I wish I were at Hogwarts with you and Harry; at least I'd have someone to talk to, instead of my family. My cousin kept looking over at me yesterday when she thought I wasn't looking. They must all think I'm stupid that I don't see these glances and looks I'm sent every so often by every member of the family. She looked as though she wanted to come and talk to me, but then she would decide not to. I don't know what she wants to talk about, no doubt it will come out today.

Yep that's right their all coming round our house again today. See with our family, everyone comes round on Boxing Day for a buffet of all the left over food from yesterday. Won't that be fun! I have to eat again, oh what a joyous occasion Christmas is.

Before I go thanks a lot for the present Ron, it was really sweet; I have to write a letter to Harry after this one. I hope you won your snowball fight against Fred and George, but I really have to go, their all coming round in half hour and I'm still in my new pyjamas.

I'll see you soon, write back quickly, I don't know whether I will be able to cope with my family and food for another whole day before I begin to get stressed out!

All my love

Hermione

 A/n: Please read and review, please no flamers, I understand it may be bad, but as I said before really close to home. A teacher will get involved soon, but there are still quite a few chapters to come before that.