I never meant to…
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, unfortunately!!!
A/n: This is a story really close to home for me, so I'd be pleased if no one flamed, as its kind of well its based on what's happened to me, I was advised to do this by my psychotherapist, but I don't have to see him anymore so I could stop writing this but I find it helps a considerable amount.
Now I have to thank Herbie, Mione-n-Ron4ever and everyone else who have reviewed and said such encouraging things.
I would also like to thank coolchick207 for the extremely kind invitation of e-mailing her to talk about all this stuff. It's really kind of you to do that and I may take you up on the offer.
In answer to one of Herbie's questions is Ron based on any of my mates, yes he is. He is based on 5of them Steph, Manjit, Claire, Jennifer and Emma all of whom I owe a great deal of thanks to, for all there support and their friendship, and not giving up on me when I tried to push them away
I'd also like to make an apology for this really late update, O.K I finished my little thing on with the story.
"Albus, I need to talk to you about Miss Granger."
Dumbledore's head appeared in the middle of the glowing green flames, concern was written over his face as he saw his deputy headmistress pacing her office.
"Minerva, what's happened?" This caught her attention, and she sat down on the floor in front of the fireplace, and put her head in her hands,
"We've been so blind Albus, how can we have missed what has been going on for so long?" Suddenly a breeze filled her office as Dumbledore came to stand in the fireplace. The unhappiness of his deputy sitting on the floor was too much to handle, and so he crouched down and placed a comforting arm around her.
"What have we missed Minerva? What's happened to Miss Granger?" the twinkle in his blue eyes was slowly dimming. He knew that Hermione was her favourite student, though she'd never like to admit it to somebody, but the way she was behaving meant that something had severely shook her. Minerva lifted her head up to look at him, and he was troubled to see tears forming in her eyes.
"I had Mr Weasley in my office just, he informed me of Miss Granger's problem," Albus nodded his head for her to continue. "He thinks that she's suffering from an eating disorder!" The faintest sign of Dumbledore's remaining twinkle vanished, and McGonagall had to blink furiously to stop any tears from flowing.
There was a few minutes silence while what had just been said sunk into Dumbledore's mind, he squeezed McGonagall closer, and she in return leaned into him, and let herself be comforted by him.
Dumbledore couldn't get his head around what he had just been told, Hermione Granger with an eating disorder, it just didn't make sense. She was one of the smartest witch he knew, how could this happen to her? Surely she was bright enough to know the affects this would have on her body and school work, it just wasn't like the Hermione Granger he thought he knew.
"How long has this been going on?" he asked quietly breaking the silence that enclosed them. McGonagall reluctantly moved her head away from his chest and looked up at him.
"Mr Weasley doesn't have the exact time, as he hasn't thought to ask, but we do know that its been happening since around October at the very least." Dumbledore shook his head at her answer and she bowed her head. "I know its been happening for four months at the very least, and we've been to stupid to notice what was going on in front of us!" Once again her eyes were beginning to fill, and he pulled her closer to him to try and calm her down.
"Minerva, it's not our fault! We couldn't have done much to stop it; it's one of those things that happen to teenage girls. It's all psychological, they have the insecurity of their weight already in the head, and it just takes one thing to trigger it off! Did Mr Weasley tell you if anyone else had found out about it?" She shook her head in reply to his question, and turned her body to face him.
"What I don't understand is why Hermione? She doesn't come across as though she worries about her appearance, and she so intelligent you'd think she'd know…"
"Yes, you'd think she'd know what she was doing because she has such a high intelligence, but sufferers of eating disorders are usually like Hermione." Dumbledore interrupted, and once again silence filled the room.
"Do you know how you're going to handle this situation?" he asked quietly. McGonagall nodded her head that was once again resting on his chest.
"Mr Weasley has many letters from Miss Granger, he said he would give me one tomorrow if he could. I've planned to tell her that a house-elf found it, and was concerned for her well being when he read the note." Dumbledore nodded his head,
"That sounds like a good plan my dear professor, when will you speak to her?"
"After her next transfiguration lesson on Thursday, I hope Mr Weasley won't get into trouble for this, he's only trying to help, but his not sure she'll see it that way."
"Minerva, you know that this problem won't go away as quickly as it came don't you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Having a talk with Hermione won't solve it. We can't seriously help her if she is not ready and willing to admit that she has a problem. We can only really help her by watching her, and keep a close eye on her. She won't get better until she's willing to do so."
"I know I just wish that she could recover form it as quickly as it started, I know it won't work like that. Will the other members of the staff be informed about it?"
"We will see how we go, her grades are not detiereating, so she needs no excuse for that, however I think that if the situation insists on getting worse then they will be informed."
"What about Poppy, she should be told."
"Yes Poppy will be the exception then, I will inform her of it tomorrow, yes?" she nodded her head in reply.
"You do think that we'll be able to help Hermione don't you?"
