Sorry it's taken a while, RL is hectic at the moment. Huge thanks to Marlou for beta-ing

Grissom could feel her eyes upon him and for a moment he fought with every ounce of self-control to not turn around and face her. These growing feelings were causing havoc with his whole body and he didn't know how much longer her could keep up the façade of pretense, the countless acts of denial; they were creating havoc with his body and he no longer knew for how long he would be able to continue the charade.

Closing his eyes briefly, he slowly contemplated what his next move should be. He knew he needed to explain some things to her, to try and make her understand his side of the story. He hadn't been rejecting her when she asked him to go out to dinner with her; he had been rejecting the situation. Not her. Never her. Taking a deep breath he reached down to pick up the two mugs and turned around.

Sara looked away as soon as he turned towards her, her guilty glances bringing a red flush to her cheeks. What in the world was she still doing here? Was she insane? She should have left ages ago. Perhaps she shouldn't have come at all! Before she had a chance to answer her own questions he was there, standing before her with a peace offering in his hands.

Sara knew the second that her fingers brushed his around the hot porcelain mug that she was lost. He still had the power to render her incapable of speech, and she was so certain that at times he relished the power he held over her. "Thanks," she managed in a choked whisper when she took the coffee from his hands.

The tension between them hung suspended in the air around them as they eyed each other. Coming to slowly sit down beside her, Grissom swallowed back the lump that had somehow risen into his throat constricting his speech.

"You don't have to tell me," Sara whispered softly as she gazed down into the dark swirling coffee in her mug. "I can leave here and we'll never speak of this again."

Finding his voice, Grissom turned towards her. "Sara, we need to talk about some things."

"Can I ask you something first?" she offered as she slowly lifted her eyes up into his.

"I…yes," he nodded slowly, trying to keep the tremble out of his voice.

Leaning forward, Sara placed her mug on the table before sitting back again. For a heart stopping moment she struggled to keep the hurt out of her voice, and for a while she succeeded. "What's wrong with me?" she asked softly.

"Sara?" he gasped, her question bringing a painful burst of guilt to stab at his heart.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that to come out the way it sounded," she told him, her lips curling up at the edges to offer him a false smile. "What I mean is, I can't ask Nick because he'll just lie to make me feel better, and Warrick, well he wouldn't answer because he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. There's Greg," she sighed, a small smile coming to her lips. "He's a great ego booster that one, but I need to hear the truth from someone who doesn't…." she stopped for a moment as she tried to find the right word to explain their relationship. "I need to hear it from someone who doesn't care about me." Turning to face him, she took another breath, this time staring directly into his eyes. "What is so wrong with me that guys cheat on me and refuse to be seen in public with me?"

Grissom could feel his throat constricting in sorrow with her words. How could she think he didn't care about her? Placing his mug on the table next to hers, he turned to face her. "I heard about what he did to you Sara, and I'm so very sorry."

Shaking her head, Sara tried so hard to offer him a smile but the quiver of her bottom lip made it almost impossible. "I didn't love him," she whispered, her voice straining against the lump in her throat. Averting her eyes from his, she started to relive the memory of betrayal. "It hurt at the time, but maybe I expected it in a way."

"Sara you were always too good for him." Shifting a little closer he reached out to take one of her hands in his. "Honey, you are a beautiful woman. There are hundreds of men who would be falling over themselves to date you."

Sara's eyes dropped to their joined hands. Any other time his words would have sustained her for weeks if not months, but today all they brought her was a deep, stinging heartache. A lone tear broke free to roll its way down her cheek, but she made no move to wipe it away. Lifting her eyes to his, she could feel his hand tightening around hers. "But not you?"

"Sara.." he groaned, closing his eyes against the truth that lay hidden from her for so long.

"Sorry," she whispered, pulling her hand from his to rise to her feet. "I think I should go."

"No…" he was on his feet in seconds beside her struggling to find the words she needed to hear.

"Look this was a bad idea, I shouldn't have come here," lifting a hand to swipe at her eyes, she started to look around for her purse.

"Sara," he started, stepping closer towards her to take a hold of her arms. "I need you to listen to me…please listen to me."

"To tell me what?" she snapped, coming around to face him angrily.

"I care," he whispered, his voice cracking under the strain of his heart. "I care more than you think I do."

"Grissom I can't do this anymore," she wailed as she tried to escape his arms, "Please let me go."

"No," he told her, tightening his hold, "not until you listen to me."

His words hit her full force and she stopped struggling with his bonds to lift her haunted eyes to his own. "I'll listen to you and then this is over," she sniffed, "no more teasing and no more games. I can't take any more of your damn torture Grissom. I just can't."

