I never meant to…

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, unfortunately!!!

A/n: This is a story really close to home for me, so I'd be pleased if no one flamed, as its kind of well its based on what's happened to me, I was advised to do this by my psychotherapist, but I don't have to see him anymore so I could stop writing this but I find it helps a considerable amount.

This story is going to go on for quite a while as it's really hard to admit you have a problem, and a very tough process to go through to get back to normal again.

Now I have to thank Herbie, Mione-n-Ron4ever and everyone else who have reviewed and said such encouraging things.

I would also like to thank coolchick207 for the extremely kind invitation of e-mailing her to talk about all this stuff. It's really kind of you to do that and I may take you up on the offer.

In answer to one of Herbie's questions is Ron based on any of my mates, yes he is. He is based on 5of them Steph, Manjit, Claire, Jennifer and Emma all of whom I owe a great deal of thanks to, for all there support and their friendship, and not giving up on me when I tried to push them away

I'd also like to make an apology for this really late update, but this has been the hardest chapter to write as I've had to go through it all again to write this, and add to that my slight relapse in my recovery, I've done a few stupid things that I would add to the story, but they don't really fit in with it. O.K I finished my little thing on with the story.

"Hermione are you O.K." Ron asked his face was scrunched up with worry. Hermione, who was running on his left hand side, had lost all the colour in her face. "Hermione, sit down." Once again Ron was the first one to stop while Hermione carried on until she noticed that her running partner was no longer at her side. She turned and ran back to the place where he was standing. She stood opposite him, and suddenly she felt her legs begin to wobble.

She grabbed on to Ron for support, but was to late to grip onto his arm as she felt her legs begin to give way. Ron's reactions were much quicker than her and he quickly grabbed onto her arms. He helped lower her onto the ground, and sat next to her. She quickly pulled her legs into her chest, and his arm went round her back, and pulled her now trembling body into his.

Hermione could feel herself trembling, but knew of no way to stop it. She felt cold, but knew she wasn't from the feel of her hands as they rose to cover her eyes. She could feel Ron's arm around her, puling into his body, other than that she was oblivious to her surrounding. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she let herself be comforted by Ron. She couldn't understand what was happening, why was she reacting like this, she hadn't over exercised what was wrong with her, she just couldn't understand it. Suddenly she felt her stomach go, and she felt sick rise to her throat. She couldn't be sick, not in front of Ron anyway, she swallowed it back down, but that didn't help she could feel it come back. Every time she swallowed it back down it would come back with a vengeance.

"Hermione, Hermione are you ok?" Hermione could faintly here him repeating the question over and over again, but she had no energy to reply. Instead she was using it to keep consciousness. She felt extremely dizzy and the fact that her eyes were sliding in and out focus wasn't helping. If only she could regain her composure to assure Ron she was fine, everything would be ok, however it did not seem likely that her idea would work.

"Hermione, Hermione answer me, are you ok. Look Hermione I think we need to get you to the hospital wing." She heard that statement more clearly and used the strength she had left to grab onto his arm as tightly as she could.

"No, I'm fine just went slightly dizzy" her voice was barely a whisper and Ron noticed it.

"You don't sound alright Hermione," Hermione could tell from the tone of his voice it held a great amount of concern. She had noticed that her eyes were beginning to focus once again, however the trembling was yet to stop, as was the sickness.

"Hermione, please can we get you to the hospital wing your not well can't you tell that for yourself now." Ron was pleading with her once again. She had become familiar with that tone of voice. He seemed to be using it a lot lately, especially when he was talking to her, or writing notes for her.

"I am not going to the hospital wing, I am not ill, I think I might have over done it." Her voice was beginning to regain it strength, and she was still adamant that she was not going to go to the hospital wing, or was she ill in anyway at all. Finally Ron lost his temper with her, he grabbed her wrists and pulled her up off the ground standing to face him.

"Hermione, have you eaten?" he received no answer from her; instead she just stared into a space just beside his face. "Hermione, I've asked you a question, have you eaten?" This time he shook by her wrists, but still there came no answer. The expression on her face showed that she had found something more interesting to stare at rather than look and listen to Ron. "So do I take your silence as a no you haven't eaten?"

Hermione could tell from the tone of his voice that he was angry with her, actually he was more than angry, she had never heard him talk to her like this before. Of course she could hear him, she just didn't want to answer him, because she knew her answer would be the wrong one. She felt her wrists being violently shaken again, and this time Ron posed a different question.

"When did you last eat Hermione?" still he received no reply. "Hermione, when did you last eat? Why am I asking you that? I already know the answer!"

That statement certainly caught Hermione's attention. Her eyes instantly moved from the spot just past Ron's head to his blue eyes.

"What do you mean you already know the answer? I ate yesterday" Hermione's voice contained a large amount of panic, she had hoped that she could have kept her voice calm, but as soon as the words left her mouth she knew she hadn't managed to keep up the lies. Even if her voice had been calm enough Ron would have seen the panic reflected in her dark brown eyes.

"No, Hermione. Don't do this to me. I don't want you to lie to me anymore ok. You've done enough of that already. I know you haven't eaten properly for a week, and you wonder why you have reacted like this after running look at yourself Hermione, you're so thin! You can see your ribs sticking out of your top. You looked malnourished, unbelievably unhealthy. The only way you've been able to cover it up is by wearing baggy robes. Don't think I'm a fool Hermione I've been watching you and know what you've eaten this week!"

Hermione gulped and her eyes started to well with tears. How could he know, why did he need to watch? Why couldn't he leave her to get on with it? She knew that those questions all shared the same answer. He watched her because he cared. He didn't want to leave her to get on with it because he cared. She hadn't realised it before, but he truly cared about her. That thought set her tears off, and they tumbled down her cheeks at such a fast rate she was having trouble to hide them.