"Of course we shall, the hardest thing will be to get her to willingly admit that she has a problem, once that has occurred she should begin to travel the path of recovery." Dumbledore gave her a small smile, and she too returned it. "We'll help Minerva I promise you that, I mean look at Mr Weasley, he has done so much for her all on his own, now with our help things may be able to move faster!"
Silence one again fell as both Professors begun their own thoughts of Hermione and how they'd be able to help they remained in their own thoughts for around an hour before Dumbledore made to return to his office. His sudden movement brought McGonagall back from her thoughts, and she slowly and reluctantly removed her head from his chest.
"It is getting late my dear Professor, I must be heading of to bed" He let her out of his comforting embrace and stood up ready to leave. "Now Minerva, you get a good nights sleep, please don't allow this to keep you up all night, it does no good to worry, you know that don't you?" She nodded her head as she looked up to him, he crouched down and kissed her forehead, "Good night my darling Professor." He slowly withdrew and returned to his office through the fireplace.
McGonagall slowly got up from her comfortable position on the floor and headed towards her bedroom, once ready for bed she curled up tightly in her warm bed.
Hermione was up early the next morning, she'd been having trouble sleeping for a while now, but the night that had just passed, was the worst she had suffered. She had cried herself to sleep last night after another of her fights with Ron. However she hadn't remained asleep for long, as she proceeded to wake up every hour, and then taking her another 15 minutes to get back to sleep. Her quilt had been chucked off half way through the night because of her constant tossing and turning. She had finally given up with the idea of sleep at around 5.10am, and had sat up in her bed, surrounded by utter darkness; she didn't dare move around in case she woke her sleeping roommates. A loud snore came from the bed on her left, she had to suppress a giggle, maybe it wouldn't be that easy to wake Lavender after all. Slowly she opened the curtains surrounding her bed slightly so that a gap, big enough for her to peer through was made. She checked to see whether anyone else was up at such a time, and predictably she found that no one was.
She quietly slipped out of bed, hoping to miss any creaking floorboards, she made her way towards the bathroom, once in there she quickly turned the light on to avoid tripping over something, or stubbing her toes. However she couldn't avoid the pain the light brought to her eyes, and it took a while for them to adjust to the bright light. Once her eyes were focused she began searching the bathroom for something, she was on a mission to find the scales. She had seen tem only recently when Angelina Johnson had used them, and put them away. She'd seen where she'd put them as well, however her brain was functioning correctly at this time of the day, and so she was left to search for them. After a 15 minute search, she decided to give up for a few minutes and get real proof by taking a look I the mirror. This had become a daily thing recently, she had to look at herself at least once a day, she didn't know why that was but it had become compulsive. It was a strange thing really, she had become scared of looking in the mirror because of the image she saw, but she couldn't help it, she had to look.
She slowly approached the mirror, her eyes closed, not wanting to see the image she saw every day. The fat girl with fat arms, fat legs, a fat stomach, and a big bum! She slowly opened one eye and then the other. Once again that image came back. Why wasn't she losing weight? She wasn't eating for goodness sake, so why did she seem to be getting fatter. It just wasn't fair why did God hate her so much to allow her to be so fat!
In reality what Hermione saw was the complete opposite to what others would see. Her legs were thin, they didn't look as though they would snap like one girl's in her year, but still they were much thinner than they had been. Her arms were more or less skin and bones, with a little muscle still left in the top of her arm. Her wrist ha become terrifyingly thin, the round bone that stuck out on most people, was horrifyingly evident, and her watch was close to falling off of her hand. The bones in her neck stuck out, and were defined by the skin barely covering them and the hollow in her neck. As she lifted her pyjama top up to examine her stomach, her ribs were clearly visible. The two ribs at the bottom of her ribcage were clearly visible while she was breathing out, when she breathed in however three single ribs on each side of her chest were clearly evident. The stomach that she thought was fat had now become concave, the only things that really stuck out were her ribs and her hip bones that had skin pulled tautly over them.
Hermione slowly lowered her top, and she slowly sank to the floor. Why did God hate her so much to make her so fat? Why couldn't she be like Lavender, she was so thin, it wasn't fair. Why did she have to be the one who suffered why her, what did people have against her so much to cause her this pain? Tears began to form in her eyes, and quickly began to fall. She brought her knees closely up to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly round them. She lowered her head and began to cry quietly, she carried on crying until the sound of footsteps in the room next door brought her back to her senses. She quickly wiped her eyes and entered her dormitory. If anyone was to ask, her eyes were sore and she'd rub them too much causing the redness that surrounded them.
A/n: Ok that's all for this chapter, I just wrote that from around three in the morning, so I don't think its all that good, very tired but can't sleep, just like Hermione actually. Thanks once again to everyone who reviewed, I'm not going to stop writing this, it takes my mind of exams so you know. Updates will probably be a lot slower now because I unfortunately have to start revising for my wonderful exams that start the beginning of May.
Any way please review; I'm always chuffed to see people's comments, especially nice ones.