Grissom was suddenly rocked by her words and found his eyes staring into the sadness of her eyes. Shaking his head, he maneuvered them back towards the couch and sat her down beside him. Her words still ached upon his heart and he found himself reliving every tiny moment of the times when they had been so close. "I'm sorry," he told her, the sincerity of his voice causing more tears to spring into her eyes. Tightening his hands on hers, he realized that he needed to put an end to their pain and move them forward before his actions swallowed them both completely, drowning them in fear and deep desire. "I can't give you the explanations you deserve. I can't give you the words you need to hear because I…." His voice trailed off, breaking with both guilt and aching sorrow.

Sara, despite her own shattered emotions, leaned forward to clutch his hand tighter, encouraging him to confide in her. "Why did you tell me you weren't on vacation?"

A glimmer of hope finally filtered through to Grissom's heart and he opened his eyes to find her gazing at him with such intensity that she literally took his breath away. "The night you asked me to dinner," he started, gathering courage from her closeness before he continued. "I need to explain why I turned you down."

"I understand you don't feel that way about me," she whispered sadly, resigning herself to the fact that maybe he never would.

"Sara please, just listen to me?" he pleaded. She was making this increasingly difficult for him to convey what he was actually feeling.

"Sorry," she sighed, dropping her gaze back down to their interlocked fingers.

"The last few weeks I've been recovering," he told her slowly, waiting for her reaction before he continued. Sara's eyes snapped up towards him again, her worry evident inside her deep brown eyes. "I'm fine," he offered, punctuating the fact with a squeeze of his hands. "I'd been trying to hide from an illness that took a hold of my life and threatened to take something that I depended on. I need you to understand that I was trying to deal with the situation, and your invitation came at a time when I was confused enough already."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice so soft he almost didn't hear her.

"No Sara don't be sorry," he told her with a slight smile. "If anything you gave me a lot to think about while I was struggling through the surgery."

"Surgery?" she gasped, her hands suddenly tightening around his, clenching him tightly as she urged him to look at her. "Are you alright? Are you sick?"

"No," he smiled, her concern warming him considerably. "I have a condition called Otosclerosis, causing gradually and sudden hereditary hear loss."

"So you had to have surgery to correct it?" she asked, concern for him outweighing every other feeling that had lain heavy upon her heart of late.

"Yes I did," he nodded with a smile. "So far everything is progressing well."

"I'm glad," she told him, retuning his smile with a bright one of her own. "If I'd have known I would never have asked you."

"No I'm glad you asked me Sara. You gave me a focus."

"At least I was good for something," she sighed sadly, the intensity of her heartache weighing her down once again. "Thanks for telling me, I know how private you are."

"Sara, that's not all I needed to tell you," he blurted quickly, drawing her attention back towards him again. "I've had a long time to think about a lot of things, and I think I'm ready to move forward."

"That's good Grissom," she nodded, happy that he could at last move on with his life again, but at the same time regretting that she had no place by his side. "I'm happy for you."

"Sara..? He started, totally unprepared for her misunderstanding him. "I meant I'm ready to take the next step."

"Oh…" she gasped, realization suddenly dawning on her. "Oh…but you..I…"

"I want us to be friends again," he told her hopefully, "can we at least try to find our footings?"

Sara gazed at him adoringly as he spoke, her need to keep him in her heart overwhelming. "I'd like that."

"You would?" he smiled, his lips bursting into a small grin as he released her hand reluctantly.

"Yes," she smiled slightly as she moved away from him. If friendship was all he would ever be able to offer her then that's what she would need to accept. "Listen, I'd really better get going. I need to shower before shift starts again." Standing up, she reached down by the side of his couch to pick up her discarded purse.

"Are we okay?" he asked cautiously after her hastiness to retreat from the scene. Reaching for her again, he caught her hand seeking some kind of reassurance from her. "Sara?"

Silently clearing her throat she turned back around to face him. Lifting her eyes to his, she offered him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I think we are."

"Thank you," he sighed, relief shining throughout his deep blue eyes. Releasing her hand, he walked with her towards the door, opening it for her. "I'll see you later tonight?" he told her as he felt some of the emptiness slowly seeping away from him.

"Later," she nodded, offering him a smile before stepping out into the daylight and away from the tension that surrounded them. Stepping backwards, she watched him for a few seconds before turning away from him completely to walk down towards her Yukon.

Grissom's eyes followed her until she was out of sight before closing the door quietly, only to lean his back against the hard wood. If only he had the courage to tell her everything he so desperately needed to tell her. With a heavy sigh, he pulled away from the door and padded slowly over towards the table to retrieve their discarded mugs on the table. She was worth it, he told himself. She was worth everything.

TBC……….