Ron could see the tears streaming down her face. He didn't know what had set them off as they had been standing in silence for a few minutes. He decided to ignore them however she needed to hear the truth about what she was doing and how she was deeply upsetting him. She didn't realise how much he cared about her, and how much he hated to see her ruin her life and future.

"Hermione, you can't live on an orange a day! Its not healthy, you get no energy, why do you think you collapsed? It's because you have no energy! You're a smart witch; you just don't seem to be able to understand this. You're ruining your body! Your stomach is shrinking, your heart will start to become weak, and your brain is receiving no food. You're not just starving your stomach, but your starving all your vital organs, you don't want them to start to fail do you?"

Hermione could take it no longer. She didn't need him to tell her the consequences of what she was doing she knew deep down in her heart that this was wrong but she didn't want to stop it. It was the only thing she had control over and she was not about to let Ron take control of this situation. She didn't need him to she was getting along fine without him trying to take over.

She looked him straight in the eyes before she turned and ran back towards the school. She could feel the tears streaming down her face freely. Her footfalls vibrated through her body that had begun to tremble once again, but this was because of her many tears. Once she reached the front door of the castle she tripped over one of the steps on her way up. She quickly picked herself up and carried on, trying unsuccessfully to stop the flow of tears. As she reached the stop of the marble staircase she had to quickly stop herself before she ran into the wall. She carried on at full speed running through the corridor skidding at every corner. Her head was down, and didn't realise that she was heading straight into Professor McGonagall until the collision occurred.

Hermione hit McGonagall with such a force that she knocked her off her feet. Hermione quickly stopped and looked down at the professor sprawled on the floor. She mumbled a quick apology before running off once again on her path to the common room.

"No running in the corridors Miss Granger." She heard the muffled shout from McGonagall as she rounded the corner. She hoped she had seen no trace of tears. She couldn't bare for her favourite teacher to see her cry. It was bad enough for Ron to have seen it twice now, but Professor McGonagall, no she could never show weakness like that in front of her.

Of course Professor McGonagall was sharp enough to see the distress of Hermione and called after her several times before she gave up imagining that she had reached the common room by now at the speed she was going. However seeing the girl in such distress had seriously worried the professor, and she wandered back towards her office.

Ron was still standing in the same spot he had been for the last five minutes. He couldn't understand what he had said to make her run away fro him like that. He was trying to help her, but she didn't seem to want it. She wanted him to leave her alone, but he couldn't. He cared for her too much to stand by and watch her ruin everything she could ever hope to achieve. It was up to him now to make the right decision on how he needed to handle this situation. He slowly turned and headed back to the castle.

Hermione had reached her dormitory; having rushed passed everyone in the common room. Luckily enough it seemed as though no one had notice her enter and so she had managed to quietly avoid a chat with any Gryffindors including Harry and Ginny. She was now lying curled up in her bed her quilt cover was pulled up over head from the outside there was just a trembling mound under Hermione's quilt, where as inside thee was a distressed red eyed girl who was sobbing her heart out. Something she hadn't done in a while. She was letting all her anguish and pain out, and there was no way she would be stopping soon. The tears kept coming as she thought about the situation she had got herself into. Why was it such a mess? When she was the one in control of it. She was in control of it, so why did she feel as though it had changed positions with her, and this thing was the one in control, not her. She felt stupid thinking this, how could she lose control of something that didn't exist, this was Ron again; he was putting ideas in her head. He was planting these ideas that were growing to the point where she was beginning to think that he was right. How could he be right? I t was all part of his plan to take control of this. He was trying to take her control away from her. Why was he doing it? Why was he doing this to her? These questions kept swimming round in her mind. When she finally fell asleep, it was after hours of crying; in fact she only stopped crying after she had fallen asleep. I suppose you could say that this 15-year-old girl had literally cried herself to sleep.

As Ron walked slowly back to the castle he was still trying to figure out exactly what he'd done or said to her to make her react in that way. He couldn't understand her anymore. He thought he'd got his head around it to begin with, but now it was getting out of control, and he could no longer do this on his own. How could he help her when she didn't want help? As he walked along his head was bowed down, and he watched his shoes scuff against the floor as he walked. Like Hermione, he didn't realise he was about to bump into someone until the collision occurred.

"That's the second time to night that I've been walked to, though luckily enough you didn't send me flying on the floor."

Ron needn't have lifted his head, but he did out of politeness and respect. He knew exactly to whom the voice belonged to. It was a distinguishable soft feminine Scottish accent.

"Sorry Professor I didn't see you there."

"I know Mr Weasley, you were to busy looking at your shoes rather than the corridor and the people in front of you." Ron bowed his head, rather than apologising again. "Mr Weasley, are you alright?" Ron nodded his head though his eyes gave a different answer. "This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain Miss Granger would it?" Ron's head snapped up immediately at the mention of Hermione's name. "I'll take that action as a yes shall I?" Ron nodded his reply.

"How'd you know it was about Hermione?"

"You know how I mentioned that you had been the second to bump into me tonight," Ron nodded his head. "Miss Granger was the first to do it."

"Was she ok, did she seem alright to you?" Ron asked hurriedly.

"Mr Weasley is there something you would like to tell me?" Her piercing eyes scanned his face for any sign of an answer.

"No Professor McGonagall." Ron went to continue on his way to the common room, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. McGonagall turned him round. I think we need to have a talk don't you Mr Weasley?"

A/N: Sorry about this chapter its rather all over the place, if you get confused don't stress the next chapter should have some more explanation in.