I never meant to…

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, unfortunately!!!

A/n: This is a story really close to home for me, so I'd be pleased if no one flamed, as its kind of well its based on what's happened to me, I was advised to do this by my psychotherapist and so I've used characters I like.

I'd also like to thank all the people who have reviewed and said such encouraging thing. This story is going to go on for quite a while as it's really hard to admit you have a problem, and a very tough process to go through to get back to normal again.

Now I have to thank Herbie and everyone else for there kind reviews.

Sorry this has took me so long to post, but I've been getting my results back from mocks, and looking at 6th form options. I've only managed to do this today because I've been off ill.

28th December 2002

Dear Hermione

Hermione, I am so sorry your having such a horrible time, but your taking everything people are doing the wrong way. Your family are trying to look out for you, but you can't see it. If you grandparents are watching you like a hawk, then surely that means they've noticed something wrong. It won't go unnoticed, people are going to see that you've lost weight, especially your family considering they haven't see you since the end of August!

You shouldn't say things that you don't mean. You don't hate your family, your illness does. It's creating all this hate inside of you because you think that if your family know what you're doing, and then they're going to try and stop you. They will do that, but you don't want them to you've become addicted to it, and you don't want to let this illness go.

If you could see it from mine, and your family's point of view, you'd know how we feel seeing you destroy yourself. You're a clever girl Hermione, but that will soon go. Your brain can't function without food, not only are you starving your stomach, but your brain as well. Your marks will begin to deteriorate soon, and you'll have the professors trying to work out what's going on. I wouldn't be surprised if Dumbledore already knew. You know that man; he knows everything that goes on in this school!

What I'm saying is that you can't keep this a secret for much longer; I can guarantee that people are going to start asking questions if you come back looking like a stick! If your family have noticed, what about Harry and Ginny? They're not totally oblivious! While you've been away for Christmas I've had them both questioning me about your health. Both have said that your looking pale and gaunt nearly all the time they see you. They're both really worried, and I'm the one having to explain! Don't worry I haven't told them what your doing to yourself. The amount of times I have wanted to is no longer countable, but I've kept my promise, and I've had to make up a few stories.

That's right Hermione; I've started lying for you! I mean lying to my best friend and my own sister; do you know how hard that is for me? You have me involved in this web of lies your spinning, and I can't get out anymore, and neither can you!

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but this is growing incredibly difficult for me. I know that you don't want me to share this with anyone, and I promised you I wouldn't a while ago, and if I do say so myself I'm keeping that promise very well. The only problem I have is the fact that I can see, and know what you're doing to yourself. I can see what it's doing to you and it upsets more than you could ever imagine. I know everything your going through, I mean you've felt you can trust me enough to tell me, but that just makes it worse. Dou you want to know why? Its because I feel completely useless, I know what's happening to you, but I just can't help you get better. An you want to know why I can't help you, it's because you don't want any help!

You're pushing away everyone who cares about you, me, Harry, Ginny and most of all your family! Don't tell me your not because you've already told me that you hate your family, and that's because they want to help you! You can't see that because you don't want to. You're closing your eyes to things you don't want to see, you need to open them and notice what you're doing to yourself, and that you're not on your own. We want to help, but you just wont let us!

I know I promised to keep this a secret, and I'm going to try my best, but it's getting increasingly hard. Your hurting yourself Hermione, you can't see it, but I can. I hate to see you like this. I an assure hat what your doing is mentally and physically harming you. You need to stop before this really does you some serious damage. In my opinion, its already got out of control, but you don't want to hear that now do you? Look I hate to see you like this and if it doesn't begin to get better, and I can't help you then we're going to seriously need to consider other options. Such as someone who can help you, like a professor or somebody else like that.

We are still going to go running aren't we? I mean it will certainly keep both you and I healthy. Also there is the fact that exercise is healthy for all parts of the body, and helps to tone muscles. Therefore with all this exercise I'm planning on doing with you, then you might be able stop all this no eating nonsense. No doubt you'll ignore that suggestion of mine, as it would mean getting rid of something thing that you've grown attached to. Unfortunately that's what's happened to you! You're attached to it, and anyone who tries to help you get rid of it, you're going to just push them away and shut them out of your life. I mean your family are great example of this. Just think about Hermione.

All I'm saying is that this secret won't remain one for much longer; somebody's going to find out what you're doing to yourself. Your family's has already done that, but maybe someone who has the power to make you realise what you're doing. That persons not me or your family, its you!

Just look after yourself, promise me that Hermione, you'll look after yourself!

All my love

Ron

 A/n: Please read and review, please no flamers, I understand it may be bad, but as I said before really close to home. A teacher will get involved soon, but there are still quite a few chapters to come before that.