I never meant to…

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, unfortunately!!!

A/n: This is a story really close to home for me, so I'd be pleased if no one flamed, as its kind of well its based on what's happened to me, I was advised to do this by my psychotherapist and so I've used characters I like.

I'd also like to thank all the people who have reviewed and said such encouraging thing. This story is going to go on for quite a while as it's really hard to admit you have a problem, and a very tough process to go through to get back to normal again.

15th January 2002

Hi Hermione, what are we supposed to be doing again? I mean I can see McGonagall's mouth moving, I just cant hear any words.

Hi Ron, we're supposed to be reading Chapter 5, while McGonagall goes through it with us. Please don't write to me again some of us are trying to listen and learn.

Sorry, but I'm bored. Eaten anything lately?

Shut up Ron, and stop asking questions, yes I ate, I could give you an account of everything that went into my mouth the past two weeks if you would like.

Really, the past two weeks, can't have been eating much if you can remember that. I mean I don't think I can even remember what I ate yesterday!

Well I just have a good memory span, unlike others!

What's that supposed to mean, are you saying I never remember things, I'll have you know I have quite a good memory, in fact I could probably tell you, when you last ate.

Don't lie Ron; you couldn't tell me when I last ate!

Oh so you admit it was that long ago

Err… no! I just mean that, oh shut up and leave me alone!

Calm down Hermione, you don't have to get touchy because you have a problem, otherwise known as an eating disorder.

I don't have a problem/eating disorder!

You 'do' have a problem. An anorexic is someone with warped self-image, who doesn't eat and is damaging their health as a result! Sound familiar?

No it does NOT sound familiar because I'm NOT anorexic, I CAN'T be anorexic

Why can't you be anorexic?????

Because, I just can't. I don't get ill!!!!

No, you do. You make yourself ill by not eating. You NEED 2000kcal a day 1500kcal when dieting. 1000kcal or below is starvation level. Yesterday you ate an orange! That's about 40kcal. Can you really not see a problem with that?

I really don't see a problem. I'm loosing weight, am I not! Yes! I lost 6lbs in 5 days, because I didn't eat. It works! An anyway, the orange was nice, and it filled me up. I'm NOT anorexic, because I'm not thin!!! Anyway when did you become an expert on all this?

I've been reading books about it because I'm really worried about you Hermione. By the way, the reason that the orange filled you up is because your stomach has shrunk so much because of its emptiness! Jesus Girl! You're basically killing yourself slowly because you're not eating.

I'm not trying to kill my self, just

But you will if you keep on like this

I'm not going to die; I'm just going to loose weight and become thin. Its just been going on too long to stop now. That's the whole point, if my stomach shrinks it means I'm getting thinner!

If its been going on too long to stop now, what about 6months away! How are you going to stop then?

I will stop when I reach 7st maybe 7.5st at the most. I will be able to stop!!!!

How much do you weigh now?

You can't ask me that Ron! It's a secret!

Hermione! Tell me now, or I may just have to slip your little secret to McGonagall!

Ok, ok, remember you promised you wouldn't tell anyone, I weigh 8.5st, I know its really bad!

Hermione that isn't! You do know that if you start pigging out your going to put the weight straight back on, because of how quickly your losing it. If you eat healthily, you'll lose weight and keep it off!

The thing is, I don't like chocolate or fast food much at all, or anything that contains a lot of fat. My taste buds have changed, I only really like fruit and potatoes, and a bit of meat.

Fine! Eat fruit; potatoes and meat, just eat something!

No! I only eat meals when I have to. E.g. holidays when my family insist I go home, and they're there watching me!

You stupid girl! How long till you collapse and get rushed to the hospital wing? I mean I'm sure your parents know about it.

I don't collapse! My mom has an inkling I think, but she cant make me eat, she already gives me lectures when I'm at home about being anorexic, my dad does the same.

Well obviously you have some kind of problem if you parents and I can see it. When will you believe us? When your in the hospital wing on a drip!

I just think your over exaggerating. Now hide this McGonagall's on her way over!

A/n: Please read and review, please no flamers, I understand it may be bad, but as I said before really close to home. This chapter is based on a conversation I've had with my friend during a French lesson.